9/24/09

A LATTER DAY SAINT STORY: Rising Up and Conquering All Things



This autobiography is dedicated to Joseph Michael and Paula Marie Micheletti, my first two children born to me and my first wife, Ellen D. Micheletti. The story will recount the suffering, agony, pain and remorse and major self-perfection that their father went through to be counted worthy enough to return to the presence of these two children of Heavenly Father. It is Latter Day Saint story of RISING UP AND CONQUERING ALL THINGS AND ALL OBSTACLES.

If you have comments on this autobiography, please e-mail me at james.micheletti040@gmail.com or leave comments at the appropriate spot on this blog.

5/27/09

THE JIM MICHELETTI STORY: RISE UP AND CONQUOR ALL THINGS



DEDICATION:
 I dedicate this blog spot and autobiography to my Heavenly Father for giving me the chance to come to earth and live out the plan of life.
 I dedicate this to Jesus Christ, the Savior of Jim Micheletti, and of all man through the Atonement which provides a resurrection from death and from sin. I say that I, Jim Micheletti felt part of the plan. I was in the Savior's mind, and I mattered in life, too.
 I dedicate this to my Micheletti and Pontinen bloodline.
 I dedicate this to my first wife, Ellen D. Micheletti and to Joseph Michael and Paula Marie without whose participation--would the story have been written?
 I dedicate this story as a struggle to any and all Latter Day Saints who have had to rise up and conquer above OPPOSITION, CRITICS, and ABANDONMENT because of their religious choice.
 I hope this story tells the reader that if I can rise above what will be read here, anything is possible.
 Comments? James. micheletti040@gmail. com.

The Theme?

James Michael Micheletti

RISING UP AND CONQUERING ALL THINGS

to come out the winner no matter what happened. I dedicate this autobiography to those who are members of the Church of Latter Day Saints, and to those who are not, that my example of rising up and conquering may be inspirational. I dedicate this story to Steven Carter and Tracey Olsen, the two missionary elders who taught me the gospel of Jesus Christ restored on the earth in January 1980. Finally, I dedicate this story to Joe and Paula Micheletti, my two first-born, to teach them about what their father accomplished to have them back in his life, to explain why his father became such a joyous person, and to help them remember the great moments and clarify life with their father from their dad's point of view. Joe and Paula Micheletti as children, pictured above and at the side as adults.

While there are many autobiographies to read, I think you'll enjoy this one.

Welcome to the story of life before, and how baptism and confirmation into the church has brought family separation, abandonment, rejection, opposition, aloneness, sorrow and sadness.

But the purpose of my life began to be understood and I began to be happy because I finally could understand why I was born on the earth in the situation I was in.

Scandals, sin, death, despair, hopelessness gave way to learning about Heavenly Father's purpose, the mission of the Savior, and my personal revelation learned in only a way I could understand.

Please enjoy reading of my life, feel free to identify with it, and I hope the heavens bless you with encouragement, inspiration, insight and personal strength because, if all this didn't happen to me, I would not have believed it myself.

It is a true story of rising up and conquering the unbelievable.


JAMES MICHAEL MICHELETTI--Pictured above at age 5, and age 51—


But first….

An apology…

AN APOLOGY

I ALSO WRITE THIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY BECAUSE MY RESPONSES HAVE BEEN OUTRAGEOUS, UNKIND, UNCHARITABLE AND NOT IN KEEPING WITH THE TEACHINGS OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS IN RESPONDING TO OTHER FRIENDS, ACQUAINTANCES AND FAMILY MEMBERS WHO MAY BE OF ANOTHER RELIGION. INDEED, I HAVE BEEN VERY HURT AND ANGRY FOR YEARS OVER MISTREATMENT EXTENDED TO ME STRANGELY AND WITHOUT CAUSE. HOWEVER, THIS WRITING EXERCISE HAS CALMED ME DOWN AND I HAVE FOUND RENEWED STRENGTH IN REMEMBERING THE GOOD TIMES OF MY LIFE. I THEREFORE REQUEST THAT ANY OFFENDED PARTIES NAMED MICHELETTI, PONTINEN, JOKINEN, BRASCUGLI—AND ANY OFFENDED PARTIES NAMED “DURBIN”—that they would forgive my trespasses and errors, for they were built on insufficient information or conclusions based on prejudicial information handed to me by another’s words or actions. Even though I have recorded myself through the years as attempting judiciously to be a good example of a Latter Day Saint, in approximately the year 1997 I began to fall apart. It would not be until the year 2008 that I began to restore myself to a proper and respectable dignity and respectability. I know that before then, I, at times would obey the light of truth and knowledge and revelation, and other times I would not.

Therefore, for all those individuals, and their representatives and concerned fellows to the task, I hope that this recognition of my errors and desires to repent and improve be acceptable since I am announcing myself to the entire world via the INTERNET, and teaching myself what I should do to be different, to be better for the rest of my days.

What themes does my story have? Look for the following: •

A mother and father who carried scars of their parents into the next generation when I and my sisters were born

An ex-wife who took two children and locked herself away from her husband, Jim Micheletti •

Mormonism and religious prejudice and misunderstanding

Belief in miracles, that people can change • by their fruits you shall know them •

The sufferings of an estranged father and the lessons learned •

Reuniting dad and children 7 years later •

Suspiciousness of Mormon thinking • Can people really change? Did baptism into the LDS church really do its work? •

Family history revealed abuse that carried to my parents who never visited their grandchildren (pictured above)

Dedication of a father, a man, to face up to obstacles and hurdles and rise up to conquer all things personal, impossible except by heavenly power, for his daughter and his son

The seemingly prejudicial influence of an ex-mother-in-law in protecting her daughter and grandchildren from a "Jim Micheletti"

At this writing, I want to put down many false reports about my religion and about me that have been promulgated by a few others who call themselves Micheletti's. It’s unfortunate that due to other influences within their homes and elsewhere, they have found me to be in an unfavorable light.

I therefore write this autobiography to keep myself focused, civilized, and orderly in order to write all things as they occurred.


______________________________
Today, I do know this and there is not a doubt in my mind:

My Heavenly Father (and your Heavenly Father) has decided to extend additional great mercy, and that I have been given so many opportunities to succeed, to come from the depths to the heights, to rise up and conquer. And I thank my Heavenly Father for the most amazing of experiences, knowledge, insight and wisdom into myself and my experiences as to my purpose on the earth. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true and restored church that the heavens approve of in its entirety speaking to the church as a whole and not individually.

LET’S BEGIN WITH A PIVOTAL MOMENT IN THE LIFE OF JAMES MICHAEL MICHELETTI THAT WAS CRUSHING TO THE MIND AND SPIRIT AND THAT CALLED FOR A CHANGE. THE HEAVENS WERE SUFFICIENT OUTRAGED AND IT WAS TIME TO REPENT.





Let's begin in the pre-existence. . .

We will begin in the pre-existence, and explain Mormon doctrine along the way. If you are not familiar with Mormon beliefs it will be explained as we proceed.

PRE-EXISTENCE:

This is an interesting doctrine that hardly any churches I know of teach to their members. But the clues have been with us for centuries. Even the poet Wordsworth felt the intimations that Man’s Origins were divine.

He said in ODE TO IMMORTALITY:

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star, 60
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come 65
From God, who is our home:

My existence began in my eternal home with my Heavenly Father and our family before the world began. All of Heavenly Father’s children lived in His presence. Even the ones related to me personally, i.e. my mother, father, sisters and a brother, my first wife, my two children, my wife’s family and relatives, both our ancestors—and the rest of the world, past, present, and future, lived with God our Father. He is our “Father” and we are His “Children.”

I have learned and know for myself that God, the creator and ruler of the universe, is a glorified, perfected being, and is my Father, much like we have an earthly Father.

He is physical and separate from His Son, Jesus Christ. We are His children.

Pre-existence means that we lived with Father before our physical mortal existence on earth.

WHERE IS THIS PLACE?

Well, we live in a three-dimensional physical reality on an earth in a mortal body. We cannot see our heavenly home. We have a kind of a “veil” over our eyes that makes this home from earth imperceptible. Certainly, personal revelations to each of us can be given by God to give us a sense of our pre-earth life. If we could see it, our whole purpose of life would not be satisfied. We are here to choose between good and evil, and if we can already see our heavenly home, we would choose it. We agreed to come to earth to live with OPPOSITES, the dark against the light, the black against the white, the evil against the good, so that I, and all men, can measure the worth of themselves and build a god-like character by choosing the good over the evil.
To assist me and you in visualizing this, we quote from the Lord's prophets. Prophets are those men authorized from God to receive revelation and teach it to the people.

We find clues that the early prophets knew of the pre-mortal life of man.
Look at Jeremiah 1:5:

Before thou wast formed in the womb, I knew thee, and before thou camest forth out of the womb, I sanctified thee and ordained thee a prophet.

My comment:
Quite a large undertaking for Jeremiah who heard these words from the Lord Himself. The Lord told Jeremiah that He "knew" him before the womb and had "sanctified" and "ordained" Jeremiah a prophet.

If one can imagine such a tremendous pre-earth assignment, such preparation and even an ordination before earth. Of course, Jeremiah was born and had to "rediscover" as it were his divine calling, given to him before earth.

If I, Jim Micheletti, could visualize such a preparation, a spectacle, a grand initial step. . . and I remember I used to wonder what my path and calling was when I first learned of this. Certainly, it crushes the idea of evolution and gives Man a more noble beginning.

Another scripture that suggests to a reasonable person the truth of this concept is from the prophet Job. He also was reminded of pre-earth life.
In Job, we read:
[1] Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said,

[2] Who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge?

[3] Gird up now thy loins like a man; for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me.

[4] Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding.

[5] Who hath laid the measures thereof, if thou knowest? or who hath stretched the line upon it?

[6] Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? or who laid the corner stone thereof;

[7] When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Imagine that! There we all were, and there I was, shouting for joy, an answer to the question “Where was thou when I laid the foundations of the earth?”

An answer for Job, and an answer for all mankind. The suggestion of it was there all along in the scriptures. Misinterpretations, misjudgments and lack of priesthood authority has blotted this grand concept out through the centuries but we have this knowledge on the earth again.

Later in other modern day revelation, we learn that we had heard the plan of life.

We were to go live out our mortal existence on this earth, learn to choose right from wrong, appreciate right from wrong by experience, and rise up and conquer opposition fighting us along the way: pain, sorrow, rejection, abandonment, even death.

But we didn't mind.

We shouted for joy. I shouted for joy. I, Jim Micheletti, shouted for joy. I did. Jim Micheletti. I picture myself with the group.

It was no problem coming to earth, Lord. That doctrine of man that says: I didn't ask to be born. Well, yes we did ask. In fact, we rejoiced at it. And I, Jim Micheletti, was in the throng, as was my brothers and sisters, and we shouted for joy! Truly, against the common phrase, I did certainly "ask to be born. " In fact, I wanted to.

I knew I could do it. For all the preparation in order to achieve the divine purpose, to be like Father is, us, His children, one can just imagine, or perhaps have it given to one by needful inspiration from heaven.

We read in Psalms 82:6:
I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.

And did not Jesus Himself teach this same principle in John 10:34-35:

34 Jesus answered them, Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods?

35 If he called them gods, unto whom the word of God came, and the scripture cannot be broken.

My comment:

What marvelous things that suggests about one's being, that there is divine power within a man and a woman to rise up and conquer!

The power of godliness in us all! I have had to learn about this power in my life's experiences.

I had to come to earth to learn it for myself, to rise up and conquer, to defeat evil and its followers, to be victorious.

What of evil?

We learn in the pre-mortal existence that Lucifer, one of the children of God, a son of the morning, an angel of light, that he participated in the great plan and council where we would come to earth. But Lucifer wanted the glory, he said, to take it upon himself.

Jehovah, the first born said "Here I am, take me. " For Lucifer, how outraged he was that the glory would not come to Him, whereas in the case of Jehovah, the glory would be to the Father and the children of God can freely choose to come home to Father. We know there was war in heaven, and Lucifer and his angels were cast out. Isaiah, the Old Testament prophet, was given light and knowledge on this, wrote about it, and we learn that the ruler of the wicked world (Babylon) is spoken of as Lucifer, the ruler of all wickedness.

How great it is that actual prophets were called upon by the Lord to teach the words to the people. We have the writings of prophets. Thus, we have the temptations of Lucifer, who was sent to earth with his followers, 1/3 of the hosts of heaven. Michael, the archangel, and his followers, chased them out and they fell to earth and began to weaken the nations.
My comment:
And I, Jim Micheletti, got to see the entire affair, witnessed it for myself, and after the battle was over, we got ready to come to earth.
Can you imagine what it must be like to prepare to come to earth to get a body and go through mortal life?
Surely, there were lessons on the wide variety of circumstances man would be born in.
I remember my mother telling me to be grateful I was born in America a white person, and in my circumstances.

She mentioned other countries where people did not fare so well.

We all have our circumstances we are born in.

The divine power that grew in each of us was awakened, nurtured and sustained by Heavenly Father and the Savior and all the hosts of heaven who helped Father's children for earth life.

Just think: Since I was born in 1950, I was privy to view earth before the Savior's birth, helped say goodbye to Jehovah as He made His way to be born of Mary and Joseph in Bethlehem.

I got to view the church built upon prophets and apostles, and I took note of what we learned in the pre-existence. We saw as He grew in wisdom and light, and after a while, began to teach the people. We sorrowed at watching from the other side how he was mocked and scorned of the Pharisees and High Priests, accused falsely, lead to trial under Pilate, condemned to be crucified and nailed to a cross. Our Brother, in fact, our Elder Brother! Jesus Christ is our Elder Brother because He, like me, all of us --we are children of Heavenly Father. How my heart, my soul, my being must have trembled to see it all. Yet, we recalled that it must be so according to the plan of Elohim, our Father.

Men come to earth, then they must learn the meaning of opposition and death, and rise and conquer over that. And yet, watching my beloved Elder Brother suffer so. We were prevented from helping Him. We watched this moment in the history of time and eternity play itself out. This mysterious power that only a god has to cleanse us of our sins, purify our hearts and minds, and open up the doors of eternity for us made possible through our Brother, Jesus Christ, the great Jehovah, but we had to learn to do it His way.

We saw all this, with prophets and apostles, many of the great and noble ones around Father's throne, getting their lessons, finishing their preparations as well to accomplish the might things that only prophets can do on the earth. Our Elder Brother was buried, but then He arose from the grave. Victorious. Glorious. A conqueror over all things! We watched as He came back to Father's presence after appearing and testifying of His resurrection to the apostles and many others.

In addition, did you know this? We watched as He visited the Ancient Americas and spoke to Israelites there who traveled to the new continent guided by a prophet. We watched Jesus speaking to the ancient people, announcing Himself, His mission, and setting up His church as well. Prophets and apostles guided this church. The people were taught and organized and followed the commandments. Peace reigned in the American continent for 400 years. And yet, just like around the Mediterranean Sea as well as in the New World, we saw a falling away from the truth. Indians talked about the great white god in their legends.

I didn't know as a boy on earth that it referred to Jesus Christ's visit.

Later I read a book HE WALKED THE AMERICAS about this great white god and the uncanny resemblance to the Savior. One notable Indian legend said that the old ones in a tribe talked with the "paleface god". They asked him where he was from. He said, far away in the land of your fathers across the waters. What is your name? What do you want to be called? He said, "Yaweh" (which is the Hebrew word for "Jehovah"). Amazing. He was over here.

Why would people not want more "Bible" as it were?

What is wrong with records of Him visiting elsewhere in the world. The falling away from the truth. . . Then, there was the falling away from the truths of the teachings of the Savior. The apostles were killed off and this priesthood we learned about did not transfer down. Great churches were built up to the name but did not carry the original priesthood as was given to the original apostles; otherwise one would have been able to tell the difference. But it was gone. We watched the history of man fall dark, but that one day the "restoration of all things" would happen. We knew. Various doctrines developed during the ages. The large church that settled Rome developed from various priests and bishops who were ordained by the original apostles. But a direct line of authority, that is, permission to exercise priesthood became lost. There are so many churches. Some want more Bible and some do their own translations because some churches argue over the meaning.

I saw that on earth the time would come when I would hear the missionary discussions.

I saw that on earth while I listened to the LDS missionary elders that the Catholic Church was the one true church, based upon the rock, which is interpreted, Peter, because the Savior said: Thou art Peter and upon this rock, I will build my church. But I would learn differently, learn what I already knew about in the pre-existence, but would re-discover here on the earth.

I was set to be born in the Latter Days, that is, during the restoration and I was to play a large part in this event.

My date to be born was February 11, 1950 to the bloodline of my brother, James Matthew Micheletti and my sister, Muriel Edith Pontinen, who agreed to be my parents.

We had so much fun together getting ready.

But considering what I have learned at the writing of this autobiography, I know now that I agreed to do many important duties and decisions.

I know that the Pontinens and the Micheletti's came to me in a meeting; in fact, I was called and brought to the front. All watched as I was ordained to the Melchizedek priesthood under the hands of the Father, I believe. Their hearts yearned after me to come find them on the earth. This would be their destiny. They would wait upon me. I would learn about them while on the earth. I learned this as I knelt down on the ledge of a mountain side in the Uintas Mountains in 2006, asking in tears if I have to spend the rest of my life alone. I seemed to see the pre-existence and all of this going on, what I agreed to do before earth, and these family members looked at me.

In 1820, Joseph Smith lived in Upper New York as a boy. He wanted to know which of all the churches were true since he saw so many churches arguing doctrine with each other. He prayed in a grove near Palmyra and I got to see that Father with His Son opened the vision of Joseph Smith and appeared to the boy-prophet. They instructed Him in doctrine, the plan of life, and commanded him to open up the church they would recognize and accept upon the earth again. Later John the Baptist and Peter, James, and John would appear from our presence to Joseph and give him the priesthood of God. The church was organized. We got to watch all of this happening on the earth. I got to watch all this. I knew these individuals and they knew me.

Of course, I was not known as Jim Micheletti in the pre-existence. I'm sure I had another name then. One day in the eternities I will know what that name is.

We are born with talents. . . How about the talents one is born with?

It is true that we are born on the earth with the tendencies towards certain talents. My talent seemed to be music, as was my father's and mother's talent. We listened to the angels sing their praises to the Father. We sang with the heavenly choirs. It energized my soul, and every part of my divine being wanted to live with Father forever. But we had to go to earth. I would develop my talents, there. It would be music, piano playing, and later, and arrangements of hymns. I wanted to develop arrangements of hymns of the church. For some reason, it made me feel like I was at home in heaven. I would attach myself to their meaning, depth, profoundness and clarity. Surely, eternity from one level to the next was made up of continuous hymns of rejoicing.

I saw I would have 5 sisters: Theresa, Beatrice, Virginia, Barbara, Elizabeth, and a brother, David.

They would be born after me to the same parents. The bloodline we understood to be Italian and Finland and one other line I don't know about yet at this writing. They seemed to join in the excitement and activity but somehow I felt them to be weaker and less enthusiastic than I. I kept cheering them up. I kept cheering up other individuals, too. Strangely, I saw that my parents did not seem to be as strong and energetic as I, although I tried to cheer them up. They seemed to look upon me.

Who were these other individuals I met in the pre-existence, before earth? Evidently they would know me during my earth life.

Several were told ahead of time they would be called as missionaries for the Lord's restored church on the earth. It would be called the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I remember the word "saint" applied to the early Christian followers as well. I had been prepared for much physical, mental and emotional abuse that I would suffer in my mortal life. I would spend time with incorrect beliefs which would melt away as I learned of Father's plan from two missionaries of Father's church. I would be in situations on earth where I would be left alone to cry up to Father's ears for love, help and support. The Savior would be principal in learning about the mercy of heaven in giving a person every chance to repent and be clean, to focus and refocus on the correct path of life.

I would meet many individuals whose power over my life would be heaven-sent. To be close to these individuals seemed like I was close to Father for I would learn to recognize His glory on the earth.

I fear that there may be some family members who read such things with pre-conceived ideas, prejudices, judgments and beliefs not based on all truth. At this writing, I want to put down many false reports about my religion and about me that have been promulgated by a few others who call themselves Micheletti's.

I write the report to teach myself the full purpose and spectrum of my existence.
I write the report that others may know and learn from what I have been through.
I write this autobiography to teach of the principles of the restored church under the hands of Father Himself: faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism and the Gift of the Holy Ghost.
I write to show that we are an eternal family, connected one to another in the pre-existence; we agreed to come to earth and go through mortal life.

At this writing, many of my ancestors of each of the four lines: the Pontinens, the Jokinens, the Micheletti's and the Brasculi's, have been identified. Their temple work has been accomplished. They could not perform the necessary saving ordinances for themselves, and pursuant to my meeting with them in the pre-existence, I would have it done for them. Temples (see picture) are the buildings dedicated as sacred by Father, presided over by His earthly priesthood authority, and showed up in the ancient days of the Jewish people. Temples were constructed on the earth again in the latter-days where ordinances of baptism, confirmation, initiatory, and family sealings could be done, because we know that families can and will be together forever, sealed under Father's plan, and we understood that this is the meaning of heaven: the continuation of the ideal family unit for eternity.

Let's continue on. . .

Nevertheless, this autobiography will carry the truth, and the light emanating there from will attack and dismantle false beliefs of family members. But the heavens will speak to them as was so in the pre-existence; these family members will make their choices. Being right lifts up the heart; being wrong only pains the heart; being hardened and loyal to beliefs and practices only blocks out the truth and leaves the pain to the listener.

Nevertheless, the questions of life remain unanswered in most all of man's religions unless Father directs the teaching of truth to those chosen and they speak for Him.

I prepare for earth life now, because I wanted to come back to home to be like my Father, as glorious and powerful as He is, with a family of my own, and continue my existence throughout eternity.

I learned that there are many levels where people can earn their rewards after earth life based on their good works.

Not all of Father's children would want to return to be with Father again in the celestial kingdom.

I was called to go through all this, and at this writing I am reminded of the Book of Mormon, Alma 13 where I was "chosen before the world," and that "on account of my exceptional faith and good works being left to choose good over evil. " Again, it is a scriptural insight into the pre-existence where I, Jim Micheletti, can explain myself particularly.

We have the blessing and power given unto us all to become kings and priests unto God, to inherit glory, dominion, exaltation, thrones and ever power and attribute developed and possessed by God Himself. Did we not just quote the Savior who said that “…ye are gods?”

I wanted this so bad that I seemed to stand out in the groups as a mighty speaker of encouragement to this end. People listened. This was the activity in the pre-existence. Jehovah will lift us up from death to become a celestial body. Death would be the ultimate negative consequence of our physical existence; spiritual death from sin would be the ultimate negative consequence of our spiritual existence. But we will feel the redeeming power of the Savior and on earth we will sing praises to Him for the Atonement and the joy and consolation to our hearts on the earth.

I went about getting other people excited. Words were given to me. It was as if a trumpet.

We're going to be born, we're going to earth, and when we're done, we'll come Home to Father and He'll welcome us with open arms!
All of us priesthood holders knew it. We sat in meetings with the prophet of the Latter Days, Joseph Smith, and he explained it to us. The opposition would be for just a small moment, and if we "endured it well", we would be exalted forever. We saw the perspective of this. A small moment in time, and then eternity would be ours to live with Father forever. Musical glories of heaven would reign down upon my mortal existence. People would rejoice. I would be held as a musician.

Some, though, would protest because the light and glory of celestial music illuminates the darkness of a man's heart where his secret sins are kept. Some would throw stones rather than accept glory into their souls.

I saw others with whom I would be friends on the earth.

They would cheer me up when I felt sad and alone.

I saw I would be blessed with particularly sharp wisdom and wit.

I would go through a massive personality change on the earth.

Some would not believe it.

I would take courage from the Mormon prophets and pioneers who went before me.

Sadly, I would commit many atrocious sins on the earth, but the redeeming power of the Son of God would accommodate them and cause me to walk out of darkness into light where many great things could be accomplished.

Energy and power and mighty glory would follow those who repent.

We were all interviewed.

We all wanted to go.

We learned of the commandments that keep us in line with the universal laws of eternity.

We would learn of the role of a husband and father, wife and mother, and a child.

We would learn work and responsibility.

We would become educated.

We would be grouped together as a righteous and humble people, the people of Zion, who would pray and work, love one another, and rejoice in our God and His mercy.

I, Jim Micheletti, would find an earthly fascination in music and arrangement, popular and religious, and I would entertain.

I would develop a sensitive heart for others.


*References for the above: The Book of Mormon, another testament of Jesus Christ, of the ancient inhabitants of the Americas, translated by Joseph Smith in 1823 The King James Bible, Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith and later Prophets.

Yes. . . . As I discuss life before my baptism

I will refer to myself as "I" but later, after my baptism, I understood that we leave the old "Jim Micheletti" behind and have a new "Jim Micheletti" who is not like the old. Therefore, in using "I" we are referring to the old Jim Micheletti. After baptism, I will still refer to myself, but it is to be interpreted as the new Jim Micheletti.

I, Jim Micheletti, today, am not carrying those old characteristics and behaviors, but I do have memories. Let me share them as I remember them. But you'll find out that it doesn't mean that much anymore. This is the power of being baptized and confirmed a Latter Day Saint. You change.

I WAS READY TO COME TO EARTH TO BE BORN! THAT MOMENT IN TIME FOR ME TO COME TO EARTH!

I was so prepared, so ready, and with the vigor and zest that fills the soul in anticipation for what is waiting,

I was in line, first to be born to Muriel Edith and James Matthew Micheletti, the morning of February 11, 1950 in Rapid City, South Dakota, the United States, on the planet called earth.

My life as a mortal being has begun! I was born February 11, 1950 where I left the presence of my Heavenly Father and came to earth, being of the blood and lineage of James Matthew and Muriel Edith Micheletti, their first child, born in Rapid City, South Dakota.

(See side pix of baby pictures, etc. )

Following me came 6 more children: Theresa Ann Beatrice Ann Elizabeth Ann Virginia Ann David Arthur Barbara Ann.

Yes, you guessed it. My mom gave every one of her daughters the same middle name. When David came along, she bucked for a man's name beginning with "A" and thus, David Arthur.

My parents raised us children in the Catholic faith. I can remember my mom saying she used to be a Lutheran, but then she changed.

We lived in Rapid City, South Dakota, and the only thing my parents told me about this area was regarding the American Indians and the majestic mountain scenery, and a picture of some Indian chief who let you take his picture for American money.

Later we moved to Nebraska as my father was in the military service. I seem to remember a long row of military housing all connected together.

I remember eating tomatoes at the dinner table and learning to use a fork.

I remember Miss Doll, the kindergarten teacher, and napping on a rug from home.

I remember walking home one afternoon with a paper-made bird attached to a string and it was flying.

I remember a neighborhood kid beating me up.

And I believe I remember a parakeet in a cage that made noises.

But those tomatoes were horrible.

I hated tomatoes
.
We were transferred to Balboa Air Force in Panama Canal Zone, when the U. S. owned the land in the 1950's.

My dad was in the Navy then and I believe we went on a submarine for a tour.

I remember swimming in the ocean.

I remember coconuts, shaving the white fruit, a lot of other fruit, and the strangest "spider" monkeys that came out of the jungle behind where we lived. We fed them.

Also, scary for me as a little boy were huge colored spiders.

But those monkeys would come out and eat and then disappear.

In my first experience with Spanish, I remember my mother introducing me to a maid who spoke the language. She was huge and tall; I was little. I looked up, up, up.

I remember we crossed the Locks and watched the water go up and then go down in letting ships go through.

After Panama, we moved to North Carolina, and I think we left on a ship. In fact, I remember ships coming across the horizon and one had a red cross on it. I remember lots of bananas, everywhere we went. It was hot and bananas were everywhere. I was too little to know why. But I remember eating green bananas and getting sick.
We finally ended up in Paxton, and then Rantoul, Illinois where there was a Chanute Air Force Base. My dad was a Tex-sergeant there in the Air Force at Chanute Air Force Base (it is now closed). He would go to work and mom would take care of us. There was me, my next sibling down, Theresa Ann, and later came Beatrice.

We went to Catholic School, as we were Catholic.

In Rantoul, Illinois, we found St. Malachy's Catholic Church which is still there to this day (see pix of church and school and my transcript).

I remember studying the catechism and finding an interest in the Bible, especially about Jesus Christ. I remember watching every movie I could on this most interesting fellow, I thought. We learned about the Trinity concept of God. I remember becoming an altar boy, remembering to learn Latin so we could participate in the Catholic Mass. I remember a fascination about the altar wine, and some of us would drink it secretly. I remember I was very intense with my Catholic prayers and the rosary. I would go to Mass as often as possible, sometimes daily. I would study Catholic doctrine, study about the Popes, read the scriptures and pass time by myself wondering about the miracles of the Savior, the apostles dying off, and trying to connect it to today. I read history about the Catholic Church's stated position of direct line of authority from Peter, the head of the 12 apostles of the Lord.

I WAS SORT OF WEAK, HAD BAD EYES FOR CATCHING A BALL…

I found myself growing up without too much attention to physical prowess. In fact, I was picked on a lot. For some reason, my parents never checked my eyes that much, although they made sure of my vaccinations. I could never see a ball coming at me, and later I found out it was due to a lack of depth perception. I would think the ball was "here" and it was "two inches over"; thus, I couldn't catch and it was a joke to pick me for the team of kickball, basketball, and the like. It was depressing and I got laughed at a lot. But I made up for it in high scholastic honors.
I participated in class, made a fool of myself, got good grades, and began a new career in my life. I began to study the piano.

However, I was a Catholic altar boy for the longest time. Jesus Christ still fascinated me. Catholic School taught the subjects of reading, writing, arithmetic, history, sociology, and especially Catholic Church history and dogma.

At home I played games a lot with my sisters and fought over the bathroom. We planted a garden.

Like any young one, I did anything to earn money. I mowed lawns, and back then one could collect pop bottles for 10 cents each.

As I grew up, I was basically healthy (see side photo of medical records) I was relatively intelligent in grade school. I did my homework, participated in class. But talk about social structure, the class beauty, the popular kids, and the bullies. Incredible. Nevertheless, facts and figures settled in my mind.

I was still taking piano lessons and the Beatles arrived in the 8th grade, shaking their long bangs and singing TWIST & SHOUT and SHE LOVES YOU, YEH, YEH, YEH. I was becoming a musician in rock and roll. Catholic doctrine was fine, but it didn't seem to settle in because I kept reading the Bible and had more questions than answers.

I was fascinated with this person called Jesus Christ. I saw every TV show, every movie on the individual.

But I was an altar boy in school and I attended Mass. I memorized scripture and prayers. I said the rosary. I did it all
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I was generally healthy as a child. I don't hardly remember going to the doctor except for allergic reactions to corn dust (we lived in the prairie of the Midwest, in Central Illinois, around corn dust and soybeans). My parents kept up with the shots. I do remember the childhood diseases of chickenpox and measles, colds and flu and, one night, a nasty ear ache. But I don't remember any emphasis at all on weightlifting, sports and the like. My parents never emphasized that with me. I remember I tried basketball, but as I said above, I could not judge distance. Later I found out I had no depth perception, that is, judgment of distance. I did not discover this until I attended college.

Music came

I remember my mom played the piano a lot, and I used to listen to mom and dad playing music together. He would play the violin and she, the piano. Classical music, I believe it was.

Mom would play modern music at that time. I remember a large blue notebook full of "fake" music. This means you see the melody line, no left hand, and just a chord marking. You make up the arrangement, that is, improvise it.

I began to show talent. I would show off for the few friends that I had in the area. My mom would brag on me to every visitor that came along: "James plays the piano, you know. " This proved effective in developing my stage presence, confidence, and poise in performing later on for bigger crowds individually and in a band.

But to continue. . .

She would tell visitors to the house that "you just have to listen to him. " Then she would call me to the piano, I would play, and people were amazed. What an applause I used to get. What attention for a boy in a houseful of sisters after sisters after more sisters.

I began to play and study it hard. I asked questions. Mom would listen. I would listen to her. She sent me to teachers. Dad got a piano for the house and for the garage--a big upright (tall back) piano.

Music continued even as I went to grade school and learned from mainly the Catholic nuns, or sisters as we called them.

I had one regular lady teacher, Miss Buckingham. But the others were nuns. There was a practice of smacking one's hands with a ruler, but later that was stopped.
We also met in a brick building for school, and later, the brand new St. Malachy's school was erected.

I remember the cafeteria, 2 cents for chocolate milk, the ladies making the meals, this new invention of a peanut butter sandwich, only the peanut butter was mixed with honey. Sweet.

I remember milk money, a daily concern, and stealing coins from my father's pants as they hung in the bathroom on a hook. Had to have money.

I can remember in the 8th grade when Sister Estelle came in with a horrid look on her face and said that President John F. Kennedy, the first Catholic president the U. S. ever had, had been shot by someone

We saw it on TV later on. A distinguished TV announcer, Walter Cronkite, on black and white TV, told about it.

I was very Catholic in my faith. Jumped at the chance to be an altar boy at church, and I studied the lives of the Catholic Saints. Read the Bible. I wondered about things. My mom told me one time that she used to be a Lutheran, but converted to the Catholic Faith.

Dad used to watch the World War II footage on TV and try to make me watch it. It was gross. I didn't understand it. I wanted to go play the piano, read, play games outside. He also used to try to interest me in Leonard Bernstein’s Philharmonic Orchestra for Young People. I would have rather listened to rock and roll radio and the rock groups on TV. But my piano playing did improve and I became a "musician", able to handle chords, arrangements, sight reading, and new music.

When I got to high school, I was a rock musician

My parents purchased a keyboard for me, and I found friends in a rock band group. They capitalized on my talent. After all, I was in the garage at the piano creating arrangements. My mom said she would send me to teachers but they would call and say I was better than them. Incredible. I was writing arrangements. I remember listening to piano on the radio, calling the Disk Jockey and requesting to have played Roger Miller's rendition of "Ebb Tide" and "Autumn Leaves. "

In my first rock group, they would use my talent. They would ask me if they were singing on "key" or singing too flat or too sharp. I could tell them.

I would use my parents as references and sources of musical information. When I visited restaurants, clubs, other people's homes with my family, I always played music for people.

I remember one night vividly when I went performing with my rock group for the adults over 30 years of age, back then, and during a break from our set I saw a piano. I went over there, sat down, played "In the Mood" and "Up the Lazy River” (music from 40's and 50's) and people went wild. Someone passed around a tip jar and I came home with $23. 50. That was a lot of money for a 16 year old! I woke my parents up when I got home to tell them.

With all the children in the house, trouble began to brew.

I don't know if it was the lack of sufficient space factor (with all sisters, I was moved into my own attic room where I dwelled on homework, and listened to rock radio constantly). But trouble began to brew. Mom and dad began to fight. I didn’t know why.

I remember asking my often humorous mother for a new pair of pants; she said “Quit growing. ”Back then, I just didn't know why my parents began to yell at each other and find fault. But they did. Nevertheless, it didn't last all the time.

We would play tricks on dad (explosive in his cigar and cigarettes) and mom would show us how to cook. We made our own breakfast, and snacked on hot chocolate and cinnamon toast. And I still played piano. My sisters never did. Chopsticks and "Heart and Soul" was about it. As for me, the Beatles, the Dave Clark 5 and many other artists I found out about; I got the sheet music and I was at the piano picking out the melody. I made people happy with my music. I had something to offer. No one else could do it like I could.
Nevertheless, I still tried out for sports later. I couldn't see the basketball. Croquet in the back yard was kind of easy. I remember later that I excelled in VOLLEYBALL, mostly because I could see it.

My sisters and I played poker and blackjack and 21 with playing cards. But I was a guy. They were girls. They used to follow me about. I remember especially my sister, Beatrice, and later my sister Elizabeth. So attached they were to me. I remember trying to escape to the playground a lot. I would go to Dairy Queen for my favorite: a Dilly Bar. Sometimes, a Mr. Misty lemon-lime.

The school kids began to get out a lot. We found each other at the corner. We called each other on the phone. We had parties. Music blared.

We danced. We screamed.

And little known to us children as to exactly why, and for me I found out years later, my mother was taken from us. She had to go get some "serious medical attention" in Florida, and some fellow from dad's group at Chanute Air Force Base came to take care of us. Relatives would visit and we would visit them.

We found out about our Italian side. Meeting Grandpa and Grandma Micheletti was very culturally shocking to me. Here were two older individuals drinking wine and bourbon. They talked English with a funny accent. Spaghetti and lasagna were the dishes. But one time I had fried eggs with this hot pepper on them. I was so shocked and horrified at the taste, I could not eat fried eggs, sunny side up, until college.

Dad would show us pictures of him playing the violin as a boy while we visited the grandparents in Minnesota. Strangely enough, we visited Mom's parents as well. She had 3 brothers. This side of the family were Finnish. We visited this lake, swam about, fished, and got into a sauna bath.

My dad's brothers came to visit us. I was horrified one morning as my Uncle Americo, I believe, got out of bed to use the bathroom. He wasn't wearing a shirt and was he hairy! I never saw that before. After all, we children were a mix of Finnish and Italian heritage. Pure Italians did not exist among us. Neither did Finns.

They came to see us; we visited them; FAVORITE COUSINS!

I barely remember Micheletti cousins, but my sisters and I got really attached to Wilbert and Jane Pontinen's children, our cousins. My mom and Wilbert were brothers; we called him Uncle Brubby. We would hang out the window with such excitement at travelling to Galion to see Brubby, Jane, and our cousins, Greg, Lisa, Kathy and Russ. We did everything together.

What with rock music, swimming, frozen snicker bars, the coolest music at home while my sisters danced in the living room. It was a musician's family. I played, and the others played CHOPSTICKS and HEART & SOUL. Not me. But I was the only musician who went forward with it.

So what was it like with 5 sisters and a brother? Well, at the beginning it was okay but later you fight over the cakes, the cookies and the ice cream. I remember I developed a scheme for getting a piece of mother's angel food cake. I would cut off a slice and since it was circular with a hole in the middle, I would push the cake back together and glue up the crack with frosting. Chocolate chip cookies cooling on newspapers on the kitchen table? No problem. I would slip out 4-5 cookies and realign the rows. A plate of cookies? I would take from the bottom and rearrange the stacking structure of the cookies to slip by undetected. Ice cream in the refrigerator? I would turn the box around and scoop out ice cream from the bottom. Then I would turn the 1/2 gallon carton of ice cream right side up. Amazing the techniques one develops. As for sisters it was sharing--especially the bathroom since we had only one. At Christmas time, we got lots of presents but one night my sisters got up in the morning and opened mine. They came in to tell me I got maracas, bongos, sticks. I was mad they touched my presents.

Some Christmases we got a pet puppy. One was named Booboo.

A white cat we named Snowflake.
We had a black dog for a long time we called MIDNIGHT.

I know my sisters and I played cards and board games a lot.

But when I became a full time musician in high school I was gone a lot on the weekends playing gigs and other than that I was rehearsing.

This was through high school that rock bands got big for me. After all it was the 60's. Hippies, bell bottom pants, the Beatles and other groups from England. My parents were shocked and amazed. One day I came home and my hair was below my ears somewhat and my dad yelled at me to get a haircut. The Beatle helmet-style haircut was the thing. Bangs in front of the head. Cool. And by that time, I could play keyboard easily, I knew my chords, I could hear melodies off records and teach them to other band members.

High school was difficult. I didn't learn much of male-female relationships although I tried. About that time, my parents began to fight more.

My dad would come home intoxicated and start griping at my mother. I saw hitting and I remember slugging my father and he flew over a rocking chair.

I began to be BIG JIMMY and he, once BIG JIMMY, became little Jimmy. He developed the strangest hissing temperament, and I would think of a fire-breathing dragon when I was near him.

I remember the belt applied to our butts.

I remember being yelled at.

I remember sitting in my room crying.

No one thought to call the police; we knew nothing of child rights, of abuse, of telling schoolteachers what home was like. It was not discussed back then. But I did go out with girls, played music…I learned to dance cool. . . to get attention. . . because even in high school, the bullies I put up with in grade school still followed me.

And I remember my parents complaining to each other about the other's relatives. And then, soon enough, dad began to sleep on the couch and not in the bedroom with mother. Mom would have games with us, and yet some of her behavior was strange. Sometimes she wouldn't talk at all, even though we were trying to talk to her. We never knew why.

Meantime, we grew up. I mowed the lawn, the neighbor's lawns, picked up trash, collected pop bottles, and whatever else I could do to earn money. We would head to the pin ball machines. I remember packing groceries at the Chanute Air Force Commissary and the tips were great. I remember playing music for a ballet teacher while she taught her students. She paid me for that.

I remember our pets getting run over by cars
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My dad had me paint the garage several times, and I pulled weeds throughout the yard and in the garden.

The garden was full of tomatoes.

I would watch our kitten eat grasshoppers.

I would play with our cats in the garage.

Mom got into cooking with the tomatoes, as she made her homemade Italian sauce. I can still remember it bubbling on the stove. She would make cakes and before we lunged at them, she would say NO: I didn't bake a cake for 2 hours to have you gobble it down in 30 seconds. What are we suppose to do, Mother? Look at it? Ooo! What a beautiful cake! She made home-made cookies, too, and lined them up on newspaper on the kitchen table. I sneaked many a cookie, and many chunks of left-over cake. I was so hungry, with mom's cooking.

Dad and I would stay up at night and make monstrous sandwiches and watch TV.

One night, though, I remember breaking down crying, running out the door. My dad came running after me asking what was wrong. I was growing up. Scared. Teenager, I was. But I couldn't tell him what was wrong. I'm not sure I knew myself what was wrong. I began to question life, philosophy, the arts, and the existence of God. Heavy-duty high school classes, high grades, specialize in Journalism and Typing (mostly because the teachers were nice to me), and I was gone. I had become quite a musician.
I wanted to move out, and I did.

My parents put me in Champaign Illinois, about 20 miles away where I attended Parkland Junior College.

I wanted to be a writer. I would write stories and poems at home. Why not continue it? I worked on the high school newspaper staff and the newspaper staff. I picked up on news, sports, headline creation and page makeup and layout--the old way, by hand. I would come home to see my parents reunited again.

I wanted to know more answers, and my father admitted his lack of sufficient education.

My sisters griped at my psychoanalyzing things. But I was up there, it was wonderful to the mind and heart and I wanted more. I supported myself through as a busboy in a restaurant and a waiter in another restaurant. I did so much writing. Then came Spanish class—totally cool. I got really proficient in that. A stimulating history and sociology teacher did much for my higher learning. Acting came easy. Walking with confidence came easy. Unsettling people's nerves with newspaper stories, ideas, even scandals came easy. I made a name for myself. I was an investigative reporter. I did a lot of writing.

During the summer, I came home, shopped around for a university to transfer to and decided on Western Illinois University.

I met so many strange people there from Chicago, I recall. The accents were tough, like a street kid or criminal on TV. We had parties. We danced. And did I study! So much homework. But I got good grades in some course, and others were boring. I remember in Thompson Hall dormitory, there was a piano on the second floor. I would go down and entertain. I found a restaurant in Macomb, Illinois where I entertained. I also found the Moose Lodge as well. I always had money in my pocket. I was studying to be a schoolteacher--my career. was taking educational courses. What can I say about Western Illinois University? I studied. I would party a lot. I found opportunities to make extra money playing piano in restaurants where the university was located. I dated. I smoked marijuana. I hung out. I studied. I wrote good papers. I wrote papers for other people and got money for it. A girl named Margaret from Robinson, Illinois and I danced one night for two hours in her room to a song by CAT STEVENS called "Morning Has Broken. " We drank vodka. I remember that.

The professors saw originality in me. Serious-minded. Focused. Exacting. I passed and was hired to teach school. But I took an aptitude- psychological exam, and the professor said I had problems with authority figures.

I GRADUATED AS A SCHOOLTEACHER. . . Student teaching?
Fun.

But I student-taught in East Moline, Illinois and a Catholic priest was the public high school teacher. I remember the classes but mostly I remember he made an evaluation on my temperament.

First job: Crossville High School, Crossville, Illinois.

Did some good, but basically failed because I began to yell a lot. I didn't know why. People were irritating me, mostly the other teachers. They didn't act like I thought teachers should act.

I remember. But my standards were too high for these country high school kids and too high for the teachers as well. I was asked to resign because I was upsetting people too much with temper and flare and strange originality.

I found a second job in Flora, Illinois.
I seem to remember passing time on Saturday mornings drinking Schlitz beer and eating cheese and crackers. I wore sunglasses. I wanted to be cool. I didn’t understand I was an adult.

Same pattern. In Cloverport, Kentucky, the same pattern.

I got a lot done, but my temper was high. I never knew why. I wondered a lot if I acted like my dad. He was so influential over my heart and mind, but I had no other role models to look at and imitate. I hung around the students like I was one of them. I wanted to be accepted. Hearing the phrase "Mr. Micheletti" was strange to me. These personality disorders, outrageous attacks and the like continued in Cloverport, Kentucky.

And there was Ellen Durbin. A teacher down the hall.

The seniors would come in and ask if I liked her and if we were to go out together. After a while, we began to go out.

The students knew about it.

But I had it with teaching. The principal bends to people's wills, lessons do not get taught, my level of discipline was too high, and I was making friends with students instead of being a teacher.

I was not realizing I was an adult. I was still a partying college kid. Not grown up at all.

Nevertheless, Ellen and that old me began to hang around. I visited Bowling Green, Kentucky where she lived.

We taught school.

We committed sins together.

And that old Jim Micheletti proposed to her.

And we got married.

But something again bothered me back then about the Durbin household compared with the Micheletti household. It was a certain spirit of family talking to each other that didn't seem to exist in the Micheletti household. I was not used to it. I was resentful and angry. Why? What influence was filtering through my mind, heart, blood, genes that temperamental outbursts were the path? Domination and control was the theme. I didn't know why, like I do now.

Nevertheless. . . dominating overpowering individuals really bothered me. All that talking. Smothering, it was.

Ellen Durbin and Jim Micheletti got married June 1975 in Bowling Green, Kentucky.

Now, the up and then the downward spiral in my first marriage. Ellen, two children, and Jim Micheletti back then who did not know the definition of "manliness"--being a husband and father.

I shall not talk much on it because according to my BAPTISMAL COVENANT I made, I need to leave the past.

I can remember the past. But I cannot bring the past into the present and send it through to the future.

I will explain my first marriage, the consequences, and then the mighty change when I met the MORMON MISSIONARIES of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

MY FIRST MARRIAGE –

I remember the ceremony and I remember the honeymoon in East Kentucky, I remember picking flowers and stopping by the road to move a turtle out of our way. I remember Ellen taught me about respect for nature, and I was amazed that she knew plants and animals, their ways and customs and had it all memorized practically. She taught Biology at Cloverport High School where we met. I taught English and Journalism and Spanish. I remember I couldn't handle teaching anymore. Even with a new job at Whiteville Kentucky High School, I seem to remember that I was too good, that other teachers were not like I was, my lesson plans were too original and I stood out in the crowd as different.

I remember taking karate class in the evening, which Ellen did not like.

I remember her and me watching ALL MY CHILDREN, an ABC soap opera.

I remember delicious sandwiches, but this strange arguing and fighting, mostly over her mother.

I think this southern family was such a clash to my Illinois family where independence was taught. Here, people were all over each other with interaction, sharing, caring and I was not used to it, coming from the rather cold opposite type of family.

After Whitesville, Kentucky, I left school teaching to tune and fix pianos.
We moved to Owensboro, Kentucky and I studied under a master technician.

It was up and down income.

Ellen got herself a job at the Owensboro Public Library.

We had Joseph Michael Micheletti, our first. I participated in the natural childbirth.

(see side picture of Joe sitting on a park bench; I held him in another picture)

For a while things were good. It was fun with baby food, and Joe in his high chair with chocolate on his face. He would begin to walk. He had fun with dad. We had a puppet of a dog that I would use to get him to think the dog was real.

I found work at a piano bar in Evansville, Indiana and I played late every weekend.

I took KARATE lessons and it would scare Ellen.

The car kept breaking down, it was hard to pay the rent, and Joe Micheletti needed baby food and diapers.

I remember when we brought him home that Grandma Durbin was there. Why was I so resentful to her attention? It seemed smothering and nerve-racking.

My mother wouldn't do that, I knew. What was all this family togetherness stuff?

I remember I emphasized my Italian heritage in food and manner. Chianti wine was the favorite and the Yum-um's rang at the table when Ellen would make FETUCCINE ALFREDO and SHRIMP SCAMPI and basic spaghetti.

We had to move again to a trailer at the edge of town.

The car kept breaking down.

I couldn't make enough teaching piano lessons.

Ellen was pregnant with Paula Marie Micheletti.

I was generally panicked most days. I could not stay calm. I believe it was because of not enough money, and the fact that this old Jim Micheletti was committing adultery on his wife, and the guilt complexes caught up, trying to dance between the two presentations of myself.

Joe was getting bigger.

Ellen found roaches in the trailer.

Things became disgusting because during pregnancy number 2. Ellen was diagnosed with a disease that would have made natural childbirth a danger to the baby and she ended up having a Cesarean section. That was it!

I came home one night and Ellen had taken the 2 children and left for Bowling Green, Kentucky.
I was stunned and shocked! Something awoke deeply within me. I drove down there, had a one hour discussion with her, and was thrown out of the house!

It was over!
I screamed all the way back to Owensboro, Kentucky.

My little friend and this new baby were gone!

Ellen was gone!

The trailer was empty.

I knelt down and I cried.

I opened the scriptures.

I wanted to shove a piece of glass into my heart.

I wanted to end it.

I cried hard to heaven.

Do something, please!

What is wrong here?

Earlier, I was teaching the Jim Craig’s son, Bryan, piano lessons. I was referred to him by another student. Jim Craig was the dad and we would sit down and discuss religion. I said I didn't know anything about Mormons. There were questions. I attended one of the meetings. Jim Craig was the president of the Owensboro Branch of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

No holy water.

No crucifixes.

No statue of any saint.
No garments on the presiding priest.

I was asked to play music. I practiced it. The Craig couple made a big deal about the “reverence” of the music. What is the big deal here? I thought. I was taught "Joseph Smith's First Prayer" and "Come, come ye Saints" and I included "Amazing Grace. " I was supposed to play the special music between the talks. I did.

No one said anything. No one clapped. This was not an ordinary protestant religion or Pentecostal or Baptist religion like I saw on TV. Jim's wife was in the hallway with one of her 5 boys, and she said the music was fine. But it puzzled me still. It was so different.

What was the big deal playing the music in an exacting way? What did it mean?

This was an experience of some months prior to Ellen’s leaving. Back to Ellen leaving with the children, I drove around hysterical that day. I found a Catholic priest and told him what happened.

I told him I cheated on Ellen the night before after a visit to a club.

I asked what to do.

The priest heard my confession and said to "work on getting your family back. "

That was it!?

Something got hold of me and I seemed to fly to Barbara Buchanan's house.

She had received me earlier as a guest when I told her what Ellen did.

They spoke to me about Mormonism, let me spend the night, and I believe I spent Christmas there because I didn't want to go home. She introduced me to the Mormon missionaries that evening for a spaghetti dinner.
I received a Book of Mormon and was shocked to hear that Jesus Christ visited the ancient Americas after leaving Jerusalem.

These Mormon Missionary guys: white shirts and neckties, talking about this book. One, Steven Carter, stared at me with an expression that I later interpreted to mean: Let me help him, Lord, let me help Jim Micheletti.

Afterwards, I walked around in a daze telling people about it.

I was still playing music in Evansville, Indiana.

I remember a Jehovah's Witness listening to my story. He invited me to his house where his mother and he told me about their religion. It gave me a headache, though. God's name is Jehovah? Another group spoke to me, THE WAY, and they couldn't get through my brain. It hurt for some reason. Why did this happen, these headaches, when these religionists would speak to me?

When I heard this anti-Mormon literature, I was so upset that I visited Barbara Buchanan's house and asked. She wasn't there but at a Relief Society meeting. I broke up the meeting and stayed after to ask about it.

One lady gave me a card with the 13 Articles of Faith printed on it.

At Barbara Buchanan's house, after a tortured night of sin, I asked quickly where the Mormon Missionaries lived.

She gave me the address, called them to advise of my coming, and I shot over there.

I met Elder Tracy Olsen and Elder Stephen Carter, and it was time to change.

I told them what happened to me.

What am I doing wrong?

Who am I?
Why is life like this?

Let's review it all from the beginning.

I said there is something about your religion, in light of the example of Barbara Buchanan and the Jim Craig family example (and this strange anti-Mormon literature given to me by the mother of one of my piano students) that lead me to you two guys.

I had a piano recital 2 months earlier and that's where I met this anti-Mormon lady.

The Elders looked at me. We sat down. We began to talk. The whiskey-filled, glazed eyes of a hysterical Jim Micheletti were ready for a change. And only heavenly power could do anything about it.

Time to float up on a cloud and evaluate life.

I leave my childhood behind with the influence of World War II parents. I leave alcohol, tobacco, sex and any twisted doctrine behind. I leave the Catholic Church behind. It was time to know the truth about myself and about the purpose of life. I left behind nuns, Catholic School, rituals and performances that moved without meaning. I leave behind the loss of Rita, who accused me of being cold and domineering (I went home and yelled at dad for my acting like him), and Connie--both at WIU. I left behind a bothersome Ellen D. Micheletti who preferred reading to talking, living out lives of characters rather than take care of a home, and a rather social isolate herself. But who am I to talk when I committed million dollar sins to hers worth only a dime? I remember I went to a priest at the Owensboro Catholic Diocese in Owensboro, Kentucky. I think he gave me some money for the rent, and sent me away.

The time had come for a change. A massive change of heart, might, mind, strength. The heavens had watched me long enough in sin and error. I can just imagine the discussions in the eternities about me personally.

I had enough of tragedy, false doctrine, and basically doing things wrong. What do the heavens do when it's time for someone to repent? The time had come for a change. A massive change of heart, might, mind, strength. The heavens had watched me long enough in sin and error. I can just imagine the heavenly hosts getting together to determine if the tragedy and circumstances were severe enough that I was humbled and positioned to hear the truth of life. It was time for miracles. It was time to open up the mind.

Elder Steve Carter and Elder Tracey Olsen sat me down in their apartment and we began to talk.

MISSIONARY DISCUSSIONS

They have presentations, called “discussions” in which they give the teachings of the church. In retrospect, Elder Olsen was to tell me later about the experienced and described me as such: My eyes were puffed and red. My nerves were frazzled. But I felt guided as if I was supposed to sit down and listen. I visited the Missionary Elders for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in their apartment. I said it is time to look over all my life. I am on a yellow light, not red nor green. I told them Ellen left with the children.

I SAID THERE IS SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT THE CRAIG FAMILY, THE BUCHANAN FAMILY? WHAT IS IT?

Let me cover the basic elements of what they taught me, and the progress of our discussions.

Interlaced with these teaching points were my reactions.

 God is our Father
 We worship God as the Almighty Ruler of heaven and earth.
 He is our Father in Heaven.
 We are his children.
 He loves us and wants us to achieve true, eternal happiness.
 He has prepared a plan to enable us to achieve this happiness.
 If we fulfill his plan, we will grow spiritually and live with him eternally.

OK, I thought. Sounds fine.

The sins that we all commit in this life could make us unworthy to dwell in the presence of God.

But, because he loves us, our Heavenly Father sent his Son, Jesus Christ, to redeem us.

Jesus voluntarily gave his life for our sins.

Through his resurrection he overcame physical death so that we can live again.

We can enjoy the blessings that come from Christ’s sacrifice.

To do so, we must accept him and live according to his example and teachings.

OK, I thought. Sounds fine.

God has established a simple pattern for revealing his plan to his children.

He chooses righteous men and reveals the truth to them.

We call these men prophets.

The prophets then teach others about the plan of God.

God gives them authority to act in his name.

When people hear the teachings of these men or read them in the scriptures, the Holy Ghost helps them know that the teachings are true
.
PROPHETS?

God has followed this pattern in our day by choosing a latter-day prophet.

This prophet was Joseph Smith.

In 1820 young Joseph Smith prayed to know which church he should join.

In answer to his prayer, God the Father and Jesus Christ appeared to him.

Through him they restored the truth about the plan of God. Joseph Smith was a prophet and a powerful witness of Christ.

HERE IS WHERE IT STARTED. . . .

When they told me the story of the first vision, I began to see and understand things.

A light filled the room around these guys and I began to understand. God has a body of flesh and bones as tangible as man's. Joseph Smith saw two persons, separate and distinct from one another.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

We argued over the TRINITY concept.

Three persons in one God.

But interestingly, when they said that God has a body,

I seemed to see Him.

I was jumpy, nervous, panicked, stunned, and horrified at one setting. The inside of me wanted to reach up. I wanted refreshment for my soul. I wanted to change. I was flattened at this new information. I looked at a picture they showed me.
Do you know what it is like to meet your maker and finally see and understand who He is after all these years?

These guys just talk and look at you but I am seeing things around the room that are mesmerizing, paralyzing, humbling, startling, and I felt at the feet of a mountain.

They showed me a picture of "God"?? as seen by Joseph Smith in 1820 in Upper New York.

How many people, doctors, philosophers, religionists, preachers have argued over the existence and nature of God for centuries and

here they are holding a picture of Him!

Albeit an artist's conception based on the words of Joseph Smith.

How do I know this is true? I was absorbed. No one ever told me this before. God appearing to Man. (See picture of the boy-prophet in front of two personages standing in the air).

Now I get a copy of a book. The Book of Mormon. What is it, you ask?

A picture of an angel blowing a trumpet was on the outside of the book.

By the power of God, Joseph Smith translated the book.

It contains the writings of ancient prophets who lived in the Americas. These prophets testified of Jesus Christ and his mission.

They taught the truths of Christ’s gospel in great clarity and power.

The Book of Mormon? Jesus Christ in America? I was stunned.
Here I was studying this man for years, watched the portrait of Him in movies, and now someone tells me he was in Ancient America among the Indians. Why not?

After the discussion, I was at a restaurant carrying this book and telling everyone I talked to that Jesus Christ appeared in America! I was stunned. Indians talked about the great white god in their legends. I didn't know it referred to Jesus Christ's visit.

Later I read a book HE WALKED THE AMERICAS about this great white god and the uncanny resemblance to the Savior.

One notable Indian legend said that the old ones in a tribe talked with the "paleface god". They asked him where he was from. He said, far away in the land of your fathers across the waters. What is your name? What do you want to be called? He said, "Yaweh" (which is the Hebrew word for "The God of Israel" or "Jehovah"). Amazing. He was over here.

Why would people not want more "Bible" as it were? Records of Jesus Christ visiting elsewhere and teaching.

The Book of Mormon is also evidence that Joseph Smith was called by God to be a prophet and a witness of Jesus Christ.

 How does one translate ancient scriptures?

 By the gift and power of heaven.

 Joseph Smith at age 15 was hardly capable.

 You can know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God.

 You can know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet.

 You can know these things by reading the Book of Mormon, pondering its message and its importance for you, and praying to know that it is true.

 Pray to know it's true? It became or seemed to become true to me as I progressed on although there were doctrinal problems later on.


This thing about prayer. We knelt down. I looked at a chart that gave the steps to prayer.

Why do you not use the SIGN OF THE CROSS, I asked.

In Jesus' own words, I saw the answer right in front of me!

Pray to the Father in my name.

What does that mean?

How does one do it?

I followed the steps.

Address the Father in prayer,

Thank Him for your blessings.

Ask Him for what you need.

Close in the name of Jesus Christ.

Well, I parted company. Very interesting.

I returned to work playing the piano. But something drew me back to them.
I still remember attending the Mormon service for the first time, marveling that there was no HOLY COMMUNION, no HOLY WATER, no STATUTES, no PICTURES ON THE WALL. . . it was a simple room. There was opening singing. Young men passed around a plate of the pieces of bread, and cups of water. Then there were talks. I remember playing music for them; no response; later I learned it was something called REVERENCE in a meeting.
My student Bryan Craig and I were playing the piano at his house. I asked his mother:
At church, why are there no CROSSES or CRUCIFIXES of Jesus Christ?

Shocking response: We don't need that. Jesus Christ LIVES, He's not dead!

No one had ever told me that before. Jesus Christ lives.

Pieces of something fell from my brain as if I had never really seen Jesus Christ before.

All this time I was looking at a deceased body with blood dripping down it on a cross and that was supposed to mean. . . . something!

Later, I was to learn that it was over-emphasized and does not paint the entire picture of the mission of the Savior. . . . born to earth, taught principles, accused falsely, suffered, executed, and RESURRECTED! He lives.

I played music in the evening. It was so hard to go home. I remember I wanted to be with the elders. They invited me to a movie on P-day, that is, preparation day. Back then, elders could see a movie. It was THE ELECTRIC HORSEMAN and showed pictures out west from where these elders arrived here. I never thought of UTAH. But I gazed at mesas, wide spread ranches, running horses and I thought. . . wow! I came back for more studies. . . . . .

MISSIONARY DISCUSSION: Our Heavenly Father has given us this mortal life to enable us to become more like Him.

There are two major obstacles to this goal.

The first is physical death—

the separation of the spirit from the physical body.

Although the spirit continues to live on, the imperfect, mortal body dies. This physical death is overcome through the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Resurrection is the reuniting of the spirit with a glorified, immortal body. Because of Christ, all of us will be resurrected.

My reaction: OK. I thought about the NICENE CREED, a recitation of beliefs of the Catholic Church.

I commented on resurrection.

I also commented on the Mormon prophet today,

Spencer Kimball.

I said that he seems to stay in contact with members because we hardly ever heard from the Catholic Pope.

MISSIONARY DISCUSSION: The second major obstacle to our becoming like our Heavenly Father is sin.

To enable us to grow, God has made us free to choose between good and evil, between obeying and disobeying him.

To act against the will of God is to commit sin and become unclean. Sin leads to unhappiness in this life and after this life.

Through the atonement of Jesus Christ, we can be cleansed from sin and become worthy to return to our Father.

Jesus also taught us what we must do to make his atonement effective for us personally.

These steps are the first principles and ordinances of the gospel.

1. FAITH IN JESUS CHRIST

To have faith means that we firmly believe he is the Savior of the world. We accept his atonement and do all he has asked us to do. We want with all our hearts to keep his commandments. We center our hearts on him and follow his perfect example.

As our faith in Christ grows, we will feel the need repent of our sins.

2. REPENTANCE

we must feel sincere sorrow that we have sinned and ask God to forgive us. We must do all that we can do to correct any harm that we have done. We should also experience "a change of heart." This means that we lose all desire for the sin, turn away from it, and do it no more. Throughout our lives we will need to continue the process of repentance whenever we fall short of the perfect example of Jesus.

Faith and repentance leads us to baptism.

3. BAPTISM

Jesus taught that we must be baptized by immersion in water for the remission (or forgiveness) of sins. Through baptism we enter into a covenant with God. We promise we will accept Christ and keep his commandments. He promises to forgive our sins if we keep this covenant.
After baptism we receive the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands.

4. THE HOLY GHOST

It has a sanctifying, cleansing effect on us. We can enjoy the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost as we remain worthy. The Holy Ghost helps us recognize the truth, gives strength in doing what is right, and comforts us in sorrows or trials. It is the third member of the Godhead and testifies of the Father and the Son.

Hey, I was baptized as a baby!
What is this?

There are so many churches. I thought as I listened to the elders that the Catholic Church was the one true church, based upon the rock, which is interpreted, Peter, because the Savior said: Thou art Peter and upon this rock, I will build my church. I was baptized in the Catholic Church. The elders and I went round and round on this. I'm already baptized. Why is this baptism different? They told me that the priesthood was not on the earth, and that JOHN the BAPTIST appeared to Joseph Smith and ordained him to the AARONIC PRIESTHOOD. Later, PETER, JAMES & JOHN appeared and ordained Joseph to the MELCHIZEDEK priesthood.

Doesn't the Catholic priest have the priesthood? They went to divinity school. I was spinning inside.

Baptism? Not for babies. No one ever told me that we were NOT born with ORIGINAL sin. It's part of the program. Babies are born with it. That is why babies need baptizing.

In the Book of Mormon, MORONI 8:

little children are alive in Christ and have no need of baptism!

What???

Some spirit seemed to grip me tighter not wanting to leave.

Finally, I said I wanted to use your phone and I want to call a Catholic priest to verify what it said in the CATHOLIC BALTIMORE CATECHISM. I did. You won't believe what the priest told me.

Well, we baptize babies because the mothers were afraid they would go to hell. I called another.

We have original sin. . . right? Then something came over me. . . WHERE IS IT? Where is ORIGINAL SIN LOCATED? I never never ever thought of that before. Is it a scar? A birthmark? The priest on the phone didn't know.

. . . but he said it is THERE.

Oh, my gosh! My world caved in and took me with it.

I seemed to be washed clean of some horrid mud covering over my brain. I slithered back in the room. Well? said Elder Carter. I couldn't believe it. He didn't argue with me, but just wanted to know the truth arm-in-arm. I told him. I was paralyzed, nailed to the earth, no place to run. These elders had it.

I uncovered missing parts, contradictions, disagreements in the CATHOLIC FAITH.

I was panting, stunned, frozen in time and space.

What do I replace it with?

MISSIONARY DISCUSSION: To keep our baptismal covenant and enjoy the companionship of the Holy Ghost, we must strive to obey all the commandments of God.

The commandments are not restrictions, but are actually directions. They point out the path we must follow to gain peace and true happiness. God has reaffirmed in our day that he expects us to obey his commandments. To disobey God leads to unhappiness. To embrace his commandments brings happiness in this life and eternal life with him.

Meanwhile, during the discussions, I continued to play at a lounge in Evansville, Indiana, near Owensboro, Kentucky.

In the next discussion we come to the WORD OF WISDOM and the elders taught against coffee, tea, alcohol and tobacco.

I said I didn't smoke but I used to. I drank coffee and tea and alcohol. Well, that coming weekend, I was rocking the restaurant/lounge with my piano music. Someone came up to offer me a drink. I said, strangely, OK, an orange juice. No, put something in it. A CC (Canadian Club)? I said, "No, I'm Mormon. Mormons don't drink. " The other part of me heard that part of me. I was stunned. I'm not baptized yet. Why did I say that? Later that night, at a restaurant, I usually order breakfast after music. It included black coffee with sugar. Something came over me and I pushed it away. It was junky looking and I recall feeling strangely distant from it. Now, please understand that the elders were nowhere to be found. I decided this "on my own" to push this stuff away.
Next lesson, I said to the elders: "Elder Carter? I pushed away alcohol and coffee. " I looked at him. He smiled. Wow.

In the final missionary discussion days, we covered things such as living with GOD before birth.

Show me the scriptures. They did. The answer was there all this time.

What about this thing called the priesthood of God?

When we discussed it, they showed me a picture of John the Baptist conferring the priesthood of Aaron upon the head of Joseph Smith. Then came the Melchizedek priesthood, the priesthood of the first Apostles on the earth. This larger priesthood gives man power to govern the affairs of the church, administer blessings, teach the gospel and teach members how to perfect themselves in godliness and live providently.

When I heard about this priesthood that it gives comfort to a frazzled soul, I asked for a blessing.

Being the Catholic that I was, I knelt in front of Elder Carter. No, one sits in a chair. A chair? I sat in a chair and couldn't see anyone. What is your full name? James Michael Micheletti. The elders gave me a priesthood blessing. I don't recall all that was said. When I left for work, I felt this strange glowing feeling that seemed to illuminate me. I looked in the mirror and saw a smiling face, glistening eyes, and I thought, wow. The sun was setting. I seemed to fly to Evansville, 40 miles away from Owensboro, Kentucky. The Priesthood was here to baptize, confirm with the Holy Ghost, cast out bad spirits, heal the sick, they said. Amazing.

My eyes glowed in the mirror. What was happening to me?

Families can be together forever? How?

They showed me a temple.

Together FOREVER?

Not til death do you part?

Smoke seemed to fill my mind and heart and then it blew away.

(See picture of temple).

They showed me a picture of the prophet and apostles in the church today. Back then, it was President Spencer W. Kimball, the prophet, seer and revelator of the church.

They told me what that means.

They asked if I could follow the prophet. I said I would.

(See picture of President Spencer W. Kimball (president at that time).

On the way back to a future lesson with them, in the car, a voice said to go upstairs and tell the elders you want to be baptized. . .

as I was driving to their apartment, a voice spoke to me strongly in the car saying: Go upstairs and tell them you want to be baptized. I was struck with shock, surprise and fear. I looked around.

"It's okay. Just go tell them. " I said to -- whoever that was--, OK. It seemed the natural thing to do.

I did and Elder Carter's face broke out into a large smile. Super, he said. Just super. His shirt buttons seemed to stretch. Just a few more questions, though.

OK?

Sure.

Meantime, I had not mentioned I was visiting Dr. Joseph Castlen (a Catholic psychologist at the Owensboro Diocese Office) was assisting me out of my depression.
But my baptism was scheduled for January 27, 1980 and I wandered about Evansville, Indiana the night before.

I woke up on the side of the road Sunday morning, remembered the baptism and drove back to Owensboro, Kentucky for my baptism.

LET ME STOP TO SHOW AND COMMENT ON HOW VARIOUS PICTURES IMPACTED ME PERSONALLY AS PART OF THE MISSIONARY DISCUSSIONS

(see pictures of the Savior, Joseph Smith, Temples, Garden of Gethsemane and commentary).

BEFORE WE DISCUSS MY BAPTISM…

I wish to comment on anti-Mormon literature and comment currently available among some other churches who invest time and money on this subject. My comments are brief and simple:
There are too many churches in the world with conflicting doctrines. So many purport to be guided by the Savior yet, they disagree on doctrine and format. How is it possible for the Savior and His Father to send conflicting messages to Father's earthly children? Which one is right and approved of? So much conflict of doctrine and form would arrive into the heavens the same way.
If we wish to have one way with the answers, then authorized individuals should be on earth to explain it to us. Joseph Smith received power and authority (permission from heaven) to explain the purpose of life and the potential for our eternal growth. There was an apostasy, a falling away from the truth. The clues were in the Bible all along, once again recaptured, explained, and illuminated upon by Joseph Smith, the apostles of the church, the prophets who followed and the general authorities today. What clues? Things like: the pre-existence (Jeremiah I:5 and Job-1:38) The restoration is the pulling together under one roof, one umbrella, under one guidance the plan and purposes of God with many signs and wonders that happen to the seekers of truth, the pure in heart.

What affected me profoundly is the teaching I received on the ATONEMENT.
Elders teaching this concept did not differ from other religions, but when THEY talked, I began to feel "considered, looked at, studied, and comforting signs began to captivate the meaning of my heart" as to what the Savior did.

When I was baptized I remember the feelings all day long, through the week and for months.

I felt really and completely renewed in my body, mind and spirit.

I would look at pictures of the Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane (see picture)

The Atonement was performed both through His suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and by the voluntary surrender of His life on the cross.

Gethsemane was just a short walk eastward from the Temple Mount.

It was there, after sharing the Passover with His Apostles, that Christ retired to pray.

It is incomprehensible to man the suffering that Jesus bore in the Garden.

In Gethsemane He took upon Himself all the sins, sorrows, and suffering of every being that had lived, did then live, or would ever live on the earth.

He suffered the wrath of God in their behalf, so that if they would only repent and believe on His name, they might be spared the just punishment for their sins and qualify for God's mercy.

Quoting the Lord in Doctrine & Covenants: Therefore I command you to repent—repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore—how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not. For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I; Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink— Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men (Doctrine and Covenants 19:15-19).

I would take upon myself the covenant, to be baptized, bury the old Jim Micheletti, take upon myself the name of Jesus Christ, keep the commandments, be born again.

Now, closer to baptism day.

I had something called a baptismal interview with some missionaries called ZONE LEADERS.

I woke up the next day on the side of the road, drove back to Owensboro, Kentucky and thus the baptism began at 10:00. It was illuminating. The elders talked about what it was like to teach me. There I was dressed in white. I had dark hair curled up, and a beard (see picture; I have only grown a beard one time since then). I was taken into the water, baptized, and then Elder Olsen confirmed me with the gift of the Holy Ghost. I played music for my baptism, "AMAZING GRACE". Elder Carter talked about the day, beginning and ending it on one's knees in prayer and acknowledges God in our actions. I felt peace, joy, comfort and strength.

OH, MY GOSH! I am Mormon now. It felt perfectly fine. I felt well and clean. OH, my gosh! Now I have many Mormons to talk to and Utah to learn about.

Mrs. Buchanan set up a spaghetti dinner for us.

The rules of living are set down: We exercise faith in Jesus Christ, repent of our sins, and are baptized.

I have the Articles of Faith to learn, priesthood lessons to learn, bad habits to stop remembering and scriptures to read.

I have spiritual guidance in my prayers for Ellen, Joe and Paula because they are gone.

However, people around me note a happier more chipper fellow.
Wow, evil is sorely noticed in the world, especially in my mind, as I had temptations to lie, but stopped.

I moved to Evansville, Indiana to be closer to work.

When I attended a ward (congregation) I found an interesting person. This priesthood office in the church became interesting.

It's called a BISHOP.

He is the shepherd over the flock.

Bishop Mark Schauss (see side picture), my first bishop, interviewed me and told me to see myself spiritually and not in terms of money alone.

I remember I kept racing up and down the hallways of the church. I was so excited. I was free. I was ecstatic.

After some settling down, the topic of the priesthood came up.

Me, a "priest"! What does that mean? The power of God given to mortal men. There is the Aaronic priesthood and the Melchizedek priesthood.

I was soon to live with Mark Lammers, the Elders Quorum president, and he presides over the men, the elders, and the potential elders.

I began to hang out with missionary elders so much since I was taught, and flattened to the ground by what they know. Things they know of life at age 19 while I, a college graduate, know more, but in the insights the missionary lessons taught, it silenced me.

In the meantime, I was playing music at the Briarpatch Restaurant and making tips. Will I ever afford my family again?

So far away in Bowling Green, KY!

And I am here, 2 hours away in Evansville, Indiana, but let me divert back to Owensboro, Kentucky branch of the church.
I attended Sunday School, priesthood and wanted to be ordained. Interesting electric feeling going to the chapel on Sunday after I was baptized. An electricity in the air. I listened to the lessons and I felt and saw things, especially one Sunday in studying the Atonement. I seemed to see the Garden and a man with long hair in it sweating profusely. I seemed to see a cross. An image across my mind as I was listening to the lesson.

The last day before leaving for Evansville II Ward, I spoke on my testimony for 40 minutes. It was a classic speech in the example of Mormons around me. The congregation was at attention the whole time; I thought I spoke just a few minutes, but it was 40. I did it again in fast and testimony meeting at the Evansville II Ward and also at a "stake conference. " A stake conference is a major meeting of several congregations in a territory called a STAKE. It's presided over by a president and counselors. A general authority, Brother Bachman, was there. I remember a phrase: "I had to give up CHIANTI WINE. Why. . . I'm Italian. What is my dad going to think. My Italian grandparents? It'll ruin the taste of spaghetti". . . etc.

I began to associate with the missionary elders. These are 2 young men (see pictures at side) who leave homes and families and girlfriends and come all this way to teach these wonderful lessons to someone educated like me.

It was amazing, humbling, startling, and I was left in awe. I felt the elders came and saved my soul, and in my gratitude, I wanted to be with them, drive them to appointments, feed them, serve them, cheer them up, and take example from them.

Nevertheless, at this writing, I can see the lack of repentance I still had in my own heart regarding just how dirty and disgusting I was as a man to shock Ellen into leaving for I had not demonstrated what I would later learn as "manly behavio0r". . . that is, husband and father-oriented type behavior. Mormon members allowed me to entertain at many functions and yet a part of my heart was down in Bowling Green.

Ellen's mother lectured me on the phone. She is trying to break us up. I became critical towards Ellen and her mother elucidating their sins and shortcomings by telling of mine.
I was still speaking to the Jehovah's Witness, a fellow named Randy. I chided him for drinking alcohol and coffee. They were shocked I became Mormon. They think God's name is Jehovah and have rewritten the Bible. God's name is not Jehovah, I was to learn; God's name is Heavenly Father, Elohim; Jehovah refers to Jesus Christ the Savior. In the Old Testament, we see that: MY NAME IS JEHOVAH AND BESIDES ME THERE IS NO OTHER SAVIOR. Well, besides him there is no other Savior. Who is the only Savior, then? Jehovah, Jesus Christ- they are one and the same. What a strange religion.

At the BRIARPATCH restaurant, Greg and John there were acting cold and indifferent, and I didn't know why. Steve Castlen there said he couldn't afford me anymore so I put an ad in the newspaper to be a secretary.

I still called, stopped by and brought food to elders. I took them to church, really became their taxi driver to functions. I recorded my piano music for many elders on cassette tapes.

At the WENDY's restaurant, I flirted with the waitress and the elders reminded me I am still married. What a strange feeling to be still married in this circumstance! Ellen sent me a letter saying to please see Dr. Castlen and that she is ". . . disappointed or shocked or saddened you became a Mormon."

She told me the kids are fine and then reminded me again to see him. What does it mean? A positive letter from Ellen contradicts what her mother said to me regarding Ellen's apparent attitude.

Today at Briarpatch Restaurant was my last day unless I wanted to work from 11-1 p. m. Since I have been living at Mark Lammer's house in Evansville, I have been coordinating my life from this point. He lives now at 4133 Triple Crown Dr Newburgh, IN 47630-2592 but he used to live in Evansville at 1210 S. Fairlawn.

The elders came over to visit quite regularly to the house. I still keep throughout all of this a firm focus on Joe and Paula, and Ellen. I wish that I had them with me again but that the definition of father and husband would be different. I began to be sad at Ellen. I wondered how I could reunite with them in the shadow of their mother.
I rehearsed I FEEL FINE and YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING and other songs for the Highland Inn piano bar tonight. I drove to Owensboro to play for a wedding for a friend of Mrs. Craig for $25. 00. It was a nice grand piano at Wesleyan College Chapel. I played with the Craig boys and thought of my son, Joe.

I prayed and went to play a wild night of piano rock at the Highland Inn. Left at 1 a. m. and went shopping for Elders Kuebler and Peck.

A job? I hope and pray so.

On Sunday, I get up, choking in the house heat. I went to church but forgot yesterday to buy gas, so I bought gas on a Sunday!

Darn!

This convert lady comes to church with the missionary elders. I found out she is divorced! Her name is Wendi. Elders reminded me I am still married.
I helped Elders teach lessons at people's homes.

From home, I brought groceries and went to the elders' apartment and ate and talked music.

I showed Elder Kuebler some chords on the piano, a new song, and the agony of rehearsal.

We watched TAKE DOWN, a Mormon movie shot on location in Utah.

I prayed for Elder Carter, Mrs. Buchanan and my own testimony.

My muscles grew with weight lifting.

We went home and talked about Elder Peck's loneliness on his mission because he seems wilder since he got out of the military service and went on a mission. Peck was still learning the discussions and I told him how the discussions changed my self-image. Peck said to make up my mind quick about my ex-wife. A future with a nice Mormon wife? Hmmmm I learned about being more reverent today.

I got up the next day and a feeling came to me to say "go look for a job." Sure enough, the phone rang. It was KELLY SERVICES, a temporary employment agency, and they said they saw my ad for a secretary position. Me, a male, and they were curious. I interviewed with them, prayed before taking their typing tests.

I took the elders to the Laundromat and Elder Peck continued to pummel my hands until they were red from a hand-slapping coordination game. Later I went home, talked to Mark Lammers about what the elders were doing. We watched THE PINK PANTHER movie and I ate KFC chicken. Bless my family and I pray that I could take care of them again. I would always end my day with prayer and thanks.

Kelly Services called and sent me to an engineering firm to work as a secretary. A job in an office. Thank goodness. Mark and I went to the LDS church to help paint. Bishop Schauss was there. I played piano and they wanted to know about my job. A cranky zone leader came to the church and gave me a few insults and criticisms, but I took him and Elder Elliot to pizza and broke him down. . . . he's too attentive to mission rules and look what it's doing to you.

Next day, should I write Ellen a letter?

I took elders to eat, get movies and helped with an investigator previously mentioned named Wendi. I got a new pair of glasses so I could see well. What do I do with my life? Leave? Stay?

As I worked through the week I suffered in loneliness, anger, depression over losing Ellen, Joe and Paula and a divorce. More activities with the elders especially preparing a tape of my music for them! Mark Lammers and I talked about the gospel, the Holy Ghost as comforter, teacher, guide, and revelator and. . .

Now to sleep and the upward perfection of the Latter Day Saint named Jim Micheletti.

Later In the week I found myself sternly working, suffering with disturbed feelings towards Ellen, and I would fall asleep before I could finish a prayer in the evening. The dance came Friday and I went to party, party, to the max! I came home and rattled Mark Lammers, the home-hermit, with my excitement. Life. Job. . . money seeing the kingdom hoping the devil won't trick me. . . telling myself that prayer conquers all
.
Saturday my legs ached from dancing. Saturday night was a church social. The Italian flair was the theme and I told folks I am Italian. I surely did much with the elders. It seemed my life was centered on them. They were interesting to listen to and I learned much. I continued to read, pray hard, write in my journal and . . . swaying between love and peace, and incredible anger and hurt. But I did exercise. I helped Mark Lammers with house chores, I did music downstairs at a piano. I made tapes. I entertained. I was a taxi for the elders to go pretty much anywhere. I played for Wendi's baptismal service.

Elder Steven Carter, the one who baptized me, wrote me letters after he was transferred to a new area. Before Elder Steve Carter and Tracy Olsen got transferred, they asked: We're leaving. Are you going to fall apart? I was stunned.

The church celebrated 150 years on the earth. I sat in front with the Elders to listen to conference from Salt Lake City. We used to have to listen. Now we get the telecast.

I continued to teach piano students in Owensboro and Evansville.

I learned how the elders were raised. They told me stories of their lives in LDS homes.

I would take pizzas to the elders and enjoyed their company. Mark Lammers, an auto mechanic instructor at a local college, helped me keep my car in shape.

At church I hear more on the Atonement, the Holy Ghost, the prophet Joseph Smith, and the commandments. The Atonement! Sins forgiven. Why still do people remember them?

How is it that memories still linger in the minds of those at 420 Glen Lily Road when I cannot remember a thing?

A lady named Mary Ann Rapp,1641 S Grand Ave. Evansville, IN 47713-2839 adopted me as her musical pal. I spent hours at her house getting to know her, her family and did much music at church and elsewhere. She taught me SO SO MUCH about spiritual music.

She had me play 50s music and she sang. What was that song she liked? Oh yes, LOVIN THAT MAN OF MINE! from the 50's. At baptisms she would have me play. She was the Ward Music Chairperson. She was always inviting me over to eat, socialize, play the piano, along with the elders. Boogie-woogie music, blues, 50's and everything else.

My records of my membership finally get to Evansville, Indiana II Ward and the Bishop calls me "Jim Micheletti, whom we have all grown to know and love. . . . " I met other members and guess what? The newspaper called and a story was done on me: A MALE SECRETARY! Quite the phenomenon in the 80's.

The bishop called me to be the magazine representative in the ward. Check to see if everyone has the ENSIGN, THE FRIEND, church magazines.

Bishop Schauss asked me if I was ready to receive the Aaronic Priesthood.
(see picture of me and Elder Peck, the one who ordained me)

At work I catch pieces of plastic off an assembly line. The line supervisor I saw smoking and I asked him "Do you smoke?" to which he turned red and said "yes".

I have had to borrow money from Mark Lammers. The current elders we have now have been sick. I have continued to help the elders. They call me a lot. It seems they fill a void when I have no one to talk to. I am always interested in listening to them teach, and I learn so many things about Joseph Smith, this new religion.

Mark asked me to move out by February because his kids are moving in. What do MY children look like? I don't understand Ellen's callousness to me. I need to get the divorce done and start living again. I felt guilt sweeping my soul that it is my fault in all this. He suggested six months of work and then move down there. I felt to belong down there (in Bowling Green). I don't belong here. I am thankful for the church and the mind-opening gospel principles although I felt whipped and disciplined by the talk of what to do.

Several eye-catching scriptures of late:

Moroni 7:53 If he will have faith in me, ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.

Joseph Smith: Miracles are the fruits of faith.

Mark's kids moved in.

I left the house tormented and sad because I could not enjoy mine. A friendly family, the Jerry Crowe family, invited me over. The little one sat on my lap. We looked at computer games. We talked of chains that hold people back from progressing. His wife Eileen and I discussed food recipes and storage and science fiction movies.

I called Mrs. Goatley, Ellen's lawyer, and the hang-up on the divorce is because I did not sign a paper. I have to pay $40 a week support. I suggested a rearrangement of custody. I told her about my job and wanting to move to Bowling Green. I sent a letter to Ellen describing my feelings; she relayed such heartfelt words so I wrote a letter of agreement and sketch of the future. I sang at work feeling restored because of the divorce and a future. I prayed again and again for the door to open and I could move to be near Ellen and the children.

I paid bills, went to work. I got my check. I tried to balance myself. I keep having to write things down. Such a large order for one person, to put one's life back together. I ran out of gas trying to cash my check. Bishop Schauss works at a bank. I told him I had a strange impression that I should go to Bowling Green. Ellen recapitulated the same thought in a letter. Councilman Chapman Rust got me this job at the plastics factory. I thanked him. I ran out of gas on the way home, and then the battery went dead. But prayer. . . well, someone helped me get gas and charged the battery.

Whew! Ellen's lawyer called. I can take Joe to church. Wow. Tears! After a 1 1/2 year wait.

A PATRIARCHIAL BLESSING IS GIVEN BY THE PATRIARCH OF THE STAKE IN WHICH YOU LIVE; TO THIS PRIESTHOOD HOLDER IS GIVEN POWER AND AUTHORITY TO BLESS YOUR LIFE WITH CERTAIN PROMISES DEPENDING ON YOUR FAITHFULNESS, AND TO IDENTIFY YOUR LINEAGE BACK TO THE TRIBES OF ISRAEL. MY LINEAGE WAS OF THE TRIBE OF EPHRAIN. I had a patriarchal blessing and it said I'll get the children back. I told the bishop and Mark Lammers what happened.

I danced at work. Thanks to Heavenly Father, but I feared evil spirits would try to confuse things and chain myself down. I saw a repentant attitude come over me towards Ellen's mother. I have a chance now, but fear of falling backwards. I stretched out my heart and begged to feel charitable and kind. At home, Mark and I watched TV and talked. I expressed an interest in being an ELDER and he and the bishop said "Maybe. . . . "

I got angry at work at a girl with her filthy language. At least I was tempted. I caught myself, controlled by desire to hate and condemn and remembered she is a child of God. Love them all. Feed them love and they can't hurt you. Hate will only kill. Keep your dignity and low-keyed position. But I was still fighting the warring thoughts. A scripture comes to mind: spiritual minded is life eternal; carnal minded is death. Keep your self control.

I have been reading a book the missionaries gave me on DRAWING ON THE POWERS OF HEAVEN. I set up a contract with heaven: GOAL: to control my thoughts so that when a carnal desire enters to quickly resort to a spiritual topic such as gratitude for the Lord's blessings to attend to callings faithfully to work and smile and read the Book of Mormon on break to devote days to missionary work through referrals and visits to express love for Ellen, her parents, the bishop, workers at RU VAN PLASTICS. To qualify for the Lord's help, if I do the above, can I be settled in Bowling Green by June, guided to a good job and home, have many good times with Joe and Paula especially on Sundays--every other weekend fully, to stay diligent at work, and not sidetrack so money can make bills disappear.


I got more calls about the divorce from Ellen's lawyer--about child visitation.

I tell people in testimony meeting I appreciate all the things I've learned by observing:

(1) how to be a man

(2) how to take care of children

(3) how to act honorable I will work until I can go to Bowling Green.

I showed pictures of Paula and Joe to all. I had mixed feelings of accepting a less than perfect divorce visitation terms or fight it. I had desires of personally talking with Ellen. During the week, talk about a week of work and I referred myself back to the principles of the gospel, Joseph Smith, the priesthood.

One day I got so worked up over being a father again, but so many fears. I made calls to the bishop and these calmed me down. I cannot visualize how I will get down there but I will qualify for the Lord's help.

The first Christmas alone, December 1980I was busy but still alone. I felt on the bridge between the past and the future. I wrote Heavenly Father a letter. I look forward to my divorce so I can have a future. I still find fault with Ellen's thinking about me.

I hold others’ little babies because of this frustrated parenting urge.

I have to pay hospital bills.

Mark Lammers lets me live here.

I sent Ellen money and put money for Joe and Paula. I wrote dad if he could send me money and asked Mother for a more tender heart. Plagued with bad thoughts still. Seeking better gifts spiritually.

Heard a discussion on the functioning of the keys of the priesthood and applied it to myself. I listed my skills, and thought what could I do in Bowling Green? When? When? When? I keep dreaming but it does not come true.

Meantime, back to missionary elders. No one else to talk to. We made a visit to the Southern Baptist Missionary Church. I listened but there was a sense that these people did not have permission to do this worshipping.

Back to work again? Doing what? I took a course in medical terminology but it did not do anything for me. I did job searching by phone. I would not mind school and more training.

I am sending money to Ellen but I have no children. Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! I was flattened and crawled into the closet and shut the door. I slept there. I was horrified. I practice dad feelings with Linda Myers' little boys.

Bishop says he thinks better of me because of my humility.

I found out Ellen actually a called Bishop Schuss and they talked! I am grateful for this new existence: church, teachings, priesthood leaders, food, clothes, shelter and I send Ellen money.

I listened to a discourse on church history on Sunday. I talked with a Bob Zimmer and his two boys. The conversation got so family-friendly, that afterwards I sat in the car and cried and wished I had mine.

I called Ellen to tell her quietly that I need to see Joe and that I am in trouble with the church for not being with my family. I said I was working at EVANSVILLE TYPESETTERS typing.

She said to come on down to Bowling Green, I said, Thank you. When I got there, it was outside, in the back at the picnic table and various members of the family were outside stationed at various points WATCHING.

Joe came up to me and wanted his name written on his hand. He and I rolled a ball back and forth. I was numb. Joe Micheletti! Paula was this big long baby from the skinny one I recalled from before. Ellen laid out divorce papers and I signed them quickly. One unique thing she said:

“You speak so quietly. I wish you were like that during our marriage.”

Another thing:

“Tomorrow is ALL SOULS DAY.”

I said, “What is that?”

She said: “You know what it is.”

I honestly couldn’t remember.

Later I was to study more of the ordinance of the confirmation of the Holy Ghost and learned that there is a heavenly power that burns the old out of one’s system, the nerve endings are affected, old memories are tossed, old doctrines are “burnt” away. It is an ordinance described as administered with “fire” from heaven.

I honestly couldn’t remember.

Later I was to discern that through Ellen’s point of view, I am wearing a “Mormon coat” and that the “real Jim Micheletti” must be underneath. That was to confuse me for a long time. I didn’t know how to explain a rebirth while one was still in the same physical body.

Nevertheless, I flew back home so ecstatic!

Meantime, I lined up a date with a Wendi and we talked and ate. I went to a dance and enjoyed myself. I was interested in Jerry Crowe and wife Eileen enjoying themselves there as well. Linda Myers is very active, friendly and a rather large-boned smiling lady who became friends with me. We did much together in the singles group.

Ellen has not called or written and finally she did. She says Paula and Joe have big feet. Ellen finally relented to my position as father. Joe is mine when I move there. She says it would unsettle him to travel. OK.

I spoke to Eileen to try to be a good example in front of her seemingly touchy husband, Jerry Crowe, and you know, he finally did get baptized into the church.

Steve Carter got a chance to visit. He took a picture of me back then (see side bar; I was SKINNY). We had my mother's FINNISH SOUP: hot milk, noodles and melted cheese. I have got to learn of him more. He is so delicate and polite and cheerful and wants everybody to be happy. His favorite question: Are you happy? And feels bad if they are not. He is so forgiving and I pray he'll touch a lot of people's hearts during his life.

Bishop said not to go to Bowling Green yet! I didn't know why at first.

I learned about heavenly beings. . . especially in a sacrament meeting.

This was a Primary Program presentation done once a year. The song was this: HE SHALL FEED HIS FLOCK, by George Frederick Handel from the Messiah. I kept playing it as it kept tugging at my heart. The primary music director took to the song, and it got incorporated into the program. I kept playing it prior to the presentation, thinking deeply on it, that Christ shall feed His Flock like a Shepherd, I wished I was in the flock being fed. He shall gather His Sheep. I began to play smoothly and connected recalling my father and mother's instruction on classical music. I began to pour myself into it. I felt at peace. It meant something to me. I could identify with it. Their voices seemed out of eternity down to earth. And I cried during the entire song. I began to understand what happens when music is played in a spiritual setting. Somehow, heavenly beings participate and become your voice and the human beings, the singers become as one with the heavenly participants. I seemed to be healed in every part of my body. I wanted more of this spiritual deliciousness and delight, this awakening. I became an integral part of the primary music, participated in the choir. Words of the hymns took on new meaning. Heaven was speaking to me itself.

TIME PASSED BY—

I have not written in my journal in a while and I can feel the debilitating effects of not writing. I wrote more letters to Mark Schauss, bishop, telling him that I am beginning to feel things, manifestations, and even a vision of Christ's suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Back in Evansville with the elders, and now comes a JOYCE DOWNING into the picture. She is my FIRST DATE since I was divorced.

I was so nervous. I reviewed all my priesthood manuals on proper conduct of a gentleman and asked her o the movies. I bought a barrel of popcorn and she and I were sharing it. First, her hand went in; then, my hand. Then her hand. Then my hand returned for more popcorn. Then the horrible thing happened! I touched her hand accidentally! It was so soft and smooth, the hand of a GIRL! Oh, my gosh. I felt I took advantage, crossed the line, and was inappropriate. After a week of trembling, I called and told her and she laughed it off. I thought that was peculiar.

I began genealogy in a larger way.

I called mom and dad and got notes on grandma and grandpa and where I was from in Italy and Finland. That is, I am not lecturing myself, reminding myself in my journal to reorganize and refocus my life since my serious confession to the bishop.

Earlier I thought the divorce was final but it was not because the judge had to sign it. I called and one of the judges is out of town. But I still sent Ellen money as a married man, although separated.

A woman named Vickie Meier was introduced to me and we went out, and we talked on the phone. Such fear I was manifesting of women. Such power. Such a creature a woman is!

Eileen and Jerry Crowe, mentioned earlier, continue to invite me over to the house to participate in Monday night family home evenings. I seem to have an effect on this guy.

During World General Conference, the president of the church is Spencer W. Kimball, our prophet. We listened via radio back then because we had no satellite transmission. I took detailed notes wanting to connect with the Savior's teachings through these general authorities.

I talked with the bishop afterwards. I asked him:

Why would the Lord deal with me if I have been so bad? I was shaking with tears and feeling so unworthy.

Stopped by the Crowe's and the kids, mom and dad were in a rage. I didn't know Jerry Crowe had a temper. He calmed down after snapping at me.

An incident that taught me about power. . . More amazing heavenly experiences came to me to help me understand the power of heaven—let me tell you about Brutus, a German Shepherd puppy.

At Jerry's house, I was living upstairs. He is a Pentecostal and dislikes Mormons. He has the most gorgeous German shepherd 1 year old puppy named Brutus. One day I went out to play with him, let him out of his caged in area. Brutus takes off down the street and gets hit by a car. He comes limping home. OH MY GOSH! What do I do now? Panicked, I prayed and remembered that Joseph Smith's wife, Emma, saw that one of her cattle fell and broke a leg. She prayed and the animal regained the use of his leg and strength. I thought: The Melchizedek priesthood holders, the ELDERS, they can come over and give a blessing. I called them. Do it yourself, they tell me. I don’t have the priesthood. Yes, you do. The Aaronic Priesthood. But how do I do it? Kneel down and say a prayer. Then put your hands on the animals' head and pronounce a blessing in the name of Jesus Christ and by the power of the Aaronic priesthood. OK, I said, doubting a bit. Out to the yard. I knelt down and prayed hard because I was panicked. Brutus was looking at me. I began to perceive a light. I blessed Brutus. After I blessed him, I called him over to the fence and said "Get Up, Brutus!" Get up!" but he couldn't lift up his body and stand against the fence on his hind legs. Oh my gosh. I had an impression of a scripture about a prophet commanding the diseased individuals to go wash in the river 7 times. I felt to take the hose and rinse the affected area on Brutus' leg with water. I prayed and I did this. Still Brutus did not get up. I went back inside. What do I do now? I went back outside. I felt to apply water to his leg again. Still no response. Brutus seemed to savour the cool flow of the water on his leg and moved here and there to get the full effect.
I called to him: Brutus, get up! SUDDENLY, he did! Oh, my gosh! He's all right.

I excitedly went back inside and called the bishop and told him what I did. I said I should report it in as if 2 persons were doing it even though it was just me. I marveled and really never forgot it and spoke of this "faith-strengthening" experience many times. I knelt down again. Do I need to tell Jerry what happened? "No" seemed to be the answer. Jerry came home, life went on as normal and he never knew his dog got hit by a car.

I remember the Kentucky-Louisville Mission Presidents. The first was President Smoot, the second was President Lindsey. I sat in a Zone Conference and he urged patience and not too quick a challenge to an investigator to be baptized.

Later in the week I drove the elders, and I saw an ad for work in the R. L. Polk City Directory. I walked in and took the job. I get to interview businesses and residences to list them in the city directory, a publication made yearly. You have to ask a list of questions. It was minimum wage $3. 35 an hour plus bonuses if you get past a certain number of names done. But I still dashed up to Washington, Indiana to play dinner music at a restaurant.

So much human contact I needed, so much emotional support. The missionary elders let me hang around with them, and I feel so close because I needed to feel close to someone.

My parents don't talk on the phone; my sisters complain I am shoving religion down their throats. But the elders are calm, composed, and strong as a mountain and I yearn to be like them. I want that same sense and balance of soul and mind and spirit.

I got a large $192 check, paid tithing and bills.

I got a letter from Ellen, prompting me to admit humbly that the way she described me was correct.

I saw an excellent movie WINDWALKER, that talked about the Indians communing with the Great Spirit and it seemed like Mormonism.

I spent Saturday evenings at the Rapp's house (Mary Alice Rapp, ward music chairperson mentioned above) playing music. It was very interesting the interaction between husband and wife. My parents fought a lot so this was new to me.

I was preparing the WARD NEWSLETTER and still believed in the Lord's help to qualify to move to Bowling Green.

At work, I testify of Joseph Smith and the LDS church. I work hard. I read the Book of Mormon.

I call the bishop for answers to various questions. My other calling is stake missionary. I go to meetings, learn procedures and help the missionary elders. It's strange to think of Bowling Green and Ellen because I keep thinking of my past, such as porno, other various sins I committed during my marriage to her. But to reaffirm my goal to purify and cleanse myself before going to Bowling Green. Such personal agony, remembering sins even still, mind with junk, believing I was mentally deranged. But Joe and Paula are the Lord's children and if He would let me near them. . . please let me qualify to go there. Think of the children, think of being with them, showing them the difference between Catholicism and Mormonism, treat Ellen as I would a Mormon lady, develop god-like attributes of love, patience, concern, balance, order and perfection.

I remember Christmases when I was crying and wanted to do SOMETHING for Joe and Paula miles from me in another universe.

I think I bought some McDonald's Gift Certificates and sent them with the child support. I felt so weakened, helpless and numbed. I need to be thankful that the ugly sins of the past are remitted and power is granted to affect change without resorting to scare tactics, violence, and threats against Ellen--done with power. Correlation meetings as a stake missionary get my mind off this and I worry about other's problems, and what we can do to help investigators. But still I have to say it that hate and bitterness the Lord doesn't approve of because 99% of the fault of the breakup and divorce was mine.

My mind races with revenge tactics and I don't pay attention to my surroundings and present duties, such as oil in the car! Can I love Ellen again? Can I love my in-laws again? If it wasn't for them I would have never learned and joined the church.

Meantime, an investigator, Jerry Crowe, and I went to play pool and talked about life. He says I might see him at church tomorrow with his children.

One of my work companions, a Miss Kim, asked me if Mormons have a lot of wives. "No," I told her.

Mark Lammers said to start sending Ellen $45 a week, divorce signed and finalized or not.

I wrote another letter to Heavenly father in my journal regarding my desires to be in Bowling Green and begged for help, swore to keep the commandments here and send Ellen her child support money.

I still feel outraged at times and I want to fight with someone. I don't know why. I resent people getting in my way, griping at me, complaining. I keep crying unto heaven, begging help, and standing firm, pushing away temptations, anger bitterness, focus and focus and focus on Bowling Green. In remembering my past, I cried over my destructive sprit that took its toll on me. I caused my problems. My earlier life had defiled Ellen's body and I was so grossed that it took me weeks to speak the truth and finally tell the bishop the gross details of what me or the earlier Jim Micheletti did to Ellen.

My cheerful smiling friend, Jerry Crowe, was at a ward social. We talked. I played music. I felt important and secure at church among people and I did not want to be kicked out. And reading President Kimball's book on the Miracle of Forgiveness, I found myself pushed, bothered, molested, impressed and practically ordered into the bishop's office to discuss a moral transgression that I did not tell the elders at the pre-baptismal interview. But it still bothered me. He said do not take the bread and water of the sacrament and that he and I need to talk until it goes away. But ". . . it is going to rear its ugly head again." All of a sudden I am quiet and I feeling as if I were washed from the psychological torment that had bothered me all year long. No callings. No participation. Feel the pain and torment of what you have done and work it through until it leaves. In the years 1982 and 1983 I found myself trying to sift through and figure it out. Meanwhile, I watched other people take the bread and the water and I couldn't grasp as yet what the meaning of it all was.

Until. . . . a spiritual awakening occurred in the house of another individual where I lived and I seemingly "woke up" as I read the scriptures and listened to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Being a musician, the church hymns had a tremendous effect upon my heart and thinking. Back to Ellen D. Micheletti, estranged wife, with children and I am single again, but I am still writing.

But before that, let me digress to Ellen: In letters, I told her:

Are you my judge? No. Am I yours? No. I had a dream once that I baptized you into the LDS church. I will always accept you and you will always be welcome. I want to keep the commandments, be a better example. I dismiss all my doubts and fears and let my wickedness go by in the past. I know what is true. I am a child of God. It was the best I could live with. I seemed to be no one else's child. I leave you with Heavenly Father and we will visit in the library when I drive to Bowling Green.

I return to live with Mark Lammers after trying to live with a difficult Steve Collins later on. Steve Collins, muscular, rich guy who sleeps with women. He charged me $15 a week and I had to keep the house clean. Bad company. I got out! I remember in the Book of Mormon that Alma preached to the people and stumbled about, hoping he would get through to the people lest their sins come back upon his head for not teaching. Mark said I could move back in. Back to gritting my teeth, yelling at myself, back to the elders, back to visiting Linda Myers.

I remember a very monumental moment in the Evansville II Ward. We wrote a ROADSHOW, a presentation basically by the young people. I wrote a script based on FAMILY HOME EVENING (members taught to gather family once a week for activity and parental instruction) My new song lyrics for this road show were:

Family Home Evening's

a great place to be

We all enjoy each other's company

Grandma and grandpa and the neighbors next door

Family life's the fun-nest life, now who could want more!

And in a competition with the other road shows, the Evansville II Ward road show won first place! I won for us all.

I remember thinking about the Catholic Church.

The elders and I went to a Catholic Mass.

My gosh, it was strange.

These Jewish costumes, going up front to take the bread and wine, and the doctrine.

I used to think like this.

Another moment then was me, back in Evansville, Indiana and I was falling in love with Christine, a convert to the church. We met with other singles for a SINGLES FAMILY HOME EVENING. Went on for months, something to do, singles could be together and not alone. I fell in love with her, she falls in love with Mark Lammers and the two of them got married. I ended up playing at their reception and they sent me a thank you note.

As I was living in a fellow’s house; his name was Bob. In Bob's house during the last weeks of my time in Evansville, I would visit Christine and Mark. He told me that earlier he thought he had his life in order, and sure enough, ready for a wife, and she was sitting next to him all this time at the singles meetings. And what about me?
Thanks to Jerry Crowe's donation, I was able to afford to pay for a 4 day weekend at an LDS Singles Conference at Bluffton, Ohio.

I thought about my Pontinen relatives living near in Galion, Ohio. I drove with the group, arrived and participated in several activities. Met several folks. One in particular, Mickey McCrary approached me while I was playing the piano in the cultural hall. I told him about the talent show. He said he sings. I listened to a marvelous Irish tenor voice. We did SUMMERTIME, by George Gershwin, and the entire 500 singles stood up and cheered after we were done. Wow. Mickey thanked me afterwards. I think it was inspired. I told Jerry at home afterwards.

I drove the elders around on errands at the store and bank and then to Janet Sanlaben's house to speak to her. I reviewed goals to speak quietly and reverently and think and act so in front of other people. Counsel with the Lord in all decisions. Hope for a remission of sins (committed after baptism) through Jesus Christ. Back to work and a normal life.

There was a Memorial Day picnic for the ward. I played volleyball and ate and chatted.

Elder Nelson is a zone leader, I hear. I have had many good talks with him and we have shared experiences with difficult parents. I couldn't drive him to his new area.

Mark Lammers changed the starter and spark plugs in exchange for me fixing his piano.

Ellen wrote me. Joe is talking sentences and put a puzzle together. He plays ball and loves hamburgers and French fries. Paula is pretty, good-natured and says words. And I am NOT there.

When am I going? Let me be worthy and financially ready. And now. . . did several interviews with various elders and found out much about how these guys got raised. I worked at Pizza Roma, but for some reason there was a confusing check, an unbearable stupid mistake in directions, and inherent fear to not defend myself. The critical nature of the manager bothered me. I felt failure in life again and he confirmed it.

Later that night after quitting, I went to Judy Smith's house. Her son, Greg Smith, has a thing against church, priesthood, his family, his conscience, his guilt at breaking the word of wisdom. Judy has been growling and griping. I talked to Greg about how Mormon youth go through this "black box" phase and then go on a mission.

Mark Lammers again has been speaking with me on many subjects and I fight not to feel hurt, hate and distrust. I have been bothered with a bad spirit.

I know a bad spirit is with me because my face twists up and gnarls. I think about 4 letter words. To think I used to use the priesthood and take sacrament but not now. I feel such low esteem and distaste for my body, my appearance and myself generally. I don't seem to have any likeable qualities. I strain so hard to entertain others for their approval and if I don't entertain at the piano, I am not likeable, I think. I have some need to have instant success to quickly cover up the failures, guilt complexes, internal lecturing I seem to hear from my ex-wife.

Jesus Christ can help me. I find myself constantly lecturing myself on this, reverting back to someone in whom I can have trust and confidence.

This thing goes back to school. I did not have a smooth functioning body. I wished I was big and strong and sports-like. I stared at other guys and wish I was like them.

I still imagine myself in a normal life in Bowling Green with Joe and Paula Micheletti, with a bank account and a home. I go to church, join activities and generally am happy. I dream this. But I get so touchy when people criticize me. My nerves are just shot at times. I hand my heart over to people and some accept while others tear it up and hand it back. I let people have power over me. Why do I do this? Why is it so important to be liked, to be loved, to be accepted? Painful it is to be rejected. If I cannot cover the past with present friendships, I have nothing to think about and dwell on but the rejection and hurt and dismissals from family due to my religion and especially from Ellen. I have or would have NOBODY.

On Father's Day, I heard dissertations on the definition, explanation of a father in the divine plan and the duties of such. I hope one day my son would get up and talk about me. Sunday School reiterated the missionary lesson on the principles of the gospel: Faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism, and the gift of the Holy Ghost.

Monday I got up tired, prayed and cried when I played the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing, because I would think of Joe and Paula and they are mine. I have flesh and blood sent down from heaven. I listened and was bothered by temptations. I started lecturing myself, and reminded myself again of whom and what I am and why I am on the earth. The priesthood is here for me. I called out the words as I heard them sung on the recording: Guide Us O Thou Great Jehovah, guide us to the Promised Land. I wanted to leave my sins behind if they would just go away. I want to be pure and clean. My remembrances of my sins hurt so badly and I couldn't understand the atonement.

How can one still remember?

Part of me was clean, the other part from in-your-face reminders from those speaking to me from Bowling Green, Kentucky. I cried out and wished it was intense like Alma who cried unto the Lord and was forgiven. I still don't know what to think or do regarding Joe and Paula; at least they are not sick or dead. I cried again that the Lord would sweeten my mind against temptation and sin. I keep myself busy in the welfare garden.

Still got lots of tips for my piano playing in Washington, Indiana.

I saw Elder Carter 3-4 times again during his mission; he is looking good.

He baptized me in January 1980. (See above). I spent a lot of time in the Washington, Indiana branch of the church helping the elders, and playing the piano. I bought a nice blue striped suit. Looked for another job there. Placed 3 copies of the Book of Mormon in people's hands to read. The elders tell me in Washington that I am a super-charged up individual for them. Wow! To be needed and wanted and appreciated! I didn't mind.
What with the tremendous education I have received in listening to the elders explain things and fighting the rough unchaste feelings scorching my soul, I keep writing in my journal, speaking to God, repeating over and over again my desires, chasing out the bad after drowning in it saying: Please bless me with the love of Christ. Comfort me guide me bless mom and dad let the angels surround Joe and Paula Bless Ellen and her family I want spiritual eyes. (I was tempted to have someone laying on top of me). What temptations!

I was spending the night with the elders in Washington, Indiana. They were up in the morning reading scriptures. So interesting observing this life style and focus. I supposed it was good for me to stay near these examples. I went to St. Vincent de Paul's second hand clothing store and picked out a pin-striped suit and white tie. I listened to a tape the elders had. It is called "My Turn on Earth. " It affected me deeply about our pre-life, illuminated with the lines the actors had what it must have been like to life before earth, listen to the great plan, and be born. I have been dwelling a lot on these feelings.

Sent the elders off to their new areas and Elder Carter (the one who baptized me)------- is now---the assistant to the President. He asked me to drive Elder Stidham to Madisonville tonight. OK. . . later I locked my keys in the truck and needed a locksmith to get them out.

I have had flashbacks in my mind to grade school where I used to get beat up a lot. I was fearful of bullies. I end up being subservient to them.

This combined with my father's abuse left me weak.

But watching and interacting with the elders was like growing up again, a normal teenage boy into a man.

In fact, I remember helping in the nursery in church. The little ones went outside to catch butterflies and I felt to discover life over again amongst Heavenly Father's creations. Butterflies WERE beautiful. I was 4 years old again.

Now with the elders I was a young man again.
For a while I resented Bishop Mark Schauss. I fell apart with a strange bitterness, and yet when I read in the Book of Mormon that Alma stumbled because of his love for the brethren, Mark Schauss stumbles about because he is so concerned about the welfare of souls. Suddenly, I understood and loved him again, called him and told him the entire story.

I got Stephen Carter's address at 160 N. 1st, W. #6, Rexburg, Idaho, 83440 because he is going home from his mission.

Weaknesses I have, Lord.

Waves of resentment and anxiety for the children, embarrassment that I am 32 years old and deficient. I feel terrible starting at the bottom of the ladder. I listen to a voice that says I am persecuted and that I should fight against all who bother me.

The voice of the Savior comes: Am I meek and teachable and lowly of heart?

To add to the conflict, I called my home at 209 Arcadia Drive, Rantoul, Illinois to speak to mother: Theresa answers the phone, and I said, trying to dodge an argument with her since she earlier shoved my words on Mormonism back down my throat. She says: Oh, you don't want to speak to me, when I wanted to speak to mother.

I received an impression: show that you care and I'll bless you. Rise above hate, disgust, anger, envy, jealousy, distrust and over-sensitivity towards people in general.

I cry out with my desires as it says in the book DRAWING ON THE POWERS OF HEAVEN. Pray confidently, I must. Exert your mind, I must. No wandering off goals. Create and repeat a mental picture of the goal. Be prepared for opposition.

I get the sense I am dancing between two stages, an identity crisis of sorts. Who am I? I "hear" who I am and yet Ellen perceives "another person"? Such a classic feature of this time in my life: how to be comforted in such horrid opposition and constant failure, ups and downs and have to cling onto people for support, lecture myself on the principles of the Savior, and keep cleaning my mind out until it stays calm.
I got bills due and a letter of recommend from the R. L. Polk and Co. I mentioned earlier that I worked for them but it was only seasonal work.

I taught Brother Reyes' daughter some piano.

Ward party coming up and I went that night.

Took elders shopping afterwards.

Seems like I always take elders shopping.

What a year. Thanksgiving and Christmas went by.

Of course, I played music and entertained but I kept coming back to the questions of the worthy life. I had strong tendencies to adopt myself into others' lives to belong somewhere and feel sustained and supported and NOT alone! That was the big key, NOT ALONE!

But I didn't understand that I was really NOT alone!

I GOT A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION FROM R. L. POLK & CO. SENT TO ME. WOW. SUCCESS. A LETTER OF REFERENCE TO TAKE WITH ME.

I went to Holmes' house for dinner. Then to the elders.

Linda Meyers called and said she cannot come to the Elders Quorum party. Afterwards, I go home and Bob gets upset when he comes home because the faucet is broken. Such horrid feelings listening to people gripe and complain around me. Why is it when rejection and complaints and griping mount up, I am a perfect candidate for sinful conversation and activity because I want to then belong SOMEWHERE and be wanted by SOMEONE?

Oh, well. I shopped, ate and prayed and went to bed.

What temptations! Very tiring! Had a bit of a conversation with Jerry Sproste, Elders Quorum President, about my being ordained an elder but it was not going to happen in Evansville, Indiana.

HERE ARE THE LAST STRUGGLES BEFORE I HAD ENOUGH MONEY ANDA DECENT ENOUGH CAR TO ROCKET ME TO BOWLING GREEN, KENTUCKY.

12:30 P. M. SUNDAY MORNING, JANAURY 1, 1984.

Christmas went by uneventful, unnoticed.

I got up, exercised my mind on prayer and thanks, read scriptures. Bob and I talked. This is the new place where I live. I don't recall Bob's last name but he was normal enough, although he smoked cigarettes.

I worked out at the spa.

Home to eat and verify appointment with bishop at 3 p. m.

My tithing is full. I talked about some cheerful things but deep inside I still felt hurt and pain. He told me Satan is hard on me because of my potential. I told him of people being Jesus Christ's little brothers and sisters so people do not seem so threatening to me. I told him about moving to Nashville, Tennessee since I cannot stand it anymore here. I can transfer to the R. L. Polk City Directory office there.

Again my nerves were shot. He said: do the things that are the hardest.

Patience, battered where I'm weak! I shook and shivered. It seemed like people did things just to bug me.

Letter from my mother
January 1, 1984

Dear Jim:
The only reason I object to your reiterating on your Mormonism is that sounds like your subject of any conversation—like you’re the only one in the family—that’s incongruous because the Mormons are very family-oriented! If you’re going to be a Mormon, be a good one—your at yourself, Jim—ignoring your family is utterly stupid—that’s paintful and thorny to me, certainly not religion. Your thinking seems a little blurred to me.

My feelings were of supreme joy when I became pregnant with you. No memorable feelings from your dad. I was hard at work at St. Elizabeth’s hospital in Rapid City, South Dakota. My baby doctor was Doctor O’Toole, a fine general practitioner, over 60, who had a good sense of humor which delighted me. During the last months I asked him if he would prefer to deliver me. He said, OK, on a Saturday about 5 p.m. after his golf game. Then I went into labor Friday late evening and I delivered you on Saturday at 5:05 p.m. We had a pleasant stay at the hospital for 5 days. Next home was in a clothes basket, the long and oval kind (I think they have been declared obsolete). You were a good baby. Would consume 4 jars of baby food at one sitting. What an appetite. At that time the grandparents ignored us but we carried on.

January 10, 1984. . . I got up tired.

I had to stretch hard to pray. I inquired of the Lord. I had an impression come to me to fix the car. I did. Mark tuned it, set timing, put into plugs, and checked the voltage and battery and fluid levels and it cost $26. 00. Then I worked out and visited Mark and Sandra's house with a lesson on apostasy, truth vs. error, repentance. She had sandwiches and beans. I went to church Sunday and renewed myself. Still a little shaky, resentful, angry, temperamental and resentful and oversensitive to anyone who bothers me, even a little.

Bishop almost griped when he said GRATITUDE and he meant it!

Are you thankful, Jim?

I want to be firm and immovable in keeping the commandments, study hard and go forth. Ran around to say goodbye!

Then the rockets of power overtook my body and soul.

The things got packed in my car. I said goodbye!

I couldn't believe I was leaving Evansville after all this time. I dated here, tried work offers but I got so sad because I was still away from Joe and Paula.

Are you reading this autobiography, Joe and Paula? Are you hearing what I am saying?

It felt sick and wrong to be here any further. Even one of the ward ladies begged me to stay. They were in love with my music, but the children are in Bowling Green. They are not here. I am tired of picking up others' children just to satisfy the father urge to nurture and hold and protect and teach and interact. The primary calling did well, I suppose, since I did much of that there.

Fueled on by the blessing upon my head from Mark Lammers and the Bishop, I am off, hysterical on the road, unbelieving, numb, shook up, fearful of what Bishop Schauss told me: STAND UP TO ELLEN, her mother and SAY: I AM DIFFERENT! I am different! I know this to be true. The old identity is gone. The new one is here.

That quickie trip down to Bowling Green last summer to see Joe and Paula for the first time, have a quiet conversation with Ellen, sign divorce papers and stare at the children, go to the park, but then at home, Ellen got hard-hearted again, then soft-hearted, then hard-hearted.

I remember one letter where she said: go have a life elsewhere and forget about me, which is to say in a roundabout way, forget Joe and Paula! I don't think so. And I am off traveling and numb at this courage to face up! Little did I know that when I got there it would be two more years of preparation before I would chance a meeting in Bowling Green, Kentucky with Joe, Paula and Ellen.

(Note: Joe and Paula should realize that I was so hysterical and nervous over trying to get back to them that I fell apart after I was baptized. I had to "renew" the power of the baptism and the covenants (promises) one makes at baptism with the help of the bishop to regain heavenly power and come south to Kentucky. )

TRAVELLING. . . . . . . . TRAVELLING. . . . . . . . OUT OF INDIANA

AND NOW I AM IN KENTUCKY….

UNBELIEVABLE. . . . . SHOCK. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
NUMB. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

MY LITTLE BUDDY BACK WITH ME AGAIN (Joe)

CLOSER …CLOSER. . . . . . .

GO THROUGH BOWLING GREEN GO TO THAT NERVOUS PLACE,

420 GLEN LILY ROAD WHERE I WAS HOLLERED OUT THE DOOR. . .

THERE IT IS. . .
420 GLEN LILY RD. BOWLING GREEN, KY

Just 4 years after I was screamed out the door.

Oh my gosh! It's Paula. . . . sitting on the porch of a house next door (let me think; Aunt Nina's house). . . . and a little boy running up and down the sidewalk walking crooked. . . It's Joe!

I drove by. My heart.


I drove around again.

There is the spot in history where it happened.
The seemingly ultimate throwing out and splitting up of father with children.

I found a spot in the next block over where I could kneel down in view of the house.

I prayed a blessing that this glass box through which I could see them would open up.

I ARRIVED IN NASHVILLE. 63 Miles away from Bowling Green, Kentucky. . . still felt far away, although much closer than Evansville, Indiana.

I developed and prospered more in preparation for the meeting of Joe and Paula again.

In Nashville, I recalled some single ladies there that I had met in the singles Conference at Bluffton, Ohio (mentioned above where I participated in the talent show with Mickey McCrary). They recognized me and introduced me to Joan Jorgensen, the Ward Music chairwoman. That began a relationship with many ups and downs and misunderstandings, but nevertheless, much spiritual growth.

I went to the ward, people met me.

I said I didn't have a place to live yet and visited at Bob Satterfield's house.

I found the missionaries since I am so used to being around them and offered to drive and help teach. What a big city. . . Nashville, connected to Goodlettsville, connected to Hendersonville, connected to other suburbs. . . all connected. I found myself plagued with horrible thoughts of evil against Ellen, even swear words.

Why? Because I am still too far way and I am paralyzed with fear--again?
I tried to go good at the City Directory job where I was transferred from Evansville, Indiana. I was assigned an area to knock on doors, visit businesses and collect information.

I live in TENNESSEE! I have never lived in the south before.

The people here talk really with a definite accent. One of the first words I learned to pronounce differently was "CAN'T. " It is pronounced CAINT and I practiced that. I also practiced this friendliness with others. I became known quickly. The southern food is delicious. The biscuits and gravy reminded me of the restaurant down the street from the high school at Cloverport, Kentucky where I was shocked at the question "Do you want gravy?" In the morning? For breakfast? All I could think of was gravy and mashed potatoes; the lady meant gravy over biscuits.

Walking around the city got me used to it. But downtown was so far away from Goodlettsville where the church was and where I lived. I had to drive my clunky car. The police stopped me and asked why I have an Indiana license. They told me to get a Tennessee license. Going up and down the hills of Nashville walking from house to house was taxing on my back. It was hard work. I had to get a certain number of visits done and recorded.

On January 18, 1984 there was no work due to snow.

I thought, another job, and looked in the newspaper. I went home to eat and study and pray. I sang. I read the Nephi sections in the Book of Mormon I listed reasons to work.

I read FAITH PRECEDES THE MIRACLE by President Kimball about repentance. I asked for help.

Closing hymn. Prayer. Wrapped it up for the day.

I mailed Ellen money and picked up the elders.

I called Bob up in Evansville to say thanks and there was a letter from Ellen. She said thank you for money
.
In my R. L. Polk City directory street canvassing of houses and businesses, I met an LDS gal at a Health Food shop.

Later I found I could attend the Cosmopolitan health Spa near the church and home. They do things differently here. Why? So many PERSONALITIES in the true church of Jesus Christ.

On Sunday, I reflected, I prayed. I want to be stripped of pride, I want to love and worship God, go to Joe, Paula and Ellen, keep the Sabbath Day holy.

I went home, rested, ate; elders came and asked me to type something for them. I was shocked at the prelude music and noise in this seemingly irreverent Nashville II Ward and I asked the bishop why are people so noisy? I was raised in reverence and quiet in the Evansville II Ward. And this Sister Jorgensen with her goofy directing style and waving hands. What is up with that? She irritated me for a long time. Something about me has been perfected over a long period of time and I'm not used to the lesser-educated ways. Why are things so different here? Wards are different even though in the general we think and believe the same doctrinal things? I complained to the bishop again. What am I going to do?
Members here don't act like those in Evansville, Indiana. Why are wards different?

I never realized this before, being just a Mormon puppy in only one ward in my entire life. Downtown seemed so far away. It was DOWN there and I was UP HERE in Goodlettsville. I had to see a map several times to understand GALLATIN ROAD which was north and south. I was nervous over every little thing, it seemed. I prayed hard though. Very hard. I cried out to hand over my will to the Lord, be obedient and charitable. I want to be calm and teachable. I didn't want to leave Evansville, I guess. It was home.

I wanted to rise up and be a man. I didn't want to attach myself like an orphan. What a flaw. The church is true just like in Evansville.

I came here on a great leap of faith to be closer to Ellen and the children.
I want to be kind and reverent here, Lord. I want to sustain and support the bishopric. Finally one day after much praying, I brought a rose to Bishop HendrixSon and said, "This is to say I am sorry for despising you, and I want you to have a rosy day!"

"Thank you, Jim, this really cheers me up!"

I want to choose to love God and keep the commandments and feel joy.

Larry Wilt, stake high councilman, spoke in church.

Said he: Exaltation should be our goal.

Redemption and salvation come in and through Jesus Christ and then our works determine what level of heavenly glory we will achieve.

What a strange day.

I was so upset with myself and after an irreverent day according to the way I was raised. I finally broke loose and told Ed Spichter, the Elders Quorum President, and he AGREED? My records were not in as yet. Where shall I live? go home now to eat, pack and get out.

SUCH OPPOSITION. . . . WANTED TO GET BACK TO THE CHILDREN . . . SUCH OPPOSITION. . . DOING SO MUCH OF IT ALONE. .

I cannot find the Satterfield house with the driving and driving and driving around. Bombed out at finding a home and I am room mating with a guy who lived near the missionaries.

I attended a youth fireside tonight conducted by missionaries on GOING ON A MISSION. Excellent. It was a calm level-headed meeting, strong spirit, mind-expanding and I was appreciative of my relationship to God.

At refreshment time, Bishop came up to say he called Mark Schauss, Evansville II ward bishop. Really? What did he have to say? Spoke really highly of me, he said.
The priesthood sang: I NEED THEE EVERY HOUR, and while I tried to concentrate, I saw a few silly faces.

Why am I here? Why? A job reference. Move to Bowling Green, and closer to children. Why this ward? Where shall I live and pay child support? Why so hard to settle in?

Here I am in the Taylor house, 33 years old, poor, active LDS fellow I am. I am unknown to my children. I have work tomorrow. Up after a hot night.

I had breakfast upstairs with the family and off to work. My blank mind slowed me down today on my directory route. Mixed up pages, I think, on the list of addresses. Rain started in and I turned work into the office early.
I went home to eat and talk with the bishop. I offered to give a sacrament talk if he'd ever call me.

I offered help to an Elder Black.

I went to the Taylor home to eat lasagna, visit and tune a very difficult piano. Their little girl, Rachael, is precocious, very explicit in her prayer diction on the food.

Where can I live? I am living temporary in a member's home.

City Directory street walking is slow.

I got a letter from Ellen. Boy was she mad but at this writing I don’t recall the reason why.

I ate dinner at Jorgensen's. The ladies at church have really gotten pumped up over my talent and skill at the piano. I tried to play hymns and control myself. I need some reassurance.

Joan Yorgansen told me that if this much time has passed, I have lost the children. I was shocked.

No! Spare me your lectures,

Ellen, on child support. Where are the children? She is lecturing me on my past sins. Why did I leave Evansville? I could have had jobs but you robbed me of my children. You are using my affections for them as a weapon against me.

I grew cold and irritable and the bishop had to soften my heart again and again. I will get close to Bowling Green.

There is a long list of people in Bowling Green to whom I will tell my story. Someone will believe me. I have visiting rights. I want them exercised now!

An impression to my soul: You prove to me that you can teach Joe and Paula how to make peace, not war.

I can hear it now: Mommy, where is daddy? What does he look like?

Evansville members were so excited for me. One lady stitched a little doll for Paula with a carrying bed and clothes--handmade!

I met a member named Missy Bullard and we became friends. She plays the organ and likes my piano playing. Why do people like my piano playing? They say they can feel things from heaven through the music.

But things are so different here. Why? It's low on reverence, awkward, my patience, security and testimony is being challenged.

Jim, break yourself down. Cry. Be sad and remorseful. Where is your love and charity? Fill yourself full of this love. I got raised so strict in Evansville and now I am in this place where it seems more lax. Bishop tells me to exercise greater strength and patience. Mark Lammers wrote me a letter.

I must pay more attention to Heavenly Father and the Savior and Ellen, Joe and Paula and send money and pay bills and wait.

I applied for unemployment but the time is running out.

I felt controlled and manipulated by hurtful words against my life. I have to have people teach me and constantly remind me who I am: A Child of God. I am the offspring of God. The spirit and the body are the soul of man.

I need to shut up, listen and be still. I agreed to come to earth and take on this opposition, so why am I fighting it?

If the Savior's Atonement removed my sins against Joe, Paula and Ellen, then why do I remember and take the sins back?

I got my first taste of being a southern boy when the Weineke family invited me to attend an OAK RIDGE BOYS CONCERT.

The district for the CITY DIRECTORY job of building-to-building and person-to-person interviewing was in South Nashville and it was tiresome.

My thoughts? Exaltation is spelled how?

Why do I invite myself into side doors of confusion instead of walking down the hallway to perfection?

Quiet down, Jim.

Commune with your heart.

This is how I would lecture myself.

What would I be thinking now if I was now exalted? Interesting words.

MORMON DOCTRINE: Definition of "exaltation"-- Eternal life is the phrase used in scripture to define the quality of life that our Eternal Father lives. The Lord declared, "This is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” Immortality is to live forever as a resurrected being. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, everyone will receive this gift. Eternal life, or exaltation, is to live in God's presence and to continue as families. Like immortality, this gift is made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. However, to inherit eternal life requires our "obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.”
Let Jim Micheletti take his plough, go forward and don't look back.

I am called to be the Ward Librarian.

I have a home teaching assignment to attend to Rick Bowers and his family. A special experience came for me. He wouldn't come to church. I thought, what to do?

Then it came to me! How about we'll set up a Jim's Restaurant in the church and invite the both of them to dinner?

The Relief Society president made the food, I designed the menus, we separated a room next to the kitchen, designed it with a specially dressed table, and here they come. He was blown away. Here is a menu, a restaurant and one table reserved for the Bowers. I played music while they ate dinner. Mr. Rick Bowers became active again, handled many serious church callings. Interesting how a bit of inspiration makes something fly high.

The paycheck disappeared. Rent, fast offering.

I want to commune with the heart. A priesthood meeting helped to do that by listening to a returned missionary.

I also got to know a RONNIE SANDERS (see side picture of him, his children).

He was a cheerful fellow who did janitorial work at the church. His little boy, Jeremiah, would help out. He and I had lots of gospel discussions while I cleaned and I followed him about. Very intense, spiritual and settled many issues I had. We bonded well and became good friends.

I listened to the Stake President give a talk on Jesus Christ, walking with the sinners and the common people. Am I common? Can I be quiet and commune with the Savior? I’m acting battered. It is as if my remembrances of my sins are battering me. The sins are atoned for, yet I want to go back to where they started and get back Joe and Paula, my children. How exhausting, brave, confusing, and how reliant I was on heavenly help because it was overwhelming.

I feared going to 420 Glen Lily Road to say I was different because my sins were battering me in the face. I need love, humility and peaceableness with my brethren.

I feel threatened and condemned because I am not perfect. I am gloomy because of it. Did I feel redeemed or not? How can I be redeemed when the critics from before I was baptized are still reciting errors in my face?

I left myself to focus on Rick Bowers. A great guy and great family. Focusing on others helps me a lot.

I need the prayer of faith to go along with my attempts at good works.

I need to be heaven-focused even as I deal with other people
.
This has been one of the biggest themes of my years in the LDS church as I grew and developed.

Many times I have fears and tension remaining unsettled because I don't know what to think of myself.

Indeed at times I don't know who I am and what to believe. How strange to see how sins still stay on the earth even though I have been "forgiven. . . sins become white as snow."

Not in the Durbin household where Joe and Paula live with their grandparents and Ellen.

I helped out in the Hendersonville Primary and also began to volunteer to play the piano for the Hendersonville Priesthood Opening Exercise meeting. These guys are so alive, strong, vibrant, powerful, active, and alert and their influence upon me pumps me up. Later, since I was still a member of the Nashville II Ward, I ate dinner at Joan Yorgansen's house and discussed music with her. A Relief Society dinner this Friday night and I get to play piano while 8 ladies will sing: "Oh, Love, that Glorifies Thy Son. "
Ellen wrote me a letter about her own grandma and about my obligation to the children.

Relief Society Birthday Celebration came later and I played music, people sang and what a great night!

I am typing resumes and using the principles taught in the book DRAWNING ON THE POWERS OF HEAVEN.

I attended the Hendersonville Ward Conference. Why is it different over there? Seems to be strong and focused. I heard words in people's talks at meeting that struck my soul. Shut up about your problems, Jim Micheletti. Cast thy burdens upon the Lord and He will sustain thee. A musician here, Brian, did a nice arrangement of that. It struck me personally.

Bishop Hendrixson gave a talk in sacrament meeting and told the people to be more reverent. I need so much nourishment. I took the sacramental bread and water two times today, once in each ward and it tightened my resolve: With pure intent that in the Savior you'll abide. (quoting a sacrament hymn sung at the meeting).

I found a job at the Alphabet Shop typing documents. I type alone, fast and she pays me immediately. Hooray.

The laws of justice keep screaming at me (are these feelings coming from heaven or the outrage of the Durbin household against the old Jim Micheletti?) but I dwelt on the Atonement and calmed down.

I was mad at myself for failing at age 34 with 2 children. Keep yourself calm, Jim. Bite your tongue. Keep cool. I am sure pumping myself up on my musicianship, but others are not as good as me, but some are better. I need to work.

Time marches on. I have confessed my sins, paid my tithes and offerings and I still have not seen Ellen and the children yet.

I began to know Robert Williams, a Nashville police officer/member, and his family. I began to teach their two children piano lessons. They invite me over often for dinner. I have people to talk to, places to go, and I told them my story. Robert has fixed my car several times.

My car is bad. Time for another car. I prayed. I went to work and told several people what happened to my car. I went down Dickerson Road where there are many deals, stopped and looked at a car. It rode well in a test drive.

I visit with the Elders Quorum President and others and my name gets passed around, and now I play for a baptism at the Gallatin Tennessee branch of the church. Gallatin is located north of Hendersonville.

What shall I do, Lord? I am poor, I have to pay Ellen money, and my car is ugly. Ronnie said that the rust spot on my white car looks like a tooth decay. Ronnie Sanders, a good friend (mentioned above; picture at the side) seems better than me in many areas as a Mormon boy. I read the Book of Mormon.

Ned Jorgensen's boy broke my glasses and I had them fixed. Ned paid 1/2.

I continue to work out at the spa, exercising. I got into a steady program. I stated swelling up in shoulders, back, triceps and biceps. Wow.

Back to the Robert Williams family later in week. Amber, their little girl, drew me a flower and a message that said: I like you.

I began to war again with Ellen in my mind. Why should I have to give $45? Leave justice to the Lord, I felt.

A letter from mother. She said dad is getting married. Elizabeth, my sister, is moving in with someone named George. Who are these people that have a life separate from me? How bad do I want my family to be LDS?

On Sunday I was so nervous. Which is true? Ellen/her parents' doctrine and view of me or Christ's view of me? Back and forth. I want to change because Jesus says He is my friend. I can escape feeling eternally condemned. "He died. . . a broken law to recompense" is a quote from one of the sacrament songs in the hymnal. Ellen would keep the law broken. Jesus would have it healed. I believe Jesus Christ.
Ellen deserves to be comforted. I want to be persuasive, gentle, and long with patience and perfect love. The pain inside is real, though. On Sunday I went to church to choir practice where we sang "Thanks Be To God" -- slow, classical, balanced piece of music. I visited with church members.
I played a PLATES game. PLATES -- You line up plates near a wall going straight out in a line. You send someone out of the room. Tell another observer to touch one of the plates. The person comes back in the room and identifies the plate the other person touched. How is it done? P, L, A, T, E, S Each plate receives a letter listed above. Now if I were to say: Please come in. You would choose the "P" plate because "please" starts with the letter "P". If I were to say stop what you're doing and come in now. Well, you would choose "S" because the first word of your call to the person begins with the letter "S" -- get it?

• During my life I seem to lecture myself, repeating the themes of the gospel again and again. Such as: The duties and commandments given to a priesthood holder:
• Be a voice of warning
• go forth and none shall stay thee
• this priesthood is mine authority
• to him is given to seal both on earth and in heaven
• Do not boast in your own strength
• Deliver my words of the book of Mormon.
• Yield to the persuasions of men no more.
• Be firm in keeping the commandments
• Bow down before the Lord in mighty faith and humble prayer.
• Seek to bring forth the cause of Zion
• Seek not for riches but for wisdom.
• If thou shalt inquire, thou shalt know mysteries, to bring many to the knowledge of the truth, to convince many of the errors of their ways
• Trifle not with sacred things
• If thou wilt do good and hold out til the end, be diligent, stand by my servant, Joseph, be patient, be sober, be temperate, have faith, hope and charity
• Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments and I will encircle you in the arms of my love Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

I am so plagued by the immoralities of my past AGAIN.
I am over-anxious and over-sensitive at people's responses to me. I think it is because I am caught in this situation with Ellen, paying money, and NO children, no one to LOVE me.

Bishop has been helping by listening to me talk.

Regarding work: I took a test at JANE JONES Employment Agency. I typed 100+ words a minute. The ladies in the temp office came out and wanted to know who I was. I was put to work and got to know Nashville quite well. I worked in governmental offices, attorney offices and the Baptist Publishing House and the Methodist Publishing House. I typed dictation off cassette tapes. I was getting popular and well-known. The ladies at Jane Jones loved my excellent accomplishment of my assignments.

Meantime, why do people irritate me? Is it because my nerve endings are short over this paralysis in having to send money to Ellen but the kids are out of reach?

I spent a year at the Nashville State Technical Institute upon the advice of a friend who said that word processing is the thing now. Basic electronic typing is going out of style. I spent all year learning it and got really good. It was confusing at first trying to read a screen, wondering why letters and words move around. I did it, finally. I was working here and there until full-time work came along. I have been nervous over working for the State Attorney General's Office, with dealings with prisoners in penitentiaries, with such contentiousness and greed for money. I have thought of me in prison for ignoring the divorce decree of child support. I had a discussion with Robert Williams and his wife on Joe and Paula and my rights as dad and it upset me. I have had difficulty thinking clearly and I have suffered temptations. My confidence and faith waivers. The church doesn't seem to be true on the mountain with Ellen.
So I live on another mountain, remove myself from personal criticism. Life is easier. There's more hope--yeah, sure, as long as I keep the $$ coming to Ellen's house. I promised no fighting with her in my mind. I don't want to be obligated to the point of idolatry.

CHRISTMAS 1985:
I stayed busy, but when it was all over at Sacrament meeting, people were leaving church, going home to THEIR families, I was left alone.

I felt my temperature rising; I sat at a piano in a classroom at church and cried to heaven:

I BEGAN TO PLAY. . . . meanwhile, Lord, Christmas alone, do something, Lord!

No one is here. I'm too scared to call to Rantoul, Illinois to my own family. They yell, scream, holler and find fault. I took a piece of paper and I began to write a song:
COME AND SEE
VERSE:

Come and see the Babe in a Manager
Who can this be, this Little Child?
This babe I see is to me not a stranger
This child in Judea born today.

CHORUS:
It's Jesus, the Son of God,
born of the Father, born to live
and to show us the way. This tiny Jesus, our Savior and Teacher,
leads back to Father where we'll forever stay.

VERSE:
What shall we do without our dear Savior?
Why else we live and then die in such grief?
Jesus is born and the answer we hope for,
We welcome thee, Jesus, please ne'er us leave

VERSE:
Lay there, little child, so meek and so lowly
Quietly from heaven with love for us all.
To thee little child, we kneel and adore thee,
Our family close to thee ne'er will fall.

REPEAT CHORUS
• I played it and played it, an arrangement built itself up.
• What is going on?
• Wow.
• This is amazing.
• I began to feel better.

I was refocused on the true meaning of Christmas.
I went to Greg and PJ, my home teaching/musician couple and played the song for them. I played it for other people.

I began to wish people a MERRY CHRISTMAS. A miracle. Woww. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Oh my gosh. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . What joy in this song, given to me, never before existed in the world. Two years later, the entire group of young men and young women sang this very same song for a Christmas Sacrament meeting. I played the piano.

I note that I pay child support.

I note that I am adopting people as parental figures, others to make up for missing family members, no matter how much I beg them to respond.

I wrote Bishop Taylor in the Hendersonville Ward about being in the Ward:

Bishop:

there is so much spiritual power here to draw upon. Even after a week I made up my mind I was going to be tough, demanding of myself, extremely supportive. I have had some of the best witnesses from heaven to support my testimony. I "see" things, "feel" things and I can tell the heavens listen. The meaning of the sacrament meeting becomes clearer.

I can do church callings. Keep low, humble, peaceful. The Lord will bless me. Outside criticism will not melt away my self-respect and self-esteem. Hate and envy will not annoy. I don't want my eyes and ears clogged with contention. Now I feel reviling and persecution for mother ignoring me. I wrote her and told her. My proud look comes from being or believing I was devalued. People have pride and it compensates for the lack of love and respect and attention. I remembered again that through my parents, Jim and Muriel Micheletti, I came to earth.

But when I take my eyes off the Savior, I begin to feel bad. Depression and sadness set it. The weather looms gloomy. People's little eccentricities seem major. Violations of chastity seem momentarily justified. I give way to strong urges of passion, ideas, and philosophies. I cannot seem to pray, think, or talk unless it was mingled with high-heartedness. I cry out for hope and confidence and peace in the mind. I still feel edgy and griping around people, getting slammed down, put down. I get tired of critics. I need success. I need my time in the sun. I need to shine. I need power over critics.

Bishop Hendrixson has been watching me.

He took me into the office and wrote me a temple recommend, saying to go and be strengthened. The Atlanta Temple. I said "No". . . . he said "Yes. " To get a washing, anointing, endowment. What a change of pace for me! A four hour trip down to Atlanta. I still remember attending the Washington DC temple. But this was for bigger things. I have a recommend.

We came to the TEMPLE ENTRANCE (see picture of Atlanta Temple).

We went in. Gentlemen dressed in white check our recommends. I don't recall who took me through the first time. We rent white clothing and priesthood garments. I am escorted into a room where we received a light washing of the body and had major blessings pronounced upon us, such great power and health of mind and body. Same with anointing. This was reminiscent of the days of Old Testament Jerusalem, and of the early Latter Day Saints when Joseph taught these ordinances. Then we dress in something called a Temple Garment. This is comparable to boxer shorts and a white T-shirt. Only these garments have markings on them. Next comes a very quiet and reverent time in a chapel waiting for something called an endowment session. The scriptures say that we are to be endowed with power from on high. I went into a room with some people. We sat down. A presentation was made, a call to reverence and then the endowment was presented. I saw a grand display of the creation of the worlds, the story of Adam and Eve, more information on what occurred with them, their removal from the Garden into the world, the influence of Satan. We stood and made promises in the presence of God and witnesses that we would keep the commandments. In addition, we learned other signs and keys and tokens that I saw would take us back to the presence of Heavenly Father. I cannot reveal these outside the temple because I promised not to do so. But I note the promises. At the veil in the temple we learn that we cross the veil at death back into the presence of the Father.
The public sees pictures of the "Celestial Room" which represents the celestial kingdom. I also got to sit in on temple sealings and I broke down and cried it was so overwhelming. I also participated in baptisms for the deceased. When I left the temple and went outside it seemed every tree, every flower, and every blade of grass was singing praises to heaven. I carried a glow on the way home and noticed it around me. I made promises. The temple garments were explained to me. I was to wear them the rest of my life.

But how close the hand of God is.

I learned how thin this veil is over our eyes that we cannot see but this mortal world of 3 dimensions, but in the temple in a demonstration, I began to see just how thin the veil is, that we can see through the veil to eternity. Brigham Young said in one of his discourses that our deceased loved ones are very close to us and I began to see how close this is to us, our spirits in these physical bodies, in this mortal world. I took it home and marveled at it all week long and waited to go back.

I noted my heart. I have a big heart, sad to see people so down, and seem to be blessed with power and humor to cheer people up. I feel for people's hearts. Bishop Schauss mentioned this characteristic back in Evansville, that he noticed this in me. Christmas time came around. I began to feel sick because I began to feel alone. I was in the Hendersonville Ward and all that. Jim Taylor, a Tennessee Bureau of Investigations undercover cop, was our bishop. A tough straight-forward man. The spirit of revelation goes strong with him.

Eric was the Elders Quorum President. He took a liking to me. He is red-haired, blue-eyed and tall with freckles and quite an athlete. He listened to my story and situation and became friends with me. He called me to work as the Elders Quorum Secretary and then I began to spiritually grow some more.
In Hendersonville, I was living across the hall from the missionary elders. We would go on splits, male member to one elder, another male member to another elder to go teach.

I exercised at the health spa. I was getting bigger and stronger. I had to change T-shirt sizes. I went from a medium to a large.

Hymns have been very instructional for me during my life in the psychological and spiritual state I was in. I have been trying to go to Bowling Green under cooperation of the Lord, with difficulty. There have been periods of excitement and sadness and longing combined with the purging of hatred from my heart. These internal hateful discussions inside using some of the most loathsome words in the English language--these occur because I am bothered by the spirit of hate. If I don't receive attention and affection, since I am the one dumped upon, I balk. If someone disturbs me, I react. I glue myself to bitterness, contention, fights and feel threatened and alone. Judging others is common. Repeating phrases I heard long ago as a non-member is common. It is as if lower layers of the heart have to be exposed and these inner layers erupt and bubble and gush forth. If I consciously choose to hate, the words jump in to help it along. Escaping does not help. Trying to jump inside another's body and mind to change my reality does not help.

What bothersome thoughts and molestations. . . I tighten up the ship of my mind MORE. I draw up a contract with the Lord to strengthen myself. I see it involves giving thanks for church leaders, family, friends, ward, the gospel and so forth.

And the music is playing:

HYMN 308

As I have loved you,
Love one another.
This new commandment:
Love one another.
By this shall men know
Ye are my disciples,
If ye have love One to another.

ANOTHER HYMN:

There is beauty all around
When there’s love at home;
There is joy in ev’ry sound
When there’s love at home.
Peace and plenty here abide,
Smiling sweet on ev’ry side.
Time doth softly, sweetly glide
When there’s love at home.
Love at home, love at home;
Time doth softly, sweetly glide
When there’s love at home.
In the cottage there is joy
When there’s love at home;
Hate and envy ne’er annoy
When there’s love at home.
Roses bloom beneath our feet;
All the earth’s a garden sweet,
Making life a bliss complete
When there’s love at home.
Love at home, love at home;
Making life a bliss complete
When there’s love at home.
Kindly heaven smiles above
When there’s love at home;
All the world is filled with love
When there’s love at home.
Sweeter sings the brooklet by;
Brighter beams the azure sky.
Oh, there’s One who smiles on high
When there’s love at home.
Love at home, love at home;
Oh, there’s One who smiles on high
When there’s love at home.

WHAT A HYMN!
Such bad spirits that bother my mind. Was there love much in my home? No, not that much. My mom and dad fought each other. My dad hit my mom. My dad hit us. My mom hit us. So much temptation besets me from my past to continue forth in hating and bitterness, but the rest of me wants the present covenant, being baptized and confirmed, and carry the Lord's spirit to be with me. And I saw in my life that I have had to grow up all over again. I was raised wrong, with incorrect traditions and beliefs and poor judgment. Hate and Envy ne'er annoy, when there's love at home. Love is the answer, the key, and the power to crush the evil one. Why do I leave a part of myself open for the love to come to me from another but I do not get it? This seems to be common in my autobiography and in my life.

Who do I love? Ellen, children, my mom and dad, and yet what do I get in return?

And carrying this around, it's influencing negatively my relationships with others at work and at church.

Why is it that I play music at a nursing home recently but couldn't feel love? My heart is so unsettled at times.

I wish Joe and Paula were back.

But I begin to play music in church. Oh, that was solo good, Jim! I loved that arrangement people would say. I began to feel things, really to "feel" things. As if heaven was sending calming soothing balm to calm my troubled agitated heart.

I moved to Hendersonville to get away and find a fresh start. Hendersonville Ward is so serious. The bishopric is focused. It overpowered me and I wanted more of it.

FULL TIME WORK AT MEHARRY MEDICAL COLLEGE IN THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT— full time permanent job! I was working so hard as a temporary office worker. They were impressed with me at Meharry. Wow!

REGARDING MY NEW JOB…Meharry Medical College is a historically black college that graduates about 1/2 of the African American doctors and dentists in the nation. David Satcher is the president. Johniene is the office supervisor. Jackie Brown is the secretary. TIME FOR A NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE!

I was smiling, pumped, full of life, ready to show my stuff to the first employer who would look and listen and take advantage of what I have to offer. I was so curious about how the college atmosphere was. I asked lots of questions.

They wanted to open up a WORD PROCESSOR position, said I was hired and start in January 1986. HOORAY- hooray! Look at what is happening.
I told Robert and Sherry Williams.

I told Eric Olsen, the Elders Quorum President.

I told the Bishop and several others.

At the college, the people were seemingly friendly, although I was the only white guy. Hmmm. . . . interesting. Oh, well, we are children of God. I really had not noticed that much difference.

There is a black lady at church and we would talk for hours. I never noticed she was black. More of a spirit to spirit type talk.

In this college atmosphere of academia of professors with PhD’s, presidents, memos, President's dictation to type in letter format. We are talking about letters to Congressmen, other presidents of other universities and other government officials. Speeches before Congressional Committees. I dressed the part, sharp, self-conscious of my appearance. Classy atmosphere. I can do this.

Look at the change in me, in my life—such respectfulness. Such accomplishment. I was empowered, rising up and conquering.

Ha-ha!

One time I went to work and I had cut myself shaving. A drop of blood had spilled on my white shirt college. Panicked, I took some WHITE-OUT erasure liquid, daubed a bit on the red stain and it was gone. No one noticed. Not visible unless you got up real close.

One time I brought a raw chicken to be cooked over to the missionary’s apartment. They did not answer the door. Oh my goodness. What am I going to do with this chicken? So I brought it to the President’s Office at Meharry. It cooked all morning long in the kitchen while people smelled it up and down the hallway, and laughed, and – well, it was original!

The Lord has saved me from destruction time and time again.

I HAVE RISEN AND CONQUERED AGAIN. THE THEME OF MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY. . . . Rise up and conquer.

Father knows me from heaven.

I need to improve on the fifth commandment. Honor thy father and thy mother. So what if they don't see the church correctly?

My music and piano honor them. I am commanded to honor them whether they honor me or not.

I want to improve my word processing skills. I know XEROX 850, XEROX 860, PC Multimate. Displaywriter and DIGITAL.

I want to get out of debt.

I want to do more stake missionary work.

I want to have more discernment so I can read people's hearts and feelings better.

I want to paint my car, improve food storage, get married.

I continue to teach my piano students, the Williams children, and visit with Ronnie Sanders and we are enjoying each other’s company for 2 + years now. (See side picture of him; he ordained me to the priesthood).

I continue to do my home teaching.
Sister Leatherman called me to say they stay away from church because of uncomfortable feelings around others.

I have got to work harder and think of other people.

I became friends with many in the building.

It was time to move on.

Dear Bishop Jim Taylor (current bishop, Hendersonville Ward):

I have felt so dynamic while in the ward. Power comes to dispel the darkness. Bowing down to think of others over myself is the key. FEAR NOT. Believe in the power of Christ unto salvation in all areas of life. However with dishonor to parents this repeats itself in relationships with others in the work world. I react fearfully to a scornful look and I fear people's disapproval. After all, if my parents don't like me --this is what they have communicated -- the alternative is a dark world of scorn and hatred. I am to speak highly of my parents, so that I might prosper in the land.

At work at Meharry I have to be careful and exacting. Big accomplishments at work are the collective results of a bunch of small things. Keep up doing missionary work even after I am blessed at Meharry Medical College job. Such a distinguished job. Benefits, hospital, dental. I learned I get paid January 31, 1986. I prayed and was peaceful all day. It feels secure to work. A great week at Meharry. I searched for fear and found none. Quietly work, quietly smile, please and thank you. Child support and tithing--it is PAID!

I yelled at mom and dad in my mind again later for ignoring me.

Outrageous. Honor your parents, Jim! They don't have to honor you!
I got a nice pair of pants and shoes for work.

LET ME DIGRESS TO DISCUSS MY ORDINATION TO THE MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD.

It was in a discussion with Bishop Jack Hendrixson before I moved to Hendersonville Ward. I was interviewed, he found me worthy enough. I rather looked down upon myself but it happened, the ordination. Who could ordain me though? My best friend, RONNIE SANDERS! Ronnie Sanders has been sick lately. My friend who ordained me. Ronnie Sanders. Members in stake conference raised their hands in support of this. After it was over, I told the elders. I read up on things I can do now that I could not do before. I wanted to give someone a blessing. I sought the chance to give blessings wherever I could.

I was visiting with Eric in his house. He's the Elders Quorum President. His Little boy, Justin, and I wrote his name in my journal so he could look at it.

The panic I feel, and then the calm when I am dealing with babies and little children. It seems to be frustrated and unattended parental feeling that is not getting nourished in the right way. One cannot hack out fatherly feelings out of the system. No wonder I attend to ANYONE's baby or little one. . . anywhere.

I feel so loved from heaven though when I pay attention to it, full of priesthood power to bless and serve and concentrate on other's lives.

In church later we discussed Abraham's life in the bible and the promises extended to him. We share in those promises. You, Jim, me, I share in the promises. I try to identify personally with what I am hearing at church most often.

I learned in a meeting what the role of a stake missionary is and I took it seriously. I wrote notes because I believe in the promise to build up the kingdom of God and all these other things will be added. I learned how to speak and respond to investigators. We do not attempt to change their good and true beliefs. We just add to what investigators already know and by which they govern their lives. I speak when the missionaries call upon me to speak.

I was nervous at errors at work. Repeat your instructions, type the words, read them back, proofread slowly and exactly and then hand in the documents. I found out I have a vision problem and it affects concentration and focus. Sometimes the president's office people, like Alma Cooper, keep me busy with an assignment for 3 3/4 hours. I get overtime pay for this.

Jackie Brown begins to assert her "superiority" and whatever else by beginning to clash over points of grammar.

She doesn't know much about subject-verb agreement, the position of adjectives and so forth. I found myself arguing with her. Why does she not know these things? The other ladies in the office told me not to let her push me around. What it was I was doing unknowingly was making her "look bad" by revealing to her inadequacies. She feared me and fought back with fault-finding.

The taste and touch of success at Meharry feels good. I had to work on myself to proofread and hand in documents perfect. No more errors.

My birthday went by. . . I find I fear retribution and scorn. I fear when someone looks at me cross-eyed and I magnify their remarks 10 times over. I shiver and shake at the thought that I cannot find favor with someone. Then it becomes so important that it turns into "person worship" and I resort to gift-giving to appease the other person.

Mom and dad are gone; there is no Ellen and the children; with whom else shall I communicate? Jackie and Johniene were bothering me at work with strange inexplicable griping and complaining and fault finding and I couldn't take it anymore. I talked to Central personnel. Things got settled. I am in my 90 day probationary period. They're supposed to help. Now they are doing their duty.

What mid-level supervisors do to office personnel just because their own boss is griping at them!

Oh well. Forgive and forget. I did get good recommendations from Johniene, the office manager despite it all.

I received 2 callings in church: special interests representative (for the single folks in the ward) and the ward music chairman. Shock! Me? I have been floating in the air. I told Dennis mason, my home teacher, about the callings.
AT WORK I TYPED UP A SPEECH AND I WAS SO TENSE AND NERVOUS WITH THE CORRECTIONS.

I did it right. I trembled with imagined feelings of persecution and actually resented the challenge. I tried to find mistakes because I saw closed meeting behind doors. It bothers me. I should expect no compliments. Scornful, sad, disappointed, disapproved faces I take personally. I should neutralize all my emotions except love and gratitude.

That night I played for a baptism and went home.

I continue to teach Nathan Williams piano.

The family likes my company.

I worked out at the spa.

I got a chance to sing "Oh that I were an Angel" for practice
.
I cheered Robert and Sherry on their upcoming temple trip in April.

ELDER HARA is one of the missionaries that live across the hall from me. He practices his pronunciation because he is from Japan. A Japanese type breakfast for example consists of seaweed, tea and a raw egg. The members bow to each other and shake hands at the same time.

I worked at Meharry Medical college and found myself outside on a ledge praying hard for clean minds, a clean heart, focus and attention and help from heaven to do my assignments and keep Jackie Brown’s critical commentary away. She has a reputation of doing this, I understand. This goes on for months on this woman. I have cried to the Personnel Office against her, why she won't leave me alone. Always fighting, always bickering, and come to find out she is jealous. I have figured out Jackie’s manipulative techniques and her pathetic skill at giving directions clearly. She does not tell the particulars of a word processing assignment. I have to question her about it and now she leans on my expertise. I do the assignment and she gets the credit when she acts stupidly on these things. I wrote a nasty letter to personnel about Jackie Brown. Oscar, the personnel manager, has a meeting with her and me and sends her home, and then CHIDES ME on my lack of GENTLEMANLINESS!
I mix cold indifference that I get from mom and dad with others who remind me of the same. I have had up and down sessions of paralyzing anger against this woman. This is what finally drove me to the chapel across the street to cry to heaven loudly and then came the song

COME UNTO ME, MY FRIENDS which I wrote at the piano in the darkness of the Hubbard Hospital chapel, in tears, worried that the best job of my life is teetering on failure, and I won’t be able to come back respectable for Joe and Paula and Ellen as an accomplished man and father.

See below list of pictures for the lyrics and situation. A powerful song.

A lady at a stake conference told me something very interesting:

A bear came into a camp one morning and saw a shiny object on the stove. It was a kettle. He picked it up and found it was hot. It scorched his skin but he kept clinging to it. He wouldn’t drop it. Bears have a clinging response. Sometimes people are like that; they cling onto things that cause them pain and they won’t drop it!

Oh, my gosh. That was me. I am holding Jackie Brown's insults and bitterness and won't drop it. DONE! It's dropped! INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH, Jackie Brown finally QUIT her job in the office.

I wrote my father the same story and said I am dropping it with him.

I covenanted to read the Book of Mormon and missionary work and asked for power to shut the lady down.

What a Jackie Brown! I

have never seen such derisive remarks, looking for something wrong. I have yelled at her and got sent home. Where did this lady learn management from? A TV show? She acts so idiotic. I hate her evaluating me. What does it remind me of? To be accepted and not chewed up and spit out, reminding me of family members. But she is GONE! I get so nervous at errors!

I want to be successful and therefore look good and be accepted and acceptable to Ellen, Joe and Paula to show a different person than the disgusting one prior to January 1980 baptism.

Here's my chance.

Other things: I swore to learn the state missionary discussions to be valuable to missionaries.

I sweat over every little detail at work fearing the fall down the canyon side of failure.

A lovely lady named Jackie Nance introduced herself in the President's Office. I told her about my religion.

The president's receptionist, Ms. Kim, thinks I'm funny.

I want to work on making the president's speeches. sharper.

Johniene accepted my ideas.

Also I spent time after work reorganizing the files because it takes forever to find some memorandum the president did earlier.

I mark every document and now it takes just minutes instead of a whole day or longer to find a document.

The president has been noticing my efficiency, speed and exactness.

Again I hate being criticized.

I get sluffed off and I burst out in temper and tears and shock and horror. The feeling of not being accepted. Again, I cried to the Savior I will hold a steady self-image despite criticism. What does that mean, a steady self-image?
This Meharry Medical College goes back to Civil War Days in Tennessee. An institution for black students to learn medicine and dentistry. ------------

COME UNTO ME, MY FRIENDS came of this experience.

This new music, born in the Hubbard Hospital Chapel, in the dark, crying at the piano to heaven for help, turned into a piece of music in A minor. I began to play it at church and I cried. I felt peace and power come down from heaven upon me. I wrote words, a chorus. I shared it with missionary elders, missionary sisters. I shared it with the new bishop: Gary Milkwick. He is a nervous, sweating fellow, used to accounting and privacy, and now he is a public figure. After weeks of rehearsal, I played the music for sacrament meeting and an elder and a sister missionary sang it. People just cried in the audience. They asked questions about it afterwards. It was played in function after function. Greg and PJ mentioned earlier, took the music to their studio downstairs in their house, I played it, Greg sang, and tracks were made. Out comes a good recording of it.

------------SINGLES CONFERENCE DANCE. . . . LET'S GO PARTY! At this dance, I rolled out the piano and invited a black lady to sing SUMMERTIME. THEN COMES SACRAMENT MEETING. Four singers sang my song: COME UNTO ME, MY FRIENDS.

So many people at this singles conference in Nashville came up to say they really liked my song. They were from all over the south. Four sang the song. Many suggested to record it; I balked at the idea, but later tried to.

(See below picture on song lyrics of COME UNTO ME, MY FRIENDS).

Greg and PJ Hinckley (see picture; they were my home teaching assignment) played at RAMADA INN. I dashed to Ramada Inn and registered. I met people there, some I knew. The first room I stayed in there were two black guys, priesthood holders. We visited.

Off to an 8 p. m. Country Music Show with David Adams, Rick Taylor, Bishop Jim Taylor, Eric Olsen and Jimmy Overton were there -- all from the Hendersonville Ward.


Charlie Walker, member and famous singer, performed. Afterwards, a dance.

Memories of Jackie Brown flourished and then dissolved away and I PARTY hard!

I have always been a party-loving guy ever since age 16 when I first got into rock band music as an organist.

MEANWHILE, LATER ON AT MEHARRY:

A letter from Johniene Thomas in the President’s office at Meharry Medical College to me:

Dear Jim:

You have responded positively and resolutely to each new change you encountered. It has been a sincere pleasure working with and depending on you these past six months. You have grown professionally and your ability to take last minute instructions and constructive criticism has developed significantly. Your resourcefulness has provided this office considerable dollar savings. Your dedication to this office is expressed in your offer “to go the extra mile” an offer we often and accept and you promptly fulfill. It is my desire to express sincere appreciation for all you have done in the discharge of your duties as Word processor. I look forward to another since months of dedication and excellence. Your cooperation continues to be appreciated.

IN DOING MY FAMILY HISTORY, I GET THIS LETTER FROM MY MOTHER:

SEPTEMBER 3, 1986

Hi, Jim:

My goodness, your letters are coming fast and furious! Hope you’re enjoying your St. Louis meeting—at last you’re talking about your brother and sisters. Wow. The forum of LDS is FAMILY. I couldn’t see how you ignored them for so long. Maybe LDS is making a dent in your behavior. For years you would tell me you wanted to be the only child! The black thread was starting to seep through your thoughts. That’s where the thinking on your part started to turn sour. Actually it’s called selfishness but with a selfish father you can no one to turn to unfortunately he was your male image. Before we condemn him------they had no church or God at all, sad, but true. I thought they were loud mouthed baboons (Micheletti family) What saved me was the fact that I wasn’t marrying them! Little did I know that they were raising your dad in the most negative temperamental way possible (all Italian). The church as I see it has 9,000 saints and the Mafia! I will say they didn’t like me good-natured, ready to smile, in love with life. When I said (in the Micheletti group) that I didn’t like olive oil, torrential tempers started flaring. I thought I was in a nut house. That was 1953-54 and the last time I saw them alive! So much for that historical time in my life. It just makes me think of your heritage. At your point in life be honest with your feelings and come to terms with yourself! If you’re proud of your music training, stand tall. Give your choir members compliments when they do well. Your dad never gave anyone compliments. Work it in your personality and then you’ll be growing and feel good which reminds me of your continuing ignoring of your sisters. I hope members of LDS will remind you that they and you will be on earth longer than I. So they cannot be ignored. And consequently they think you’re really a screwball, rightly so—I think you need a 360 degree turn and see things the way they really are! We’re glad you’re happy with LDS but our lives are precious too, your drawings are for simpletons—we know about the hereafter but you’re repeating yourself again and again, the last six letters. Take my letters with your LDS friends, read aloud as a group. 3 heads are better than 1. I think you’re awfully wrapped up in yourself because there is no room for anyone else. No man is an island. All I hear from you is “Me and my music” and “Me and my church” the I’s are overwhelming, reminds me of your dad. Sorry, the truth does hurt and your dad didn’t have anything to share with his kids. Nothing. He’s still alone because he hasn’t grown a bit. Beatrice sees him but no one else, not even his grandkids (Liza does occasionally). The correlation between you and your dad is not good. I have hope for you, Jim, cuz you’re young and can change. A smile, a cheerful face doesn’t cost a cent. My lectures are given on a positive them because I feel as though I have a tenuous hold on life. My many trips to the ER with 25 years of diabetes. So grateful to Go I can get up each day – one wonders if we could ever have another chance at life as we know it! Time for me to fix supper.
Love Mom

FROM THE ELDERS

Thanks for cashing our checks and for helping us do our letters and for running it all off for us. We’re sure glad you helped us with it and sure do appreciate all you do for us.
Elders McGary and Tuala

Letter from Debbie, a local sweetheart:

I am still impressed with how you handled me on the phone. I just needed sleep. Friday night is still open so far (hint)…dominus vobiscum, mon ami
From the elders in Hendersonville, TN

Jim:

We would like for you to help us out tonight if possible. Please meet us at our place at 10 p. m. Later…. We really do enjoy being among your presence. Have a great day. Thanks, Elders McGary and Tuala.

From Elders Blake and Tuala:
Thanks for going out with us and helping us in the missionary work! We really appreciate the time you take out of your schedule to help the work go forth. Thanks again and may the Lord bless you always!

FROM DEBBIE BURNETTE:

Referring to your frequent comment about how much you’ve changed, that is an understatement in many areas. You used to be so emotional that you’d get totally strung out over issues that would merely have been an annoyance to me. I’d really worry about your ability to cope with imperfection. Now you seem very much in control of your emotions, letting your faith and self-discipline temper difficult times. I feel that going to the temple helped (you) tremendously. Take care, my friend. Things are looking up! As ever, Debbie Burnette.
From the Crowes, in Evansville, INDIANA

Hi Jim,

It sure was nice to hear from you the other night. I am so glad you have a nice job and are coming along in life really well. Talking to you brought back many old memories. I am so glad you got to go to the temple. It is such a wonderful place. I cannot wait to when I can go again. Well, I am sending a picture to you to have of us. We all love you and hope the very best for you.

Love, the Crowe family

Another letter from MOM
March 1986

Dear Jim:
We’re cleaning out the dropping closets and found all our old photos taken through the years. These are yours. You were a very good young boy. All I remember about a large family (all wanted) is I cooked, cleaned, cooked, cleaned, cooked etc etc ad nauseum. You guys were on your own. For your information I got a Book of Mormon on my bookshelf. The girls have started their own photo albums which is a good thing for all you kids to do. Take care.

As I thought about temple promises, I became interested in my genealogy, my family history.

I began to make calls. I found a grand aunt and uncle in International Falls, Minnesota named Brascugli's. They sent me a manual. My dad's mother is named Italia and the record went back several centuries. On my mother's side I found grandmother Pontinen. I don't know why my mother ignored my grandmother, her mother, and not socialized with us. I was to find out years later about the scandals associated with her.
I took a week's vacation and spent every day at the ATLANTA TEMPLE.

I stayed at a friend's house in Atlanta, Georgia. Very glorious to do work in the temple. I reviewed the endowment, the initiatory, the anointing and the meanings of it. I am stepping on the floor of the temple, the same place the Savior steps when He visits his earthly temples. The thoughts I had concerned the ATONEMENT of JESUS CHRIST and that all will be resurrected. I came home full of peace, energy, calm, yet strong.

At work at Meharry, I get a call from MY FATHER OUT OF THE BLUE!

He says he married in September. I knew nothing about it. He said to quit ignoring my sisters. ??? He says he wants me to sign a statement approving his divorce from mother so he can get married again and take the Holy Eucharist in the Catholic Church. Not interested, I said. How strange! He acts like he has some sort of rapport with me; he takes little interest, he gets married again, acts like . . . . What does he care? How is it I counsel with the Lord and let earthly powers overpower me? Why do I hand myself over to be crunched down?

TIME IS GROWING CLOSE TO GETTING TO SEE JOE AND PAULA AGAIN!

ST LOUIS CONFERENCE SEPTEMBER 15, 1986—I stood up and announced that I was going to stand firm in my father’s face with my testimony, terrorized as I was. I later drove up to Rantoul, Illinois and faced him, praying solidly for the 8 hour trip. When I got there, I went into the house, found my mother, saw my sister, visited my father, and watched him snort and growl as we sat in a restaurant. I left for home. Oh, my gosh.
More autobiography coming including the grand reunion with Joe and Paula in the summer of 1986. . . . . .

CONFERENCE WAS GREAT! September 15, 1986

I felt to dance and party my heart out among all the singles. Met a few but was still interested in Debbie Burnette. She has 3 little boys, went through 2 marriages and we ended up kissing. We split up later after a lot of talks because I found out lust was taking over, not much in spirituality. Oh, well.
I have taken up drawing. When I doodle, I seem to enjoy mountain views with evergreens and the sun's rays splashing through the sky, and I do this over and over. Glorious and great and hopeful are my eyes.

Dr. Satcher asked me to come in Saturday to type from 1-8 p. m. to get a proposal done for the Hospital Corporation of America Foundation by Monday.

In Gospel Essentials class, I delved even deeper into where I came from. Why am I here? The pre-existence was the theme and I stretched my mind to consider that my parents were there at one time. If I could keep that in my mind and not fall down to the lower levels of fear, strife, contention and persecution. All my family was acquainted with God, our Heavenly Father, at one time. It's so hard to imagine.

A movie helped: MY TURN ON EARTH, and I imagined myself actually getting along with my parents, and especially with my oldest sister, Theresa. On earth she stirred up the hearts and minds of my parents against me with accusations.

I need to reorganize, rest, keep my job. Seems like I am always reorganizing, resetting goals and values and attitudes to have, and refocusing myself off of people. I keep working for the missionary effort, helping people get baptized, speak to people, testify, and I seem to speak with power.

This Jackie Brown that worked here, she really treated Dr. Satcher as some sort of a "god". Bowing to his wish and command, I suppose, for all the good he does on behalf of the black race for schooling.

I began to be interested in Spanish for some reason. Later I would make serious connections between the Hispanic folks and their ancestors in the Book of Mormon, and later would become a translator myself.

I participated in the Meharry Volunteer Community Service Project. We did neighborhood cleaning.

I drove to Debbie's house in Clarksville one Sunday night. I really liked her. Even though later we split up, I was there and we talked.
On the way home I was struck by the starts in the Milky Way sky. I stopped and gazed at the Lord's creations. The thought occurred to me: I represent Jesus Christ. Wow. So many things have happened ever since I was ordained to the Melchizedek priesthood. One really communes with the heavens.

Johniene gets mad at me at work because I am not nice to Jackie Brown whom Johniene adores. I told her in a letter to quit cattle-prodding me. She just can't ask a question; she has to bully it. What is with this opposition? Opposition seems to come before a BLESSING and after a BLESSING. Later I find out she thinks she knows Mormons but she does not. Mormons are NOT prejudiced against blacks. Oohhhh, now I get it. Well, I fixed that and NOW she understands.

December 15, 1987
Hi, Jim:

Hope this finds you well and fairly happy. I asked Theresa if we could drive down to see you. She’s got a new Cougar. Maybe sometime next year. I feel real good these days. I have good hospitalization for life. Don’t have any aches or pains and I thank God for that. Let me hear from you.
Love mom

A brand new missionary tool came from Salt lake City, Utah. A pilot project on TV, a commercial that says OUR HEAVENLY FATHER'S PLAN.

The entire Hendersonville ward was advised of it, stood up and were all called as stake missionaries. Calls were expected to come into the 1-800 number from people requesting the cassette tape. Missionaries needed people to drive them to all the referrals that would come in. We delivered so many! The tape is excellent, instructive and spiritual! While 1986 ended and 1987 began I began to sink into despair and wondered when it will happen. I participated in the Meharry Volunteer Community Service Project April 17, 1987.

THE REUNION WITH JOE AND PAULA? WHEN?
I began to know people in the ward. I was assigned a home teacher, who would become one of the most influential men in my life. His name was WARREN ROBERTS, wife is SALLY, and they had 9 children! I went to their house for all the love and attention and ate there and told all of my life. I got attached to their little boy Jeremy. Jeremy got attached to me seriously (see picture of Jeremy). I felt the parenting urge. Nevertheless, after 6 months of listening to me mope and complain with a downed head that they have their family and I don't have mine, they finally said:

YOU GO TO BOWLING GREEN NOW AND GET YOUR CHILDREN! SUDDENLY, I FELT POWER COMING OVER ME. THE DAY HAD COME?

Bishop Rose listened as I explained that sometimes I act goofy and silly because my kids are trapped in another universe in Bowling Green, Kentucky.

I felt empowered and fear left my body. Fear? Hmmmm… Fear of facing the past, fear of seeing the consequences, fear of being laughed out the door, fear of losing the children again, fear of Ellen, Mrs. Durbin and anyone else. Something happened. I couldn't wait any longer. I drove to Bowling Green and found a lawyer. I told him the story. I was panicked. $100 was all I had. He said he would write a letter to Ellen. He called back and reported that he told Ellen he spoke with you. The lawyer told Ellen that I seemed to be a reasonable, honorable religious man, and why cannot you two just get together and end it?

NEXT WEEK, I WAS A DAD AGAIN. Pictures on side. . . I SAW THE CHILDREN AND ELLEN IN CHURCH. . . . I pronounced a blessing on Joe as he served as an altar boy at St. Joseph's Catholic Church in June 1987 on a Saturday. Afterwards he walked past me not knowing who I was. I had not as yet had visitation clearance and I sent this lawyer after Ellen. I saw Paula, too, kneeling in church next to her mother. I was stunned.

BUT. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Next weekend, at a park in Bowling Green, the GRAND REUNION!
I got closer and closer. Parked the car. Ellen was sitting on a park bench. She and I had a long talk. She giggled when I told her I was a priest at church. I am strong and healthy and working. Let's get on it. She'll be back with the children. I walked to the park. There they were. I stared at them. They stared at me.

"Hi, I'm your father. "

Back to them eating.

The children stared at me.

You're our dad?

Of course, came the questions.

Where were you?

Why now?

And so forth.

After playing, eating and talking, we began to talk about when they were little, that I had to go away because I was bad, and now I am better.

I told them where I was working and that I deal with little kids at church.

Paula and I spoke first.

I sang her a song with hand motions to it: POPCORN POPPING ON THE APRICOT TREE.

Paula looked at me. She later commented on how strangely it was.

Prior to this, I had visited St. Joseph's Catholic School and spoke with the first grade teacher, Angela Nunn.

She was nice and receptive and didn't know anything of what happened to Joe and Paula's father.
She showed me a picture from the school yearbook of each of them (see pictures) – the first time I had seen a MICHELETTI! and we talked at great length.

She was helpful later on.

I would take Paula over to her.

She says Paula is a joy to have in class.

I went back to Nashville and I was crying. Waves of panic melted off my body. At church the next day, I told President Rose what happened and he suggested I stand up and tell everybody what happened to me. I said to the congregation that I have been somewhat goofy and silly because of this unresolved conflict in my life. I showed them pictures of Joe and Paula because we went swimming that Saturday as well. Ellen tagged along. I think that I could not get a sense of her mood and disposition at this.

FIRST PICTURES

I TOLD SO MANY PEOPLE…THIS NEW WORD TO DESCRIBE ME. . . Dad, DAD, DAD. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I WAS FLOATING ON A CLOUD OF EMOTIONS AND PANIC AND FEAR AND JOY AND HAPPINESS. IT IS FINALLY HERE.

I WAS RELIEVED.

I STARED at Joe and Paula's pictures.

We went swimming again and talked and splashed about. Ellen left us and came back later.

At work I began to draw pictures and send them to the children.

NOW WE GET INTO THE PARENTING ROUTINE.

A LETTER TO PAULA
Mailed to Paula, October 6, 1987
Dear Paula:
MANY SMILES FOR PAULA TODAY!
PAULA IS #1 TO DAD.
PAULA IS A SPECIAL BLESSING TO DAD!
WHAT A GREAT REPORT CARD!
HOORAY! HAVE A GREAT DAY IN SCHOOL,
LOVE DAD.
I think I sent this straight to St. Joe’s Catholic school. I drew a picture of me and Paula at the base of a mountain range and it says: As you and I do more things together what else could happen except bright cheerful things? So let’s climb through life together. Heavenly Father enjoys seeing fathers and daughters together!
LET’S REACH FOR MORE ! REACH HIGH!. . . . >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I had too many feelings to empty out of my system.

I went up on the weekends. We did so much together. We played video games, took pictures and did it ALL

LET'S COVER SOME INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE AT THIS TIME.

I first went to Father Ben Luther, wrote him a letter inviting him to invite Ellen and I into his office to counsel together, and it never happened.

I do not know why.

ANGELA NUNN----

This is Paula's first grade teacher. I was terrified when I walked into her school room to introduce myself. No one had ever mentioned me earlier. She showed me the first picture of Paula sitting in a classroom. I stared. Here is this human being on the earth who does not know who I am.

Ms. Nunn told me what a joy Paula is in the classroom, very insightful, sharp, intelligent and funny girl. This was about a week before I was reunited with the children. Ms. Nunn asked where I have been and I told her the entire story from beginning to end. We talked about Mormonism, about Catholicism. I came to Ms. Nunn's house. What a lively gal to talk to. I told her about the Book of Mormon. I remember later telling Paula about my speaking with Ms. Nunn. I took her to Ms. Nunn's house often on my visitation times.
When I told Paula that if Ms. Nunn and I got married, she would be Ms. Micheletti, and Paula's second mother, or step-mother. Paula took time to comprehend that. In fact, she was stunned.

Ms. Nunn wrote me:

July 31, 1987

Dear Jim,

I loved your picture (smile face) (It's true--a picture is worth a thousand words). Truly that was the best mail I have received all month. I know that you realize how blessed you area. Paula and Joe are wonderful children. I want you to know that I put your picture in the kitchen by the phone. Every time I pass by the phone I will be reminded that dreams really do come true.

Later she wrote, as we socially integrated more one with another:

Oct 6 1987

Jim

This may not be a welcomed letter from one friend to another. I think that you're asking too much too soon from your children. Joe and Paula need time to accept the changes in their lives. I saw Mr. Durbin at school today picking up Joe and Paula. My heart went out to him. He has been so good to your children all these years. I feel that occasionally you forget this. At the beginning of this letter I mentioned friend to friend. I sometimes wonder if this isn't "political" as you sometime refer to relationships (someone pointed this out to me). My time is too limited to be used for such things. Angela.
October 26, 1987
Jim
I think it would be better for you to wait and not come to my class on Friday. We will have to try for a later date. This week is turning into one that is going to be hard to bear at best. I went to the hospital today and they will be lining things up to explain to the children about the little boy with the brain tumor. If everything goes well the people from the American Cancer Society will work with my class on Thursday and Friday. We wanted to get this started this week since the little boy went to Disneyland this week courtesy of the DREAM MACHINE (another super group). Keep us all in your prayers.
Angela.

MR. GLETIZ, A BOWLING GREEN LAWYER
JUNE 8, 1987

DUNCAN, GLEITZ AND GROGAN
517 E. 10th St .
Bowling Green, KY
Dear Mr. Gleitz:

Thank you for the meeting we had today. It was historic in that it culminated a struggle commencing January 1982. It is hard to explain the feeling of newness to an individual named Ellen Micheletti who before knew me as a very unkempt, difficult and non-family oriented individual. Nevertheless, she did call after the divorce papers were over and I was sending $45 weekly until I hear that she won't bring the children to Evansville, Indiana for a visit because if she did, her parents won't let her back in the house. I had bills paralyzing me, too. I had to swallow and accept circumstances.

In her letters she said if I lived in Bowling Green, It would be different. I trembled and feared handing money to someone who did not know me anymore and who told me to stay away. I handed money to someone who then had to be threatened by a letter to make her send me a picture of my own children.

Birthdays and Christmases went by. I feared sending presents for the imagined scene of these presents being tossed aside. I feared Ellen telling lies about me. It was hard enough when I became a Latter Day Saint; but, then to go to church and hear all of these great family activities and stirring presentations of the importance of staying close to your children and I can't even do that. I have threatened to go to court many times, but how does one explain a spiritual change in heart and mind resulting in a change of behavior and character? How is that measured?
I finally decided that the fruits I bring forth must be absolutely fantastic. And then one day I saw I was not impressing Ellen because she was not even bothering to look for my improvement. So I dropped doing dance numbers for her. I decided to climb another mountain, date other ladies and plan a new life and future. However, I have been paralyzed by normal parental feelings that make me want to reach out and take care of someone. It is a mantle of authority from Heavenly Father that is not easily dropped. How many times have I written letters to Ellen indicating interest in Joe and Paula only to have my approaches dodged and my attention pointed elsewhere? Said she: Don't worry about me and the children. We're fine. How many times have I attended to the health spa and several other social interaction activities to keep myself busy and distracted so I won't think about my family. How can Ellen kidnap, steal and let me melt away--taking my children, my name, my identity? How long has it too as a "normal" parent with those special "normal" feelings to move forward and apply those great Mormon principles that cause great progression and changes in building and creating the many great things that Mormons are historically famous for (creating the beautiful city, Nauvoo, from a swamp)?

How many times have I seen fathers with little boys following them and my yearning for such a thing, too?

How draggy has my progression been because I was forced to pay money into a black cloud that would not respond in kind, giving the appearance of holding children for ransom for an unspecified period of time, leaving me at the mercy of Ellen's whimsical temper, looking over my shoulder wondering if the police will arrest me because I was too weak to make plenty of money, concentrate at work, and be diligent because my children are missing and I don't know why?

How many character judgments has Ellen placed upon my, confusing me about myself, and making me go out to prove her wrong? There are several hundreds of individuals that can testify to my gentlemanly disposition. However, my occasional emotional panics are due to this severely unresolved problem.

My behavioral problems are due to this, my inability to concentrate at work is because of this, my "stern disposition with myself" (as some people have told me) is due to this. And this is written in my journals of my life from 1980 onward. I have an identity. I know who and what I am and where I am from and where I am going. I am strong and invincible. I am full of talent and energy. I have gritted my teeth for this long to achieve a measure of success and self-respect and stature (with little to no help from my parents I may add). And now I visit you. Thank you, sir. I am looking for that normal, balanced, peaceful and friendly existence.

Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti

Mailed October 12, 1987 to Paula at St. Joe’s School

Flowers on each corner of an announcement that said:

 THANK YOU FOR A NICE WEEKEND*
 MINIATURE GOLF
 Shanty Hollow Lake
 Walk to the Waterfall
 I carried You on my shoulders
 It’s fun for me to do things with you!
 A dad is nice to have around, you know.
 Have a nice day at school!
Love, dad.

OCTOBER 23, 1987
NOTE TO PAULA

WE DID IT!
Miniature golf.
Paula won!
On the 18th hole!
Paula’s birthday present from dad was skating.
Paula zipped around the rink in 32 seconds. Fast, fast, fast!

ON ANOTHER OCCASION:
Paula let a red balloon go up over the city of Bowling Green with her name on it!
Paula helped decorate a big giant card (along with Joe and dad) to surprise mom!
Paula drew nice flowers.
Paula wrote in dad’s journal of the Micheletti family history
Paula showed a great love for other people, too.
Paula helped prevent little ones tripping and hurting themselves by joining with dad and Joe to help cover a steel bar sticking out of the group.
Paula learned that other people are her brothers and sisters too. We visited a baby in the hospital. Since we all have a Heavenly Father, that makes us all His children, and brothers and sisters to each other. The little baby in the hospital is our “sister”…. Love dad.

October 27, 1987
Do something extra for somebody today and you will be richer than if you had a million dollars in this very wallet
Love dad.

(I showed Joe a wallet and stuck this note inside)

Dear son
Thank you for a great weekend. I’m so very very glad you have another remote control car to play with. It’s just an object though. I’ll wear down like other things, but one thing that will never wear down or falter is my love for you. It will last forever. Because I am Mormon, I understand love to be forever, and so it will. Good luck and best wishes on this Friday’s play. I’ll be in school that day to cheery you on. Fathers need to stay with their sons. Let’s always be the best of friends and tell each other that. I will always appreciate your company and I want to do even a better job as your dad.
Love dad.

I Sent a flowered note to Paula that said:

Hi, Paula!
Having fun on your roller blades?
Get’s what’s coming up next?
Dad


November 2, 1987
Dear Paula:
Thank you for the words you spoke to me on the phone Sunday night where you told me what mother told you regarding other people being considered as your sister. I can see that the idea was difficult to understand and I made a mistake in bringing up the idea for you to study. I am sorry if it caused you to be confused in any way. Please forgive me. I have many great pictures of you. I love you very much. I am working very hard. I want to be your friend and I feel very sad when we are apart from each other. I am your father. I pray Heavenly Father to bless and strengthen and comfort you this week. Let’s always be good friends. I will spend the rest of my life with you on the earth. Ask me any questions you like and I will answer them. If there is something you do not like, it is your privilege to ask me. Heavenly Father gave me a job to do to teach you and guide you and love you and help you all I can. Thank you for accepting me as a human being that occasionally makes mistakes. I have feelings, too, Paula. Dad gets scared of things. Dad feelings angry sometimes. Dad cries tears. Dad gets lonely Dad feels bad when he makes a mistake. Dad has feelings, too.
Sincerely,
Your dad.

I wrote a letter to Ellen:

First page is missing…But….
November 10, 1987
Since dad’s lifestyle includes abstinence from harmful substances (no alcohol, tobacco, coffee or tea or harmful drugs), that in and of itself staves off a host of other related social difficulties, not to mention the unpleasant atmosphere surrounding a person who partakes of such substances. Although coffee and tea do not have the immediate damaging impact of the others, there is a certain spiritual strength noticed in individuals who do not partake of coffee and tea (herbal tea is fine). Finally since the children’s identity is derived from the father’s side and the mother’s side, a strong self-image is promoted from deep within since heavenly Father in sending Joe and Paula to earth set it up so that they receive from two earthly parents a heritage, an inheritance and a family line for a complete identity. Finally, I am forever going through a sifting process to purify and cleanse myself because I believe that we can be perfected in this life and in the life beyond. I want to do the things that are right. I have great strength and courage and can be an inspiration to others because I have been buried in the deepest coal mines of Nova Scotia and had the Rocky Mountains buried on top of me, and I have climbed out a winner. And there is still more to conquer. I have been a source of encouragement and inspiration to many. I intend to be a great source of encouragement and inspiration to Joseph and Paula. I will get many blessings from helping the children keep the fourth commandment: honor thy father and thy mother. Heavenly Father has promised that if we keep the commandment, we will be blessed and prospered. The promise applies to you if you help them keep the fourth commandment relative to their father. Your wise, inspired and family-oriented comments are always welcome. I am at your service. My door is always open. If any adjustments are required, please advise me. I am always willing to grow and improve if so indicated. Your company will always be welcomed in my life and your needs will always be a priority.

Sincerely,
Jim

December 11, 1987
Angela Nunn
St. Joseph's Catholic School

Dear Angela:

Enclosed you will find a drawing I have made for Paula. If and when it is convenient for you, would you please give it to her during some private moment when you receive this or later?
Thanks a lot.
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti

P. S. Also enclosed are pictures to be given to Joe plus the note below:

Dear Joe:
Here are some pictures to show your friends to help describe some of the things you do on weekends with your dad. I want you to have a pleasant day. Do something for someone else today as a surprise, if you see the opportunity. Heavenly Father loves you, Jesus Christ loves you. They are both alive and in heaven and they wish you to follow the commandments. If you ever have any questions to concerns I will always listen. Parents are here to listen and direct you in the right path.
Love DAD

ATTACHED IS A DRAWING WHERE I PUT Happiness is (WITH A BUNCH OF SMILING FACES) and the list of suggestions for Joe and Paula:

• OBEYING MOM AND DAD
• OFFERING TO HELP OTHERS
• COMFORTING SOMEONE WHO IS SAD
• ASKING OTHER PEOPLE: HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
• Being more concerned about others than about yourself
• Showing love, concern, respect, appreciation for mom
• Showing love, concern, respect appreciation for dad
• Giving your mom and dad a hug and saying I love you. Doing the things Jesus Christ taught
• Smiling or helping other people smile
• Not giving up when things get hard to do
• Getting out of the house to explore the many neat things in the world
• Saying please and thank you
• Making sure your mom and dad are doing all right
• Fixing your mistakes
• Doing surprises for your family
• Saying I'm sorry if you did badly.
• Have a nice day,
Love dad,
---------------------
A SHOCK AND TRAGIC TWIST TO MY HAPPINESS CAME! I had a strange sick feeling of being left out when I went home. Well, Ellen called later on that night and said her mother and father do not want me in the house! I. . . . . CAN'T . . . . . . . . COME. . . . . . . . . IN. . . . . . . . . . THE. . . . . . . . . HOUSE? How can I explain this to Joe and Paula that the house does not welcome their father?
I was living at Clyde Prosser's house on Blueberry Hill near Nashville at the time.
At night I walked hard up and down the road panicked. Why this now? Why the intrusion? What message it sends? It splits things into two worlds.
JOE AND PAULA HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HOME/GRANDPARENTS AND THEIR FATHER? I WAS DIZZY.
I am different.
Why am I disapproved of?
Are they still thinking of my sins?
I sensed two worlds.

NEXT VISIT--
Paula Micheletti and I relaxed for a chat.

November 8, 1987.

We wrote on a piece of paper:

Paula Marie Micheletti and I covered the following points:
1. Best friends
2. Dad-what dad can do for Paula
3. What Paula can do for dad
4. Dad can move to Bowling Green and set up house
5. Who are Paula’s best friends?
6. Laura Brinkley
7. Stephanie Brinkley
8. Jennifer Brinkley
9. Chess Brinkley
10. Lauren Cohen
Then Paula mentioned a bicycle.

I mailed a dinosaur to Joe November 10, 1987
with this note:
Dear Joe:
Thank you for a wonderful weekend. I love you. Here’s a dinosaur to play with and keep. Even though at the race Sunday afternoon between you and Paula, you beat her several times, but then she finally won. You, Joe, are still a winner because you tried hard. You beat her in some of the races and that you are my son and we will spend the rest of our lives together. You are a winner because also you enjoy my company.
I will always hold you close as a friend. You are #1.
Remember to say thank you this week. Have fun with your dinosaur.
Love dad

MAILED ON GOLD PAPER NOV 10, 1987 TO PAULA…
Thank you for a golden sunshiny weekend. Let’s talk later.
Love dad

Inside the note, it reads:
• We went to Rivergate.
• We saw the plants and waterfalls inside the Opryland Hotel
• We ate pizza.
• You made a salad.
• We played Galactica video.
• We talked about Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday.
• We visited the Mormon bishop’s house and saw his cats.
• We watched a video movie at a friend’s house about what Mormons do to help understand dad better.
• We sang songs in the car.
• Joe squeezed your lips and you talked funny. He bit your arm.
• You played with the stuffed bear.
• You took pictures. Miniature golf.
• You did additional math problems.
• You got real good racing scores on Sunday when you ran against Joe at playground.
• Played piano at church and electric keyboard at Ms. Nunn’s, too.

IT WAS TIME TO LEAVE MEHARRY.
I RESIGNED.

WHEN PEOPLE SAID GOODBYE TO ME AT MEHARRY MEDICAL COLLEGE, THEY WROTE ME:

Hi, Jim.
I am glad to hear that you have found new employment outside of Meharry Medical College. Hopefully this job will be both rewarding and there you will find peace. Remember life is too short not to be happy. God Bless You Always.
Pamela Hailey.

Jim:
It’s been an unforgettable experience in knowing you. I wish you the best in all of your future endeavors. Congratulations. Katie
Dear Jim:
To a very nice and wonderful person. May success be yours. I will remember you in my prayers.
Sincerely Mandy Donelson

Jim:
I am sure going to miss you. You were such a great joy to work with. Eh! What I am greatly going to miss will be your little cookies and smart talk with me sometimes. Being a good white boy is always the best thing for you to do. Please do not forget us and come back to see us whenever possible. I wish good luck in your new undertaking. Be good now and don’t forsake us. Thanks. Edward Musa….
Jim:
It has been great knowing and working with you. I wish you only the finest things in life. Please always remember your friend that assisted you in eating your last day at Meharry—chocolate chip cookies!
Love you always
Lucinda G. Bumpers

Best wishes forever to my dear friend
Love Sherrie


Dear Jim:
I wish you success in your new position and that it is both challenging and rewarding.


Sincerely
Zany Elkins



Dear Jim:
Good luck.
Ann


Jim:
It has been a pleasant experience working with you. Good luck and may God bless you. Sheri Stovell


I wrote to Betty Harris, Director, Volunteer Services
Dear Betty:
I write to say goodbye. Notwithstanding my weaknesses, afflictions and faults of which I have many if they have disordered your life, I hope you will forgive me. (I wrote her my testimony of the LDS CHURCH; then I said)My love for you, power for you to overcome all for truth and beauty always. Jim Micheletti


A major goodbye letter from all in the President’s Office at Meharry including Dr. David Satcher.


Jim:
May you always remember my smile as you progress through your life. Good luck in your future endeavors. Juanita Jones


November 11, 1987—
FRIDAY NIGHT-
The children and I were supposed to go to the talent show to see dad play the piano while a lady named Mary sang patriotic songs like “I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy” and so forth. They did not come. I went to the talent show and got first place. I drove home. I was very sad that my children could not come to see me.

Saturday morning – November 7, 1987

I drove to the house and picked them up. I showed the new pictures. I told them about the talent show. I told them I wished they were there. I suggested strongly that when a family member is performing the others should come attend and watch and give support and cheer him on. I said that I was so excited to come watch Joe at the talent show on Oct 30, 1987.

I drove them all to Rivergate Mall, located in Goodlettsville, TN, to go to the skating rink, miniature golf, go-cart racing and to visit. Paula didn’t realize we were going to Nashville; they did not cry or get upset; Paula asked if we were still in Bowling Green, KY).

On the way, they poked, squeezed, chewed each other’s arm, and bounced around the car. We took Joe’s broken remote controlled car with us so Ronnie Sanders could fix it. We went to Opryland Hotel to see the inside plants and waterfalls. We bought film and took pictures. Paula took pictures, too. We visited the Rivergate skating rink but left shortly because they were about to close down. Paula and I played a quick game of taking a hammer and banging the heads of the beavers as they poked up into the air. The siren went off because Paula got a high score. Joe went and played his favorite video game with the racing cards. We stopped at Bishop Rickard’s house so I could introduce my children to my Mormon bishop but he wasn’t home. 4-5 kittens were and the children thought they were cute and held them.

I also mentioned to them: When is dad the happiest? Paula said: When you have us around. Dad said, “Yes!”

Then we stopped at Bishop jack Hendrixson’s house. He used to be my bishop and he has seen pictures of the children. His wife gave Joe and Paula some Halloween candy. They accepted. We visited the miniature golf and go-cart place at Rivergate. They did pretty good at golf. The areas were bigger, the designs on each of the holes were interesting. Go-carts were interesting since the track was wider. Joe said it was slicker. Paula took pictures. Joe got a lot of golf balls in the hole in two tries. Paula rang the bell at the last hole and got a free game card.

After that we went to Pizza Inn and ate dinner. Children ordered pepperoni, Canadian ham and mushrooms. But I decided we would get the biggest pizza with everything. Paula was hungry for a salad which she made herself with French dressing. Paula was amazed that I ate so much pizza. They were interested in the Galactica video game with spaceships. Joe did good on it. Paula tried it for the first time. Joe and I tried it together. Paula and Joe took the last two pieces of pizza home in a box to heat in the microwave. Speaking of animals again, I won a cute stuffed bear in a 25 cent game. It was in the car. The children fetched it from the back and played with it and pretended it had feelings and was real. Paula held it outside while the car was in motion so she could see the fur parting in the wind. The bear looked cute like that. Really lovable. Joe fought Paula occasionally to hold the bear.

Something about Joe during the weekend I noticed that he sometimes didn’t answer a person’s questions or say thank you when someone did something for him. Why?

On the way home, Paula and Joe laughed and we talked about growing up and what to do. We talked about the upcoming holiday. I talked to them about going to Rantoul, Illinois to meet their relatives on my side of the family. Paula sang songs to me in the car. I sang Mormon primary songs to here and she remembered from a long time ago when I sang them to her first.

After much wrestling and bouncing and laughing and “Daddy, quit acting silly (Paula’s words because I was bouncing my fingers up and down my lips in a flicking baby-talk style)” and Paula and Joe squeezing each other’s mouth in order to talk funny. We arrived at Bowling Green and visited Angela Nunn. There we played the electric keyboard – I called it a piano and Paula corrected me. Then we called mom to tell her where we were. She called back and said to come home since she wanted them to attend 8:30 mass. And home we went. Afterwards I returned to Angela Nunn’s house for a discussion of the principles of the Book of Mormon and a confirmation that she would receive the sister missionaries to her home for a further presentation. I wrote a letter to Renee regarding the Owensboro-Daviess County Hospital bill o the children.

A LETTER TO ME:
DEAR DAD:
I got 100 on my math test. I got a 99 on my social studies report. I get to learn to play a recorder. Actually the 5th grade gets to and our music teacher is ordering them. I got two field trips on Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday we get to go see a play called THE LAND OF TRASH and Thursday we get to go to the GM plant and see the art train. I got an A on my science quiz and 80 on my science test.
LOVE PAULA

(big letters and the word “Paula” is underlined). …


Joe and I went to buy cones, volcanoes, and sparklers and so forth to set off fireworks.
I laughed and we all dazzled with excitement as the fireworks lit up the night sky behind the LDS church in Madison, Tennessee.
And during the weekend: Joe, addressing me as “dad”…what a pleasure to hear that word!
Then we went home.
Joe and Jesse and I stopped at the store to buy food.
We got spaghetti, carrots, chicken nuggets and grape drink.
Home we went. Jesse was so thankful to be out doing something that evening. He said he was bored at home.
He said he wanted to be with me and Joe for a long time, and he thought that we would be asked to come with us again. I told Jesse I had the same thoughts. And now, in reality, we were all together again.
At home, we lit more fireworks.
We also played darts.
We wrestled on the floor.
Jesse and Joe got me down.
I ticked Joe and Jesse.
We pretended to wrestle.
Joe hit the floor three times and counted me the loser.
Joe was HELPING JESSE to beat me!
I really enjoyed it.
That is one good thing for fathers and sons to do—test each other’s strength against each other.
After wresting and eating and dartboard games (I won!), we settled in to sleep. I put the boys on the couches. We said an evening prayer in the Mormon style of praying and Joe knelt down right with us. They giggled and bounced and jostled. Incidentally Jesse’s dad called to say that Jesse ran off and didn’t bring a dress shirt for church tomorrow.
Jesse found out that Joe is a Catholic. Jesse did not know what a Catholic Mass was.
Joe and I planned tomorrow’s services and our attendance. I finally got to bed myself. I took so many pictures today and this evening. I took pictures of us wrestling.
Joe is really loosening up to this “dad” concept. How miserable has life been without one! How is it possible? He is so moody, so estranged, so withdrawn, so different, so standoffish! Well, why would he not be? Dad has not been around. He is not a complete person. But now he is getting there because his Mormon dad is here, with the priesthood of God, the Holy ghost, faith, hope and charity and patience, if I can just hold on to it.
I got many things off my chest, including telling Joe straightforward that Mr. and Mrs. Durbin do not invite me into the house because they think I am still a bad person from long ago.


SUNDAY NOVEMBER 22, 1987

We got up early. The boys immediately got dressed and went outside. I saw them at the end of the driveway and the woods. I made pancakes for breakfast and called them in. They sat down to eat. We said the blessing on the food. Joe did not want to pray. In fact, I noticed that he doesn’t say much in church either. At any rate, they enjoyed their cherry filled pop tarts. We got dressed for church and organized ourselves.
I had to go to the LDS church first to finish the Elders Quorum newsletter. I put the boys outside first and we finished the thing. We finished shooting off the fireworks. I took pictures and we laughed hard. Joe saved some fireworks for alter, I noticed. I was feeling sick today. Felt really thirsty and dry in my lips-dehydrated. At church Ronnie Sanders came up to Joe and said he didn’t have Joe’s electronic car fixed as yet. Joe and Jesse sat in the library watching cartoons while I worked on the newsletter. I couldn’t stand all the pressure of work and handling Joe. Warren Roberts stopped in and we talked. I told him when I would deliver Jesse home. I ran behind schedule and Warren came back to get Jesse.
I took Joe to St. Francis Catholic Church at 11:30. I supported Joe’s decision to be there by listening to the catholic doctrine, reading the prayers, standing and sitting. The contributions dish came around and I gave Joe some money to put in it. He needs a good dosing of Catholicism because when I introduce Mormonism or when he sees Mormonism in action he can compare the two and see the advantages of one over the other. I reminded Joe that we go to each others’ churches and still be friends. I thought about my Catholic past, and about my discovery of many errors in their doctrine. I was feeling ill, but we stopped by the LDS church to get Joe’s coat he left there.

During the way there, he asked me about where he comes from, how do babies get here? I asked him if he knew what sexual intercourse was. He said no.

Joe changed the subject to something else. Off we went to stop by Ray’s Car Express to get Joe’s opinion on a van I thought of buying. He did not like the colors scheme. We went home. So many things we talked about. At home, we blasted more fireworks, watched TV, ate some food (he did not eat all of his) and I rested. Then we left for Bowling Green. Before we entered I-65 interstate to get to Bowling Green, we stopped to purchase a tire for the Chevette. He helped air the other tires. He also took money from the car to spend at a vending machine. I took it back, and he teasingly took it and we discussed about being a thief. We chased each other around the garage while the tire was being fixed. I also got mad that he wouldn’t eat good food but he wanted to eat candy. I sneaked the candy out of the car and threw it away. I saved just a few pieces.

Off to Bowling Green. I tried to call Ellen at the WKU library to tell her we were delayed, but no answer. But I didn’t worry about it.

We talked on the way about fireworks, about Paula, about mom and dad, about family life, about Joe’s growing up, about wrestling, about saying thank you, about father/son interviews, about what to do for Christmas and Thanksgiving, about me moving to Bowling Green. At Bowling Green, we stopped at the library. Ellen rushed for Joe (quoting her: the only children she’ll have? She’ll never get married again?) Therefore, over-compensation by extreme love and attention and worry and concern for their welfare)
I smiled. I told her I tried to call. Joe is to go home for lasagna. I held up and spoke with Ellen quietly even though I noted these glaring, harsh eyes peering at me from underneath her eyelids (resentment? Against what? Against who? I don’t get it.) about Joe’s request for information on the law of chastity, about what to do for Thanksgiving, about Christmas and I also told her about the circus coming to town. I also told her about Joe eating candy. I took Joe back to the car. Joe, can’t we walk together? Why do you race ahead? Be by yourself? I’m your friend, son. I love you. At the car, I openly expressed my love and gratitude for a great weekend. Please Joe, tell me the same. He did, quietly, but nonetheless, he did. I have got to help him express himself and search his feelings and be more open. I dropped him off at home. I went to the door.
Ellen’s brother (I cannot remember his name) saw me. I heard Mrs. Durbin welcome Joe in, and I tried to feel resentment for them doing my job of parenting!

I stopped by Angela Nunn’s home on the way to I-65. I told her the events of the day centering around the theme of: strengthening my relationship with Jesus Christ and the children were guided to me.

I thanked her for having us over for company twice on Saturday. I encouraged her to read the Book of Mormon.

I remembered I had a copy of my song: COME UNTO ME, MY FRIENDS. I played it for her.

She liked it. I bore my testimony.

On the highway home…. me and Joe wrestled on the floor. He likes me. I like him.

My son. Thanks, Heavenly Father.

Letter to my father,
James Matthew Micheletti
401 E. Sagamond
Rantoul, IL

Dear Sir:
I have been holding on to hot coals, not wanting to drop it:
* pain and soreness at your unexplained silence towards me
* Lashing out at you to others because of the pain in highly dishonorable fashion
* severe emotional trauma and strained relationships with others—feelings of being an orphan—having others’ behavior remind me of this
* temptations to revert to my formerly wicked immoral ways due to the burning, insidious, soul-killing treatment
* no progression forward because my own father deems me not significant enough over a year to respond to my letters and inquire after my life and health
I have decided to drop it.
Much easier to follow Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as I promised I would do at baptism.
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti

Journal Entry,
November 23, 1987

At Meharry, Johniene Thomas asked me to come in next week in the evenings and type a proposal for the president. Extra money. I left Meharry for Barnett and Alagia law firm.

At Nashville II Ward dinner, we ate and listened to country singers. I took new pix of Ronnie Sanders, his boy Jonathan and Jeremiah, and the missionaries. After Thanksgiving, I went home to get ready for Ellen and the children. I made sure I paid my tithes .

Saturday: I got up to get ready. I prayed for the spirit of the Lord to guide me. I made a strong effort to care more about my relationship to Jesus Christ than about my relationship to my children.
I stopped and paid off the leftover amount due on my green Chevette purchased from Ray's Car Express in Goodlettsville, Tennessee. On the way to Bowling Green, I thought about purchasing fireworks for Joe and me to play with. I am still concerned about the rudeness of the family not inviting me into the house just because Mrs. Durbin does not wish to speak with me. Surely, the children would think it peculiar. Out came the children and Ellen. I gave Ellen some money. She gave some back because I noted my tire was low.

November 21, 1987

At my house we have Joe Micheletti, Jesse Roberts and Dad. We conducted a game and Joe got 141 points, Jesse, 152 and dad won with 156 points. I think we threw darts.

Letter to me from Ellen:
Dear Jim:
I called Mr. Gleitz and he didn't know what was going on. He said that I was doing things just fine and just as he told you. The agreement was that visitation was every other week and that is the norm. Anyway we will see you this weekend. The children want you to take them swimming and I would like to start buying them their school supplies. We had a very good time last weekend. It was good to see Anne and Bernie. They are going to remodel their house and the children are growing up fast. Susan and Johnny are here this weekend and I haven't seen them for a long time. Paula is really looking forward to playing with Leslie and Sally and Joe is looking forward to seeing Paula. Things are still busy here. I have never worked so hard before and now I have a whole new area (government documents) to learn along with serving on two committees. Call me at home 502-843-9648 to make plans. Thank you for not calling me at work, it does keep the pressure off and keeps my supervisor happy. I do not want to get on her bad side right off the bat since I am going to try for a merit raise next fiscal year.
Ellen

Journal Entry
December 21, 1987
Work has been pretty good although it could be better. I have been complaining about the smoke odors. I have mentioned it to Chris Sesler and I decided on a fan to blow it back out the door. I felt gagged. I have noticed my vision getting blurry and errors slipping past me.

I have also internally been barking at Ellen and really concerned that I was not going to get a decent visiting time with the children during Christmas. Surprise. Ellen presented a plan for me already!

I have been doing a lot of praying and home teaching regarding the Young family—suitable for all the church blessings. Only Pam young smokes and has problems with church doctrine due to lack of understanding. They both have financial difficulties due to bills and garnishments. Clyde and I have been leading them through the gospel principles book. They also have requested the bishop’s assistance for a food order and I went through the channels for that.

I got really excited about the Christmas program the children were going to be in on Sunday at 3 p.m. at St. Joe’s school. I spoke to Ellen and the children and wished them luck. I got a chance to g et some extra money that Saturday before by training the new word processor at Meharry Medical College and told her how to respond to the people there

I understand from Ellen that the letter I typed to Joe regarding the DREAMS I had for him and me were hard for him to understand. Oh well.

Talk about an exquisite Christmas program. Well, I arrived and didn’t find anyone at the school side. I hurried over to the Church thinking that I had missed it and I was mad. I asked a priest and a lady if the children were singing in church. They thought they were. I dashed to the church. I found Ellen and Paula and several other parents and children attending what they call FIRST CONFESSION, but the name is SACRAMENT OF RECONCILIATION. I sat down and felt strangely critical. Why am I at war! I criticize I think because I am criticized myself.

I sat down. Ellen told me what is going on and gave me a program. I was concerned. I was concerned. I watched Paula. Paula looked at me with a strange look, that one might interpret to mean “What are you doing here? I am having difficulty accepting you) although I cannot be sure. I had bought bubble gum and candy for Joe and Paula. I feel bad because sometimes it looks like they use me to get to the candy and do not care about me. Nevertheless, on went the ceremony. Paula wore a school uniform to the service. She and mother lit a baptismal candle. She spoke to the Catholic priest named Father Augustine. Afterwards she and mom said a private Thanksgiving prayer (on the back of the program) together…afterwards we went to the parking lot. Ellen sent Paula to the car and Ellen discussed what we were going to get the children for Christmas. I told her about extra money. She said, I will see you a t 3 p.m. for the program. I waited an hour. Angela Nunn was not home, so I came back and waited. I carried my scriptures in. AS I waited in the school gym, I met some of the other parents and showed them pictures of the children. The program was getting started. I was telling a father in front of me that I am MORMON. I told him about the Book of Mormon. He decided later not to get a copy “…unless the Holy Spirit guides me in that direction.” Ellen came and sat next to me—and was she pleasant. I don’t understand it at all.

The program started.

Father Gary was the GREAT POTENTATE.

Oh, he recognized me and said that I taught him when he was in high school.

The music was jazzy, ragtime, Dixieland, and blues style. There was a waltz I believe and lots of chorus. Joe stood with one group of singers on the left side of the bleachers; Paula stood with another group of singers on the right side. The selected soloists and other children dressed like Jews were in the middle, including a manger scene. Father Gary was funny acting and silly as Casper Potentate. He wore gold bands on his ankles, a purple outfit and bare feet. During the speaking parts, Joe wanted to laugh, but somehow held back. He had trouble being solemn as he is, and laugh, too. Paula seems to sing right out. Paula and Joe stood and sang: Let’s call him KING OF THE ROAD.

Joe was pretty attentive. He is singing but with not too much facial expression. Paula seems interested and attentive.

Next came blues music. Paula sang good on that. LISTEN was the name of the music. Joe sang clearly on WHAT SHALL WE NAME THE BABY?

The next song: We’ll Call Him Jesus. It was THE BEST!
I cried during the music.
I found out later that Katherine Nunn told her mother, Angela Nunn, that Mr. Micheletti was crying and Angela told me. That song was the best and spiritually the strongest of all. Paula really knows and sings the songs well. She was mouthing the words of the song another was singing.

Is Joe getting a complex from my starting? He keeps looking away. Joe is staring off into space. He sure has a territory around him. After the program we went to McDonald’s and I spoke many words highly over the presentation and told them my favorite song. The children listened as I analyzed and gave my feelings.

I can testify that the Holy Ghost was strong in this presentation.

I got the copy of the report card grades—Paula got all A’s and Joe’s were a bit lower, plus 2’s in conduct. Seems to be talkative in the hallway. They dropped me back to my car and I went home rejoicing. I told many people about the program.

Choir practice was that evening and I mentioned it then, as well.

I learned about myself later that I was suffering from this itchy tenseness, that even little things about people’s behavior were bothering me.

Why do I have this behavior? Has it to do with the general unhappiness I feel at 420 Glen Lily Road where I am not welcome, where Mr. and Mrs. Durbin threw, practically glued, the unwelcome sign around my neck no matter what I do, and that I have to live with this embarrassment with the children?

More burdens cast upon me. I struggled at work over a letter to Ellen concerning babying the children, letting them rule over parents, taking their lead over my direction, not honoring me enough as a father. I also inserted a $100 postal money order for her. I finally typed it, mailed it and prepared copies for Ed Spickard, Bishop Rickard and home teacher Jim Thompson. We talked about Ellen, the letter, the children and Christmas and what I should do. His wife, Charlotte, fixed the most excellent burritos, including using a pepper called Capers. Very good home teaching session. I left in amazement feeling great inside and exercised hard at the spa.
Later I paid bills and saved money for Christmas preparation weekend with the children. It will be the weekend right before Christmas.

A CHRISTMAS NOTE FROM THERESA MICHELETTI WALERIUS:

She sends a picture, tells about her family, and then at the bottom:
P.S. I love you, Jimmy and miss talking to you. Please let’s try to see each other in 1988.
I don’t remember at this writing how I felt at receiving this, but I did have memories back to telephone conversations, telling me to shut up and we don’t want to hear it about Mormonism, and trying to shove it down our throats.
I think I tucked the note away, shivered a little, and went on through the day.

December 28, 1987

Dear Ellen:

I write to thank you for a most pleasant Christmas celebration. It took me a while to soak it in, but the joy was overwhelming. Words cannot express what it was like to have Paula and Joseph reaching excitedly for their stocking. Let’s have many more Christmases like that one with much variety. I very much appreciated the family prayer in front of the Christmas tree. Your prayer was gracious to my ears and I am sure to the ears of Heavenly Father. I appreciated your participation in all the activities of the afternoon. I wish it could have gone on just a bit farther. If I lived in Bowling Green, it probably could have, because home would be just a few minutes away instead of over an hour.

This letter also confirms that I have spoken to you by phone during Christmas Day on the subject of your remarks made about certain Mormon rituals, i.e. the sacrament. On the telephone I requested that your refrain from negative editorializing about Mormon ways. I also explained a piece of information not currently available to you: that the wine used by the Latter Day Saints in the late 1800’s was poisoned by enemies. The matter was brought before the Lord through the prophet and the revelation was received that “…it mattereth not what you use…as long as you remember me (paraphrased from the Doctrine & Covenants)” which settled the matter. Bread and water seemed the best to use (if that was in a later revelation I don’t presently know that). Another revelation received by Joseph Smith called for the latter Day Saints to abstain from using alcohol, tobacco, coffee and tea. Thus the question of comparative analysis between Catholicism and Mormonism is not whether the practices match up to what the Bible says, but whether Joseph Smith is a prophet of God. If he is, then through him, as through Moses and other prophets, we can have the word of the Lord regarding our lives. I testify that he is and that the revelations he claimed to have received from God regarding the preparation and partaking of the sacrament “…in remembrance of the Lord Jesus…” were indeed revelation from God, saying that the sacrament may be conducted with water instead of wine. A humble and prayerful and studious disposition towards one of the major works of Joseph Smith, the translation and writing of the Book of Mormon, will reveal the truth of Joseph Smith’s sacred calling to restore all things back on the earth in these last days for the last time before the second coming of the SAVIOR.

You are requested to refrain from any more negative editorializing as it will possible cause the children to think their dad is crazy and against Catholicism and against them which I am not. I am not against Catholicism. I am not against the children. I do not wish the children to think me crazy and one to be shunned because of particular differences in religious preferences. It would be better to let the two religions stand on their own merits and leave the editorializing out of it. You may expect me to be very very saddened if I hear negative editorializing about Mormonism, because we are dealing with very tender feelings of children who are putting forth mighty efforts to be bonded to their father with proper and natural feelings.
As always you have my best personal regards for a pleasant and prosperous life, especially in 1988. As the commandment, honor thy father and thy mother, is followed great blessings will result. I for myself feel very good inside as I teach the children this commandment through the special things we do and say to you. You and the children will continue to receive priority in my life. I shall spend the rest of my days in your service. I will lay aside any church activity upon your call for assistance. If I need to make any adjustments in any area to be a more effective servant, I leave it to you to freely and without prejudice or judgment make such suggestions to me. Your wise, inspired and family-bonding comments are always welcome. The children will continue o hold both parents in the highest regard in all their activities before anyone else in my or your family. for we and no one else are their creators in a co-partnership with Heavenly Father to bring His Children to earth to prove their worth. I will continue to welcome your company and the children seem delighted at this new experience of seeing two parents work together and plan and teach and encourage the children onward to pursue great things. Let us be one. If we are, we can both count on the continuing guidance of heaven.

Jim Micheletti

January 11, 1988
I have had much trepidation about Ellen, Paula and Joe. I have been puzzled about what to do in many things. I have been busy doing my genealogy trying to get my mind off the children and Ellen. It’s been successful. I have found out much about Ananias jack Pontinen and Edith Muriel Pontinen, my Finnish grandparents. I called Suomi College in Hancock, Michigan and my grandfather Pontinen did attend there.
I have called my mother, 2 uncles and an aunt.
I have filled up several pages trying to fulfill the call of Elijah, the prophet, who appeared to Joseph Smith in the Kirkland Temple and gave him the keys of the gathering of Israel, to seal families past and present together. My heart must go out to my ancestors:

Jan 22, 1988
Genealogy is going underway and the things I am finding out!
I have had much success.
Grandmother Pontinen Ekquist seems to be a problem. I am having difficulty with her place of birth, date of marriage, name of parents, her maiden name. Something about the last name JOKINEN and ARDEN. I have written places to clear up the mystery of her name. I have racked up a $190 phone bill for which Clyde Prosser, the house owner with whom I live, was not pleased. Jack Ananias Pontinen seems to want to be baptized in to the church; he is my deceased grandfather.
I have sent Ellen a letter requesting a discussion on my visiting the children in their rooms. It is so important to them and to me. Why the children haven't invited me in is beyond me! They do not seem to act independently. They seem to follow obediently the wishes of the household adults. Fear of reprisal?

Prayers and reading the Book of Mormon getting better. I have started a morning Book of Mormon reading program. I asked Tom Smith, at Barnett and Alagia law form, about my divorce and visitation. He is a lawyer. I am trying to get settled with the children but I need to go on living, too.

I have been sending them postcards with jokes, pictures of downtown Nashville and I pointed to where I work at plus encouraging words to do well.

I finished a letter of inquiry about Grandma Pontinen to Lake Crystal High School in Minnesota.

Journal of January 1988—

I worked at the Barnett Law Firm. Lots of touchy people here. Some smoke in the office. I had to bring Lysol spray. Too much smoking allowed.

January 15, 1988 letter to Ellen:

You and I will be discussing methodology for my visiting the children in their rooms to facilitate more bonding and I can increase my knowledge of such things as Barbie Dolls, Transformers, etc.

I wrote Paula a letter:

Look at all the different ways you can feel and how it shows on a face. Find dad's favorite. Which face do you like to show? You actually have a choice.
From James Micheletti,
your "silly daddy"!

Enclosed:
circular faces with various types of smiles.

January 17, 1988

Letter to Mr. Julian Durbin

Dear Sir:
Please be advised that I have resumed employment at Meharry Medical College in the Office of the Dean of the School of Graduate Studies.

It is certainly appropriate to express my gratitude for all you have done for Ellen, Joe, Paula and myself during the 1988 year.

Finally, please note that Ellen and I will continue to conduct our business of parenting.

I look forward to working with her in all appropriate parent/child matters during the year.

Sincerely

Jim Micheletti

Cc: Ellen Micheletti

Journal Entry: January 26, 1988

Well, Clyde my roommate is not too happy with the phone bill from my family history search telephoning marathon.

Sunday was excellent. The song we sang in sacrament meeting was positively instructive on the business of prayer. I sang it several times before Sunday and afterwards.

Steely expressions of Holly Krusac from the law firm still burned my flesh. (It would be years until I learned not to open my heart and let people bother me.) I brought burdens before Heavenly Father Sunday and left very much restructured.

I complained at Missionary Correlation meeting for having too little to do. Ned Jorgensen told me to concentrate more on the Nigerian family, the Okans and teach them more than once a week.

At sacrament meeting, talks were given. . . Ronnie Sanders (pix at side) gave a talk.

Bishop told me later to begin a new year of orderly tithing. I played for a baptism.

I was feeling disconcerted.

Why can I not be allowed in the house to visit the children in their bedroom?
I visited with my home teacher and the spirit of the Lord was there. I called Ellen and told her exactly the children's behavior.

I requested to visit in their rooms.

Ellen accepted the proposition.

I emphasized how stressful it is on the children to leave their social circle of familiarity

Clyde and I went home teaching to Billy Basham but he was not at home on Saturday. Later Clyde bought a food storage setup for $75a month.

I have just received a shocking letter from my mother indicating the difficulties she had with her mother and revealed some very personal and sensitive information that leads me to appreciate more the burdens my mother carried.

I sent Paula a postcard.

I felt very good and warm on Sunday and Monday and Tuesday. But today I felt sluggish.

I wish Ellen would read the book prayerfully and not critically.
I told Tammy Mosley at work that Laurentia Satterfield gave me the number of a girl at church and told me to call her.

I'm afraid she might say no and besides I cannot think about attachment to another until I know that Ellen and the children are just fine. I must not wait forever. The Celestial kingdom is conditioned upon my marriage in a temple. I must love God with all my heart, might, mind and strength and then love thy neighbor as myself. Bad snow day Monday. Slipped and slid home. Almost had an accident. Today it melted. Snow cancelled a teaching session with an investigator Monday night. ------------------

I had to keep my visits in Bowling Green because Ellen says Paula does not want to go to Nashville to see the Christmas lights.

I gave up tithing because of this expense, but now I have to get back on the LDS track again. So hard to stay concentrated.

During the back and forth visitation, I could not understand the Durbins nor Ellen. Such mysterious quiet behind the scenes gabbing about me. I seemed to know it even though it was behind a wall. It was obvious.

I wanted Joe and Paula to spend the night. Ellen came down and Donna Rich and Clyde Prosser assured her that the kids will be fine. Joe wanted to sleep and Paula tossed and turned. When I asked what was wrong, she said "I don't know you. " I told her a story about a fish. She asked if I was making it up. I said I was. Finally she slept. I was so panicked. The children had to sleep in the living room because there were no extra beds. This is the reason I moved to Clyde Prosser's house; I needed a big place for handling the children.

A leftover amount owed on Joe and Paula’s hospital bill from Owensboro, Kentucky: 586.80 – surprise in the mail. Must have been overlooked.

October 22, 1988
Dear David Micheletti, 209 Arcadia Drive, Rantoul, ILL
From me when I lived at 1116 Ardee Avenue, Nashville, TN
--
Your presence is requested for a visit. Please respond at your earliest convenience. Phone 615-228-7961 or write back.
Jim

Now I get into the dad/child mode. Grade reports and teacher reports. Pictures. The whole thing. So many letters back and forth between me and Ellen.

One night on the phone in a panic, Ellen, feeling the jitters of her over-possessive blabbery mother said:

JIM MIGHT TAKE THE CHILDREN AND KIDNAP THEM!
Shut up, woman!

But the fact that she said it, spying, worrying behind closed doors, and never really facing things.
That drive up to get the children and this woman, BETTY DURBIN, who screamed and yelled at me to get out in December 1979 and here she is in front of me, and I trembled and she walked past.

Am I different? I am facing the past to resolve it.

The bishop in Evansville was terrified for me having to face up to the past and resolve it.

More pictures.

NOTE FROM THERESA WALERIUS MICHELETTI:

She keeps writing to me to say she misses me. But she yells and screams and criticizes and shows pictures of her family, but stays distant from me and mine.

Feb 3, 1989

Today is Friday, Feb 3, 1989 and I have had a rather pleasant week. The spirit of the Lord has been strong as a comforter. I have felt so lonely and deprived of such human affection—being so distant from the children an so estranged from my own Rantoul, Illinois home that I have prayed and thought hard and believe it possible to be hugged by an angel. And so I have had very few periods this week where I have felt very alienated from other human beings, a strong factor in earlier inclinations towards violating the law of chastity. Loneliness is why people do it. I have made many changes at work.

I have thought about my 39th birthday and thought if the children could make something I could keep at work. I completed a typing assignment for Bishop Gerlie Rickard for which he paid me $60.

I am still driving a Chevette and I mailed animal pictures and messages to the children.





January 25, 1989

Elder Tim Leavitt
Nashville, TN

Dear Elder Leavitt

I write a personal letter because I want you to know that I have sincerely appreciated the opportunity to get to know you better and for you to get to know me. As you know I have had many challenges to overcome during the years and have learned much about what it means to change and grow to new heights of achievement. I have also known failure, sadness, rejection, despair, fear, loneliness, horror and family damage. In the act of re-disciplining myself to be better I have gained much. I have much gratitude for the blessings of repentance and faith on the Savior. It is truly miraculous the powers of baptism and the Holy Ghost and the priesthood and the temple ordinances. In my case the results were and continue to be dramatic.

I shall forever think of you as the mighty quiet servant of the Lord and if there is anything I can do for you, please call and I will respond. I would change any attitude, disposition or repent of any undesirable behavior to continue to earn the pleasure of your company.

The Lord will bless you always.

Sincerely

Jim Micheletti

Journal entry
February 14, 1989
(in looking over the past several days)

I spent last week preparing for my birthday. I finished a letter to my sister Theresa, despite a very upstate state over her long-distance and allegedly authoritative observations of me. Nonetheless, I told her off after years of holding it in, damage that has affected me deeply, religious persecution implicated in her conduct, and then changing, going on about her life, forgetting about me, and wondering why “Jimmy doesn’t pay attention to his sisters,” ignoring them, etc. etc. when I don’t go where I am not wanted. But I told her off. I wrote and rewrote the letter until I had the wording correct. I bore down on her in testimony of the truth of the LDS church. I don’t know why it upsets me so when I get involved with my family. I need to condition my mind that I can keep spiritually stable in the midst of the roller coaster ride I would otherwise take. I don’t want her ghost affecting me that I replay my anger towards her over and over again through the behavior of others towards me, if their behavior reminds me of Theresa. I don’t know Theresa. And the fact that she is my sister means nothing to her. She doesn’t know how to repent, but I do. And I shall, the matter is closed and all things are as if they were new. I am so new now. She will be rediscovered as my sister at a later date.

I need to move out of the Jorgensen household and in to a place of my own. I need to pay bills. I need to get more money coming in. I have paid some tithing and the money on the priesthood manuals for church, the money I have been holding on to for a long time.

I have also been wondering who has been scratching my car.

I made arrangements with Elder Tim Leavitt and Elder Clyde Merrill to take them out to dinner February 10, 1989, a Friday night, the night before my birthday, February 11, 1989.

A birthday is the day you celebrate your entrance into life on earth, leaving Heavenly Father’s presence, coming to earth to live out your life, willing to put up with and conquer all opposition, and come home to Heavenly Father’s presence with a wife and family.

At work Friday, I was surprised in a major way with a birthday cake shaped like a word processor with the words The entire office staff with the exception of Lata Deseja and Dr. Fred Jones was there and they sang in perfect harmony, like angels, the Happy Birthday song. How did the office staff get me to come into the conference room where the birthday cake and ice cream and they were waiting?

A lady came to my desk and asked me to help her with the coffee machine. She said it broke down. I told her I don’t know anything about coffee or making it. She insisted on my help. I insisted that I don’t like to touch the staff, that coffee is against my religion. I went after Rose to help her and that is when I saw everybody in the conference room! I broke into a big smile and joined the activities. After work I took the cake and ice cream home. I stopped by TRUCKS the dealership who is renting me a car at $100 a month. I gave him the ice cream. A girl there said that I didn’t look 39 years old. . Then I went home and got ready to go to Donelson to pick up the elders and take them to pizza.

They wrote me a birthday note HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WE KNOW YOU’RE OLD. They signed their names. I thought the note was funny.

They have been teasing me about how old I am getting, that I am twice as old as they. We went for pizza at Mr. Gatti’s on Lebanon Road past the Old Hickory Boulevard corner. We flagged down Elder Ridge and Ireton and they joined us. I was feeling kind of sick and stuffy from all the eating all day long. After pizza we went to the church where a Sweetheart Dance was in session. I was supposed to have a date with Sharon Pearcy but she said she had to work. Guess who I see at the dance? Sharon Pearcy. I fussed at her. She could have called. Elders and I went back to their apartment where we ate some more leftover birthday cake. I got sick on eating for bags of Sierra Trail Mix, roughage for my stomach. While I was in the bathroom, the elders took my keys and moved my car out of the parking space into the lawn area in front of the apartment complex as a joke. I thought it was funny. Off for home.

Ready for Bowling Green tomorrow. I had called Ellen and I found I didn’t mail my letter to her. I said I would see them at 11 a. m. tomorrow. I got up Saturday morning. It was beautiful and generally warm, as it has been for 99% of the winter. I readied the car, cleaned it and off I went. This time I carried blankets for the children to lay upon if they get tired. They never used them. I said a prayer for a good day and off I went. I had the money for Ellen $100, the postal money order receipt. I arrived in Bowling Green. I stopped by the store and purchased REESE’s PIECES and STARBURST CANDIES. I also purchased some delicious apples and a new journal. I had the children’s birthday card they sent me with their signatures. I picked up the children. Ellen received her money. The child had $4 to pick out a fern for me at the store. Ellen’s mother and her came out and I yelled out to Ellen to come down to Nashville and see Meharry Medical College. Her mother stood still. Off we went.
I was strongly in favor of taking the children to Owensboro, Kentucky and Evansville, Indiana and that we did. We took off. I told them let’s see the place where we all used to live.

During the long drive the children and I played HANGMAN. We talked about a movie in which Paula said the man walked like a hot dog—I thought that was funny and I said I would write that in the journal. I thanked them for the birthday card with the bananas in front.

TIME TO EDUCATE THE CHILDREN ON MY AND THEIR PAST

We drove on and on to Owensboro on a clear beautiful and reasonably warm day. We decided to get pizza later on. They wanted Showbiz Pizza place. We also talked about getting mother the embroidered pillow we saw at the mall for her birthday present. The closer we got the more excited I got.

I showed the children where we lived and the phone on which Ellen and I talked in 1979 when she said she is leaving me, and don’t come to the house or I will call the police.

I showed them the lousy trailer we lived in.

I showed them where daddy “died”, that is, dad was baptized at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on Route 41 in Owensboro and a new daddy came forth.

I felt a strange newness about it all, like the past never happened and it was someone else that it happened to.

I told the children how very strange it was to be here considering all the bad things I had done in Owensboro. I even saw places in Owensboro where I was bad. Talk about no memories because I had none.

This is 1989. I have to remember that. No mind games between past and present. We stopped at the Executive Rivermont Inn on the river in Owensboro. I showed them the beautiful insides with plants and an elevator with a glass panel. We went up that. We also looked through a gift shop. Paula and I looked at beautiful crystal. A clock I looked at cost $450. It was made of crystal. We took off. I thanked them so much for coming with me. This is Micheletti family history here. They should know all this. We didn’t know where Robbie Powers, their cousin, lived.

We took off and went to Evansville, Indiana. This was really exciting. We stopped for hot dogs. Paula put the mustard and the relish on mind. She is really learning to love and to serve. The children also told me about some new gum—7-up gum. But we did not find any.

Anyway, off to Evansville.

I told them of the Mormons there who watched and helped dad get through the years so dad could get back to Joseph and Paula.

I said to the children they are famous in Evansville because people know me and them and they know I wanted them back. My birthday presents, to show off Joe and Paula to the Evansville Latter Day Saints. I was getting more excited.

We finally made it.

First house we stopped at--the Holmes residence, Willard and Margie Holmes. They were SURPRISED! I was welcomed in. They were introduced to the children. We sat down and talked. I told them where I was working. I told them about Joe and Paula and I held Joe in my arms. They felt somewhat uncomfortable. I bragged on Paula’s courage the other day when she was excited to be in the Stouffer’s Motel glass elevator seeing the city lower beneath them as one goes 23 floors into the air, while Joe and I were scared! I told the Holmes that while the Monster Ear (a flat iced pastry) recipe was borrowed in Nashville, I never saw it used yet. I asked about different people in Evansville.

I said we will go to Mark Lammers’ house next.

I told them to tell everybody I stopped in. Off we went. Mark Lammers house next. I told the children I used to live here as Mark’s roommate for 2 years. And there was Mark. He was surprised. We sat to talk. I took the children to the room where I used to kneel and pray and cry to God to give me my children back. Paula and Joe were overwhelmed by Bear, the family dog, a beautiful big dark haired playful puppy-like dog. Paula couldn’t get bear off her. Mark showed me his Florida trip pictures. He also said he is almost finished with Master Degree studies. He is still a High Councilman for the LDS church. His wife and children were gone, but I looked at pictures and they have really grown. And the spirit of the Lord testified that I have really changed and the environment around me is so different, not like it was years ago. He even said that his first wife is married in the Temple to a good man and yet he may get his children back to live with him, since they can decide for themselves who they will be sealed to as a family forever (for his children, their dad and stepmom or their mother and stepdad). Mark had a big black cat that the children held, amazed at his size for an animal. Paula played the piano—doe, a deer, a female deer, ray, a drop of golden sun, mi-a name I call myself, etc.

Off we went To Green River Road and then north. We found a Showbiz Pizza place. We decided not to eat but spent $4 on video and other games. Paula rolled a ball down a bowling alley type panel and into holes for different points. Between her and me we chalked up a lot of points and got ourselves prizes. Joe did other video games.

Then we made one other stop.

Marry Alice and Fred Rapp’s house.

Was she surprised! I introduced the children. We talked about many things and the children laughed when she took her little black poodle and illustrated how the poodle would stick its body in the air and seem to be flying like Superdog!. Paula thought that was funny. The little dog would jump in your lap, too.

Mary Alice was sick but we still talked. I told the children that this family and I did much together. Norman, her son, is so big, but looks the same—a music major. JaNae is going on a mission.

I played my original composition COME UNTO ME, MY FRIENDS for them. Fred came home and he was surprised. They invited me back to spend the night and attend church services.

Well, time to take the children to eat. We stopped at Godfather’s Pizza. We all remembered that we ate Godfather’s Pizza before.
I kept talking about how famous the children will be tomorrow at sacrament meeting when the word gets around in the congregation that JIM MICHELETTI WAS HERE WITH HIS CHILDREN! They saw me in such a ragged state of mind over their absence in my life. And the brightness around me illustrated the length of progress I have made.

The children and I ate pizza, two large ones. One had green peppers, onions, sausage and pepperoni on it and the other, just pepperoni. The children ate the pepperoni one mostly and I had some of both. It was so good. The crust was delicious. Before the pizza we played some more hangman.

I felt a sudden urge that we should go so we boxed up both pizzas and took off. We went past Henderson, KY to Madisonville and turned on WK—WEST. Joe got a bit spooked and worried that we turned the wrong way. I chided him for not trusting me; I stopped and verified that we were on the right path. We called home and said we’d be late. I told the children that mother does not need to know all the details of what we did today and where we visited, but it really didn’t seem to matter.

SUNDAY – I attended church. Notes from church include the following

If you began each day like a rose, how would the rose look like at the end of the day?

Self-esteem, have confidence in oneself.

Who is your Father, Jim Micheletti?

Your father is the king of heaven and earth. Teach my words, said the Savior. The words of a man who died. Heavenly Father’s plan is for all of us to come back to Him. What do I think about? Flush negatives away. Spend time in good things. Remember: your future is spotless. Don’t let anyone steal your dreams. This earth was once a garden place, the Garden of Eden, and will be again. Faith in myself and my own potential. There is no more secure job than in serving the Lord.

After church, I drove to Bowling Green and visited the children. We purchased some supplies and we made a valentine’s card for mother. Joe couldn’t express himself completely to make an image of his feelings on the card. I was rather shocked. Even after the encouragement I gave him, he still didn’t. I said, well, just add to Paula’s card your heart and sign it. I signed it, too.

In the meantime, I interviewed each one. First Joe had to have it explained to him again that parent/child interviews help child and parent to know and trust and love each other. I said I didn’t want to be like other uncaring fathers. It is also good since I live so far away. I challenged them:
If they know the true path, and walk it, would they be courageous enough to give up close family members?

What if they laughed and scorned you and said they would never see you again?

The children both agreed to be noble and courageous and walk the path of truth.

I told them that the problem they have on the earth is to decide what is true: The LDS Church or the Catholic Church.

If they only know what I know.

I also gave mother some post cards to have them write me a note.

I also wrote mother a follow-up letter.

I am back to work. Things are going pretty good.

But I did have one bad day. I think it is because I worked out too hard at the spa and I was tired. I have also entertained silly temptations being paralyzed by serious demands from others for attention. I need to reach for and gain a hug from an angel and not suffer so otherwise. I also need to find a place to live soon.

IN SACRAMENT MEETING
As Least I know now. There is a devil or devils plaguing the world, telling the latter Day Saints that baptism is of no effect, your sinful tendencies are still with you and the Atonement of Jesus Christ avails nothing and—the devil has priesthood power to simulate such. But only to a point. The areas of the world:

WHEAT & the TARES

Are here in the world. I am still good, clean, forgiven, changed, reborn, a clean receptacle for the Holy Ghost to dwell within, but the powerful simulation to the contrary can still happen. How close I came to the edge!

The baptismal covenant:
Take upon yourself the name of Christ
Serve Him
Keep His Commandments

Stay away from the tares.
Tares are a part of the plan on the earth so we can choose
.
LETTER TO THERESA WALERIUS MICHELETTI
Theresa:
I read your letter and I can see my letter was not understood.
I have come forth with a troublesome thread in my system that I needed to discard. Your verbal destruction heaped upon me in 1980 when I changed religions has affected me in many disastrous ways, including trembling at emotional outbursts from others (you obviously forgot your 1980 phone conversation/later on I hear: Why doesn’t Jim come visit us or pay attention to us? He’s ignoring his sisters, says Mom and Dad. I’m not coming to where I am not wanted. I have finally told you off. Since I desire to get on with my life, I suspect it will be at a distance and in a solitary state separate and distinct from you, your approval or disapproval and your emotional intrusions. Now that I have told you off, I probably can renew myself. It was very hard for me to accept such savagery from my own blood line to such a basic thing as a change of religion in a free country. My responses to such fearful isolation are recorded in my journal. I will not offend any more with my presence or bother you in the least or aggravate any further shame, mockery, scorn or ridicule to be brought forth. While I have reluctantly acknowledged your letter, I make no further response since I am inadequately informed as to your present state of mind, something that can be gained only from a personal visit which I do not anticipate at present. For now it is sufficient for me to instruct myself that you cannot do any further harm or damage to me in any way. Your present response to anything about the church will have no more impact upon me forever. If you choose to respond about the church, I suggest it be with the Mormon missionaries currently assigned to your area to share the message of the church with the area residents. Then you will know what I know. It hurts me deeply inside that I am blotted out from sharing the tremendously powerful and new information about where we come from, why we are here, and where we are going, the additional details of which have never before been on the earth in its fullness. However my next wife will be Mormon and all of my offspring will be, too. I shall dismiss all things and go back to my business and perhaps you should back to yours. I can breathe again more freely now. All things are now brand new and the past is dismissed. At the risk of being further perceived in a negative way, I make no further written statement and will not receive same from you. Our next communication will be person to person when I am ready to receive you when the time is right.
Jim Micheletti

Feb 2, 1988

Work was difficult the last week of January 1988 at the law firm in Downtown Nashville, TN. I as bombarded with stacks of files from which I had to type letters from dictation lines onto an Displaywriter Word Processor. I looked forward to payday. I paid my tithing.

I also thought about the children several times and wondered what they would be like and what could I do to bonding themselves to me closer. They don’t call me still. They do not write me still. How lonely and painful can a father be? I have taken to writing them many cute and catchy letters, i. e. jokes, smiling faces, copies of which are here. I found a cute picture of a kitty with glasses and a picture of a man sitting on a rock at the seashore looking off. (See pictures). I wrote in ME as the man and put Joe and Paula’s name in the clouds to show that I was thinking of them.

I like writing to the children. I feel like I am communicating.

I called the children and they chatted with me on the phone.
But they don’t voluntarily seek me out.

Paula liked the smiling faces.

I RESPONDED TO A LETTER FROM THERESA WALERIUS

Theresa:
My response is this: Never mind about my “angry feelings.

I have said what has taken years of building courage to do.

You are not qualified nor authorized nor fully informed to tell me that I need to seek professional help.

I am further shocked that you would visit a Mormon bishop.

I receive plenty of personal instruction about my affairs and my admittance of angry concern about my family. I am not interested in receiving your love-only because I have never known of your capability in such an area, since strong feelings were ushered my way regarding my religion. Regarding the phrase “I love you” that is impossible since you do not know who you love. That is solemn mockery from someone who has been frozen for 12 years. I feel inside, although I cannot exactly prove it, that somehow you were influential in causing a parental uprising against me in addition to vocalizing your own disgust over my change of religion, a subject so sore that you made several threatening remarks to me on the phone while I lived in Evansville, Indiana, remarks that have left me terrified and scarred for years that I could not go near my own home for fear of future rejection. Regarding your remark: You are my brother. I see that this holds no significance for you. Otherwise, you would have done something about it. Regarding the phrase: When mom and dad die, who will pay attention to you? I suffer from a lack of sufficient attention from them anyway, attention and correct view of me. I do not suffer for attention outside of them that much. I have learned to live without Micheletti’s around me, excepting for my children. Regarding the phrase: I have a lot to live for. I have no comment on that, since it is too vague. Regarding your phrase: “…let go of those angry crushing feelings or it will kill you. I have let go. Regarding the phrase: Believe me I will understand. I don’t think that is true. Writing it did not change my view. Your letter does not automatically change 12 years of other dispositions. I have felt enough rage and terror to last a lifetime. Your behavior patterns will not be permitted in my circle of existence. I formally dismiss all my bitter feelings regarding your conduct towards me in times past. And now so the subject can be closed, I request forgiveness for all I have done to you ever. And note that I have dismissed all my negative concerns. All things are as if they were new.

Sincerely, Jim Micheletti

MY COMMENT regarding Theresa:

What a woman. Slices you from the back side while carrying a public image on the front side. What a lecturing woman! Doesn’t get it. And then people wonder why I am shaking and shivering that I have been abandoned. First they yell, scream and holler. I run terrorized. I am alone. Then they wonder why I don’t contact or talk? And it affects my life?

What hard headed individuals! 5 sisters and a brother and a mom and a dad.

And then lecturing. As if Theresa is safe to be around.

Feb. 13, 1989 –

Dear Ellen:

Thank you for your contribution to a wonderful weekend with the children.
Thank you for accepting the task of giving the children a postcard upon which they can write dad a small note every few days. The message can be something as small as a paper back from school with a high grade, a joke or riddle, a question or even something like Joe got a high score on a video game. It makes my time away from them less difficult for me, encourages me on with a more cheerful heart and will make the addition of a second evening job for me much more bearable to get through. So, as you are with them in the car or wherever, a postcard once or twice a week will be fine. Do not accept an “I don’t know what to write about” statement, but some gentle, encouraging suggestions; even if it is just once sentence.
Resuming the following schedule is fine.
• Every other weekend.
• Every Sunday evening regardless.
Thus, you may please expect me next week. Have a pleasant week. If there is anything I can do for you in addition, please let me know. If any additional bills arise, please advise. Joe tells me he handed his science papers in. Please be watchful of that. If I need to improve something in any way, or make right any wrongs, I have committed, please advise. My work phone: 615-327-6051 (private line).

Sincerely,

Jim Micheletti

February 23, 1989

Dad:

Thank you for the times of fun things like Show Bizz

Joe M

Thank you for taking us to Showbiz Pizza and to Godfathers Pizza I enjoy it.

Paula.

February 17, 1989

I wrote to the Ministry of Social Affairs and Health 00170 Helsinki FINLAND
Regarding my grandfather Ananias Jack Pontinen to see if they could help with records going father back, but I got no reply.

February 27, 1989

Aletha and Terry Lewis
Mt. Juliet, TN

Dear Terry and Aletha:

Thank you for a most pleasant visit to your house Sunday February 26, 1989 at 7 p. m. where a home teaching presentation was made on following our prophet. I found the story of the General Authority’s visit to Africa very enlightening and frightening: to think that without a tour guide’s warning that one can accidentally fall into a crocodile pit, even though it looks safe and impossible for danger to lurk within. How reassuring it is to have a prophet for a tour guide to warn us of the danger areas, and that he can guide us around these spiritual crocodile/pits back to Heavenly Father. I myself was chewed up by one of these just a short time ago. I am glad I remembered the story and was able to shake off the effects. I hope it will come back to you all at those critical moments during life as it has to mine. You all manage to be a part of my prayers at least once a day. If there is anything I can do for you all, let me know. Have a super week!

Sincerely

Jim Micheletti

Dear Ellen:

Life seems hard at times, but I will stick by you through it, especially where it concerns Joseph and Paula. The children and I had a rather pleasant time bowling last Saturday. Regarding their allowance, I will be in charge of that. Given my observations of the children’s behavior, they will be given $2 a week under the following conditions:
They must complete usual and customary daily chores that you assign
One a week dad is to receive a postcard with something special that they did.

Homework must be completed in a timely manner and ask you for any help as needed. I shall call their teachers and ask for a report

Three special good deeds for someone in the family circle, someone who would not normally expect them.

We will all go out to eat Saturday March 11, 1989 and report on successes and failures. You may judge if they should receive all or part of their allowance. You will receive money from me that day, too. Afterwards I’ll drop you off and I will spend the day with the children. If any problems call 615-327-6051 or write.
Send me about any bills you cannot handle. With respect and best wishes…

Jim Micheletti

Ps. I’ll send a second copy of this letter as are reminder.
Otherwise I’ll stop in Sunday evening at 6 p.m. March 5 to pick up the children for a short time.

GENERAL CONFERENCE
APRIL 1989
PRIESTHOOD SESSION
Thoughts:
We can overcome. We can pray and trust the Lord for what cannot be done. We can live right, protection from danger
Don’t face the world alone.
Trust in the Lord and lean not unto thy own understanding.
Avoid self-pity, self-indulgence, selfishness
From Elder J. Richard Clark:
know our heritage, who we are, where we came from
Study the family tree
Secure our family units
Extend the blessings of the atonement beyond the grave through family history and getting the names to the temple
Satan hates the family; he cannot have his own.

Elder Neal Maxwell:

unexpected, undeserved suffering the Savior went through;
Christ’s capacity to endure such suffering is a tragic irony, being hurt while trying to help people.
He is a forgiving Christ going through the ritual of rejection; do not rail against rejection.
Jesus did not rail against rejection.
Ask ourselves: Will we do our duty amidst the tour of the critic?
Can we remain silent against critics?
Or will we murmur?
Fortify our houses.
Suffer things.
Live in thanksgiving daily.
We cannot county all our blessings.
Jesus did not complain of how many scourges he received.
Even in the depths of feeling forsaken, he finished the mission.
Amid suffering, Jesus said Glory be to the Father.
Gordon B. Hinckley: Those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them back and then you DESTROY YOURSELF.
Love never fails.

MORE FROM GENERAL CONFERENCE:

 Pride—the cause of a fallen people, the Lamanites
 The meek shall inherit the earth
 Beware of pride
 Righteous pride is a sin
 Pride-enmity to God and fellow man
 Our will against God’s will
 The proud cannot accept God’s authority
 Rebellion, hard hearted, sign-seekers
 Tempted to elevate ourselves
 Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only having it over others
 Pride goeth before destruction
 What will men think of me weighs heavier than what God thinks of me
 Love the praise of man more than the praise of God
 The proud let go of the iron rod
 Pride from the bottom looking up—envying, coveting, jealous, unforgiving
 We think: how does it affect me?
 Pride results in secret combinations
 Contention
 The proud withhold forgiveness
 f we love God and do his will and fear Him more than man, we will be all right. Yielding your heart to God is the thing to do. Plant a seed of faith in Christ
 Nurture seed of faith
 Follow the prophet
 Plant a seed of charity the pure love of Christ
 Love, harmony unity, kindness, patience, persuasion
 Some say:
 I have been justifying a little sin. Wrong.
 What would an unborn Micheletti say to me now?
 The voice of the people choose iniquity (on TV programs)
 Plant a seed of testimony
 We live in an age of blaming everyone and everything for difficulties
 We must assume responsibility for our actions
 To judge, blame and not forgive
 God said man should act for himself and choose and assume our own responsibility
 We can be positive and productive as could be
 Be courageous helpful and built up others
 Steps to strengthen ourselves and change: a desire, read scriptures, one must do it alone, live the commandments

I JUST LOOKED AT OF PAULA’S REPORT CARDS

A’s, A+’s
FROM ELLEN:

Dear Jim:
I have to work this weekend. Could you come this Saturday and Sunday?
Paula has been practicing her keyboard
Ellen
(this was received the week before the weekend before Easter weekend)

April 17, 1989—

Jared Lewis (he’s my little buddy here who replaces Joe when I am at home; I see him at church and at his house)

Dear Jared:

I thoroughly enjoyed your presentation Sunday at church where you spoke to the congregation on the scriptures and the importance of reading them. I admire your courage and strength and determination to speak boldly before the latter Day Saints on this topic. I hope you will always be so bold with things that are true. Right now I am interested in this scripture: “Blessed are they whose spirits long; Whose trust is in the Lord And on whose lips is praise unending And they shall rise up like eagles Mighty and strong. ”See what I can do to feel powerful and big and accomplish many great things? My spirit must long for my heavenly Father, which means I must desire to be close to Heavenly Father in prayer and I must trust the Lord’s promises, and I must glorify and praise the name of the Lord above any man’s name—and look what happens! You will rise up like eagles, mighty and strong. Just think if I do this how great my day at work will go, my relationships with other people will be good, and I will accomplish many great things I could not otherwise accomplish. I hope you got my postcard by now with some jokes on it I thought you might like. Have a good day!
Jim Micheletti

Letter to his sister, Julie Lewis:

Dear Julie:
You spoke in sacrament meeting about keeping the SABBATH holy. I need improvement in that one. Sometimes I forget to buy gas and then on Sunday I almost run out. Other times, I don’t plan properly when I go to Bowling Green to see Joseph and Paula Micheletti and I end up buying food at a fast food place. I need to improve in that. My Catholic children from my first marriage do not entirely agree with this as they have been taught differently. So Joe and Paula and I have to arrange ourselves differently so we can do things together on Sunday and still keep the Sabbath day holy.
As a Sunday afternoon project, Paula and I painted rocks. I have one of the rocks on my desk. Upon it she pained: Jim Dad. Another rock says: Dad Micheletti.
Joe and I just finished building the USS Enterprise from STARTREK in model form and painted it.

I wrote to Jared’s older brother, Jason Lewis:
Dear Jason:

Thank you for your talk on “Rules for Celestial Dating. ” I identify personally with the information in that talk because when I first joined the church, those were some of the things I had to learn in my relationships with the opposite sex. My roommate and I sat down and had a long talk about the way we used to act in dating and the changes we made. It was very different to us as relatively new members of the church, since before we were members we behaved differently. The companionship of the spirit of the Lord is always to be preferred even more than the companionship of another on a date.
Sincerely, Jim Micheletti

Joe Lewis (brother of Jared)
Dear Joseph:

Thank you for getting up to talk about PRAYER in sacrament meeting. Your dad said afterwards that you like to give the prayer many times when your family prays. It was so easy for us to talk with Heavenly Father when we lived with Him in heaven before we came to earth. Now that we are on earth, we can pray to Him. President David O. McKay was one of the prophets of the church a few years ago. Someone saw him kneeling in prayer and laughing. When asked about it, president said that he was sharing a funny story with Heavenly Father. Thanks for talking to us at church about prayer. Have a good day in school Joseph!
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti

ELLEN MICHELETTI’S BIRTHDAY
APRIL 3, 1989
WE GOT TOGETHER FOR ELLEN’S BIRTHDAY

Letter after the fact
Dear Ellen: Thank you for a most lovely and pleasant Saturday afternoon, April 1, 1989 where you dressed up and I was already dressed and we took the children to Bonanza restaurant for a dinner celebration of your birthday of your birthday, although April 2 is the date of your birth.
In the car we began a lively discussion about the facts and details of your life. How you are, what time of day you were born, things you like and do not like, things that make you laugh, angry, scared and sad, and your various accomplishments in the educational setting.
he children were attentive as I threw questions to them about these different things regarding you, questions that show how they listen and attend and love you as a person.

I did not mind giving full attention to you that afternoon. When we arrived at Bonanza, the children chose steak dinners. I chose the in-house steak sandwich plate and you feasted on a massive seafood dish of shrimp, something you said you hadn’t had in a long time.

We sat down and began very pleasant conversation. Included in our conversations was the history of where you even attended and your parents did, too. I talked to the children about our private projects such as model building.

Joe and I agreed to begin a model of the spaceship from STARTREK. We talked about the Lamborghini car, how it goes from 0-100 mph in 10 seconds.

Joe liked the poster I sent him and he put it up in his room.

Paula said she lost her piano music book. The dinner never came and a complaint to the manager brought a blessing: our money refunded, our dinner and four free dinners, two of which you have on a coupon signed by the manager. The children and I surprised you with a birthday cake and we spoke up a cheerful HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

We left for Greenwood Mall to choose one of two presents for you.

Since the vendor was not in the hallway selling very delicate lace-touched pillows with MOTHER on them, we went into a store and you picked a stuffed animal in a bag upon which said I LOVE YOU.

You agreed to put it on your desk at work. When we arrived back the children took off, and the last words you heard from me before you left were: I appreciate you. It was a great afternoon.

The children really enjoy it apparently when they have both of us together. Let’s take them out to dinner together again soon. I will see you this Saturday to spend the day with Paula.

We will try to have a small bake sale, weather and health permitting. I may stop in Friday evening, if I feel that Paula and I need to bake some things head of time. Since this weekend is payday, you will receive money, too.

Joe and I will continue our ENTERPRISE model building on Sunday afternoon. Paula will take her lesson.

Be reminded that time with Father is sacred time; any other activities are inappropriate. I have had several obstacles to spending a decent Saturday, i. e. bad weather.

Sincerely, Jim Micheletti

May 15, 1989

Dear Ellen:

Thank you for the most pleasant Saturday afternoon and evening. We attended the Catholic School Spring Festival. I took the children and watched them. You worked at the festival in one of the booths. Joe and Paula participated in several games and won many things. I was concerned that Joe ran off without telling his dad. I spoke to him and others about it. I also spoke to you. He needs to feel a sense of responsibility to his parents. This thing about him wanting to be alone and independent can be dealt with quietly and calmly. Evidently he is growing up rather fast and I can remember when I was that age that I wanted to go off by myself away from everyone else. I did complain to Joe that I felt rather ignored when he and I could have done more things together. I dropped the children off at home and after your rest and prep time, I came back to take you out to Captain D’s restaurant for MOTHER’S DAY. I was very glad to do this since it is tradition, and since you are mother. I choose to be a good example of this, always supportive of you in all the right things you choose to do as a mother.

How interesting, though, that one cannot be a mother unless there is also a father. Each has a separate and distinct duty to perform. I will support you in yours and I hope you will support me in my duty. At Captain D’s your received a Mother’s Day card from the 3 of us with our signatures on it. You also received a Jewel box plant. I accidently spent too much money on the Captain D dinner and you helped out. Before and during dinner, we exchanged comments about our bosses at work, and you told me quite a bit about your boss’s unsettled disposition in several matters. Paula gave me one of the three stuffed bears she won at the festival. It is sitting on my desk at work. I also have the Starship model that Joe and I first worked on. It is sitting atop the Digital disk drive console next to my desk. You may expect Joe and me to visit Meharry so he can look over what is involved in studying to be a doctor. Please expect me Sunday at about 2. Have fun with the children on Saturday.
Sincerely
Jim Micheletti

May 15, 1989

To Joe and Paula:

As we talked about one day, you are reminded that signs are about the city of Bowling Green, and indeed in several cities throughout the world that connect smoking cigarettes with beauty, pleasure, fun, beautiful women, handsome bodies, and joy. Smoking in these signs is also connected with smiles, health, tans, great clothes, friendly men and women, beautiful landscapes and mountains and generally things that are great. These signs do not tell of:
1. Lung cancer,
2. Coughing
3. Colds
4. Infections
5. Increased difficulty of the lungs and heart to operate
6. The junk coating the lungs and other organs inside the body
7. The shock to the nervous system (people say smoking calms their nerves when it in fact shocks their nerves into numbness that they think is calmness)
These signs do not also tell of people who have to breathe oxygen out of a tank because their lungs are not strong enough to breathe on their own because smoking weakened the lungs. Don’t be tricked! The consequences of smoking are dangerous. Just because the billboard signs do not show it, that doesn’t mean it won’t happen! There are many evil men in the world who hide the bad results from the eyes of people in order to sell dangerous products and make money. Don’t be tricked!
Love
Dad



LETTER FROM A COLORFUL, SPLASHY, OUTGOING MISSIONARY ELDERS TO ME—
Jim:
What’s up, froot?
It was good to hear from you. I want to thank you for bringing me and my comp here. I really appreciated it (the ride to the new area). Well, this place is a pit and it’s very hot. It’s been 99-100 degrees all this week without about 90 degrees humidity. Elder Call can’t stand it, but it’s ok. How’s everything going? Are you married? Crock, dude!
This area is huge, but awesome. There’s a lot of good people here and things should get going here soon! It’s kind of weird not having someone knock on our door late at night…in fact, no one knocks on our door!
Anyhow, take care, be good, find a good woman, dye your hair, take a nap and drink some milk.

Sincerely
Elder Wagaman.

If I recall, Paula met this Elder. I took him up to to a zone conference, I think. He’s outgoing, hilarious, and imaginative, just like I am.

Elder Hunsaker:
Thank you for the missionary experiences we have had during your time in the Ward. I have learned much, and mostly it has been this competitive spirit you seem to impress upon others to be so dissatisfied with the status quo and conquer more! I thought I was until you came along. Definitely a leadership quality according to the psychological makeup of a leader. I don’t know if I could keep up with your pace if I was your missionary companion (Elder Wagaman would say it is because of my age). Thank you for having me along during your teaching experiences at that couple’s home (whose name I cannot now remember). Thank you for your directness in our conversations, especially about our dads, if you recall. I was so surprised that you got transferred as I was looking forward to many strong missionary experiences. The best to you and let that testimony shine!
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti



JOURNAL ENTRIES
JULY 1, SATURDAY 1989

Joe and I went looking for a chemistry set on Saturday. During that afternoon he identified probably 15 today or games he’d like to have. Included were items about Batman, since the movie was just released. We settled on 59 cent batman cards and gum. We never did find a chemistry set so we settled on a box of scientific experiments for children. We also purchased a little mouse for $1.99 and mouse food. The idea was to keep Joe busy with things to do until it was time to go to Opryland.

Paula and I played the organ at St. Thomas Aquinas’ church. Paula picks up well on her lessons. She is learning eighth notes. During this time she is all bubbly and affectionate with dad. Afterwards she got tired. We relaxed with hangman game and super girl on TV. I held her close to me because she was cold. I told her Joe is complaining about her playing video games so I asked Paula to leave it alone for a week. I also asked Paula to prepare to go shopping with dad for a dress and that dad will take a picture of her as she tries out several dresses to make a PAULA’s fashion portfolio. I wish Joe was as attentive and open as Paula. Joe and I talked all afternoon and he complained about her. Paula and I ate Godfather’s Pizza. I told Joe he can come to Meharry and visit but probably not see a cadaver.

Later I thought on being an orphan: away from family, away from Joe and Paula. Alone. No one. Some orphans stick on to people.

To compensate:

I over-emphasize my activities with the children, the ONLY MICHELETTI family I have.

Work has been boring and quiet.

January 9, 1989:
I partook of the sacrament, clean, worthy, peaceful, and restful. I should act as if the thing you have faith in is an established fact. Faith removes fear, disbelief, and disillusion.

Journal Entry
July 10, 1989

I am in my new ward. The other ward had too many talkative gossipy complaining people. Paula and I have been taking pictures together and she is apparently falling in love with her dad. Joe seems distant and I have been griping at him privately under my breath for keeping his hand in his father’s face, being a one-parent child, him and mom.
I did some more work with interesting missionary elders, all the way from Springfield, Tennessee down to Vanderbilt University area. I like to stay busy. No one else in my life, no Micheletti’s, so why not stay busy. We had a lesson in Sunday School class on the Gift of the Holy Ghost, how to recognize the promptings and that through the Holy Ghost one knows that the church is true, that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God and that The Book of Mormon is a true book. Intellectually and through reasoning is not sufficient enough to know that things like this are true. Today we saw in priesthood that we pay our Heavenly Father back for what He has done for us through service to another. When we curse another man, we curse Heavenly Father.

After sacrament meeting I drove to Bowling Green. I was feeling rather peaceful and yet rather concerned about Joe and I felt to gripe about him under my breath. I said a prayer and wondered what to do.


I stopped by the elders’ apartment and asked them if they would show a filmstrip to the children. We selected JOHNNY LINGO, about an island fellow who paid a father 8 cows to have his daughter in marriage; she did not treat herself so highly. I asked Joe and Paula what they thought the other was worth: One cent. I asked how valuable they were in the eyes of Heavenly Father. A lot, they said.

We went to our lounge place at St. Thomas Aquinas’ church to talk. I spoke to Joe while Paula played the piano.

We talked about Opryland and thanked him for sacrificing a lot so we could go.
I told Joe privately that sometimes I feel sad and alone because when I suggest something he hangs his head.

When Paula came back in, the two began wrestling and punching each other.

I told Joe and Paula that guys measure themselves against another because that is the competitive spirit in guys.

I told Joe that we should do things together because that is what fathers and sons do.

He said that Bernie Powers and his son, Robbie, do NOT do a lot together because Bernie is busy a lot.

Joe needs experiences to assert himself as a young man, full of energy, courage, confidence and competition against himself.

But Joe and Paula still complain on each other.

We tried a competition game to illustrate the point.

I laid a coin on the floor, Joe and I measured our hands the same distance away from the coin, and on the count of three, we snapped at the coin with our hands to see who would grab the coin first.

Paula also tried it. Paula won the snatch the pebble from my hand competition against her brother.

I told Joe that mother worries over him, she thinks something bad is going to happen to him and that if Joe dies she won’t have another child.

Show mother that you are strong and independent and can be trusted.

We took off. Joe and Paula wrestled in the car, telling each other to SHUT UP at the same time, competitive spirit showing. If I could just capture that and channel it effectively. Bye, Joe, see you later.

With Paula alone, she and I went for a walk. She and I climbed up a stone wall and walked along it. I carried her on my shoulders and while we climbed up a hill towards campus, her leg banged against my glasses, and they fell and broke. I kept coaxing her to not run ahead. We tried tree climbing. Paula did. She climbed several trees. Boy was it hot outside still. She hung from a branch and I caught her. We talked about going shopping for a dress and taking pictures of her trying on different dresses. We talked about going to see my apartment and about Joe getting a pair of shoes. Joe asked me earlier about the chemistry set, and I said that mother and I thought we should save for Opryland, school supplies and a pair of shoes. Joe suggested a place to get a somewhat cheaper chemistry set. Paula and I continued walking and holding hands and generally enjoying it. I love it. So close. So together. I dropped her off and drove back home. I collapsed in bed. The visiting time went by so fast. I fell asleep.

July 10, 1989
Dear Ellen:

The children and I are having very enjoyable times together and we are learning many things. They certainly seem to be growing rather fast! You may expect Joe and me to spend much time by ourselves in the next few weeks as he is growing rather quickly wanting to expand his horizons…I sense that if he is not already doing it, he will feel very hampered at restrictions placed upon him. As for Paula she seems to be getting very attached to her dad. She tells me that she keeps the pictures I take of her and me. We have gone for walks and she takes my hand in hers. Her spirit and energy zoom high as we visit and do a great variety of activities together. Her self-respect and dignity are priceless. I find her astute observations of human behavior, her understanding of human nature, and her intellectual wit and humor refreshing beyond measure.
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti

July 10, 1989
Dear Joe:

Thank you for the visit we had Sunday afternoon. I meant every word I said regarding guys, like a dad and a son, doing things together, things that just guys do. A lot of your actions towards Paula is because guys like to compete, measure themselves against someone else, and for lack of other company, you have Paula. You are growing up fast. When you sign up for baseball, that will help to direct this tremendous energy and spirit of competition you have. There are some things that guys just do themselves. If you recall, we went to the Olympic Health Spa and you helped me with weight lifting. We talked about the growth of the physical body and the advantages and how you will grow and expand in your chest and arms and legs. You are a great looking young man! I can just imagine how girls will want you to take them out. Besides exercise is great for your spirit, courage and determination. See you this weekend, Saturday or Sunday. I am not sure yet. Take care of your mouse. Just think how you would want o be handled if you were that tiny. I wonder how a mouse says: Thanks, Joe, for taking care of me. In fact, I haven’t heard a squeak out of your mouse yet. Have you?
Love
Dad

July 11, 1989
Dear Paula:

I found my eyeglass lens wedged inside the hinge that helps make the seat go back. I will just glue the glass frames back together with the lens. I guess if you ride on my shoulders that I should not keep my glasses hanging on my neck. Please remind me of that. Thank you for the walk Sunday afternoon. Thank you also for the tree climbing demonstration. Just think: You will be Paula Marie Micheletti forever. I will be your dad forever. Forever is a long time, without an end, like a ring, without beginning or end. I have paid a great price for you. I consider you to be very important.
I remember you used to say:
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT US?
Well, why not? You’re my daughter. Fathers brag on their children’s accomplishments. It’s important for me to treat you as important.
See you this weekend,
Love Jim-DAD

Dear Jim
We are going to visit Susan this weekend. I’ve had to postpone it twice because of her daughter Sally having surgery. This time we’ll finally make it there. We’ll be back by Sunday evening hopefully so Paula can play the piano
Ellen

I sent a picture… WITH TWO CUBS: I named the lion, “Dad”, and the cubs “Joe” and “Paula”
The note reads: We will be together always! It is always important for you to always know that I love you, son.
DAD

July 24, 1989

Another week and I missed Joe and Paula this past weekend because I spent too much money on eating out! Grrr! Time to toughen up even more. Last week I was so sick for most of it. I had strange cramps, shakiness and I was tired and dizzy desiring to sleep a lot. I spent time away from work at church resting and playing the piano. At other times, I helped out the Vanderbilt Missionary Elders with teaching. I drove Elder Wagaman to his new area. It was hard to sit at work and think. I did some work this week in the evening at the Alphabet Shop word processing attorney general documents. I did a major apartment cleanup on Saturday, moved furniture around and felt much better about living there. I have searched for furniture. Dorothy Martin is moving and I will go check on her furniture. I have made goals: Up at 7, Read the Doctrine & Covenants, Book of Mormon and Psalms,20 sit-ups,20 pushups—all before I go out the door each morning. I will do this for a while and build up my spirituality. I need it. I have had much anger and bitterness and revenge and hatred towards my parents for ignoring me. I have wondered if I am really guilty of breaking the commandment: Honor thy father and thy mother. I have prayed and thought upon the matter and decided:

*they are children of God*
they can be baptized. I certainly want to go on but not transfer down their attitudes, so wrong on so many issues. Is it my job to save them when I can hardly take care of myself and two children?

How can I marry again?
In the meantime, if I need to have someone love me, and I cannot conduct myself in the Micheletti family setting, being estranged from a father and mother I do not trust, and fear going near because they may take me on a love/hate or depressive/maniacal roller coaster ride. I do not want to get involved. I feel that they are dead, and yet they are not. I am still shocked at my father’s bland telephone call about a bill mistakenly sent to him, announces a heart operation, (as if I didn’t care). I have thought so many times about putting him in jail for ignoring me and his grandchildren. I pray that the Holy Ghost will come upon Joe and Paula that they will not suffer damage from being ignored by the Micheletti side of the family.

Is it wrong for me to be angry? I feel absolutely violent and murderous, and how frightening to feel this way! I have wondered about my behavior should I find out my parents have died and I am at their funeral. I don’t know that I could show any emotion at all, being so estranged from them for a long time.
The poison in the atmosphere is incredible. They have pushed me out to fend for myself, especially in the most trying of circumstances having to get my children back. They have turned their backs on me several times. Why must I forgive?
What kind of earth lesson is this that I should suffer so for their sins? Is this the way I am to learn and appreciate the Savior, Jesus Christ, who suffered ignominious rejection, mockery, scorn, ridicule, criticism—and on top of that, the withdrawal of His Father, and then death? How am I able to maintain peace and self-respect? And yet, I don’t know about this commandment: Honor thy parents. I don’t even KNOW my parents. But I can view them as children of Heavenly Father. They are possibly able to be baptized…but I still have raging feelings surging against them and telling them off to their faces!

I have already demanded to dad that he apologize to Joe and Paula for ignoring them, and then I can show them where I got raised as a boy. And yet my own life is burning out! When I pay attention to my own life, the emptiness and estrangement and alienation are staggering. How alone a family member feels when cut off from loved ones. Now I know how a funeral is. How am I surviving? I still have not gone to the temple to be sealed to a wife. I need that ordinance to get to the Celestial Kingdom where Father is. Thus my goals to be more spiritual, and make more money and not spend it wildly, partying to fill in the empty gaps caused by the absence of people around me. The Holy Ghost is a constant companion and more important than the companionship of people. It provides revelation from God the Father and Jesus, the Son.

I have had interviews with Joe. He wanted to know if I HATE Mr. and Mrs. Durbin. No, Joe, I do not hate them.

I have gotten angry with them in front of him. My privilege. But I do not hate them. I have emphasized to Joe that he and I are still rather strangers to each other, and we haven’t had very good father/son activities. I suggested such activities and described the significance of them.

I have told this to him before and threatened to spank him for cold indifference towards mom and dad and things in general.

Why do things have to go his way?

I have had to pray so hard to be able to know what to do regarding him.
I have had to explain the line of authority for him, and yet I feel that there is a contrary force in the household undermining my influence.

As for Paula, she and I seem to be getting along amazingly well.

I am looking forward to many dad/daughter dates with her.

Lately in an argument over Nintendo games, she accused her brother of pretending to agree to something and alter changing his mind regarding Nintendo use.

I reported him to Ellen. . Whatever…. I have enjoyed many spiritual experiences but I have also suffered temptations. Yet my mind has been peaceful. I have yearned to get ahead. I have felt uplifted by things lately and renewed in confidence that the Lord has power over my life. I desire to get better settled. I am glad I do not have to bother anyone nor be bothered by anyone. I have felt such an unnecessary surge within me to yelp and holler and act crazy and do other things to be noticed, to hear myself talk, to convince myself I am alive. But I feel the lay low and easy and be calm impressed upon me. I have followed that.
I have been working on this DIVINE CENTER CONCEPT and thinking and seeing things as Heavenly Father and the Savior would see them.

I can tell when I am just reaching for attention and self-glory or reaching for communion with the heavens.

July 30, 1989--I am attending the Nashville I ward at the Heywood Lane Chapel.

Ellen, the children and I had a planning session to organize ourselves for Opryland vacation August 11.

During that time the children promised to stay within eyesight of their parents, otherwise, they sit down for 30 minutes and not ride anything. Joe and Paula have been sharing the Nintendo game and that was pleasing to hear since I had to speak to them about it. As their father who lives 63 miles away, I do have some influence.

Sunday, July 30, at the Nashville I ward meeting
Ideas I heard-
 Jesus Christ volunteered to come to earth, teach, suffer and die and be resurrected so we can come back home to Father. And yet the paralysis still descends upon me, confused over my dad and mom, fear and a desire to be loved and attended to. I must remember:
 My companion is the Holy Ghost, for comfort and attention. Put off the natural man and change. Why I cannot just enjoy the spirit of the Lord instead of feeling to have to go to war.
 Goodbye mom and dad. They are deliberately holding themselves back from me. We must love ourselves first.
NOTE from ELDER WEICHERS to me:
This is the stud, in First Ward/Vanderbilt Area with Elder Hill. Remember this, Jim. I am gonna be famous someday. Arnold Schwarzenegger the II, playing football. Love ya, dud. And he signed it: Elder Weichers.

A talk was given: As ye do unto others, ye have done it unto me. At church I look around at available ladies to date. One just got baptized by Elder Holt, and her name is Theresa. I found out later she is not currently interested in dating. I notice I have been staring at other people wishing I was them and not me since “I” am not acceptable company to my family. I am acceptable to God.

Sunday August 6, 2009

I have been working on a song:
Do ye know the peace of the Lord?
Is His joy found in your eyes?
Do you feel His peace in your heart
And love that never dies?
May the glory of God be upon you (unfinished thought) I desire to push forward; confusion and fear over my parents have held me back. I had a talk with my bishop again on the matter.

Gospel Essentials Class:
Moses 5:58:
Gospel preached by angels, by voice of God, by the Holy Ghost. Jesus Christ called others to teach the gospel. Apostles were persecuted, but they still did it. Joseph Smith publicized His First Vision to others. If you keep the commandments of the Lord, He is with you. Why is missionary work important? To help people return to Heavenly Father. We prepare people for the Second Coming of Jesus Christ In priesthood class: I thought to myself, all this feeling funny about being a Jim Micheletti. All this love and joy choked out of me because I am told not to discuss it with other Micheletti’s. Nevertheless, we are priesthood holders, representatives of Jesus Christ with His power and authority, and a priesthood bearer takes upon himself sacred obligations of obedience and service.

Sacrament meeting: 8/6/1989

I passed the sacrament. This is a priesthood duty, to distribute the water and bread and assist others to recommit themselves. I thought about feeling like a Jim Micheletti. I need peace. Am I feeling it? Are things quiet inside?
Are the burdens eased so I can submit cheerfully to all the will of the Lord?
I need strength to bear up and endure my mom and dad.
Be nice, quiet, meek, humble, and gentle, like a lamb, low keyed.
During the week I was a wreck over the Opryland vacation trying to allow for it.
I did not end up having everybody stay overnight in a motel.

May 26, 1989
Journal Entry:
Well, I have panicked again and confused the past with the present, having a change of reference and view, being near Mrs. Durbin, upset at this division being pressed upon Joseph and Paula with these separate family activities.
I cried unto the Lord, cried that my parents do not love me, that I am alone, that I have many struggles and that I fear the duration of eternity, and that I walk towards the door towards it.
I need to be really disciplined with myself.
I have tightened up the ship and came through with the following to review:
Heavenly Father’s will comes first!
I have the same priesthood conferred upon me that was delivered back to the earth by peter, James and John and John the Baptist to Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery. I have the same priesthood that was carried by the apostles and others in ancient Israel. The same priesthood by which power the heavens and the earth were created. It is better to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost to be with me, more preferred always than human companionship, recognition, acknowledgment, and communication from family, friends, children, anyone.
Companionship with the Holy Ghost puts one in contact with Heavenly Father. In the midst of afflictions, especially rejection or the fear of rejection, or of disapproval, bless the name of the Lord, and count it a blessing to so suffer a small portion of the sufferings the Savior went through on the cross.
If people do not want me around, it means I should spend more time with God. Do most of my talking with God. In daily activities, speaking, writing, carry God’s view with you and let that determine your actions.
Be grateful more for blessings. Notice them. This will dissolve the power of persecuting or aggravating feelings. –dissolves the tendency towards criticism, fault-finding, bitterness, envy, hate, jealous.
Be positive, productive. Read the Book of Mormon. Beware of pride. It will be the meek that will inherit the earth.
Avoid rebellion, hard-heartedness, unforgiving attitude, envy, jealousy. What will God think of me is more important than what men will think of me. Yield your heart to God.
Cry unto God for support over work, home, family, belongings, and the power of the evil one. What would an unborn Micheletti say to me now? He is currently in Heavenly Father’s presence. Be a good example. Care for others. Listen to their concerns. Be interested. Pray and trust the Lord to do what you cannot do. Lean not unto thy own understanding. Don’t face the world alone.
I am not alone. I have Heavenly Father. I wish to cry unto Him for counsel, support and place the affections of my heart upon Him. If I feel paralyzed with anger, hateful feelings I can reach to him to lift the burden. When I enter a frightening situation, I can protect myself by being firm on the Lord’s territory and I will be protected and safe.
I know what is true.
I have been working at typesetting and word processing in the evenings at two places: Universal Typesetting, Shivel Drive, Hendersonville, and the Alphabet Shop, 2200 Hillsboro Road (21st Avenue south), Nashville, TN. The extra money will help Ellen, Joe and Paula and pay bills and move. I would still like to move out of the ward.
I am so embarrassed over the release from home teaching because some don’t understand me.
I have been hanging too much on to people not having family of my own and Joe and Paula being so far away. I have been getting really withdrawn and quiet, not wanting to do much, trying to be free from people’s tares and concerns.
I need to accept my aloneness and be comforted, knowing that I am not alone, I am just on my own, for a while, but not for long.
May 26, 1989
Dear Ellen:
I give renewed emphasis in warning the children against smoking and avoiding alcohol in any form. There is no reason for Joe and Paula to use tobacco or alcohol. Because a person wants to is not a reason, but merely a restatement of the desire. How unfortunate that some adult role models near them exemplify such habits very damaging to the physical body and consequently the human spirit. Can one imagine a 9 year old or an 11 year old smoking a cigarette or drinking alcohol? I hope Joe and Paula never fall for these tendencies. Latter Day Saints place high priority on the preservation and protection of the human body as a temple of the spirit of God and avoid harmful substances to interfere with one’s spirit. I have a personal knowledge that avoiding tobacco, alcohol and coffee and regular tea provides great blessings for the body. Among other things, the nervous system is not shocked into a state of numbness, but left alone to function properly. Since heavenly Father designed the physical body in which our spirit is housed, how much better to leave it alone and let the divine power work through it. In one of the books of the church, the Doctrine & Covenants, Section 89, it states that one who avoids these substances will find “…great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures…” and that a person will “run and not be weary…walk and not faint. ” Scientifically, you should already know that this is obvious, although Joseph Smith had it revealed to him long before doctors knew it to be true. Psychologically, it is known that babies do not require alcohol or tobacco to be comforted; balance, poise, composure and control in a person’s life comes not from these substances, but from a standing on the platform of truth, choosing the right and nourishing virtue, mostly love by serving other people and receiving love, especially in the family circle, avoiding contention and negativism, righting any wrongs committed and walking peaceably with others as much as possible. Isn’t it interesting that some adults feel they have to have alcohol and tobacco? The health hazards, deaths, added expense and family destructions that are directly and indirectly related to these substances is shocking. People don’t have to suffer needlessly. They can be warned and taught properly. However, I have great sensitivity and compassion for those who are weakened to such a point that they feel they have to. Encouraging them to change is also in their benefit. Your cooperation in this matter as a companion parent to Joe and Paula’s welfare is appreciated. You can rest assured that I will mention these ideas in several settings through my time with them as the situation calls for and as I feel prompted to do so. How accountable I would be for not doing my duty in this regard. Given the strong reasoning in this letter, I trust you will mention the topics in suitable situations as you see fit and are prompted to do so because it is the right thing to do, not because I mention it so boldly. We are assigned responsibility for their health. However I am appalled at the “deceptive advertising” on billboards in the town that associate cigarettes and alcohol with toughness, pleasure, fun, and so forth. The billboards unfortunately hide the real physically damaging consequences of such actions. Alcoholic beverage and tobacco companies do not care for people at all! Only money! Smoking in moderation? Drinking in moderation? Why even bother at all? Slow physical damage is STILL physical damage to the body? Money on these substances is better spent elsewhere. I am glad to learn these topics are discussed at St. Joseph’s Catholic School
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti
Cc: Mrs. JoAnne Powell, Principal, St. Joe’s Catholic School, Bowling Green, KY
May 15, 1989
Dear Paula:
Thank you for the stuffed bear you gave me to put on my desk at work. I was getting rather tired of looking at the painted rock we did. I needed something new to look at to remind me of you and the things we do together. I have a pink sheet of paper tucked into the stuffed bear’s lap as it sits on my desk at work.
On the paper it says:
PAULA BEAR
See you later.
JIM DAD
LETTER TO MY MOM
Dear Mother:
I continue to amaze the Latter Day Saints with my piano playing, creative arrangements, and expression as I play the hymns of the church which proclaim the restoration of the gospel back to the earth through the prophet Joseph Smith, the new knowledge of Heavenly Father and the plan of life and the atonement . I have also performed much popular music. Lately I have written new music to the hymn “The Lord Is My Shepherd”, words of which are based on the 23rd Psalm
My music in the church and at Meharry Medical College in the cafeteria is a tribute to your example, love and appreciation of music, which I picked up on as a little boy and carry it until now. Heavenly Father thanks you for nurturing this music, and I thank you, too.
Love Jim
May 18, 1989
Elder Mike Wall
Columbia, TN

Dear Elder Wall:

I wanted to write and tell you how much I appreciated having your company in Old Hickory, Tennessee. You have gained much from Elder Chipman and from your own meditation, pondering, and studying not to mention the effects of the music you listen to. It has had an effect on Elder Chipman, on the Donelson Elders, and on me! In fact, I am turning myself in for observation because of it! Who do you think you are, being so spiritual?
At any rate, in the Gentile world, people say the best of luck to an individual pushing off in a new direction. I say, the best of the Holy Ghost be with you in your new endeavor. (Pssssst. Hey, Elder Chipman! Wall’s gone. Can you believe it? Boy, I thought we’d never get rid of…. ”)(Just kidding!)
Sincerely
Jim Micheletti

May 29, 1989
TO Roger Beck
How surprised I was to see your old missionary companion, Elder Eaveson, visiting in the Ward! It brought back all kinds of great memories. He tells me you are married, have a baby or was it one on the way? And that you work at the Marriott Hotel in Salt Lake City. Congratulations! As for me I am back with my children finally after a long absence. If you recall I mentioned we were separated after the divorce and that my ex-wife wasn’t ready for me yet. Well, the summer after you left, I got them back. I am a dad of two: Paula and Joe. The rest of the time is getting adjusted to being a dad. Tremendous responsibility. Tremendous fun. And tremendous is the sharp line drawn between the LDS church and the Catholic Church. It is funny how dragged down in the details of life you get, forgetting the good company of others in times past so easily. It has been a pleasure remembering you and those days at 348 West Main Street, and I hope that our paths will one day cross again.
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti
November 16, 1989
Dear dad:
I hope you’re getting better from your cold to have Thanksgiving this weekend.
JOE M
Dear dad:
I hope you get better soon! I am coughing myself, too. I will see you Sunday for an early Thanksgiving dinner.
Love Paula

October 30, 1989
Dear Joe:
Thank you for a great Saturday, son!
I think it was one of the BEST times ever we spent together. When I came to get you we drove to Hendersonville. As we drove we discussed the purpose of the day and pulled the car over to read a typed statement about our relationship to each other. I know the words we read will help things to go great during the time we spend on earth with each other. Heavenly Father put us together on the earth; it is HIS business. We arrived at my apartment to rest and eat breakfast and watch wrestling and plan the day. We discussed getting an aquarium and stopped by several places to try and find one. We thought we had it but no luck. We also went to dad’s office and we played a game on Dad’s Macintosh Word Processor as well as print some letters. You typed a special message to mother, printed it, and we mailed it to her. We also went downstairs to the Anatomy department where we opened up a metal casket and looked at the remains of a dead body. You did not get sick at all. I suggested to you that you ability to keep cool like that means you could easily be a doctor because doctors are used to blood and internal organs and dead bodies and the like. Then we went home and shopped for food at Kroger. We purchased some Froot Loops and got half of price and a check from Kelloggs printed out with the refund of $1. 45 with J. Micheletti on the check. Do you still have the check? We went to the Mall to look at a Tarantula and checked the price of it—about $30, when you include the tax. The store sold cricket feed for tarantulas. We decided to get you one for Christmas. We also played video games and dad won a clock-calendar and you got two airplanes. You didn’t like the airplanes but I thought they flew rather well, looping and looping as they did. We tried it in the parking lot at Rivergate and took a picture. We went home to eat pizza. You added extra pepperoni and cheese and it was good. I ate the leftovers today. We also ate chicken nuggets and drank cherry 7-UP. TV was nothing so we drew a monster and talked further about things we could do together at the apartment, about you, and about me. I very much appreciated how you spoke up today, courageously and firm, stating your point of view, and challenging me when you thought I was wrong.
We went down to the lake and skipped rocks . My rocks skipped further and then yours did. You splashed several. I took pictures. Then we had a ceremony. I wrote on a piece of paper
JOE & DAD TOGETHER FOREVER
And we attached it to a log and set it adrift on the
The log didn’t move out right away so we splashed against it with rocks to get it moving. We went home and rested some more. Then we drove to Bowing Green. You took home with you a box of FROOT LOOPS a check from Kelloggs (with Tony the Tiger on it) a letter to Mother and we gave each other a hug.
I love you, son.
Thank you for all we did today.
Love DAD.
Your school picture is one of the best ever; I like the background and how it makes you and Paula look great!

October 24, 1989
Dear Ellen:
Isn’t it wonderful to have children? And to think it is part of the grand divine plan, that Heavenly Father made for His children on the earth. It is a wise, true, orderly process of God that Joe and Paula would be assigned to you and me, Joe and Paula, out of the billions of children that could have been given to us on the earth. I have told Joe and Paula that out of the billions of people you two are given to me and mother and isn’t that something? It truly has meaning. As part of the grand design. And who am I to say that Heavenly Father made a mistake? There is no mistake in heaven. Would anyone have the courage to stand up to heaven and cry out that it is a mistake to be born on the earth in a particular set of circumstances? Is God not all-knowing, all-loving and would it not be meant for growth? Is Heavenly Father wrong in putting Joe and Paula with Jim and Ellen? Out of respect for that divine design, it is appropriate for Joe and Paula to learn obedience and respect for their parents, as heavenly representatives for them as they will grow up and be able to cooperate with Heavenly Father in bringing children to earth. I have never permitted them to do anything but demonstrate respect for you in conversation and action towards you and in your absence. The flowers, the little bear, the drawings given you, your birthday, Mothers Day and several other voluntarily initiated activities are geared towards this end. The only thing to hold up higher is Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, the truth and the commandments.
I very much appreciate the letter each week. I will also very much appreciate the new program of giving each of us equal consideration during the holidays and not make plans without consulting the other. Dividing the holidays teaches Paula and Joe through this silent message that mom is just as important as dad and dad is just as important as mom and neither is to be placed in significance above the other.
Joe and Paula can see the examples in us of how to be good parents, and they will remember that when they have children and long after you and I have left the earth. The actions and decisions we make as parents with respect to them and in relation to each other in the promotion of harmony and order will impact upon their lives and the lives of their posterity.
I have spoken to them many times about priorities: Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, the commandments, their responsibility to themselves and then to their parents who brought them to the earth. Joe and Paula hear very often my question of how am I doing in my job as dad and is there something I should do better? In this regarding I should like to move forward on the holiday plans. (choices)
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti
Dear Dad:
I am doing good in school.
I got a lot of candy.
JOE M

Dad:
I had a great Halloween. I got lots of candy. I went as a witch! I have my candy in a pumpkin pail. My cousins went as a Goblin, dragon, Indian and clown.
Love Paula.

PAULA COLLECTED STAMPS FOR A LONG TIME.
I would get interesting stamps at Meharry, especially from overseas, and I sent them to her.
I heard that as missionaries we present the material.
The spirit teaches.
But we must have faith, hope, charity and love.
The spirit is gained through prayer, through testifying in the name of the Savior, through showing love for investigators, by sharing personal experiences, quoting words of the Lord, music, and blessing on the people’s homes.
These allow Heavenly Father to be there with investigators. But with God, nothing is impossible. This hit me very hard when I heard this, feeling boxed in of late by circumstances. A calm reverent atmosphere is needed in teaching and in life.
Dear Paula:
I miss you, daughter of mine. Dad could not come up because of the car and because he had to move to another place. Please practice your piano and even try the next few songs. Good luck in school. I hope you do not get the flu.


Dear Joe:
I miss you, son. I had car fixing to do and I had to move to another place due to a misunderstanding. It was very strange. Please be patient and we will be together again soon. Please don’t get the flu. Mom told me you were sick and I felt bad. I am looking forward to spending a whole lot of time together. Remember to do well in school as I plan to reward you very special for all the grades you get above a 90.
LOVE, DAD

JOURNAL ENTRY
Spirituality, the lesson to be learned to a greater degree than ever before, manifesting even greater FAITH in Jesus Christ and living the LAW of CONSECRATION to a higher degree. If someone tries to hurt me, respond with peace and kindness and helpfulness. Life is like a man swinging a baseball bat at an even level. If you do not want to get hit in the head by the bat, stay below the level of the swinging bat.
I spent Friday, Saturday with Elders Weichers and Hunter.
On Sunday I attended Nashville I ward.
I took the sacrament.
If your child comes to you with an important question, you would answer it. If your Father in Heaven heard you ask Him a question, He will answer it. We need to ask and listen. Accept what the Lord does for you. Prayer is powerful. Make your call to the Father and wait for a response. After you pray, see if Heavenly Father has anything to say.
I drove back to Rivergate Mall area to attend the Ward. We must have faith in Jesus Christ. Why is this first in the principles and ordinances of the gospel? Nothing is possible without faith, a belief which compels one to action. Devils believe but remain disobedient. Lucifer and his followers are in the world inhabiting the bodies of people. Teach the gospel of Jesus Christ to your children. Quorum leaders will interview quorum members to check on home teaching and other stewardships. We must support the elders quorum, we must do home-teaching and be responsible for our families.
As for genealogy, you will know your ancestors when you see them again on the other side of the veil.
I have wasted my time in anger towards people, specially mom and dad. Pray for strength to overcome. Guard my responses to people. I will place it in the hands of another to help me spend money wisely. Regarding a talk I heard on hardships and overcoming: Job had hardships and still praised God. Be of good cheer for I have overcome the world. No one can force you to be bitter and angry. Choose you this day who you shall serve. Once a choice is made, it takes strength and courage to maintain it.
Service – man’s greatest joy is in helping.
The Good Samaritan Story is one of service. Where I was living in Hendersonville, well, it turned strange. I found the landlady, the sheriff cornering me saying that I tried to run over 3 children. I moved out that day. Bob St. Amand came to get me and move my things to his house until I found an apartment at 110 Sanders Ferry Road, Hendersonville, TN. I took off for a day to clear my mind of the fear and confusion. So angry I was at this. Bob St. Amand and his family and I got to know each other. My car fell apart and Bob offered to fix it. It needed a timing belt. I taught their son John his first piano lesson. Later I went to the Vanderbilt Elders house and helped them get a bunch of missionary work done. On Saturday we taught three discussions. The elders later discussed with me my feelings about Peggy Moore and I do hope I get a chance to date her. I looked over my money prayed hard and paid tithing. That lady on Hillside Drive and her accusation still rancored my soul. There was a bad spirit. It seemed to infest my soul.
Betty Cleckley called me from the President’s Office at work to say that Dr. Satcher is strongly considering trying to get me back in the president’s office at a higher wage, I hope. I had told some people at church about my having to leave my home on such short notice. I shed some tears. Elder Newkirk said to feel for the spirit of the Lord. Interestingly Sharon LeGarde had us memorize a song: HOW GENTLE GOD’S COMMANDS. The words fit my system, my problems, my panic exactly. Drop it at the Lord’s feet and sing a song away.
In class, Rick Taylor the teacher saw that I was looking down and asked me to offer the opening prayer. I did so and felt very full of the spirit of the Lord and that heaven was looking in.
I asked for guidance to remember who we are, and why we are here and that we will listen humbly. We studied temple. I drew a picture of a temple and me plus another person entering it for a temple marriage. Home teachers, bless your families. Work through the head of the house, even if hostile. A wife is asked to sustain a spouse in a calling. Home teaching companions pray, discuss the family and go firmly in mind with what to do.
SUNDAY
I did NOT take the sacrament. I sense that if someone is trying to uproot me temporally, I must still maintain peace and dignity and love in my heart and the fiery darks of the adversary will not overpower me until blindness.
STAKE MISSIONARY CORRELATION MEETING--I played the piano and the congregation sang a very rousing hymn “We are all enlisted til the conflict is over” – very energizing! Many still are blinded but the Lord has prepared them to be found and taught the true gospel. Initiate cottage meetings and begin with dinner. Leave a good feeling with people. We ended meeting by singing CALLED TO SERVE. A smashing hymn that put a smile on my face.
STAKE GENERAL PRIESTHOOD MEETING--Elder Fulmer came up to me and he said: the referral you gave us? Jones, his mother just got baptized into the church.
THAT IS THE FIRST BAPTISM I HAVE EVER HAD FROM MY MISSIONARY LABORS!
My whole system changed. I felt great joy. I told several people. I did it. I want to do it again.
President Grant said: O ye elders, we have this work…to build up the kingdom…we are commanded to carry it forward or be damned.
Priesthood – are men with exceeding great faith and good works. We cannot serve the Lord unless we have faith. Priesthood is giving service, not for ourselves, but out of love. Give even to those who despise.
Devotion to the cause: love in our hearts, being clean, teachable, love one another, we must not set ourselves up, cease to be idle, we must follow direction, cease to find fault, cloth yourselves with charity and perfect peace.
Leaders should lead yourselves and your families and others. There is power in the priesthood as we humbly go forward. We must repent, exercise faith in Christ, be meek and lowly in heart, and do good works. The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Job continued to trust in God. Let come what will. Job had faith in the Savior and the day of resurrection. As a reward for faithfulness, the Lord multiplied the prosperity of Job.
STAKE PRESIDENT BRADFORD spoke:
Priesthood means we represent the Savior to help inactive brethren, in Ezekiel, it says: Son of man, I have made you a watchman…to warn the wicked.
Home teachers: watch over the church, guide and help make the blessings of the gospel available. Elder Newkirk spoke in tears about how a faithful home teacher kept coming over, how it motivated him to cut off his long hair, straighten out his life and go on a mission.
I went to Bob St. Amand’s house.
I drove carefully.
When I arrived, I told them I found out that a resident got baptized into the LDS church as a referral from me.
And I still haven’t met the lady.
I know her son because I talked with him at great length and he accepted a visit from the missionaries.
But mother gets baptized.
I have too much peace and kindness and love that will overpower anyone else who tries to deal me negative emotions and actions.
Be of good cheer, for I (the Savior) have overcome the world!
Dear Elder Weichers
As transfers draw near I think back on all the good teaching experiences and discussions we have had. I am glad for all the principles we taught together. You have a great start on your mission despite all those shapely distractions you mention, but no matter. Go for the celestial gold. Spreading great growth throughout the LDS church. And then, go for the celestial-bound gold ring you will put on Christin’s finger when you get home. If you ever need anything, please don’t’ hesitate to call upon me.
Jim Micheletti.
Sunday School,
Sunday July 16, 1989
The lesson was on learning to control the physical, mental and spiritual well-being of ourselves. Protect our bodies so the spirit o the Lord can dwell with us. Jim Micheletti and all of Heavenly Father’s children are temples. I have the spirit housed within me. I heard this and felt that the spirit being housed in me is covered by the body. We must remember who we are. Keep our thoughts clean. If we commit unclean actions, our body becomes weak, our minds become dull and our spirits become insensitive.
July 16, 1989—priesthood meeting
A discussion was presented on the two versions of the creation of the world as presented in Genesis I and II. We must let the peace of the Lord reign in our hearts. I must avoid the tendency to stick myself out to talk and be heard. I am sitting in church. I desire to be open to the promptings of the spirit. But this week I desired attention strongly. This desire almost got me into trouble. The spirit is able to replace with peace and joy. Can I tell Jesus Christ about being alone, separated, rejected and estranged?
What about being misunderstood? Was Jesus misunderstood? He tried so hard to preach his good news, even with miracles, and tell people He was the son of God. But did they listen? The very Son of God Himself could not get people to listen. Am I now gaining strength and perspective to be able to withstand?
November 21, 1989
Dear Paula:
Thank you for a very nice Thanksgiving Dinner time. Thank you also for a very special day right before Thanksgiving. Here’s what we did. I drove up early to get you. I thought about all the things that had to be done that day, especially the shopping. When I got you, I delivered an aquarium to Joe. I also gave Mother some money.
As you and I got in the car we talked about the kind of day we will have. We also read a large paragraph upon which are written some things Paula wants to remember about Dad especially about being with Dad, being his daughter, being together and not letting anything get in the way. On Saturday we spent the day getting to know each other better, getting to be friends. I hope we will always love each other and always be friends with each other and always tell each other the truth. You will have me to count on as your dad, who along with mother is Heavenly Father’s choice of your parents, and of all the billions of people on the earth, you got to be a Paula Marie Micheletti, daughter to Jim and Ellen Micheletti. That is who you are. You accept me as your dad; I can do many things for you. You can do many things for me. You are very important to me…very important.
We drove to Hendersonville and went shopping for food.
We picked out a turkey, hamburger helper lasagna, fruits and vegetables and peanut butter.
We also picked out some red poinsettias that you put on the dining room table.
After we shopped and shopped and decided what we wanted, we took the groceries home.
We put the food away and made some lunch.
You made macaroni and cheese dinner and we ate that and peanut butter sandwiches.
We also took time to look through old Micheletti family journals about things we have done.
We also played hangman and you really got me with one line:
HONEYCOMB WATCH
That was really hard to do. You told me that you didn’t like for me to get the answer so quickly but that you wanted to win and make it hard for me.
We watched TV. We also rested. Then we made hamburger helper lasagna. Daddy shaved and got cleaned up while you did that. We also talked today about how important it is for us to be together and that you should come down and spend the night and feel comfortable about that. I didn’t want to run back and forth between bowling green and Hendersonville. It is too hard on the car.
Then we went to Meharry medical College where for the first time you got to see Dad’s office and play with his Macintosh Word Processor.
On the word processor, we played a puzzle where we had to line the numbers up in order. We also typed patterns and printed something off the machine. We also took pictures. I told you about the dead bodies in the laboratory on the floor beneath us but you said you did not want to see them.
Then we went home and finished the lasagna. We took it to the dinner at the church at 5 o’clock. At church people had food there and they met you. I was so hungry. You reheated the lasagna dinner while I helped with other things and then we said the blessing on the food and ate dinner together. We also talked about going to the video place to see if we could win some prizes. I had several pieces of lasagna and some chocolate cookies and salad. You had the lasagna you made and salad and a drink.
Afterwards we went to the video game place and won a beautiful bracelet and pair of earrings shaped like Christmas candles.
Then after that we mailed a special surprise note to your mother.
We then took off for Bowling Green, KY because I said that we needed to end the day early so dad can go home and cook and you can come over Sunday with everybody for Thanksgiving dinner.
We also talked about you writing me a letter each week so you do not drift away from me.
What a tiring, wild and very special day. I will get the pictures developed and bring them to you.
We ended the day with 7 hugs.
I saw you the next day for Thanksgiving dinner. I was up for so long cooking and trying to get it right. You helped out and we sat down to eat. After Thanksgiving dinner we took pictures of you doing cartwheels. Then we went down by the lake and you threw rocks.
See you later. I am your add, and I will always be your dad. Keep me a part of your life. I am your dad and you are my daughter. I will be with you always. Do not forget me in Hendersonville, Tennessee who thinks about you always and wants to be with you.
Write me a letter. A joke or riddle would be neat to hear.
LOVE LOVE LOVE
Dad
(I drew a smiley face at the bottom)
Dear JOE;
HOORAY FOR JOE!
Happiness is a state of going up, getting higher, getting better. Hooray for Joe Micheletti in basketball and for his much much higher report card grades. Hooray, hooray, hooray
THE HAPPINESS LADDER STEPS UP UP!!!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Joseph Michael Micheletti goes step by step higher and higher and tests and tries and maybe he falls and he tries again and he climbs higher and higher and bigger and bigger—it’s just too amazing! And what a joy for a dad to see this!
But what if you fall, son? We’ll help pick you up and get you going again with one of my famous
“LET’S GET THE PROGRAM GOING STRONG AND WIN” TALKS.
Congratulations on your report card and reaching your goal.
LOVE LOVE LOVE
FROM DAD
And thanks for Thanksgiving Dinner together.
Write me a letter, a longer letter.

From Muriel E. Micheletti (my mother)
November 4
Hi, Jim:
Delightful pictures of your family! Joe looks like you and Paula looks like a Micheletti—good looking kids. Thanks for sending it.
Have moved from Illinois to here lock, stock & barrel—Chanute is closing. So hard to find an air base so I could get free medical care—gave the house to David so he is renting it. Was in Alaska now as a Lieutenant in Engineering for the Air Force. Everyone’s well and happy.
So we’re on 2 acres with 2 horses, 4 dogs. Plenty of room. 5 year old Chris and 2 your old Angie. I’m in fair health.
I didn’t go to the wedding because I developed tendinitis in left leg and couldn’t even walk—slowly getting better. I take pills every day. The reason I moved is because David’s Air Force base is here by Tucson so I can get medical care.
That’s interesting about my dad ‘cuz we have no pictures of his family at all. We did have a few of my mother’s sisters but that’s all I’m sure. They didn’t drop into the world from nowhere. Good luck.
Here’s some $ for the children from their Grandmother Micheletti
Call when you get a chance
Love Mom

Dear Dad:
Dad, thank you for the turkey and all that food.
I hope to see you again.
Bye.
Joe M.

Dear Dad:
Thank you for the turkey and everything.
Love Paula

November 28, 1989
Dear Theresa Walerius:
Enclosed please find pictures of Paula and Joe Micheletti. For your information Paula is 10, Joe is 11. Paula’s birthday is October 17, and Joe’s is May 1.
I am looking forward to receiving pictures of Michael and Johnnie Beth and I will introduce their pictures to Joe and Paula. I will then encourage Joe and Paula to introduce themselves to their cousins on dad’s side of the family and that will be their first contact every.
Your cooperation in this venture is appreciated
Sincerely
Jim Micheletti
NOTE: It was never going to happen. Read elsewhere in this autobio and the picture of Theresa Walerius on the side about her sudden abrupt dropping of it and me left to explain to Joe and Paula why it didn’t happen.

Dear Joe
This is another copy of what I carried on my chest today so people could see that you, Joe Micheletti, my son, made his goal of great school grades for which you get a new video game.
Dads like to brag on their children.
Love dad
Look what I carried on my chest today.




FROM ELDER GREG WICKERS
Micheletti:
What’s up fruit?
How’s everything going? How’s the eternal mate Peggy?
Well everything’s great up here in Paducah. Things are really starting to roll now that the stud is here. I’m training up here for now. So I finally have a son (the new missionary companion assigned to an experienced missionary is called a “son”). And Elder Hill has a grandson now. (same principle)
How’s the work situation and everything else? Have you been promoted yet or what? Stick with it, Jim. The Lord will bless you. Remember.
Can you believe it? I’ve been out 6 months now. When you first saw me I was totally green but now I’m a total missionary stud muffin—experience under the belt and everything. Baptisms and teaching like crazy, man. Is there such a thing as an elder being transfigured?
Are you trying to get some muscle or are you still smaller than a goat? Give up. You’ll never reach my plateau—you’re too far behind!
How’s Peggy Micheletti doing? Have you talked to her much or what? I told you that she liked me! She said she’s gonna wait for me.
How’s the kids? That’s good that your son is coming around.
Well my women and the studs are calling so I better cruise. Take care of your batted self and be a good boy!
See ya, dude!
Elder Wickers
(I remember he wanted to be in the top twenty starting lineup for Brigham Young University)
Dear Elder Wickers:
You sound rather wound up from your letter but I think you may be behind in a few things. Did you not get a rather long typed letter from me? No more Peggy Moore. I decided I wasn’t interested.
Joe is on the basketball team as a guard and he told me that his team lost 6-50. They were too big, said Joe.
I have received my promotion and back pay and am STILL WAITING for the check to process through. Please hurry up check. My Chevette brake lining is broke, the driver’s window is broke, the clutch assembly is broke and my wallet is broke.
I suggest we avoid any further usage of the word “fruit.”
Please be informed that I have been lacking in prayer life lately and as a response to that I have written the following third verse to the hymn “Sweet Hour of Prayer.”
Sweet hour of prayer! Sweet hour of prayer!
That called me from a world of care
And bade me to my Father’s throne
Made all my wants and wishes known.
In seasons of distress and grief,
My soul did often found relief
And did escape the tempter’s snare
By thy return, sweet hour of prayer!
And did escape the tempter’s snare
By thy return, to my hour of prayer!
2. Sweet hour of prayer! Sweet hour of prayer!
Thy wings did my petition bear
To him whose truth and faithfulness
Engaged my waiting soul to bless.
And since he bade me seek his face,
Believe his word, and trust his grace,
I cast on him my ev’ry care
And waited patiently in prayer!
I cast on him my ev’ry care
And waited in my hour of prayer!
(interlude)

Sweeet Hour of Prayer
My hour of prayer
My Father--came--to me--and shared
His peace and love and happiness
For me, His child, on earth to bless
And in that great celestial day
I'll see His face and then I'll say
On earth I knew for me You cared
My Lord and me in my hour of prayer
For now I rest, I know You care
My Lord and Me
In My Hour of Prayer.

I played a very strong arrangement of the music while five elders sang this at a missionary correlation meeting with the stake leaders. It was very strong and spiritually edifying. I also had it done in Sacrament meeting.
I enjoyed Thanksgiving with the children and am getting ready for Christmas. I am also working out hard at the spa and I am getting bigger. A fellow there wrote me a large workout program and I can feel the effect of it already.
I am looking forward to our arm wrestling session. Be prepared!
--
November 1989
Dear Joe:
I have just received a note from your mother today indicating you decided to join the St. Joseph Saints basketball team. Congratulations and I know it will do wonders for you in developing self confidence, strength, determination, courage and that winning spirit. Winners make it happen!
As your father it is only right that I should be at the games. I shall try to take a vacation during the month of December and January in order to attend. When we see each other again, please tell me all about it. I will support you all the way. As for myself I could never really play well because I did not have depth perception, that is, I could not judge when a ball was coming at me in order to catch it; it was 3-4 inches beyond where I thought the ball was. The problem in my eyesight is permanent and I guess we are born with it. However I did play volleyball since the ball was bigger and I could see it e3asier. Other famous athlete Micheletti’s include a “Joe Micheletti” a hockey player. Perhaps we could do some light basketball playing when we are together. I am very sports-minded too and I would enjoy that very much. I am also working on getting you a dry aquarium. We are both involved in it together. You’re my first born son and you are very important to me. I hope that your father is important to you, too
Love
Your anxious cheering dad
Who wants to be with you
and who Hopes that you will always want to be with him.
==========================================
August 7, 1989 (letter written to my father, James Matthew Micheletti)
Dear Father:
When you called me at my office and mentioned so casually that you have had open heart surgery, I was very puzzled that you spoke of it so lightly and casually as almost a side comment, in such a downplayed tone of voice. I hope you are doing well and that things are fine. This is also the month of your birthday and best wishes are extended.
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti
(getting harder and harder to talk normally to my father; so distant; so strangely in another world—why?)
April 3, 1989
Dear Paula:
Thank you for spending time with me this weekend. We had a delicious dinner and it was fun talking about different things mother likes and doesn’t like, things that make her laugh, make her sad, angry, and favorite colors and so forth. Happy birthday to mom!
How about Paula?
Paula is taking music lessons. Her dad is a pretty good musician and dad LOVES it very much to teach PAULA music.
Paula will practice her lesson. Three months from now Paula will receive a large super electric piano. Paula is growing up, learning to be strong and make decisions on her own and do things for herself, such as the bake sale. We will make money from the bake sale, no doubt about that!
LOVE LOVE LOVE
Dad
Dear Joe:
Thank you for the time we spent together this weekend! You get to spend lots of time with lots of people, but I have no family of my own to spend time with her in the area except you and Paula and Ellen. Thank you for choosing the important things of life in the order that you did: Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, commandments, truth, right, mother/father, etc. Thank you for agreeing to come be with me, because I need to be with you as well as you with me. You are my son, as well as your mother’s and no one else’s. I remind you of the requirements to earn your allowance. I desire to hear several things you did voluntarily, meaning without being asked for grandmother, grandfather, or your mother. If you see that something could be done, you simply go do it and people will be pleased and surprised at the task you did. Remember also: some several treats for mom, jokes to tell her, and something she could take to work to put on her desk. You told me your grads this weekend: SUPER!I remind you also to take care of the ENTERPRISE, finish painting it, and we will get together this Sunday and apply the decals. We may also start another model, too. I rather enjoy this. You and me and Paula seem to travel a lot and do many active things, but sometimes it is good to be quiet and still and do smaller things have time to talk. Let nothing stand in the way of your progress. Let nothing stand in the way of your being together no matter what the price or cost. But remember, I am no better than you. We both must keep the commandments, respect the truth, choose the right and do things for other people. We will be blessed for this in a million ways.
Sincerely,
with love,
your dad.
Sunday 4/16/1989
Personal notes:
I’m so tired.
I’m so worn.
I’m so scared.
I’m so nervous.
I am so uneasy.
The companionship of the Holy Ghost, a constant companion, so important as I relate to other people.
Why should I even talk?
I don’t want to feel like an imposition.
Do I want to escape my own life?
Too much strain…BUT WHEN I TRIED TO DESCRIBE MY STRAIN TO MY PARENTS, I WAS STOPPED SEVERAL TIMES.
The blessings I have had, and I am fine as long as I am not tossed aside. I
think I don’t want to face the fact of a MISSING MICHELETTI FAMILY. I have devised several distractions to escape it. But escaping and being reminded, escaping and being reminded, in a cycle. Is it so bad?
Clyde Prosser suggested that as Peter and Paul, the apostles, did, that afflictions be counted as a blessing.

Dear Paula:
You have shown great musical talent. I can teach you many great things at the piano. Let’s have another music lesson Sunday evening. Keep those fingers curved. Calmly play the music and go from beginning to end without stopping. Have I got a surprise in our next music lesson Sunday. And you owe me a hug—
Love Dad
The Note is surrounded by flowers, musical notes, musical staff imagery and a smiling face.

April 10, 1989
Another week of work and stress and worry over the business of my:
 Feelings of rejection
 Feelings of failure
 Parental neglect
 Distance from Joe and Paula
 Having to find an apartment
 Needing a second job
 Overspending money to comfort myself in my afflictions and therefore not paying bills in a timely manner.
Also this week: Joe and I have been working on the U. S. S. Enterprise Starship model I purchased for him. Paula has been taking music lessons. My feelings of rejection have caused severe behavior problems and I have not aimed at the root cause: resentment towards my parents for their neglect of me and the children. Fear of tossed aside: anger against church members, bishops, ignoring my responsibilities, set me on edge, tossed in that black hole where God does not live! A fear in my mind, but horrid, nonetheless.
I finished my business for the week and drove to Bowling Green. It was raining once again and cold out, so I called and told Ellen that Paula and I cannot sell cookies. I said I would come up about 4 and take Paula out to dinner at Bonanza restaurant. I did. Joe showed his model to me at the door.
Paula and I drove off to Bonanza. I also gave Ellen some money--$90. Paula said mother had to take her to the doctor because of severe coughing. Paula got some medicine. On the way Paula and I talked about music lessons, about her talent from my side of the family.
At Bonanza she ordered the hamburger, fries and drink and I ordered the T-bone. We talked about what we could do today.
I told her about painting rocks. We ate and decided to use the model paints I got for Joe to paint rocks. Paula ate chocolate ice cream and shivered at the coldness in her head from it. She drank her soft drink to warm up her coldness in her head.
She played with a steak knife trying to cut an orange and cut herself. The waitress gave her a band aid.
She said she has lots of tense, nervous energy and I was worried about that. I wondered if it had anything to do with the strained feelings associated with her dad not welcomed in the house.
After dinner we drove around looking for rocks. We found some small smooth rocks in the bushes outside the Medical Centre Hospital. We picked out several and then went to the store to buy artist brushes. Then we went to the St. Thomas Aquinas church classroom/lounge area where we set up painting rocks.
We spray painted some gray. Other rocks we simply painted.
We painted one for me, one for Paula, one for mom, one for Grandma, and one for Aunt Nina.
During the painting session, Paula and I discovered patience, smoothness in working with each other and calmness. Paula took a break to play some hangman game on the blackboard and I guessed the answer. The rocks began to look prettier and prettier. We made some mistakes but painted over them. Paula works awfully fast and seemed so rushed to do artist things like this. I wish she will learn calmness and poise and dignity.
She wants to learn things so fast. Nevertheless, and I hope Paula always remembers this, especially when she has children of her own: She and I did it TOGETHER and that is the important thing, parents and children belong together. It is a divine design.
Paula needs to develop more, mature more, appreciate it more. I believe though she is sensing the special thing about it all and has dismissed the concerns of other individuals regarding me. Paula got more excited about the rock painting. I was glad to have a new painted rock from her for my work place. I wanted something new to look at. What a very parent/child binding activity—rock painting.
FOR JOE
The next day was Sunday and I attended church. I was very sad and drooped over how I was suffering from this rejection and feeling terrible that I was becoming such an imposition on other individuals. I froze up and shivered at the coldness of it all. Alone from mom and dad. Just me. I need to learn to have the Holy Ghost for my companion more than other individuals. For as angry as I was Sunday at my mom and dad for their desertion, for as frightened as I was, I left church in the middle and went up the hill behind the church to cry aloud and pray for strength to endure this affliction.
I also discussed with Heavenly Father about dismissing my parents until a later time. But then I would be really alone and more focused on God and able to walk by faith.
OFF TO BOWLING GREEN! I STOPPED ALONG THE WAY.
I have been so upset and disorganized; I did not plan a very reverent and respectful honoring of the Sabbath Day. I needed to eat. I was also fast Sunday and I did not fast. I have not fasted for months.
I picked up Joe. Joe took the spaceship ENTERPRISE and we went to our workplace at St. Thomas Aquinas’ church to apply decals, extra painting. We also had an interview to see if Joe fulfilled his requirements for his allowance.
I also told him the entire story of my ugly past, the nasty memories still lingering with the Durbin’s, how miraculous it is that your “…mother can even look at me and not fall apart…” and that 2,000 plus people have helped me get back to you, son. I hope you appreciate it, Joe. You are worth it. I have changed so much.
I explained the change came through the power of God in the LDS church. He admitted that he felt I was trying to make a Mormon out of him. I told him that heavenly Father tells people in their own prayers that the church is true and that one day Joe will find out that the church is true. We discussed differences between the two churches and
I asked him if he was glad I am a Mormon.
“That’s a hard question to answer,” he said.
It would mean that the Catholic Church has deficiencies, which it does. I told him the X-rated nature of the activities of the earlier Jim Micheletti. I told him the power involved in the atonement of Jesus Christ that initiates the change, I told him about my baptism, about the Holy Ghost, about the missionary discussions about the incorrectness of baptism of little babies, I told him about resting on truth and not on opinion and I told him I loved him.

“Can I be your father?”Yes, he said. Would you still be my son?
Yes, he said.
A TREMENDOUS RELIEF OFF OF MY MIND--I DID NOT KNOW IF I WOULD BE REJECTED BY MY OWN SON--He did not reject me.
The plot of Mr. and Mrs. Durbin seemed to be a war to see who the children would choose: them, or me.
I won.
The Lord was on my side.
I won.
I asked Joe to keep it confidential, that mother would really be shook up at it, and that it’s best to put it behind us and go ahead in life.
I drove to Donny Miller’s house and told him what Joe and I talked about. I ate dinner there, too. It was tremendous. Donny was really surprised. Joe and Paula have a very interesting situation, being caught between two churches both of which claim to be the true church with true authority.
OFF FOR HOME! I stopped by Ronnie Sanders’ house on Edwards Street in Nashville that evening late and told him. Incredible.
 HEAVENLY FATHER’S WILL COMES FIRST.
 REMEMBER, JIM, YOU HOLD THE PRIESTHOOD OF GOD. JESUS ORDAINED PETER, JAMES, JOHN AND OTHERS.
 THEY PASSED IT TO OTHERS. PRIESTHOOD WAS LOST FROM THE EARTH.
 JOSEPH SMITH, OLIVERY COWDERY RECEIVED PRIESTHOOD AUTHORITY FROM JOHN THE BAPTIST, PETER, JAMES AND JOHN. T
 HE PRIESTHOOD BEEN PASSED DOWN TO WORTHY MEN UNTIL ELDER ORAN S. PECK WHO ORDAINED ME TO THE AARONIC PRIESTHOOD (see side picture).
 RONNIE SANDERS ORDAINED ME TO THE OFFICE OF AN ELDER (SEE SIDE PICTURE OF RONNIE).
 YOU, JIM MICHELETTI, HAVE THE SAME PRIESTHOOD AS THE APOSTLES OF ANCIENT ISRAEL. STAY ON YOUR KNEES and PRAY FOR THE HOLY GHOST TO COME.
 IT IS MORE SERIOUS TO LOSE THE APPROVAL COMPANIONSHIP OF THE HOLY GHOST THAN THE COMPANIONSHIP OF OTHER PEOPLE.
 BE GLAD FOR AFFLICTIO0NS, ESPECIALLY REJECTION. COUNT IT A BLESSING.
 BE WILLING TO SUBMIT. DO NOT FIGHT AFFLICTIONS AND PRAY FOR STRENGTH TO ENDURE.
 BLESS THE NAME OF THE LORD STILL. REMEMBER JOB AND HIS AFFLICTION; LATER THE LORD BLESSED HIM. PARTAKE OF A SMALL PORTION OF THE SUFFERINGS AS THE SAVIOR DID AND REMEMBER THAT HE ROSE ABOVE IT. THE REJECTION OF PEOPLE MEANS IT IS TIME TO COME EVEN CLOSER TO GOD.
 REMEMBER PRIESTHOOD DUTIES: RUBY CHUMBLEY, THE DIXONS, LEWIS FAMILY, STUCKI FAMILY, ELDERS QUORUM SECRETARY, YOUR EMPLOYMENT, STAKE MISSIONARY JOB.
 ALWAYS NOTICE BLESSINGS. GRATITUDE WARDS OFF THE ONSET OF SEDUCING JEALOUSY and ENVY.
 IF YOU COMPLAIN, YOU ARE NOT NOTICING BLESSINGS. BE POSITIVE AND PRODUCTIVE.
 REMEMBER TEMPLE COVENANTS. READ THE BOOK OF MORMON. BEWARE OF PRIDE.
 IT IS THE MEEK WHO WILL INHERIT THE EARTH. AVOID REBELLION, HARD HEARTEDNESS, UNFORGIVING ATTITUDE, ENVY.
NOW REGARDING PAULA AND PIANO LESSONS:
SUNDAY NIGHT, APRIL 9, 1989
Paula and I got together and drove to LDS church to use the piano. Paula really has talent and I told her so.
Paula learned about placing both hands on the keyboard and playing notes together at the same time.
She did a note-naming exercise. Her fingers curve out beautifully. I said to hide her fingernails from view while playing.
She also wanted to learn: POPCORN POPPING ON THE APRICOT TREE, the song I sang to her when I first met her as a little girl in the park July 1987.
We can have a piano recital and everyone can come. Even grandma and grandpa? Yes. My own daughter, a musician!
t the writing of this autobiography, I don’t recall why the lessons stopped. I think school sports began to take up more time. -------------

In Nashville at work, I would contact other elders as well to offer my services to drive them to appointments. I kept telephone numbers of elders.
Friday came-payday. I was glad.
Chris, the office boss, couldn’t understand why we were behind on documents.
I did over production on Feb 1 and 2.
I think I have always done over production.
600-800 lines per day.
I paid Clyde the phone bill.
I have visited Mr. Ionello, the Italian owner at Peppino’s Pizza at Rivergate Mall. He helped me write a letter in Italian to mail to Costacciaro, Italy to inquire about my Micheletti ancestors there.
Friday evening came. I called. Ellen said to come tomorrow. Paula was feeling sick. So I took care of bill paying and tithe paying and rested and cleaned up.
I thought about a response from Ellen regarding my visiting the children in their rooms. I called Saturday morning. She said no. Her parents did not want to let me in. I was shocked. I drove up there. Paula wanted to stay home and rest.
Since I CANNOT EVEN GO IN AND SIT WITH MY OWN SICK DAUGHTER I went to the store and bought her some costume jewelry and some pudding pops.
Ellen blandly took it.
Paula came to the door, saw me, and walked away.
I stood at the door.
I am not welcomed in.
I asked for Paula.
I asked her why she walked away when she saw me coming.
I said that I would come speak to her if I saw her coming at my house.
I gave her the box of pudding pops, as I wanted to go on record as not walking away from my sick daughter without SOME KIND OF A RESPONSE as to my concern for her.
She said THANK YOU.
She took the treats and went away.
Ellen got Joe out the door and he and I took off.
I was mad. Very mad. I went to Angela’s and told her. I called Julian Durbin…why he is objecting to my visiting the children in the home especially when sick. Joe and I played a bit on Ms. Nunn’s home computer game but we couldn’t get it to work.
Then Joe and I took off after I hung up on Mr. Durbin.
We went to see Ellen at the library and I volunteered to help her by word processing three forms used at the law Library at Western Kentucky University.
Joe and I took off for Nashville. We talked about school and he told me he got into a fight at school. We talked about that. I said many things to him. I talked about his concerns. What has he been doing? How is his homework? I was still concerned about him. I was so glad and overjoyed to see him and I mentioned it out loud several times during the weekend. I told him about a surprise when we get to Nashville. We got there.
I told him about my Micheletti relatives and Joe Micheletti, a cousin of mine and Hockey Player for St. Louis Blues.
I asked him about the jokes I sent him this week.
I asked about his receiving the other postcards I sent him.
I showed copies of the postcards and he acknowledged that he received them. I thanked him for being so patient before we went to Nashville. He asked what I was so mad about and I told him we are going to have a talk.
I could not bear to hold it inside me any longer regarding this standoffish disposition of Mr. and Mrs. Durbin. That night I took Joe to the Stouffer’s hotel and the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Nashville and we rode the elevator. He was scared and resentful but he did it.
It was an illustration about courage and bravery and experiencing the things of the world and getting out and away from the small circle of home where he doesn’t have a chance to do too much, except watch TV do homework, call on the phone and go to bed.
Mother does not do the same level of activities with them as I do, evidently. I encouraged him to expand his horizon and widen his experiences, overcome fears and be strong. We got into the elevator and he shrank into a corner and hid his face. I thought it was neat, laughed and joked along with him.
Joe saw an escalator and he got scared riding that up and down, too. So limited in vision and scope and experience—dad helps son overcome.
This is the purpose of a dad, Joe.
Off to Peppino’s restaurant to eat pizza and he met Mr. Guiseppe Ionello, the owner. Mr. Ionello gave Joe a free drink, and I had to ask Joe to say thank you to him. Joe did so quietly.
So shy and withdrawn he is.
He has a tight circle drawn around him.
I have had to demand of him several times this weekend to express his feelings and not hold things inside.
Shyness really bugs me, but I must be careful and sensitive to feelings.
I promised to move to Bowling Green to knock off this long tiresome driving. I showed him my journals, told him of the pain and suffering I went through. I told him that Mother and Mr. and Mrs. Durbin kept pushing me away.
I told him I got a lawyer after mother so the divorce decree can be followed and I could have you back.
I told him about life before I was a member of the church.
I told him about baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost. I told him about the marvelous change over myself.
I told him that “dad” means you, Joe, are of my seed.
He knew about the fertilized egg inside the mother that grows but he didn’t know about the sperm and that it comes from the father to the mother.
So I told him that. I told him it was sacred and to be done within the bounds of marriage only.
I told him about the horror and fright of worry about being away from him.
I told him how I scrapped and saved and managed to get down here from Evansville to be with him.
He figured out that the Durbins were “bearing false witness” by assuming things not true.
I illustrated by going to the door how he would feel if mother couldn’t see him and that one does not split up parents and children.
I told him that the Durbins ran off an earlier Jim Micheletti and that I am brand new, having been changed through the church.
Through faith in Jesus Christ and the power of baptism and the covenant and the gift of the Holy Ghost, but I didn’t go into that much detail.
I asked him if he saw anything particularly bad about me.
No, he said.
We went outside to shoot the BB gun.
We shot tuna fish cans off a small shed in the yard and even from the top of the carport. We talked further about it. I told him about the experiences we are supposed to do as a father. I told him he is to come to me about girls and dating and getting married. I told him we will spend the rest of our lives together. I told him to let me into his life and let us be friends and get along and learn things. I asked him to educate me in videos and other games. We went to TOYS R US store tonight. He showed me many things and I learned a lot. The store still did not have the Nintendo Video game console. I said a prayer that evening but he did not participate. We did bless the food and he participated in that. I kept speaking the entire weekend of how glad I am to have Joe here with me. Clyde came home. Joe and I went out again for a drive. We played some video games, went shopping, bought Fruit Loops, milk, pizza and candy.
He told me tonight that he wishes he could see me every day and that he wished we all lived under the same roof.
BED TIME-- I prepared for Sunday.
I also sat and looked at him asleep and prayed the Lord’s blessings upon him. I told him the truth about myself! We got up for Sunday and church. Joe broke down and cried for being homesick. I lectured him again. Hard. He cried and then began to accept things. We arranged to visit Donna Rich and her son, Obie, to play videos there, including Captain Power. I told Joe I have paid a royal price to have him back and to please accept me and let’s be friends. Joe really liked the Captain Power game. Obie showed it. Joe got points. He and I always challenge each other on who will do the best. We had a challenging soccer game yesterday at the Barrel of Fun video shop at the Rivergate mall. Joe won some and so did I. Then off to Mass. Holy Rosary Church out to Donelson. We found it after several stops to ask directions. Joe was complaining of a sore throat. He cried over that this morning and I told him to tell me if he hurts so I can’t take care of him. I also told him that if he sat there in silence I was going to be mad. I am his father and I can do just as good a job. He told me why would he suffer in silence? Thinking maybe that dad is not going to care if he is sick? Did you ever see such a one-parent child?
At Mass, I watched Joe and thought if he understood what is going on. The priest sang the Eucharistic Prayer, something I never heard. He came out to the aisle and talked with the congregation. I participated with Joe in the Mass. After, I broke down and cried and Joe walked away. Come back, son. I am sorry for the kind of life you have now. He looked at me so surprised. Dad, everything is fine. It is? Such wide mood swings.
Off to the Mormon Church. Joe didn’t want to go. He was shocked at 3 hours of church. The Mormon Church also does not have a MASS as the Catholic Church does. I spoke about that, reminded him of Primary and he didn’t want to do that. Let’s try it today and if you still don’t like it, that’s fine. Well, we went to church. At church, I took the following notes about what Joe and I heard in church from bishop at 1 p. m. sacrament meeting.
WHAT JOE AND PAULA HEARD AT CHURCH ON JANUARY 31, 1988.
1. Store food for emergencies
2. Buy food before disaster comes and the stores run out of food
3. Be prepared for bad times
4. What, rice, honey, salt, stew, dried food, jugs of water, beans
5. Buy extra clothes
6. Save emergency money
7. Dad will spend money on food and clothes first, games and toys second
8. What is Mom went to the store and they ran out of food.
9. Store food ahead of time.
And then, Joe, I will buy Captain Power and I will win at it…. because…just because
Are we buds?
Friends?
Pals?
Father and Son?
I drew a smiley picture of dad and Joe and Joe replaced it with a nasty faced Joe. Joe was playing with his GARFIELD toy from Fruit Loops box. It kicks forward and the GARFIELD eyes disappear. I felt like one foot was on one mountaintop while I was trying to communicate with him on another mountaintop. We left to get ready for primary. Joe played the piano, banged on the piano, that is. We talked and got ready. The children came in. I called to Jeremiah Sanders (see pix of him and Ronnie Sanders) and told him to say hello to Joe. I also motioned to Obie Rich. I took Joe over to Obie’s group of boys. I introduced Joe also to Peach Bowers, Primary presidency counselor. We sang. The children prayed. Joe looked on. Then came class time. Joe stayed with Obie’s class while I went into the first primary group to play the piano. Sister LePrey was teaching. Listen to the Still Small Voice, Listen, Listen. She presented new verses to the song BOOK OF MORMON STORIES and gave me a Children’s Sacrament meeting Presentation for 1988 to learn. After the music, I went for Joe. The boys were studying the 13th Article of Faith and Joe was in a corner by himself.
I took him into the hallway and we talked about getting a grey kitten and naming him SMOKEY among other things. Second session primary started Visitors were asked to stand, and Joe stood and introduced himself as JOE (then a pause) MICHELETTI. She acknowledged before all that Joe was my son. And there I was at the piano. Neat. Very neat. My son, a Catholic, in primary at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We sang first. Joe picked up a little bit of that. I wondered about the impact of that. I left for a moment. He came rushing out and said, “I want to go back into Primary”. Sister Fleming had called on Joe to help build blocks to represent the TOWER OF BABYLON. Joe did. He listened to the story. Soon we left before church was officially over.
He was hungry. WE WENT TO BURGER KING ON A SUNDAY! I had no food. Next time, prepare sandwiches.
Off to Donna Rich’s house. We talked some more there. So much talking, problem solving. I talked to Joe about my getting married again and he said he didn’t want a brother. I cried with him today. Please, Joe, remember that I have feelings, too. We ate at Donna’s and she showed me her temple papers for upcoming marriage to Clyde Prosser. We ate noodles, vegetables and rolls and pickled eggs. Joe kept reaching to communicate with Penelope, the white house cat. He likes animals and has not risen that much to communicating with people. Donna kept telling Joe toe at his vegetables and I had to finish Joe’s late of food. The boys continued with Leggo and ATARI games. I sat in on a few. It was time to go home. We talked on the way home about my getting in to see them in their rooms. We talked about more activities.
I told him how much I loved him and how thrilled and excited I was to have him around.
At Bowling Green, we stopped in to see Ellen and Joe hugged Ellen. Ellen read my letter and I told her about the Mass. I told Joe before we got there that I like to help mother out and I can by typing those library forms she gave me.
Home with Joe. We got things out of the car. Paula came bouncing out the door. She said they had my bible. I was surprised because I had given up on where it was. I forgot that I left it at St. Joe’s school last Christmas.
Mrs. Durbin was there and SMILED AT ME or simply SMILED PLEASANTLY.
Paula was wearing the jewelry I gave her.
She said she felt better but turned her body sideways when I gave her a hug though.
I said goodbye and went immediately to Angela Nunn’s house, told her the whole story.
HOME
I tried to construct a letter of gentlemanly confirmation and response to Mr. Durbin but could not.
I called Father Gary this morning at Holy Spirit church to tell him what happened but he referred me back to Father Ben Luther.
I don’t know that Father Ben Luther will defend me.
More letters.
When I go to Bowling Green, I spend the night at Randy Hoover's house. I told him about my past. He put me into a chair and gave me a blessing saying: quit it with the past. This is now. Come unto me -- or die in your sins. Wow. Profound. Other pictures to the side.
From December `15 to Christmas 1987.
Even though I spent Christmas with the children, sang in the cantata, I found myself later griping and complaining and growling in such trepidation over all this.
Later I find my best friend Ronnie Sanders was in a car accident and broke some ribs. I shot off for the hospital to cheer him up. I cried and said: Not Ronnie, Lord. Anyone but him. He's the best friend a guy could ever have. I can usually feel things about him through revelation that he needs to talk to me or I to him. . . . But in light of this double-edged emotionally high and yet, depressing Christmas because the children had to leave, I lost out on charity and good feelings and I didn't know about this accident ahead of time. I CHEERED HIM UP ROYALLY.
I found a nice Green Chevette for $300 to get back and forth to Bowling Green because the other car fell apart. I prayed hard for a car and went right to it. The guy accepted $150 and I gave the other part in two weeks. I began to do more family history of my past.
I found out about my grandmother's second husband and wrote him a letter.
OFF TO BOWLING GREEN AGAIN!
February 3, 1988
Mr. Julian Durbin
Bowling Green, KY

Dear Mr. Durbin:

This letter is in reference to a second conversation you and I had on the telephone Saturday, January 30, 1988. In that conversation, I requested an explanation of a rather puzzling objection you would have over my visiting the children in their rooms with Ellen, especially if the children were ill. You have given me your response: “[the children]…receive the finest medical attention…. ” I say thank you for assisting Ellen in this regard. However, your second phrase, “[for me to]…not worry about it (your words) referring to the children’s health…brought about my response: that there is a distinction in the definition between the “finest medical attention” given by the children’s parents and then “all other attention. ” I was grieved and bid you good day and hung up. However, as I thought about it, I decided to overlook the remark as one made in error based on incomplete information and misunderstanding. I can see that I reacted too quickly when I hung up the phone. I apologize if I offended you in this manner. Perhaps you may have particularly strong personal feelings about my presence in your home; you are free to tell me why. However this is separate and distinct from Ellen and me doing our jobs with the children. I suggest, as I offered to in an earlier written request, that concerns be resolved because I am always trouble if I have unrightfully offended anyone and am willing to make things right…I will be paralyzed with grief at work and will find it extremely difficult to concentrate otherwise. Your cooperation is anticipated. I welcome any questions or comments which you may have that will serve to edify and strengthen us all. I shall spend the rest of my days in Ellen’s service and she and the children will continue to be a priority in my life.
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti

Feb. 4, 1988
Ms. Ellen Micheletti
Bowling Green, KY 42101

RE: My birthday, February 11, 1950

Dear Ellen:

My birthday is drawing closer.
Since the 11th falls near a weekend I will be in Bowling Green, please make the appropriate arrangements with the children as regards anything they would like to send me in the mail for this event. You may tell them that dad was born in Rapid City, S. Dakota at about 5 in the afternoon. When Joe was here with me we visited a special place in Nashville that he thought (and I agreed) would be a nice place to take you for your birthday—in fact it is spectacular.

Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti

Now I have been praying for the spirit of the Lord to testify to Joe and Paula and Ellen that they would feel great in my presence. They arrived and Ellen looked blah. I wrote questions for them to answer. We went to the store and I bought a Supernatural for Joe and a barbie doll for Paula. Ellen wanted to know who Clyde Prosser is. She received a lot of money today. She looked tired. The kids marveled at the money. Paula was more receptive now. Paula and I swam from 1-3; Joe and I go to the health spa from 3-5.
I had private interviews with them and went home.
Joe said he can't wait until I move up to Bowling Green.
Another weekend came and Joe and Paula and I went swimming without ELLEN, we went to a movie and McDonalds.
HOORAY! Alone at last. I can do this.
I don't need a monitor. I
AT WORK: I received the strangest call from my father:
Can you please fill out a form so I can get my divorce papers through the Catholic Church and receive the Holy Eucharist again?
I was stunned. Why? Why do you want me to pay attention to you now when you express no interest in my life, my religion and not even Joe and Paula, your grandchildren?
And you want me to do something for you? I said, "No”.
Got more pictures of Grandpa Pontinen via assistance from Suomi College and other folks.
I negotiated with Ellen for a full weekend following by a 1 hour the next weekend because I was not feeling psychologically satisfied and I was still anxious and nervous.
On July 25, 1987
I have been up in the air and I dropped down to sullen and depressed. I have made commitments I did not keep, I have watched TV. I have hardly worked.
Johniene Thomas at Meharry marked up my evaluations with personal remarks. I have been bragging on the kids, though.
I have cried to people and to the Lord to live in Bowling Green to see them often. Ellen sends me a condemning letter that crushes my spirit. I griped and complained and feared retribution and stumbled at work. I turned greedy, selfish and obsessed. I asked Ellen for Tuesday night. She did not.
I sent a copy to George Gleitz with my comments. I am not getting the kids enough. My weekend is trimmed down. I want unlimited phone calls. I want weekend after weekend. No negative criticism. I am free to see them at school. Ellen must not have power over me. I have showed pictures of children to people at church and to Bishop Taylor.
Ellen calls and I cannot speak to the children tonight. I complained to everyone. I ate dinner. ---
At another time. . . Paula says she likes miniature golf.
I talked to Warren Roberts, my home teacher and to Cass Thompson about how difficult and sensitive it is to be with Joe and Paula. I felt so griped at Ellen's words.
Jackie Brown's last day is Friday, July 31, 1987. A party for her and I do not contribute nor do I attend. She has driven me crazy! I have never seen anything like this in my life!
I drove to Bowling Green but had car trouble. I went to Springfield and got it fixed fast. Missed Ellen and the children. Depression and fear and sadness and anger. I tossed and turned in bed with much bickering and complaining and imaginary fears of her mom and dad. Went and visited again. Bought Joe and Paula their first pair of shoes. $19 and the other $38. We played video games. We went swimming. Joe asked me a serious question:
Why didn't you get me a present on my birthday? I told him.
I also told the children about their family name. Children agreed to bring over their Barbie Dolls, transformers and board games. We will have a quiet Sunday afternoon.
Ellen came to the movie with me and the children as we watched SUPERMAN IV: The quest for Peace. I did not want her to come. I stuck with Joe; Ellen stuck with Paula.
If Ellen would leave, Paula could get attached to me.
Afterwards came dinner and then home.
And they're gone!
Whew!
So unsettling!
I asked Ellen to listen to my song:
COME UNTO ME, MY FRIENDS as it was recorded by Greg Hinckley in John Cici's studio. (See Greg and PJ Hinckley on the side photos). John and I are good friends. The Hinckleys were so amazed at the music as was I. I gave them $35 to record a version of it. I played the recording for everyone at work.
At Meharry, I am learning about the history of black people in America. I learned about lynchings that occurred in the 1950's. I learned and it made me sick.
I told Johniene I would rather be a child of God than a white guy.
With the missionary elders I speak to investigators, drive elders around, make visits, and help in teaching.
I bear my testimony at work, and some at Meharry have listened.
I have had the chance to make extra money there doing typing.
I began to teach Todd and Cass Thompson's daughter Laura piano lessons in return for chiropractic treatment on my back. I was weight lifting a lot and getting big and strong. My arms and muscles were bulging out. I have pictures of myself. Piano lessons went on well. Later Laura was to develop a lung condition, along with her brother—the only two with this condition in the United States. The Centers for Disease Control took over the case. Laura died. I went to the funeral. A voice came over me as I cycled back to work. It said: Thank you for being my piano teacher.
Jackie Nance from Meharry comes to church and meets people. I started fasting as I have done so many times before to be better blessed to provide for Joe and Paula, soften my heart to be more grateful for what I have done instead of demanding what I still don't have, to see the meaning and significance of the appropriateness of every 2 week visits, pay tithes, do callings, restore good relations with Mr. and Mrs. Durbin and get my mind back on the Lord's work. But I am "swallowing a razor blade of a rejection" by Ellen's parents. It rumbled in my soul and as I would begin to understand years later, that rejection and acceptance of others' worthless opinions of me causes the onset of possible sexual transgressions as a means of escape. Not that. Not ever.
PARENT/CHILD INTERVIEWS HAVE STARTED, according to the lessons taught in the Mormon priesthood manual about how to speak to one's children.
I still struggled with fear of rejection, being left alone, fear of losing the children, and the temptations to jump into to escape.
I have been so panicky!
I am a FATHER!
Mom sent me $25 and it paid to go up to Bowling Green and yet scriptures and prayer are hard because I cannot sleep.
I stare.
I shrink up.
I watch TV.
2 children -- MINE.
I saw Joe and Paula and Ellen at the mall.
We played video games, looked at the animals and fish in the pet store. Joe and Paula didn't need any clothes.
Joe showed me a $35 Coca Cola watch--no way.
He would like a pet crab.
Somehow seeing the children was not as great an impact today as it was before.
Hmmm I need a good comfortable home in Bowling Green, KY.
Up and prayers and off to the gym on Saturday.
I pumped weights. Children came over and we went swimming. I asked about next Sunday afternoon and Ellen said no.
I felt depressed swimming.
Joe and Paula and I got more close to each other. Joe was in a rough-housing mood. We talked about school and me coming to visit. Ellen and I got into it because of the change of visitation schedule.
Anger and pain and misunderstanding. Ellen thinks I am nuts.
Well. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I dedicated myself to her and said I was not going to get married unless I had her permission. I have got to alleviate this confusion in Ellen, restore comfort and peace to her shattered being.
She looks shattered.
Sunday morning Randy Hoover and I pronounced a priesthood blessing on the Durbin household. T
his is all SO HARD FOR ME TO DO ALONE.
Question: How do I love Joe and Paula without loving the Catholic Church?
Sunday afternoon:
I met the 3 of them and we went crawdad hunting and wading and rock throwing. I don't like Ellen around. It takes attention away from me. At home we watched Pinocchio movie at Ellen's expense. But then the kids wanted to go home to see the cousins.
I visited Angela Nunn that evening.
I talked to Paula once about me marrying Angela Nunn and she looked at me with those big eyes trying to comprehend that her first grade teacher she loved would be Angela Micheletti, her step-mother.
In evaluating myself, I wrote down my sins: griping, complaining, murmuring, about Ellen and visitation. Mad at my parents. Cheated out of affection. overspent on children. I spent my tithes on them. Ignoring Russell Coleman, my home teaching assignment. Unable to pray effectively--Not reading scripture well Since Ellen won't accept me as new, I have watched her be confused, frightened and distrusting of me when I know I'm fine? I have ended up bending to her.
Inappropriate activities with the children on Sunday.
I could not find a priesthood leader so I told President Eaves what dancing I was doing between the old Jim Micheletti and the new Jim Micheletti.
Time to dismiss Ellen's company and leave it to God and her problem, and be free and go on.
We have A SCORECARD OF PAULA AT THE GREENWOOD MINIATURE COURSE WITH THEIR SCORES.
Even Warren Roberts told me to drop the grandparents and Ellen and go on.
They're judging me.
I have allowed their judgments to supersede the judgment and counsel of the bishop.
This is wrong!
It is hard!
I cry for forgiveness from God to feel peaceful. It is so spooky to me! I know I'm different.
Why do they remember the past when I cannot?
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
Ellen told me not to go but I did anyway.
The school was expecting me.
I brought a camera, the kids came up and we exchanged words and took pictures.
I met both teachers.
I got good pictures of Joe and Paula and friends.
I went to see Ellen.
She seemed congenial.
We went to Walmart later to get school supplies. Joe had religion homework to do. Then gone! That fast! No more children! I ate at the Wendy's pasta bar and went home. Ellen needs to get out and quit hovering over me, interrupting conversations between me and Joe and Paula. I want them to myself. I applied for jobs in Bowling Green, but the wages are low. I finally asked Ellen to bring the children here but they were sick. Later on, I guess.
I called my mom and dad and got after them for ignoring me.
I remember threatening Ellen with a lawsuit and the police for this "You may abduct them" sentence. She began begging and crying and promised to have them spend the night here.
I told Joe and Paula about the upcoming picnic.
I cried and went to a grove of trees nearby and spoke to the Lord.
Why? Why more problems? Why can I not just have a normal life as a dad?
I called my mom and it turned into a yelling match.
Why does she turn her back on her own grandchildren?
And she calls me "self-centered"?
I called Angela Nunn and I told her the whole thing and asked if she knew why I couldn't come to school to see the children and told her of Ellen's crying.
What an incredibly boring, broke and weakened incapable week, no money, had to borrow.
I had uncontrolled spending.
Two children. AN enormous pressure.
"Please don't visit the school.
My parents are mad. "
They think you'll try to abduct them.
They think you'll try to make them Mormon. "
??? HUH?

September 15, 1987
Dear Joe:
Thanks for a great weekend.
I really had a lot of fun. I am so proud of your strength and courage considering all the talking we did. You are a brave young man to overcome the fear you did and spend time away from your mother. I appreciate very much the acceptance of my religion. I accept your religion, too. I always, always, always want to be your friend. I want you to feel you can tell me anything. I want you to always feel comfortable around me. We can do many things together. You should feel free to call me anytime. Your mom has my number. I encourage you to speak freely with me on any topic and I will listen. If it wasn’t for me and your mom, you wouldn’t be on this earth. Parents means Heavenly Father gives the divine power to two people to bring children to earth. Free free to trust me and get close. That is what friends are for. I am working really hard so we can be together more often. I notice that sometimes a smile is hard for you to have. If you ware happy, Joe, tell your face about it. So I drew some extra smiles below in case you run out! That is how special you area. I hope you treat yourself as special as I will treat you. You are very important because there is only one of you in the whole world—a child of Heavenly Father and my son.
Love DAD

HIGH GRADE REPORT CARDS -- GOOD CONDUCT CARDS COME FROM TEACHERS ABOUT AND PAULA STILL…. I spread this news all week long to Warren Roberts and Eric Olsen.
Ellen finally said she'd bring the children down for an overnight. Now she called back and said the kids don't want to. Bless Joe and Paula with thy spirit. Let thy spirit come to the Durbin household--comfort, peace, truth, light, joy
OVERNIGHT WITH CHILDREN?
Finally, it happened.
I was nervous but met them at McDonald's and showed them the pictures I took of them earlier.
Paula kept saying she didn't want to spend the night. We went to Clyde’s house. They enjoyed the drum set, pinball games, and dart board.
Paula wanted to go home. She brought her barbie dolls.
I took them to the president's office where I work. They typed on the word processor. I set it up so they would print out their names in a fancy font.
Ellen was acting sick and blah! Why. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ???????
The purpose of the weekend was to get Ellen out of the twilight zone into the light of me, JIM MICHELETTI and learn better of me.
We went to an elders quorum social.
Bland, boring. I don't want to be here was the look in Ellen's face.
The guys in the quorum met the Micheletti's but for some reason it did not seem to be a big deal. Donna Rich and her boyfriend Clyde Prosser drove up. We chatted. I took Paula and Joe for separate walks and explained the life they now have of divorced parents.
After Ellen left, panicked, I played with the children.
Paula dropped off. Earlier I mentioned that I rocked her and told her a story. I said a prayer to Heavenly Father for Paula. Paula said she doesn't pray in the evening. Wow. I was so rattled, tense and nervous and I couldn't get to bed. I tossed and turned.
I kept watching the children. Finally at 4 a.m. I dropped off. So fearful of rejection, of placing my heart with them only to lose them again.


Jan 16, 1989
Time to go home.
The Chevette I was driving lost battery power because I accidentally left the lights on. In the pouring rain, a lady lent me battery cables and her truck and I charged the batter. Paula and I took off.
We went shopping for CUTIES, a birthday present for one of Paula’s cousins. I took her home.
She said:
Bye, dad.
I love you.

Joe and I decided to do things for about a ½ hour and I will come back to shoot fireworks. We went to the A&W Root beer stand. We competed with each other at the baseball pinball game. Joe won!!! He and I agreed that whoever wins gets to buy the other video games. He won at rock skipping and at this as well. I teased him about it and complained of me being a loser on the way home.
Joe and I talked about the same subject I did with Paula: what happens to children of divorced parents?
I drew two choices: the first one is where I showed a heart split in two, and the child pulled between two parents.
I listed: cry, withdraw, sad, depressed, split up inside, confused, anger, fear, unable to love, problems in school, grow up and get divorced as well, love on parent, hate the other parents.
Joe, there is a better way: truth, good, right, order, peace, love, family and the commandments.
This will keep you whole and complete and will produce a POWERFUL, COURAGEOUS JOE! And off he went and home I went to play for Dan Davis’ son’s baptism.
I**************************
I find that I doodle a lot.
Mostly it is mountain scenery with a majestic sky.
I doodle pictures of the temple and dream of going there.
SEPTEMBER 10, 1989
Paula designed a card for me, probably one of the most beautiful cards I have ever had from her.
A row of flowers on a brick path.
Inside, raindrops from the sky.
Sun above.
In the raindrops, she drew letters.
Each drop had a letter.
It spelled out “d-a-d” and “d-a-d-d-y”
On the other side, she drew a balloon inside of which with a smiling face, said:
ME AND DADDY…(see picture-four parts)

Letter from ELLEN
THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW PAUL’S LAST GAME WAS MONDAY. THEY WON. I DID NOT GO BECAUSE I HAD TO WORK WHILE AT WORK I DROPPED A CABINET ON MY FOOTMY BIG TOE IS BRUISED AND SWOLLEN, HURTS LIKE THE DEVIL. HOPEFULLY IT WILL GO DOWN SOON SO I CAN GET MY SHOE ON. SATURDAY WEATHER PERMITTING, WE ARE GOING TO OWENSBORO. WE HAVE SOME THINGS TO TAKE TO THEM THERE AND I HOPE THE WEATHER IS NICE. ALSO I HOPE TO BE ABLE TO DRIVE TO HENDERSONVILLE SATURDAY THE 13TH CAR PERMITTING. I DO NEED SOME MONEY. JOE NEEDS SOME NICE PANTS AND SHIRTS TO WEAR FOR GOOD OCCASIONS. ALSO HIS JEANS GETTING SHORT. IT SEEMS LIKE MOST OF HIS GROWTH IS IN HIS LEGS.
JOE AND PAULA SPENT THE NIGHT:
Before I slept I laid my hands on Joe's head as he slept and pronounced a priesthood blessing upon him.
In the morning we joined up with an apparently SICK Ellen. We made breakfast while she lay down. Paula kept saying she wants to go home. We can do things together here, too, Paula. Bake things. She talked about how grandma can bake and what she bakes. Paula looked at me and could not see me "baking". . . . she was stunned.
Ellen got after me for getting a home of my own, getting my bills paid and J
Joe and I took off and talked about fishing.
He asked me to take him fishing.
I said I'd by a pole.
He gave me a KRYSTAL RESTAURANT coupon to cash in at Service Merchandise for a fishing pole.
We stopped at Marrowbone Lake and checked it out.
We went back home to dress up for church. Paula was putting pressure to go home.
We went to church and did I feel strange and sick inside. T
he children didn't understand it. Ellen politely followed along but coughed and was sick.
Boring sacrament meeting--for them, for me, I don't know. Defenses were up. Their hearts were locked. I sent them home and had a dull-minded Sunday afternoon.
I played music for Robert and Sherry Williams' daughter's baptism. Name is Brooke Williams. I broke down and cried on Ronnie Sander's shoulders about my family.
I went home to visit with Miles Conner and Pam to look at their piano, tune the guitar and I was talking about home-buying, bill paying, debt consolidation, getting married again. Home to bed.
In private moments, I wrote in my journal that my anxiety is so strong about the children, the unsettling effect of having their dad and yet not knowing what "dad" means, the limited experience with me that produces insufficient time to have dad impact upon them, have our hearts unite and get enough work and money to merit having them around.
But all week, I was fearful of Ellen and her parents for the possibility they could cause trouble. So threatening. What is going on behind the 420 Glen Lily Road walls?
I was frozen on TV, dull in the brain, stiff, mad, fearful, worried of sticking to Joe and Paula and losing my membership in the church. Labor Day came. Read and slept and read and slept and watched TV and rested and called Angela Nunn and Lena Little (?).
Prayed some more.
Out to sleep.
I finally zipped up to Bowing Green.
Can you believe it?
I actually drove to Julian Durbin's house to get them. THE FIRST TIME! This is terrifying to me since I was yelled off the property in December 1980 and here I am back on the property. -----------
I wanted to get Paula some skates. So off the 3 of us went.
Paula was so spooked over leaving for Nashville and spending the night away from Mom. As we drove off Paula kept spooking Joe on it. We went to Walmart.
At Greenwood Mall, Joe started getting sick. He cried. Paula still got after him--Joe doesn't want to spend the night.
He asked some serious questions:
Why are you Mormon, dad?
I dropped Paula off at home and Joe and I had a long talk about who he is, why he's here, why Ellen and I divorced, who I am, family life, the miracle of the change in my character, what he does now.
And me?
I am dad.
You are son.
Please come spend the night.
He said, no, but tomorrow come get him.
I was to come get him at 10 a. m. Well, I aimed for home but turned back to sleep in the car. I made it back.
I found an empty church lot and tried to sleep while rain pounded on the roof.
Here I am, so NERVOUS, so TENSE, and yet so EXCITED for the privilege of Joe's company and the next day I moved up to the driver's seat and got him at 10 a. m.
FINALLY. . . . time with my own son!
We talked and talked and talked. What a gap in communication to close. He told me he got a "D" in reading some of the words. They were hard. In the car I had to get him to speak up. He is so quiet and reserved. So unexcited about things. Well, we got to Goodlettsville. I bought him his first jug of GATORADE. Lime Green. He liked it.
He brought along the remote controlled dune buggy I bought him the night before for $18.
We decided on visiting the CUMBERLAND MUSEUM FIRST in Nashville. $6 for adult, $5 for child.
He told me about the exhibits of dinosaurs. I have been taking pictures. We looked around, tried out the many exhibits. J
Joe escaped me a few times while there. A good picture we got was me and him at the funny mirrors.
I told him to Robert and Sherry’s house to meet them afterwards.
Bishop Rose was there with his two sons fixing the Williams' roof.
After the museum we got a hamburger. Joe ordered a BEEFY’s hamburger with mustard and pickles. Joe hates catsup. But they made an error. I drove us back and we got the correct hamburger and free fries.
Then we went to the American Fitness health Spa.
I got pictures (see side picture of him and I standing outside).
Joe dressed by himself elsewhere, instead of out in the open with the other guys. Embarrassed I guess.
We swam.
The chlorine was strong. How neat to have my son where dad works out. I wanted to pump iron but we swam first. Joe liked the hot tub. He played and splashed with a mother and her 2 sons in the pool. I introduced Joe to David Wilkins, a friend, who was already there. Afterwards we cleaned up.
We stopped and got introduced to Jesse Roberts, my home teacher’s son. They took off with the remote controlled car while Warren and I talked about this miracle when just months before I was moping in his house with no children. Then we went to get an ice cream cone at Dodge's store in Hendersonville and then shopping. We called to check in with mom. Joe broke down and cried. . . HOMESICK. I held him. I spoke to him. I prayed and that brave little boy accepted it.
We played darts and he won me in almost every game. We settled down. He told me he stays in his room and reads or watches TV. So quiet he is. We said an evening prayer.
Joe says he does NOT pray.
As he slept, I really suffered and cried and prayed for him. My son, please, Lord, help me to help him. After 11 hours of sleep, he woke up. Quiet and easy. So hard on him. In his dad's house away from mom. Sunday we got up and talked about the remote control car and then we went to a Catholic Church, St. Josephs, on Gallatin Road.
I found much of a sweet spirit there. Beautiful music. A talk on forgiveness. I cried. Joe accepted me. That brave boy showed love to his dad. After church I told him I was proud of him. Then off to the LDS church. I introduced him around.
I took him across the street for medicine--COMTREX--for his sniffles and cough. Then back to watch a movie in Primary.
Then off to (yetch! on a Sunday) to Wendy's to eat.
We visited Ronnie and Cheryl Sanders. Jeremiah and Joe played with the remote car. They were pleased and I was, too. Then back to Bowling Green and on the way we played a game in the car: find an object that begins with a letter from the alphabet going from A to Z. We thought about getting Ellen a flower but we did not. I was concerned that Joe spoke and aimed himself away from me while in the car in a muffled tone, and I had to ask him to face me when he talked. I dropped Joe off after looking at a house for rent around the corner. Paula said she mixed her play dough colors and got orange.
I had a chance to get into Joe's heart. I worked at Meharry this week and got Friday off to get Joe and Paula, visit them at school and look for work there.
I visited their schoolteachers. Ms. Connally said to get Paula to read out loud more. Joe is to do his math tables.
I visited with Angela Nunn, and we talked and sang Mormon primary hymns in her class for a presentation.
My FIRST PARENT/TEACHER TALK WITH JOE’S FOURTH GRADE TEACHER
Mrs. Susie Coomer. . .
She said: J
Joe does "B" work, fools around in class, gets things the second time, has to work on his multiplication tables. I can observe the class with prior approval. I offered her any help she needs, and requested she call me at home in emergency situations.
At home, I thought about this spreading AIDS epidemic, and in light of my prior sins, I spoke to Stake president McKee who said NOT to donate blood, but just help out. I ran out of money again, had no gas to go to a General priesthood meeting and stayed home and stared at TV.
As I bathed that night I thought: how do I gain their love because they have had a perfectly bland life without a dad around. Sunday I had to straighten myself out on reckless spending of money, not paying full tithes, losing my temple recommend, not enough scripture reading and all because of this obsession with Joe and Paula's company near me, no matter what it cost.
My own mom and dad seem so cold and distant. Why?
I am slinking lower in spirituality, not keeping the commandments.
I need money for a lawyer, afraid of asking Ellen about more visitations, where to live and work in Bowling Green, willing to do ANYTHING to have the children.
I became aware of a MORMON MOUNTAIN upon which I live and a CATHOLIC MOUNTAIN upon which they live.
I missed Halloween and Ellen said the children did not want to go trick or treat but to a party with their friends.
George Gleitz heard me mad and angry and he said to work it out with Ellen first.
I SNEAKED THE KIDS DOWN TO NASHVILLE!
Saturday, November 4,
I kept driving down the road and I told Joe and Paula we were going to "Rivergate". It is just up ahead. Paula thought we were still in or near Bowling Green.
They listened as dad griped about not having them at the Bowling Green Ward Talent show. I told them I won the number one spot. Paula said she could not go because she was sick. I told them that children should support and cheer their parents.
I told Paula I showed people her picture and people thought how pretty she is with her long hair.
Paula says she is cutting it off for her FIRST COMMUNION.
I showed Johniene Thomas' goodbye letter written to me to Ellen.
I told the kids I won a bear in a video machine.
They played with it, pretended it was real, held it outside. They fought over the front seat, these two over-anxious high achievers.
We went to Ronnie Sanders' house so he could fix Joe's remote control for free. We went around the neighborhood, petted some kittens, and they wish they had one.
We went to MINIATURE GOLF at Rivergate Plaza and Joe did the best. He dropped the ball in a lot of holes in just 2 shots. Paula made the bell ring. I got a free game. Then we did GO CARTS. Then we went to Pizza Inn to eat. $16. Paula was a bit uncomfortable when I tried to get cozy. We played Galactica space ships video game. We went to the Opryland Hotel and saw the four acres of plants and trees and waterfalls.
At the wishing pool, we threw in money for wishes.
Joe wished for money and food for poor people.
Paula wished for a whole month at Disneyland.
Dad wished for the family to be together forever.
On the way home we sang songs.
Paula has an excellent memory of the Primary Song I sang to her a long time ago.
We acted silly.
When I bounced my fingers between my lips to go "wa-ba-wa-ba-wa-ba"
Paula struck my shoulder and said: Daddy, quiet acting childish!
I note that Joe takes things without saying thank you, and also I note he ignores people.
I got after him several times to improve his courtesy and manners.
BUT I SNEAKED THE CHILDREN TO NASHVILLE!
At Bowling Green, we stopped at Angela Nunn's house and I played the electric piano. Angela still wanted to visit with the sister Missionaries and I told her to read the Book of Mormon and pray.
I had my first serious interview with Paula at the LDS church in Bowling Green where we discussed what can we do together to feel more comfortable. She also banged on the piano.
Joe and I talked about when I move to Bowling Green, what will be my job in the church. Johniene and the staff got me a pair of suspenders to wear since I am always wearing suspenders to work. –On another visit, I gave Paula a copy of the children's song: Whenever I hear the song of a bird. On a trip to the Atlanta Temple one time I did an endowment. I played the chapel organ and did a second endowment. I met a lady there who said she remembered me from last year and wondered why I had such "sad eyes" but she said I looked happier now. Joe and Paula are back in my life. I began to notice the format of my temptations.
It seems like my past bothers me because I am with Joe and Paula and I sometimes act like the old Jim Micheletti. But something stops me. I have had to repeat to Joe and Paula and God gives us a MOM and a DAD, not just a MOM.
Now comes the first DADDY/DAUGHTER date! Me and Paula. She was upset that I am ". . . taking her away from mother. . . " but on the way amid my sickness the voice of inspiration comes to have Paula buy mom some flowers.
As soon as I got onto that, she clicked in and it was HER AND ME alone at last.
We chatted on the way to the mall. We spoke freely. We found a floral shop and I had Paula choose between dried flowers, a rose in a dish or a bouquet of flowers of 3-4 different colors. She chose the bouquet. We stopped at the toy store and fished in a mechanical fishing pool. We entered the mall and hopped, skipped and jumped on the tiles as if it were hopscotch. We got a cool drink: me, a pineapple slush, and Paula, a cherry slush. I had earlier made Fettuccini Al Fredo for her.
And now, tonight, Paula was tickled to be in the house of her first grade teacher. I told Paula that I am her dad, that heavenly Father gives us a mom and a dad. I said parents belong with their children. Paula did wish I was a Catholic and that we all lived under the same roof.
I said the scriptures say to HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER. I cried. Paula looked at me.
Paula jumped on the trampoline and I swung her around in a circle until we were dizzy. Paula showed Angela some gorgeous pictures that I took of her and Joe. When we got home, a sick Joe was in bed. In my trips back and forth to Bowling Green, I have been spending the night at the elders house in Springfield, Tennessee to save time. What a beautiful date Paula and I had! She was so pretty.
The next day Joe and I went to the root beer stand. I opened up the scriptures and read to him: HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER. At the Toy Warehouse he showed me where it is. Then he suddenly broke down and cried and said he did not want to leave mother and Bowling Green. I apologized. Please forgive me, Joe. He did.
Later Paula and Joe and I played miniature golf. We also went bowling. The ball was rather heavy for Paula. Joe got some pins knocked down. I made 4 strikes. Video games came afterwards. I was so glad at paying my tithe first because I said no to Joe's request for purchases.
Joe and Paula are certainly competitive to be right with the answers on games. We rehearsed multiplication tables. Paula said to ask her questions to see if she could get some problems right.
I introduced them to the Bowling Green elders and told them about Mormon dads. No smoking. No alcohol. No coffee. No tea. Paula says several members of the Durbin family smoke.
Joe scoffed at herbal tea and said family members drink tea, too. Why do things have to be a certain way, and if they are not, Joe falls apart? If he could love people, especially those who are different.
Dad is Mormon. Dad is different.
I said again that Heavenly Father gives us 2 parents, so one is not overburdened with the job.
We visited Ellen at work and Joe told mom he wants to come to Nashville next weekend, not this weekend.
Ellen said OK.
I took the kids out and we dashed through the campus on the steps. I spun Paula around with my arms and we both got dizzy.
This was in the lawn area right outside Helms Library. We visited the spa, rode the bikes and I discovered they don't know where babies come from. Joe came to Nashville that next weekend. We went to the spa. We drank Gatorade for the first time in his life.
NEXT VISIT Paula's holding on to mom.
Joe has a headache but obediently gets into the car.
They should stay home and rest.
BUT I CANNOT COME INSIDE to sit with my children!
Spent Friday night Mailed on week of Oct 5, 1987 at St. Joe’s School.
TO JOE:
Enjoy life!
Love other people!
Work hard!
Smile!
Winners make it happen!
Have a great day at school.
Love, dad.

October 8, 1987 at the Springfield, Tennessee elders' home and stared into space until midnight.
Later the children and I met at the miniature golf. We raced go-carts. I took pictures.
Paula said I want to take pictures of you, daddy! Wow!
Then we went to Shanty Holly Lake.
I asked Joe if he wants a Hertz Donut. I slugged him on the shoulder and said: Hurts, don't it?
Joe laughed.
Joe complains about his sore throat and Paula hurt herself later on something. Said I: that's the purpose of life, to experience physical pain. Otherwise we cannot appreciate good health. I saw that they need to feel love, strength and security and see mom and me operating as a unit. I remember that Ellen and I discussed if God as a physical body. We discussed the Pope coming to America to visit. I reminded the children of what Mormon dads do NOT do: smoke, drink, no coffee, and no tea. Joe and Paula livened up. They began to tease me. I missed the part that Joe was one of 3 boys on the honor roll.
We made it to the lake. The trees were changing colors. We hiked to a waterfall. Laughed and talked. Plants were identified as we walked by the famous knowledgeable Mother.
We stopped occasionally. Joe found little frogs and we took a picture of Joe with a frog in his hand. (See side).
On the way back, Paula let me carry her on my shoulders.
All right! More trust built up.
I say to Paula that dads can do just as much as moms can. I feel so cheated out of experiences like this.
Mom is running the show. I need to move up there.
In the car one of the tires blew! And now we see the eruption of anger, dismay and hurt and tenseness coming out of Ellen about this tire on her car we were in.
We got people to help us but their spares did not fit.
Paula and Joe were tense because mother was tense. I said, leave mom alone, we'll just fix it and go on.
It's no big deal. Paula identifies with her mother being scared.
I told her to drop it.
Over-anxious Ellen has no key to get into her trunk and get the spare.
She calls her dad.
I play with the children.
Joe’s gloomed over it because mother is gloomy over it.
Dad was cheerful.
Julian Durbin, grandfather to the children, and father to Ellen, comes in his red station wagon. I told him what happened. We all went back. The children were quiet. The adults were talking.
History in the making. Me in the car with Julian Durbin.
I was trying to stay cheerful. Joe got after me for my dirty hands on his sweatshirt. Paula said her hands were dirty and I looked at them and said "Lucky" your hands are dirtier than mine are.
INSIGHT:
Ellen and her dad talk about the helpful people.
He says people generally would not do that.
There was a distinct feeling of isolation from a mean cruel and vicious world, that we (the Durbins) will tend to our own business and regulate ourselves and that somehow, HOME for Joe and Paula is safer.
Bravery and courage and internal security are non-existent because Joe and Paula panic because their mother does when things go past a certain point.
Ellen told me later she believes the essential nature of man is DARK. We are not born with a conscience. It is developed. I say: How can Heavenly Father's children have that characteristic? Whew, bad doctrine, totally incorrect, and Joe and Paula are affected. Not me.
Ellen drove me back to my car.
Julian offered to do it!!
I gave her $20 to help purchase the new tire.
I went to Angela Nunn's house afterwards and relayed the events of the day and we discussed Mormonism.
She relayed objections and I resolved concerns.
She said she would lose her teaching job if she changed religions.
Will God take care of her?
Yes.
Back home:
I notice that I keep entertaining temptations to show myself what a big guy I am, especially when it comes to potentially immoral situations and I rack up points. Always testing myself, always checking, always trying to reassure myself that I am different!
At work.
I finally got tired of the sloppiness and disorganization of the president's office at Meharry and redesigned the work flow process between the document authors and me. I designed a work assignment slip with questions to answer about how a document is to be done. Johniene bought into the idea and put it to work.
A lady at Bowling Green, Ms. Nelson, agreed to deliver a bunch of balloons to Paula's class at school. She said she was directed to her class, gave the balloons to Paula, but felt a strange cold spirit that told her it was not welcome.
Paula said thank you without any emotion and she left.
Very strange. but I did miss Paula's birthday and wanted to do something.
Friday, October 23, Miniature Golf.
Competition between Paula, Joe and me:
Paula won and got a free complimentary game.
I was feeling fearful of rejection. They wanted to see a Garfield Cat movie, went to a cart race. Joe likes GARFIELD cartoons.
Saturday Paula, Joe and I went skating.
Paula skated once around the rink in 40 seconds.
Then 35 seconds.
Then beat her record and skated in 33 seconds and then 31 seconds.
Gosh, Paula! I stayed overnight between Friday and Saturday at Donny Miller's house.
Saturday Joe won over Paul at go carts.
12 laps.
Paula let balloons go at the mall with her name on it!
Interview with Joe on Saturday 10/24/1987.
I complained that he does not say please and thank you enough.
I said Ellen and I are still mom and dad even though we are not husband and wife.
July 20, 1987
Letter to Mr. Joseph Michael Micheletti
Dear Joe:
Hi, son!
Thank you for a wonderful weekend, especially the swimming party. That was fun. As I am typing this letter, those pictures I took are next to me on the word processing printer for me to look at. I enjoyed you when you were little. I enjoy you so much more now. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. I am so happy to be home.
I showed our Saturday swimming pictures to people here and they say we look so much alike. I am going to let my hair grow long so it looks like yours. Shall we do more video games?
Sure. Shall we play more miniature golf? Sure.
Shall we swim more? Sure. J
Joe, I worked so hard and so long just so I could be with you again.
You will always be my best friend.
Thanks for all the talk we had at the pool.
I did like some parts of the movie Space balls. But I did not like the bad language. You will never hear your dad speak bad words. Your dad talks clean. There was another special reason why I did not like some parts of the movie. I will tell you that when I see you.
I hope we can go see many movies together. Let’s have fun together. When you were little, you would get so excited when I came near you because we used to play so much together.
We will do many things. I think I have found an apartment in Bowling Green, so you can come over with your transformers. When we purchase the larger ones, there will be room at my home in Bowling Green to store it and anything else. Still like your Supernatural creature? I am here to love you, serve you, support and help you to choose the right and have a blessed and happy life. As you saw from my note at church, I needed to leave rather early. Sorry. See you real soon. Mom will try to have you and Paula call me on Thursday of this week in the evening after 6 p. m. and Sunday after 6 p. m. for sure. I am going to learn more about transformers. It really hurts bad inside when I am away from you. I am very anxious to see you again.
Love
Dad
July 21, 1987
Dear Paula:
Hello, sweetheart!
You really filled my heart with joy as we swam for 3 and one-half hours!
Just think, there is only one Paula Marie Micheletti on the face of the whole earth.
And Heavenly Father gave you to your mom and me for our very own. Barbie dolls are pretty and fun.
Thank you very much for letting me buy one for you.
Dads like to do that for their little girls.
I would like to take you shopping and buy you a pretty dress or some pretty outfit, too. I was so much fun to swim at TC Cherry pool Saturday. You really splashed about. And you jumped in and managed to reach my outstretched hand several times. Did a little girl like you every have such energy and excitement. I called your schoolteacher, Ms. Nunn, and told her all about it.
When I got home, I showed the swimming pictures of us to people at church. I am at work now, and yours and Joe’s picture is right on the printer side near my desk so I can see you. Your mom will have you two call me on the telephone Sunday evening for a good visit. You will be going to Owensboro this weekend to see your cousins. My favorite picture of you is the one standing on the ladder underneath the lifeguard. You look just like a magazine picture. I am going to pray really hard this week that you will be safe and happy. I forgot to ask you if you drew me a picture yet. I had to go home. I could only stay Sunday for just a minute. If you want to, you can draw me a picture when I come up next. Or you can draw me one and send it to me at my address: Jim Micheletti 4125 Blueberry Hill Road Nashville, TN
Whichever you want to do is fine.
BYE until later.
Love dad
August 10, 1987
Dear Joe:
Hi, son! Thank you for a great weekend. The best part was you splashing me in the pool and me getting you back. Also the best part was seeing you improve greatly in your swimming technique and form. You are really coming along. Isn’t that little Chris fellow we met a strong one, courageous, too, considering he dives off the board at age 6? Thanks for the Trammel Creek experience. My crawfish died. Did yours? I wish I had the camera to take pictures. I want to see you and Paula at school on Monday August 17, 1987. After school, we will celebrate and go shopping for that school bag, if I remember correctly. I will also spend time looking for a place to live in Bowling Green. When I live there, that will be your “other home” and you and I can do many things there together. Heavenly Father gave you to me for a son and I love you very much. I have worked hard and I am glad to have you for a son. I may be stuck in Nashville for a while. I am looking forward to seeing you at school on Monday, August 17, 1987. Be prepared to have pictures. Since you and Paula need to understand fully who you are, I have written below the names of your relatives on the Micheletti side.
You: Joseph Michael Micheletti
Your dad: James Michael Micheletti
My dad (your grandfather): James Matthew Micheletti.
He lives in Rantoul, Illinois and I need to see him because he is very old and sick.
My mother: Muriel E. Micheletti. She lives in Rantoul and she is healthy and happy.
My grandfather (your great grandfather): Andrew Micheletti. He lived in Gilbert, Minnesota with his wife, your great-grandmother, and her name is Italia Micheletti.
My brother (your uncle) David Micheletti. He is a lieutenant in the Air Force. My sisters (your aunts): Barbara, Elizabeth, Virginia, Beatrice, Theresa. They all have children. As you can see you have a family side from your mom and a family side on your dad’s side. One day we will meet them.
SAME LETTER TO PAULA:
Dear Paula:
Thank you for a great weekend, Paula! I liked splashing in the pool but I think soon I would like to do some other kind of activity instead of swimming. I still like board games very much. I thank you for the time we went to Trammel Creek. Thanks for watching Pinocchio with me. Soon I will have a more comfortable home, Micheletti home; there will be many things to do there. Right now, I need to take a vacation from work and get ready to come see you at school. I am very excited for your first day at school because it will be the first time for me. You are my daughter and I love you. I love you and Joe and I worked very hard to pay off several bills so I could be with you again. You have your life on earth because of your mom and me. Heavenly Father has us to be your parents. We have a duty to take care of you and teach you and support you. Mom will have you call me on the phone to check to see if I am doing all right and you can tell me what you are doing. I am glad you know where I work at. Children should know whether their dads work at because that is where money is earned to take care of the family.
You: Paula Marie Micheletti
Your dad: James Michael Micheletti
My dad (your grandfather): James Matthew Micheletti. He lives in Rantoul, Illinois and I need to see him because he is very old and sick.
My mother: Muriel E. Micheletti. She lives in Rantoul and she is healthy and happy.
My grandfather (your great grandfather): Andrew Micheletti. He lived in Gilbert, Minnesota with his wife, your great-grandmother, and her name is Italia Micheletti.
My brother (your uncle) David Micheletti. He is a lieutenant in the Air Force.
My sisters (your aunts): Barbara, Elizabeth, Virginia, Beatrice, Theresa. They all have children.
As you can see you have a family side from your mom and a family side on your dad’s side. One day we will meet them.
DURING MY FAMILY HISTORY SEARCH, I RECEIVED ONLY 2 LETTERS FROM MY GRANDMOTHER, EDITH MURIEL PONTINEN, AS SHE LIVED IN A RETIREMENT HOME BEFORE HER DEMISE. I WAS TO FIND OUT LATER WHAT SHE WAS REALLY LIKE TO MY MOTHER:
Monday, January 11, 1988
I have had much trepidation about Ellen, Paula and Joe. I have been puzzled about what to do in many things. I have been busy doing my genealogy trying to get my mind off the children and Ellen. It’s been successful. I have found out much bout Ananias Jack Pontinen and Edith Muriel Pontinen, my Finnish grandparents.


January 27, 1988
COURT OF APPEALS
PROVINCE OF CHICAGO
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS

RE: My testimony concerning the annulment of the Catholic marriage of Mr. James Mathew Micheletti and Ms. Edith Muriel (Pontinen) Micheletti
Dear Sir:
After much struggle and anguish, I cannot bear to write too much concerning this particularly above-referenced matter. I am not a Catholic anymore, but a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints (the Mormons). It is hard for me, thus, to identify with the deep emotions and intensity expressed by my father. Perhaps the following information will help you in determining whether to permit my father to have his Catholic wedding to his second wife:
1. My father had very little communication with me between the years 1977 to 1979 and it was only by accident that I found out that he was removed from 209 Arcadia Drive, Rantoul, Illinois by his wife and living elsewhere.
2. When I left the Catholic Church to be a Latter Day Saint, I was met with less than pleasant responses from him indicating strong disapproval and near rejection to the point of not recognizing my existence, or at least putting my existence at the bottom of his list of priorities over a long space of time. This is indicated by little to no lack of response to my letters and telephone messages. There were times during the period between 1980 and today that he has communicated with me.
3. I was not informed of his second marriage to his second wife until three months after the fact. He called me to inquire about an “accidental billing to his address” and mentioned the marriage as a casual aside. I was shocked for three months and told him so. I have a step-mother whom I have never as yet met, nor can I exactly give you her name. He also told me I was ignoring my mom and sisters and to change.
4. I was so shook up over his response to my change of religion and lifestyle that I was frightened to go home for nearly 7 years. I finally went home and faced him. (this trip is in reference to a 1984 trip to face up to him; I was terrified and prayed solidly as I travelled from Goodlettsville, Tennessee to Rantoul, Illinois to step into 209 Arcadia Drive after such rash behavior towards me, telling me to shut up about Mormonism)
He had very little to say and shook hands with me and left. He has made no inquiries into my life. He has questioned me only just a few times in the last 10 years. He has never met my daughter, Paula Marie Micheletti, and he has seen his grandson, Joseph Michael Micheletti, only once as a baby. I have had to spend much time re-establishing myself and my peace to continue a life outside the presence of my mother and father. I have written letter after letter of inquiry, complaint, expressions of grief, appropriate honors and respect for such things as Father’s Day, and so forth. I have received no Christmas cards or any inquiries of the sort during the holiday season. It is as if almost that his behavior was the normal thing for he seems unaffected by it. I called him one day at his wife’s house, just guessing at the name to see if I could get the number correctly. He answered the phone. I could not bear to speak to him and I told him I would speak to him later about the trouble he is in with me (if I am remembering the conversation correctly). I have not yet received a response from him in response to my complaint about why I was not informed with even a wedding invitation that my father got married again, by a justice of the peace, I presume. I was shocked to hear my father’s voice when he called me at the president’s office at Meharry. I did not recognize his voice as his.
I spoke in a quiet and subdued voice, full of shock and rather distraught at his request for me to assist him to gain a divorce from my mother through the Catholic Church. It is amazing how much I have had to distract myself to the point where I finally had to accept that my father is probably never going to come around to visit me.
I still haven’t decided how to explain to Joe and Paula, my children, that their Grandpa Micheletti has not opened up any communications, nor inquired of me after their welfare. I have already gotten after my mother for this. My mother and I are at present talking, although I believe that she has tremendous difficulties, too.
I have been deeply into genealogy and it has revealed many interesting strands of anger and resentment that she has carried for years against her mother. My mother, nevertheless, seems to demonstrate a more repentant heart…seems to understand that she has roots and branches to her existence, namely her ancestors and her progeny.
My dad does not know where I work at the present time. It is one thing for me to report my life to him, but it is strangely another thing when my reports and requests and inquiries do not get answered. There were many times I could remember that I wanted to fake my funeral just to get a rise out of him.
Gentlemen (the Catholic church officials regarding his divorce):
If I were in your shoes, I would recommend not granting the Catholic Church approval to my dad’s divorce so that he can remarry in the church. He is severely handicapped in many areas (physically I understand that he is not doing well). I am looking forward to him changing in several areas with other more effective influence. I am currently changing myself though first so I can handle this most difficult visit to him coming up in 1988. Again, he is not going to feel better from recognition of his second marriage by the Catholic Church. He has simply failed in many areas and needs to repent and change. Recognition will have only negative effects.
Mailed to Joe at school
January 1988
Four smiling faces carried NOTES:

Dear son:
I’m smiling at you and for you all the way from Nashville.
Love dad.

Even when I am asleep (a sleeping face), turn it over and it says, I have a smile for you. Hooray for Joe!
Love dad
ONE OF TWO LETTERS FROM MY GRANDMOTHER PONTINEN, AT THAT TIME IN A RESIDENTIAL HOME IN MINNESOTA)
January 23, 1988,
My dearest Jim
What a surprise to get a letter from you. I was delighted to get it and thinking what you have started is great. I’d like to hear more of you. I saw you when you were a little baby, a cute little bundle. Well, Jim, my – I don’t know if I could be of much help. My life with my mother and father was so short. But when you come up next summer we will go to Chisholm to see my oldest Brother Frank. I sent your letter to Bill, Muriel’s oldest brother, and he would have the family Bible from Finland. Ask your mom whatever happened to our sister Martha? I have written to Sissy but she is slow in writing I was so sorry Jim and Muriel parted. But about blame? Oh, Jim, my, because Muriel was very hard to raise and educate. Muriel was a schizophrenic and not very smart, but hard to live with. So believe me, I know what Jimmy had to put up with. Jimmy, Bill will have the Bible unless he gave it back to Frank. When Bill was teaching in Chisholm. So we will wait until you get up here. We will go see the Micheletti family in Gilbert—so much for that. This winter has been beautiful. Very little snow. Went to church today. I had a lot of company here, so the days fly by, and I have been very busy, but I want to get my own apartment this summer. That picture of you was darling. All you children, beautiful children. Well I must finish this get my people to bed and please write me again and tell me all about yourself. Believe me, Bill and I will be waiting to see you next summer. Wall, all much love, and happiness. For Barbara, I have her picture.
ANOTHER LETTER FROM HER…
Dearest Jim:
I’m sorry if I didn’t answer your letter so I’ll send this one by return mail. Was so happy to hear from you and that you will be here soon. I only wish your mother could come, too. Can you talk her into coming up? Bill will be here the last week of June so I’m hoping you can plan to be here then. I have not much news of interest. I have been real busy but it’s quiet now. But all’s well. Just waiting for some more company. Do you remember Johnny? Sissy’s youngest brother. He lives in St. Paula. I’ll be real happy to know about your school or work or whatever. When you get here, daytime I hope. If you get here later, call first. My number is 741-3340 Ext. 365. The weather is fine now. It has been a very cold spring. You have a beautiful handwriting which means you are a fine boy. I’m waiting to see you and put my arms around you. Write again and tell me about the time and week you’ll be here. Until then. I am just your grandma, so much love and happiness. Edith.
August 16, 1987
MR. JULIAN DURBIN
420 GLEN LILY ROAD
BOWLING GREEN, KY 42101

Dear Mr. Durbin.

Since you have apparently not responded to my request for a visit, any concerns you have will be dropped for lack of interest on your part for resolution. Erroneously I have dragged somewhat in the progression of my life because of self-inflicted punishment due to your non-recognition of me. The truth is that I have changed so much that the old is dead and therefore any complaints you have are with a ghost. If I have had difficulties in 1981 and after, it is due in large part due to an unfavorable (psychologically warlike) response to my change of religion, illegal estrangement from Joe and Paula causing fear and anger which diminished my desires to succeed. But in the interests of restoration to order, a principle taught by Jesus Christ, many things have been overcome. But no more details needed. I have opportunity to draw testimonies of 100o people who will attest to the goodness of my deportment and manliness and also testify that any difficulty or suffering has been experienced in huge part because of the unexplained estrangement from my young. Any parental/child raising ignorance I once had has been burned out and replaced. Any horrors of my sins have been replaced by firmness of resolve and many good works. Character changes in the mind and heart are classic features of the influence of the church of Jesus Christ of latter Day Saints upon its members and families. These changes influence lives for the better. I testify to the great heavenly power in the church. To repeat keeping alive the ugliness of crimes of long ago will only sustain suffering—it will not alleviate it. And I will not believe your view of me when I know I’m different. Since I am not as before, and therefore incapable of repeating history, it is only wise to drop any anxieties. I have drawn blood from me long enough. The rest of my days will be in humble service to Ellen, Joe and Paula. As well as to the Mormon Church headed by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Rather than believe you or your wife, I will believe Heavenly Father
Sincerely, J
Jim Micheletti
ONE TIME I SENT PAULA A PICTURE I TOOK OF HER. I TYPED PAULA*PAULA*PAULA*AULA MARIE MICHELETTI DAD LOVES PAULA HEAVENLY FATHER GAVE PAULA TO MOM AND DAD* WITH THESE PHRASES. DAD loves PAULA yesterday, today and forever and ever. . . .

HAPPY FATHERS DAY
from Joe and Paula in the form of a card
SUNDAY October 25, 1987 –
Joe and Paula and I went to the hospital to visit the obstetrics ward. I said we have another sister there. HOW? WHAT? How come mother never told us? Dad, if you're lying, I'm walking home! We went there and the nurse pulled out a baby. Paula and Joe looked at the baby in the crib while I said "this is your sister. We are all brothers and sisters because we are all children of Heavenly Father. And if we have a Heavenly Father, that makes us related to each other. So. . . look at your "sister. " Ellen said later that it confused Joe. I said it is on the wall at St. Joe's School. We believe each child is a child of God. Well, I said, if you are a child of God, that makes you and others brothers and sisters.
Later I went to the Bowling Green police department to ask about the legality of the Durbin’s preventing my entrance to their home to see my son and daughter. A man's house is his castle, and if they don't want you there, that is it. I was numbed with shock at how this whole situation developed with the Durbins asserting legal power and restricting my activities.
Christmas and now we are in 1988.
It is time to look at my family history. I began to make phone calls. Christmases have been good. I began to fill in my pedigree charts. I have some records of Sigillo, Italy and I found an Italian family at a restaurant in Hendersonville who translated it--somewhat. Meantime their food is so good.
February 9, 1988
This is the week of my birthday, that day being February 11.
I was born on that day in 1950 to my parents, Muriel Edith (Pontinen) Micheletti and James Matthew Micheletti, the children of immigrant parents from Finland and Italy, respectively. That is the day that I was welcomed to earth from the pre-existence where I lived in the presence of my Heavenly Father, where I learned about the plan of life, where I learned that I would come to earth, take on a physical body, and see if I would keep the commandments of God to be able to return to His presence one day. I learned that I would be tempted with the choice of evil as well as the choice to do good, for I would not understand what is good and beautiful and heavenly and righteous if I did not have the opposite for contrast. I learned that I would be put to the test, to suffer pain and sorrow, to purify myself through trials and tribulations. I learned that a Savior would be provided for all of us on earth to overcome sin and death. I learned I had to do my part and repent and keep the commandments. Forgiveness is not for free. I must change. I learned that the church would be restored on the earth (see my introduction in pre-existent life). But I did type it again to teach and remind myself of what is going on in my life and the purpose of it all.
At present with my blessings, I have an ex-wife who has difficulty seeing me clearly. She is also divided, having two masters to serve: the Catholic Church and her father, and this strange manifestation of change coming over her ex-husband that deep down inside, I think, she knows to be special and acceptable, and yet she has instructed me that her parents will not let me in the house to visit with the children. I have complained to a Father Gary, a catholic priest.
I have told many other individuals this, including TOM SMITH, a divorce lawyer. I have had Mr. Durbin, her dad, tell me himself not to worry about the children, that they get the finest medical attention and I hung up on him. I wrote him a letter apologizing and explaining more things to him. The letter is somewhere in this autobiography. I desire to move to Bowling Green, KY to live there and see the children more often. I have been concerned about Paula and Joe knowing the truth about why they live at the Durbin household. They have not been told anything by their mother, as if they were never would figure it out. I am anxiously awaiting to speak to Paula about the business of father/daughter and why she was removed from that relationship.
Ms. Angela Nunn, the children’s first grade teacher and my friend, is taking the missionary discussions.
She agreed to arrange a birthday party for me at her house. She told me that the children’s present schoolteachers, Ms. Canally and Coomer will attend, and perhaps Ms. Powell, the principal. I requested the ladies to speak to the group, the children, me, the ladies and perhaps Ellen, if she will come on ways parents and children can show love for each other, special experiences with dad and the meaning of a birthday. I said I would speak, too, and perhaps have a movie. I hope the children come. I called them and Paula wants to bake a cake. She said she’d ask grandma to help. I asked Joe on the phone if he missed me, and he said: a little; I said I missed him a lot. I have not heard anything from Mr. Durbin regarding my letter to him on the debt and other matters.
Mr. and Mrs. Durbin do not know me. They may see me. They may be reminded of a Jim Micheletti from long ago. But I know I am different. I shall not deny the truth.
BEFORE…at church Sunday February 7, 1988
Amber LePrey sang a song and I accompanied her on the piano. It left a deep impression of the love of the Savior, especially as He went to the cross to suffer and die so my sins would be paid for and I would not have to. I felt it was true. Even now, the song goes through my mind.
Clyde Prosser lent me $50 until Monday payday.
I really wonder what Ellen is thinking--emptiness is deeper than that. I have been paying my tithing. Even though I look forward to possibly living in Bowling Green, I fear a battle is going to ensue. With all the sacrifices I am making, why cannot I have the children more?
Saturday Feb 13, 1988
Birthday celebration time and all were good. Paula got 890 on Super Pacman. Then she got 3020 points after dad showed her how to do it better. Joe got level 6 on the bi Dug game. Paula got 1870 points on super pac man. The championship game for Paula: 620 points. Planning and planning to get to Bowling Green, talking to so many people, where can I live, what can I do?
I felt strange. I have disregarded my covenants. I need the Holy Ghost. My identity is solidifying as a father. I have wanted to be in Bowling Green a long time. So hard to get here. I find I don't have sufficient charity. I have worries:
Will things go all right?
Will I fail in Bowling Green?
Will I be able to see the children enough as a father?
Will Ellen decide again to fight me?
Will I have further trouble?
Can I get a handle on things?
Can Joe, Me and Paula be protected from interference and intrusion?
but I am a child of God. Heavenly Father is my father. He loves me. It will work out. Can bad memories of Jim Micheletti ever be burned from their minds?
Can I walk peacefully not fearing further trouble?
Can I rest assured, work and provide?
Can I believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things?
Must I be terrified? Must I walk in fear?
I feel responsible. How can I best operate without hurt feelings, boasting, and pride?

SACRAMENT—
I partook of the bread and water. I promise to take upon myself the name of Jesus Christ, to remember Him, body and blood, in order to have His spirit. I also must have charity to those with whom I have been bitter. I need heavenly assurance that I need not be terrified of Mr. and Mrs. Durbin. I do not want them to have power over me. It's hard. Me, their dad.
I cannot reach them except with heavenly power. I am here to prepare for the celestial kingdom, do the work of the Lord. What's true is true. Even now, with Joe and Paula, I must be willing to GIVE THEM UP.
In gospel essentials class we talked of the signs of the Second Coming and to prepare for it.
In priesthood class, we talked about being reverent in sacrament meeting. Do we think we are special, because after all our FATHER IN HEAVEN is a king. Do we dress and act like the children of a king? Look at oneself and others and see the beauty.
The gifts of the Holy Ghost are special and these gifts can bond me and Joe and Paula together in a special way. A good thought today: Did you plead for grace that you might forgive another?
At the baptismal service in Bowling Green today I was asked to assist in the Melchizedek priesthood blessing of bestowing the Gift of the Holy Ghost upon a newly baptized member. I have the priesthood authority to do this.
Later I went with Donny Miller to deliver water to someone. Later came my help to the Young Women in preparing Janice Kapp Perry's "Song of Testimony" and after, a choir practice for stake conference. I left at 5:40 to get Joe and Paula. I thanked the Lord for a full Sunday and prayed for a good evening with the children.
I drove up, gave Ellen her money, got the children and off we went. We stopped at the missionary apartment to borrow the filmstrip projector and tape player. We checked out two filmstrips: Gary's Love for His Mother Grows, and another, "The Same Way I want to be treated. "We discussed the idea of treating people well and I apologized to them for complaining against their Durbin grandparents. We talked about the children treating each other well, mom and dad, and I asked Joe if he loved his sister and I asked Paula if she loved her brother. Difficult for them to be rather tender hearted.
Paula said "Don't make us hug each other.
Then the children interviewed me.
I told them about me as a little boy, about college and about my feelings on what makes me happy, sad, and angry.
Later we went to Donny Millers house to show the children their puppies.
Donny and I talked about my life insurance.
I told him earlier that I bought it from Lorentia Satterfield.
I told Donny we'll be good friends.
I took the kids home.
Paula was exhausted and lay in my lap as I drove.
I was driving Robert William's truck because my car was shot. I dropped the children off.
I look forward to living near them. So important are Paula and Joe. How unthinkable to live anywhere else. I took off for home. I slept at Clyde's house.
He got married yesterday at the Atlanta temple.
I worked Monday.
I asked Robert Williams to use the truck further.
GUESS WHAT HAPPENS AT THE BORDER OF THE CITY OF BOWLING GREEN.
I get me a car. I drive.
I’m finally there.
The Honda Civic I bought falls apart right at the borderline of the city. I cried and I screamed.
Why?
Why can I not live there?
Someone picked me up and we went to a ward picnic.
Someone drove me to the Durbin house when they did not show up for the picnic. Ellen's mother is on the couch.
She yells out: Ellen, Jim's here. Ellen comes to the door. Yes?
Well, aren't you going to come outside?
She storms out the door.
Come to find out Joe and Paula are sick.
And me, Here I am, Stuck in Bowling Green, no car, no job sick, alone.
John Driskoll let me live at his house and we went and bailed hay.
The children came to church, gave me a pair of socks and a FATHERS DAY CARD. My first one! I have waited for this moment.
During church, Paula writes a note on the program agenda: Joe hates Paula. I wrote: Joe likes Paula?
Joe writes: NO! Paula writes:
Dad likes Joe or Paula?
Dad writes: Dad likes Joe and Paula.
I wrote; Paula likes Joe?
Paula: NO!
Paula writes notes.
Bowling Green, I am here. Stuck at Bob Driskoll's house. They finally asked me to leave since I was spending time there alone with his wife without him. I found a room downtown. I was using a moped.
I found myself stuck in my room one day. When I tried to climb out the window using sheets tied to make a rope, I fell and broke my heel. I got rushed to the doctor. Surgery and a hospital bed. Mrs. Durbin laughed on the phone and said "I really don't care. " Ellen objected to having to care about me. She finally brought Joe and Paula.
I was picked up by folks in Nashville and taken back to Loretta and Bob Satterfield's house where I stayed until I recuperated.
Then I moved to Diane and Ned Jorgensen's house where I further recuperated, cot a moped, went to work, saved up and got a car again.
It was horrible. To be so close to Joe and Paula and fall apart. I can see I don't belong in Bowling Green. It is for my protection to keep my distance.
I sent the children a card explaining my circumstances and also sent them some allowance money.
In January 1989 I was trying to get over my accident.
I was driving a rented car from a place near the Spring Factory. I have been crying to heaven about working again at Meharry as a word processor. I applied at the Graduate School with Sharon Hurt.
Sunday May 8, 1988
Well, I am depressed! The clutch in the Chevette fell apart and here I am, stuck in Nashville, again! 60 days of continuous car trouble, almost. And my roommate, Clyde Prosser needs me to move so his new wife can move in shortly. I am dragged under by the seeming impossibility of all this. $200. Where to get it to fix the car?
I finally got so aggravated also at my family--I wish I could talk to someone so they'll understand me.
I felt my sister Elizabeth would listen. So I called mother to get Elizabeth's phone number.
I'm so terrified I can't even be honest with my own mother. I spoke to Elizabeth.
She was shocked.
I cried and cried and screamed and hollered and trumpeted my difficulty in accepting mom and dad's disposition towards me--how I felt WRITTEN OFF THE BOOKS, the victim of much persecution and misjudgment and fear.
How people there have overlooked my cries for help and gone on with their lives, getting married, having children, protecting themselves from my RELIGION, allowing themselves NOT to get involved, leaving JOE AND PAULA, as well, by implication. According to Micheletti family members, the view of me they have in their mind is as follows:

1. I don't like my family.
2. They shove barbed wire down my throat before I can talk about my new religion.
3. And I was terrified that such a thing was so horrible to them that I feared entering back into my home.
4. I got threats from dad to leave my sisters alone because they're complaining about me to him and he got all riled up.
and the most revealing shock of all. . .
Elizabeth said I seemed to be calling so much that I couldn't help myself.
Some magical thing about my college education is supposed to cause instant success.
My feelings were not gauged as accurate.
My words fell on deaf ears.
I got terrified, mad, critical, and bitter.
And that was met with the same.
My tragedy was unacknowledged enough, unattended to mostly, and I was left to fend for myself.
I kept saying to Elizabeth I will never do that to JOE AND PAULA.
Never. I had such a hard time accepting dad's silent new marriage with a casual mention 3 months later. It's almost as if they're done with me.
And I'm supposed to come home smiling and successful???????
Meanwhile I see other families with completely contrary behavior. I told Elizabeth I raged into dad. Not inquiring about his grandchildren at all, not continuing a relationship with me. I kept calling myself an orphan, murdered off by my own. Elizabeth was shocked again. I told her I wanted Bowling Green and my family and no one else and nowhere else.
I also complained about mother visiting Arizona but not me.
I have also thought about a temple marriage and seeing clearly that the temple sealing ordinance is necessary for me to enter the celestial kingdom to live with Heavenly Father again.
I have also thought about burying all feelings of the past regarding EVERYBODY, mom, dad, and walk the rest of the way by faith. I must save myself first and covenant to peace.
I want to avoid getting obsessed with anyone to the point that progress is hampered. I must accept that I can do nothing with critics.
Jesus Christ -- the Savior, for Jim Micheletti from death, hell, the grave. He provides peace, power and a door open to the Celestial kingdom. Following Jesus means not following anyone else.
If I follow mom and dad more than Jesus Christ, I'll be miserable.
Since mom and dad are not members it is not proper to completely follow them nor to expect them to understand.
Their responses to me are so strange and do I take them seriously or is Satan doing this, stirring the hearts of men to rage with anger one against the other?
I should not desire to live with such pain if it disables me from totally following Jesus Christ. What is my baptismal promise?
To take upon myself the name of Jesus Christ, have a determination to serve Him, remember the Body and Blood sacrificed for you, keep the commandments. I need to view myself as a child of God, and don't children go to their Father for help?
My most important family relationship is with Heavenly Father and my oldest Brother, Jesus Christ. When they call me to commit, what are men willing to give up?
One's family.
But I want to prosper.
If the Lord is with me, then I will prosper.
I believed and trusted dad too much. It's taking me too long. I get all drawn apart inside over the children.
I have left the role of a child of God and redefined myself as a victimized divorced father or I can see myself as a child of Heavenly Father, imbued with His characteristics and potential, not heeding critics or any who would redefine me in other ways.
I must go to Bowling Green as a child of God. I must dismiss personal hatred and vendettas. What are children of God capable of doing?
Bringing forth love, wisdom, truth, peace, order, joy, family and knowledge, etc.
SUNDAY May 8, 1988 - Mother's Day
I went to Nashville II ward meeting because my car is broken down. I studied scripture this morning and felt better as a child of God more than as a Jim Micheletti. A
t church I was invited to sing for Mother's Day at sacrament meeting. I am sitting next to one very special favorite pal of mine--Ronnie Sanders. . . and on the other side, Jared Adam and Joseph Andrew Lewis. Jared Lewis told me his little league team won their game Saturday with the score 16-0.
We are singing primary music today to mothers. What is the greatest give a child gives his mother? obedience and respect. A holy calling. Motherhood. It is divinity. Jared Lewis, same age as Joe, is my little buddy, but I think in terms of parenting, he replaces Joe Micheletti when Joe is not around.
I borrowed Robert Williams' truck to go to Bowling Green to church and see the children.
Cash is short.
I need the correct definition: I am a child of God.
At church later I played "Ye Elders of Israel" while the men sang in priesthood. Priesthood is used to perform blessings: we bless the sacrament bread and water, we baptize and confirm,. . . We pray for our leaders.
I listened to priesthood talks later. How do we receive revelation from heaven?
be still, think, ponder, be virtuous, and keep oneself clean
On May 15, 1988--In the afternoon—
I showed Joe a video: “Families Are Forever"
I told him that family relationships are the most important and to get closer to dad. I was crying. Joe said it seemed weird to cry.
Questions for Joe:
Can you make more effort to be together with dad, ask more questions, and do more?
Can you value truth about anyone’s wishes or desires or beliefs?
We discussed the purpose of Joe's life on the earth.
Joe heard dad's complaints today.
Joe saw this story.
Joe signed here indicating his willingness to be closer to dad
We also discussed our bodies, sexuality, moral cleanliness and x-rated movies (earlier he said he wanted to see one; I told Ellen and she said for me to deal with it; so I studied the priesthood manuals for 3 weeks and here we go).
As Joe and I skipped rocks at 3 Springs Lake, Joe heard an X-rated image from me after the plan of life, and that was a wrap! His eyes bugged out. No more talk. We discussed where I could live. We discussed masculine changes in the body. I was quite bold. I called Ellen later and reported on it.
Joe wrote down phone numbers as we travelled through the neighborhood.
EARLIER that day, in church, we Mormon guys were reminded of the restoration of the priesthood of God back to earth.
Joseph Smith and Oliver Powdery prayed to know who has authority to baptize in 1823 and they had a vision along the banks of the Susquehanna River where John the Baptist appeared and identified himself as such. He said to Joseph and Oliver:
Upon you my fellow servants, in the name of Messiah, I confer the priesthood of Aaron which holds the keys of the ministering of angels and of the gospel of repentance and of baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; and this shall never be taken again from the earth until the sons of Levi do offer again an offering unto the Lord in righteousness.
Later came the Melchizedek priesthood under the hands of PETER, JAMES and JOHN, THE original apostles; it's the higher priesthood. The priesthood has been passed down since then and I Jim Micheletti received it under the hands of Oran Scott Peck (see side picture), and the Melchizedek priesthood under the hands of Ron Sanders. With this priesthood as Joe and Paula slept at Clyde Prosser's house one night, I administered a father's blessing with the laying of my hands upon their heads as they slept.
Ms. Nunn blew up at me on the phone Sunday night because Paula was upset that I complained so much about Mr. and Mrs. Durbin to her.
She loves her grandparents. I was sowing the seeds of vengeance. I was terrified of further disturbances from them. I did not think I had nothing to worry about. Talk of Mormonism frightened and angered Ms. Nunn. She said: IF YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING AS A FATHER, YOU HAVE NO NEED TO FEAR.
I don't?
And so I was revengeful, vicious, attacking and I broke a law of the church, and criticized the Catholic religion.
I described the Catholic Eucharist sacrament as cannibalism.
Paula seemed afraid I was going to put her grandparents in jail because I told her: No one is going to separate us again.
This is so hard. I also saw I was being tossed about by major distractions. . Instead of moving towards the celestial kingdom, which includes a temple marriage, I have been caught in messy tangles of past difficulties, sorrow, conflicts. I need to go get married. I was terrified of having my life tampered with again. I thought on the commandment: As I have loved you, love one another. Think of yourself as a child of God rather than a Jim Micheletti only. I told Clyde I had it figured out and that the miracles should begin now. Leave things to the Lord and make His will my will.
I need a car or truck, $$, move to Bowling Green, do loving, happy things with Joe and Paula. I paid $31 to the LAND OF OZ for Joe's birthday party at Green wood Mall, Bowling Green, KY.
I received a wedding announcement from an ELDER HARA, who served a mission here from Japan.
I have my reference letter still from R. L. Polk & Co. City Directory where I worked as a door-to-door interviewer.
May 15, 1988
Paula's special time!
Parent/child I told her a brief story on me:
born 1950.
In 1952, Paula, your Mom (Ellen) was born.
From 1964 to 1968 I went to high school and before that, I went to St. Malachy's Grade School (see picture on side)
I taught school in Cloverport, KY.
In June 1975 your mom and I got married.
1978 May 1, Joe was born
October 19, 1979 Paula was born.
December 1979 mother took you two back to Bowling Green because of a bad daddy.
Daddy was baptized Mormon on January 25, 1980.
Daddy became a good daddy.
Reunited with you two in July 1987.
And here we are.
Paula, even though daddy is ex-Catholic, daddy wants to obey the commandments, do what is right, true, good, wise, and with family.
From now to 1990, 1995, 2000, 2050 etc.
We talked about being together but inside the Durbin house it is different. I talked about other things to calm myself and her about 420 Glen Lily Road that I cannot go in because they may think I'm still the bad person from before. Paula believed me when I said I am a child of God.
Can Paula be interested in dad? Yes.
Honor thy father and thy mother? Why?
because they have power from heaven to create life.
LATER. . . . I bagged up in plastic a string of flowers Paula picked when dad came to get her on May 15, at 1 p. m.
She gave flowers to dad. Paula stared in amazement as I put them in the journal.


May 17, 1988
In the living room in Clyde Prosser's house.
For over 60 days I have had one car foul-ups after another. I have yearned to be close to the children, to move to Bowling Green but I keep getting held up. Agonizing. Even when I have plenty of money, something would go wrong. Here I am. I've got to go because Clyde is getting married. Chevette is dead. I don't know about leasing Miles Connors truck to use in Bowling Green until I can find my own vehicle. While in Bowling Green, Donnie Miller got me to church. A sad depressing Elders Quorum picnic.
I presented SONG OF TESTIMONY at church, went with Carroll Wiles to home teach.
Later Teresa Larson lent me her car to see Joe and Paula. Well, I did.
Some guy named JOHNNY, Susan’s husband, starts telling me that Joe and Paula really want to go to the campsite and how dare I remove them.
I stared at him.
Ellen said nothing at first.
I said: I hear your words and mom and dad are dealing with it. But he insisted and Ellen sent him away. She said he butts into people’s business. I was upset. I took the children home alter and we promised that they will tell me directly if I am coming at a bad time. They didn’t need a relative to speak up for them. I told the children they were brave to live in such a family situation.
They told me about camping last night. I called Ellen later and complained about the illegality of Johnny’s actions. I also said that visiting times are to be bounced over to during the week since it is an uncomfortable Sunday schedule. I said pick two evenings during the week plus every other weekend plus Sunday evening. I drove the children out to Dan Reynold’s farm. Joe took off and I carried Paula on my shoulders as she and I carried their sleeping gear way out on a field to a secluded pond. I stopped at the gate. I turned and left. The sign said: MEMBERS ONLY. They all were, playing and splashing and camping out. And I walked back to a borrowed car, went to a borrowed home, and asked why? I am separated. No one recognizes the meaning. I need a home for the 3 of us.
Wouldn’t that be something if Ellen died?
Tomorrow is Monday. A. L. Williams insurance picnic.
Tuesday Kelly Services had a 4-6 week temp employment in the paper.
Monday, May 30, 1988
I slept late, exhausted, apathetic, fearful, what do I do next?
I get up, washed up and had a long prayer with Heavenly Father about Joe and Paula, the car, restoring good relations, the future. I cried. Rondell came over on his cycle and we took off to oversee his property. I choked inside that he could do so much. I have held up so much of my personal progression because of Joe and Paula. I felt weak and ineffectual at age 38. What do I do?
I tried to play music at the picnic to numb my stunned soul at my parents’ disinterest in Joe and Paula, and me left alone. Then I took off down the road to cry to the heavens. I came back. We ended up singing more songs. I called Ellen and said I wasn’t coming over.
We listened to Elder Paul Dunne’s dissertation on DEATH along with John Driskoll and his wife.
Tuesday…. I went to work. I tried calling Elizabeth but she was not home.
May 31, 1988.
Alone. No car. Cannot get parents interested. Cannot find a job. I need to rise in power and conquer this. I dragged back to Nashville, borrowed Robert Williams’ truck and got many things done. I went out with missionaries and taught discussions. But the weekend came. No car. No children.
I found a car. I called dad. Dad said he had a car I could have. (?)
More time at church but it was not meant to be. I was at church at choir practice, my home teaching companion waited for me. Yes, we could go see Joe and Paula. We did. I gave Ellen $200 and took Joe and Paula home teaching with me. We got in the back of the truck and talked.
I re-emphasized my goal of living down the street from them but it was not going to happen.
We went to Donny Miller’s house and looked at his cat GROUCHO because it had a mustache like GROUCHO MARX. The children played with the puppies. Paula was very affectionate and talkative with dad today. Joe seems to be getting taller and taller. We visited someone’s house and met a nervous dog named BUSTER. Paula enjoys riding on my shoulders as we walk.
I asked Paula if she and I could go out to eat this week.

MY RECUPERATION FROM MY FALLING ACCIDENT—
Here I am upstairs in a bedroom in Bob and Lorentia Satterfield’s house located on Porter Road in Nashville, Tennessee. Why? Because I had a falling accident out a window of where I was staying in Bowling Green. Cracked my ankle in 30 pieces. Had to have an operation. They brought me back to Nashville where I hobbled in crutches. I slept and was exhausted from Opryland vacation! Sore muscles throughout my body, including my bad foot! I spent the morning in scriptures and prayer. I also rearranged my room somewhat. TV was pretty good. I watched a Karate movie and wrestling. I had to get ready for the 1 p. m. wedding. When I went to start the car, the engine raced. I called for help from a neighbor and he moved a lever near the carburetor, causing the engine to stay in a raced up condition. I wondered. I was able to make the wedding in the nick of time. I settled down to quiet music at the piano.
Vicky Bradley was having her daughter married to a young man named Matthew. I played “Open Arms” by Journey for the wedding music plus several other pieces. Made $35. Bishop Gerlie Rickard performed the ceremony. A civil wedding, how restrictive! It is not forever. My perception has changed although it was a grand affair.
Afterwards I drove to Bowling Green and the children and I went to Bonanza to eat.
The children had the food bar and I ate some pecan pie and ice cream. I told Joe I was still a bit upset over being ignored yesterday. I asked Paula if I could spend time with Joe for about a month so Joe and I could get to know each other. After dinner, the children and I went to the LDS chapel where Paula played her piano and Joe and I had a talk about why I was UPSET with him AGAIN.
I drew a picture of arrows going in a circle and said that the devil wants people to go in circles of confusion.
Joe speaks to dad mostly about asking for money and buying this or that, and that is all!
Mother gets most of his attention on other topics.
Joe ignores dad.
Dad feels bad.
Dad gets mad at Joe.
Joe changes.
Joe does better.
Joe ignores dad again.
Dad feels bad. Dad gets mad at Joe. Joe changes
And around and around it goes.
Never progression forward as I indicated with an arrow going straight up. I explained how mad I was at him in the car, pretending to have him right there to yell at.
Joe, I am too far away and I am attached to you and you are taking my presence in your life too lightly! Get a bit more excited.
Well it turned out from the conversation that Joe is getting excited but it is a matter of level.
His mother is calm, cool, low keyed, goes for low stress situations.
Joe imitates his mother. Dad on the other hand is adventurous and highly energetic.
It is enough for Joe to simply BE with dad without BEING EXPRESSIVE since that is the environment he is used to.
I told Joe he and I need to spend more time together and that we will.
I told him I was afraid of losing him after spending so much time trying to get him back.
Please Joe, can we just do normal things together as a father and son should without all these divisions?
We decided to practice talking to each other. Joe is getting older and I need to keep close to him.
After the talk we went to the movie but GHOSTBUSTERS II was sold out. We watched HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KDS!
I wrote Ellen a card 11/5/88
It said:
it's a nicer world because of thoughtful people like you. Thank you. I wrote in: Here some $$. More coming. I have a car. Please expect me next Saturday at noon to see those special two gifts from heaven for a pleasant visit. My foot is well. By way of reminder I need to reintroduce myself into the business world in Nashville. This factory job pays too little.

I sent the children a card during my recuperation:

Saturday October 22, 1988

Dear Paula:

I can walk on my foot even though I am wearing a new thinner cast and a padded shoe. I am getting stronger. There’s a hug fo each day of the week. I miss you. I wish I had 7 hugs in return. Love dad.

In the meantime, regarding my song: COME UNTO ME, MY FRIENDS, I went to a publisher on Music Row in Nashville, played it, but they did not accept.



One time a cute card came from Joe and Paula:
Just a friendly word to cheer you and let you know warm thoughts are near you!
PAULA,
JOE M
From ELLEN TO ME Dear Jim: I'm not sure what exactly it is that you want. I was puzzled and a little upset over how you were last week. I assume that you had some needed chores to be done, but I would appreciate an explanation. I am not a good writer so please bear with me if I ramble. I am afraid that you are pushing things a little too fast with the children. Last week you said that you were pleased with the progress that Paula had made. I was, too. I've seen her change from a little girl who cries at the thought of spending the night away to one who is beginning to understand that she is not away, she is with her daddy. I don't want her to cry and get too upset and be too clingy again. Wouldn't you rather her attitude be one of "Oh, boy, I get to stay with Daddy!" rather than Oh, no I don't want to go to Nashville with Daddy. She is beginning to lean toward the first attitude and I am trying to encourage her. Please let us keep things on an even keel for now and try not to change things too much. I have always believed that the one thing children prize most is consistency and knowing that things will be done a certain way. This lets them know that they can count on things being done when they are supposed to be and it gives them a sense of security that they badly need during their growing up years. . . I promised that I would not make Joe and Paula live through that.
Of course, there will always be rough spots, but I do my best to keep them small and manageable by children. If you would like, you can discuss this with your home teacher or the bishop.
Forgive me if I rambled.
Ellen
Postcard to Paula from DAD
Dear Paula:
If the biggest, largest, tallest, hairy, green and blue and yellow, polka-dotted, dripping, oozing, whale-sized, many-fingered, many clawed, poisonous crabby, crabby, gristly, grisly, gross, tremendous, ferocious, fearful, frightening, fast, gargantuan, loud-mouthed growling, child-eating monster were chasing you. . . on all 6 feet. . . Just hide behind dad. Dad will hill him and Paula will be protected. That’s how strong dad is. Think about that when you see me next.
Love dad

Dear Ellen:
Be advised that today Saturday Jan 30 at about 1 p. m. I made 2 calls to your father, Julian Durbin. The first call was in reference to arranging a statement on a debt. The second is in reference to yours and my ending to the children in their rooms, especially when ill. Said he: "They receive the finest attention and . . . . Don’t worry about it. He said he would discuss it with you and his wife. I said that there is attention that comes from parents and then all the other attention from everyone else and that Ellen and I have our jobs to do. I gave other explanations and bid him good day and hung up. Paula is sick. I'm sick because she is sick. I want to tend to her. I am her father. I refuse to hand over that angle of parenthood to another. I will not tolerate someone telling me not to worry about my child's health and not to contribute my share. Paula does not care about me because she sees I don't show ample personalized attention to her within her circle. Now this is what I want and the offer is non-negotiable. Time with them alone in their rooms especially when they're helplessly sick!!
I can sit by them; tell a story, cheery them up.
Intrusions upon my aching heart for my children will be interpreted as harassment especially from those who don't know me and base their conclusions on facts that no longer exist.
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti

I made a Xerox copy of five rings that I sent Paula on February 4, 1988

A cold and impersonal letter to my mother, choking back the feelings that I wish I could have had regarding her, and thinking it has to do something with her parents:
Feb 5, 1988
Dear Mother:
I am finally writing to acknowledge receipt of your letter and picture of your family in earlier years. I have received all your words concerning your mother. It certainly explains a lot of puzzling things about you as a person. I shall continue to pursue the mystery of Edith Muriel Jokinen because I am currently at a dead end. Several requests have produced little or no information. Evidently no one has ever questioned her as she filled out application forms to Virginia hospital, The Virginia Convalescent Center, her marriage license and so forth. It is a part of what you and I are. As regards her and her first husband, Jack, well they are in the spirit world, a place one goes to after this life and are engaged in lessons about the things Heavenly Father wants them to learn and accept that they did not get to learn about on earth. As they accept these things, they will become very concerned about their children on earth and want to be with them. I get the dominant impression though from Ananias Jack to look into his life. I shall continue back to Finland and beyond for as far as I can for the rest of my days. It is a commandment. If you have any further questions or concerns, please call me at 615-876-0370 or write me. Jim

PARENT/CHILD INTERVIEW to Joe I compared my feelings to walking up and trying to talk to a wall.
WALLS DO NOT ANSWER.
Sometimes I feel like that when I talk to you.
I give you postcards to send me so I don't feel alone.

Then we talked about bad language and I described the definition of what it means when one says
"God" followed by the word "Damn. "

Then we went bowling and Joe introduced me to Shinobi, a video game. Paula played Mario Brothers.
We went to the Mall.
They said later that Bob and Charlie, their uncles, use the Lord's name in vain.
We ate Godfather's Pizza and went home.
Before they left, they said:
Bye, dad, I love you.
Ahh. . . so sweet.
I went home
And in church we had discussion on the concept of TOGETHER FOREVER and I watched a movie by the same title.
Very powerful and impactful to the heart.
I cried.
I was still remembering about Joe and his refusal to send me postcards. He says he will and he does not. Pay attention to me. I'm paying attention to you. Does Joe realize that his decisions and actions affect people, like me?
More work with the missionary elders as usual.
FOR THANKSGIVING WE WENT TO THE CORRAL RESTAURANT AT BOWLING GREEN AND ELLEN CAUGHT ME UP ON THE LATEST NEWS AT WORK, INCLUDING THAT HER GRANDMOTHER HAD DIED.
Joe and Paula get a chopped sirloin instead and Ellen goes after the super bar food.
First she is not hungry.
Then she is hungry.
I told the children a joke about the 3 legged dog who came back to Dodge City because he wanted to find the man that shot his " Pa " (Paw). Joe did not get it, Paula got it.
After dropping off Ellen at home, the children and I spoke privately in the car about their attitudes towards each other and if they couldn't be nicer. Joe resented having to send a post card in the mail to me. I kept fighting it. He's moody. Why? I cried to Clyde Prosser about this. My nerves are so shot and hurt? Why is he like this?
I got invited to the Lewis' household for a Christmas family home evening. I have no records of spending Christmas with Joe and Paula and Ellen.
Paula has gotten into basketball.
I went to the first game and her first points ever were coming up.
SHE DID IT!
Meantime, THE DURBIN FAMILY WAS THERE
TO ME, WHOOOO, THE SEPARATION STILL THERE, and
Mrs. DURBIN WITH THAT COLD LOOK AT ME, FROZEN,
UNTIL SHE WAITED FOR ME TO SEE IT. . . YOU COULD READ THE LINES. . . . .
Nevertheless, I have attended Paula's basketball practices.
One time she said:
Daddy, feel my legs, how tight they are.
Hit them with your fist.
My gosh, Paula.
So muscular.
Feel my arms, hit them.
Paula is tight and trim as an athlete.
First she went into cheerleading and then went out for the team. This started a streak of interest in sports that lasted all the way through high school.
THE PERSIAN GULF WAR WAS STARTING. PEOPLE WERE TALKING ABOUT SADDAM HUSSEIN WHO INVADED KUWAIT AND WERE KILLING PEOPLE TO TAKE OVER THE COUNTRY.
President Bush called for an invasion and rallied up the largest military since World War II to push Iraq out of Kuwait back into its own country.
Joe and Paula and Ellen and I sent letters to soldiers overseas.
Ellen began to come to Nashville with the children quite regularly and especially for birthdays, mine on Feb. 11.
I HAVE BEEN TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO GET MY OWN FAMILY INTERESTED IN ME, AND PAULA. DAVID MICHELETTI WRITES ME A LETTER. WE HAVE TALKED EXTENSIVELY BUT HE FREEZES UP AT THE TALK OF MORMONISM, EVEN CONSIDERING IT.
He came to Hendersonville once, attended a talent show, and watched me perform on the piano. ----
Sunday, April 17, 1988 Sunday, up to Bowling Green.
I was asked to direct music at the LDS chapel sacrament meeting. I did not partake of the sacrament since my mind was bothered. Bishop Nelson spoke on faith, the evidence of things not seen. We don't believe it unless we see it. We have it backwards.
After church, I prepared to visit Joe and Paula. I decided on a split shift. I remembered that I asked for and believed in heavenly power to come over the household and to bond Joe and Paula and me together without any interference. Well, Paula caught the signal and went with me today.
Just daughter and me!
Ellen tells me she has arthritis and I stood in shock. She will take aspirin for it.
While Paula and I took off, Ellen took Joe for a walk.
I asked Paula about what she did this week.
She said that school was out and that their cousins Robbie and Liz and Bernie and Ann visited. I showed Paula the balloons and we blew them up and wrote a message on them to deliver to her friends. A
after doing and losing several, we did one and delivered it to LAURA AND STEPHANIE BRINKLEY.
Paula was tickled over the surprise.
Then off to John Driskoll's house where I was staying.
John wasn't home but Debra was.
Paula and I and Debra visited.
In a dad-daughter interview the following information came forth:
Paula hates being last in line. Joe beats her up. Joe interrupts Paula's video movies. Joe tells Paula to shut up. Joe interferes with Paula’s board games. Paula hates to lose at Basketball.
We also looked at pictures of me as a baby, a child, a kid and a teenager. We looked at Ellen's and my wedding pictures.
I showed Paula a picture of me in grade school conducting the kindergarten/1st/2nd grade band.
I showed Paula Joe's baby pictures.
Paula was really very friendly today.
We played tic tac toe and when Paula does not win she gets upset.
During hangman she got very affectionate and her hand touched my back and shoulder as one sign of attachment. Then came monopoly game. Paula picked up on monopoly and ends up getting board walk and park place. BOY, PAULA LOVES TO WIN, AND WHEN SHE DOES NOT…. Paula won at monopoly with the most money. Ellen said to come home at 5 as her favorite dinner is being cooked.
I rode around for an hour waiting for Joe at 6 p. m. I prayed to know what to do with Joe. I got him. We started talking. I told him about work and moving up here. He acted rather silly today trying to wrestle me down, attempting to mark my shirt with an ink pen. I showed him the pictures I showed Paula. I discussed complaints. He told me that about school that if he misses just one question he has to stay in from recess to write out the question and the answer. Evidently, Joe hates to miss recess. He had one complaint about Paula, saying she won't play several games with him.
I asked Joe where we could go when school ended. He said Cedar Sink located near Mammoth Cave. Joe wrestled and teased. It was not one of his choices to stay still and listen. I asked him who the two most important people in the world are to him: mom and dad. I talked about high school. I told him more about what fathers and sons do together. We did more wrestling and mock fighting. He was anxious to get out and do something. He suggested wading. But we turned back because it was too far and I had to have him home by 8:30. I told him I will be active and strong because mom is slow and weakened somewhat with arthritis. He complained he doesn't want to see me on Sunday because we cannot do anything. I suggested Sunday evening playing Nintendo. We played some video games at a Minute Mart.
We climbed to the top of the football stadium bleachers and looked out over the city and up to the stars.
We raced down the walkway to the car.
He also told me about his drinking alcohol.
He knows Uncle Bob spends money each week on beer.
He watched him drink 12 cans at a relative's house. He was given beer there.
Later I went to Angela Nunn's house and told her. I ate and we talked. She is not progressing ahead much with the book of Mormon. Home to Cabana Estates to John Driskoll's house. We talked about spiritual experiences, church activities and me and the children. John said he baptized 4 into the church. Did I ever sleep that night!!
Monday April 18, 1988
I went to St. Joe’s Catholic School with a prayer of a blessing to have the power of angels to calm me and the children and a blessing on the school that Joe and Paula will do well, that I'll be accepted her, that I will feel wisdom and the teachers will welcome me. I prayed for more bonding between me and the children. I prayed to remember that the Savior suffered for my sins so I could become a new person.
I prayed to not be concerned with proving myself so much. I prayed to receive the Holy Ghost to comfort me and that the gifts of patience, kindness, charity and knowledge and joy would visit me and the children.
ON A HANGMAN GAME—the phrase was this: ME AND PAULA WILL BE TOGETHER FOREVER. On hers: Dad is silly all the time.
CLASSROOM VISIT: April 18, 1988
Teacher: Rita Larimore, Mrs. Canally is out on leave.
I stood in the playground and watched Joe and Paula play.
Their P. E. teacher and the children are really active.
I can see that I'm going to spend much time with them because Ellen is not so energetically inclined to do so.
Paula is hanging from a bar and generally yelling and enjoying her playmates. Her teacher complemented her on her beauty. Paula is willing to play and adapt with people. Joe has a group of guys that he stays with. They all like video games and they laugh and enjoy each other a lot. I asked the substitute teacher to have me sit in on a class setting today. I am in Paula’s classroom. There are 26 chairs used, I think. There are several items in the room to look at: Alphabet letters cartoon pictures class assignments on board. The teacher announced a handwriting assignment. Paula is working on her assignment. The desk Paula sits on is the back desk in the second row from the teacher's desk. While the children are being organized Paula is generally quiet. Paula bites her nails like her mother does. A stretching exercise with an instructor. It looks like aerobics. She’s playing music and the children are moving arms, hands, legs, hips. Paula looked over at me several times while she was exercising with the group and saw me smiling at her and she smiled at me.
While the teacher was reorganizing the class into groups, Paula and another girl, a best friend, ERIN, hugged each other. May the Lord bless me to inspire and encourage her.
Right now Paula is sitting down while another group is exercising. There are several Catholic emblems and images in the room: rosary, crucifix, picture of the POPE. The exercise teacher left. Ms. Larimore returned. She requested the desks be returned to their places. She said that the class could have 10 minutes recess if they moved quietly and no words were spoken. But one spoke up and ruined it (it was a rather heavy set blond haired boy)
Math time—page 304-305 Page 302-303-304 homework.
Page 305 Study of fractions:
She drew on the board the following diagram to illustrate between a ZERO and a ONE.
Paula was listening.
She scratched her nose with her finger.
Then came 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 and then ¼, 2/4 or ½, ¾, and 4/4 or 1
Paula raised her hand to answer a question on how each section above is named.
One-fourth, two-fourths, three –fourths, four-fourths or Paula raised her hand again.
She picked out the fraction 3/3 that represented ONE.
Page 306 in workbook. As Paula worked her exercises, she looked into the air to visualize her answer. Her lips moved in a silent speaking of the problem. She got up to sharpen her pencil. She sits at her desk in different ways, too. She had one leg folded up under the other and then both feet go to the floor. She slumped forward in her chair—tired, I guess. She must have finished her exercise.
ON THE BLACKBOARD TODAY
Two exercises concerning correct punctuation and capitals and fill in the blank with the correct words.
Student demonstrations:
A little girl showed her seashells.
Another showed a picture.
Nicholas told of his trip to Florida.
Others stood up to talk.
The teacher invited people to come to the front and talk about their vacation. Paula said NO with her head to my urging to stand up and talk.
The teacher sent the group out to run about for 10 minutes. Paula is in Row 3. The class is empty now.
I was feeling suddenly in the way. The gym was being used so the teacher called for social studies, p. 96.
Topics: black children could not go to school with white people.
One child did not go to school.
Teacher asked different people why school is important and what school can do for you.
The teacher asked: who wants to go to college? Paula raised her hand.
The teacher asked: what do you want to do in life.
Paula said she didn't know what she wanted to be when she grew up. Then Paula raises her hand and says she wants to be a teacher--any grade.
Teacher has them answer questions at the end of the chapter.
Question: name a school rule and why it is important. Paula bites her nails a lot all day at her desk.
Paula says a rule is NOT TO RUN IN THE CLASSROOM.
Next question: give a neighborhood rule and why it's important. Paula gave no answer. Others did. Social studies is over. Next is individual time. School is about over.
NEWS TODAY: Paula. . . . . a schoolteacher! !
Friday April 22, 1988
I finished work and decided to get out and go to a SINGLES CONFERENCE—
I arrived Friday night, paid $25 and square danced.
I entertained at the piano. A Bowling Green ward member put me up at a hotel.
Saturday: Singles breakfast.
Workshops: career planning.
Well, 3 workshops at this SINGLES CONFERENCE ARE FINISHED.
The topics were exactly what I needed and a recommitment to the gospel. The iron rod is a term used by the prophet Lehi in the book of Mormon in his dream. The iron rod refers to the Word of God. If it is held onto, it will lead me and all others to the delicious fruit of the tree of the love of God and eternal life. Here I am between jobs, moving to Bowling Green to be with the kids, to get married again. All these specific topics in discussion. I wanted to sort things out.
John Cecie and his single-again mom came to the conference. It is good to see and talk with John. I have took Joe and Paula to John's house in Gallatin, TN but we missed him. The kids did meet John's mother, though.
A lot of talk on President Benson's talk about the single men needing to get married, that it is more important than wealth, power or status. I asked myself if I am aspiring to the honors of men (Mr. and Mrs. Durbin, Ellen, mom, dad, family)?
Priority is CELESTIAL MARRIAGE and the CELESTIAL KINGDOM.
Anything can be bought with money.
Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly.
Confess and change impure thoughts into pure thoughts.
Practice controlling your thoughts.
Spiritual problems come from a lack of faith in Jesus Christ and from committing transgression.
If one partakes of the bread and water each week, one will not commit a transgression.
The Lord's will make things strong.

September 4, 1988
Dear Ellen:
Thank you for coming to see me in the hospital. I was truly scared but your assurance and helpfulness was a comfort. That meant a lot to me. As I said, the accident upset me the most because it prevents me from being more helpful with Joe and Paula. I worked so long and so hard and this sudden letdown was disappointing. I wanted to do more for you. For some reason, you thought it appropriate to reprove me for my Bowling Green effort. I did have a Plan B if Plan A failed. I had already made arrangements to come back to the Spring Factory if my Bowling green venture didn’t work out. I felt so bad at not being nearer to Joe and Paula. I’ve been working with a cast and crutches. I have renewed dedication towards helping you three. I support Joe and Paula in their free choice to be Catholic. I do not support anything except it be true, right, wise and that strengthens Joe, Paula, Dad and Mom. I want to respond to you with kindness always. You are very important to me. Some strange rumor going around that I will run out on Joe and Paula. How evil a rumor. Peace and blessings be to you all. My doctor’s appointment is September 19, 1988. I’ll stop in and say hello. Keep me, Joe and Paula talking and writing; that’s the best healing medicine.
Jim

Dear Paula:
Thank you for your love for your dad. Dad is getting better. I have to see the doctor September 19, 1988 in Bowilng Green. I miss you. I love you. I have had too many years of success to let this accident get me down. Please pray for me. I think there is a Catholic prayer for the sick. I love you. I love your mom. I love your grandma and grandpa. I will call you. Here is one dollar allowance. Love, dad.

A letter from Mrs. Peter Brascugli, 928 Second Street, International Falls, MN
Dear Jim:
Enclosed is an obit for Mary A. Micheletti, wife of your uncle Arthur. I thought you might want to add it to your family tree items. Alla and Pete Brascugli. . .
Letter-January 24, 1989
Dear Elder Hammer:
This is a note to wish you well on your next missionary assignment which I understand is as a zone leader. Thank you for all you have done in the Nashville II Ward as a missionary. There are many baptized and many strengthened and cheered up as a result of your influences. Best to you in all your celestial endeavors.
Sincerely
Jim Micheletti



January 19, 1989
I am sitting at my desk at Meharry Medical College.
It is located in the back of the School of Graduate Studies, Dean’s Office.
Dean’s name is Fred Jones.
Same major duties as in the President’s Office.
I wish I could live in Bowling Green with Joe and Paula, if they could ever understand that.
I am sure they will read my journal after I have laid down this mortal body and left the earth to go to the spirit world to await the resurrection.
They will have plenty of memories of dad to nourish them.
I played music for Travis Davis’ baptismal service when I left Bowling Green that rainy Saturday to go home.
Just think: Dan Davis has the priesthood of God given to him to baptize his little boy, Travis, in the water according to the commandments of God for the remission of sins and to show obedience to the Father that one will keep the commandments.
This is a covenant, that is, a two-way agreement. One has permission or authority (priesthood) from heaven to baptize—God gave this to Peter, James and John, the original apostles—and it is back on the earth again today through Joseph Smith the prophet.
These apostles appeared to him and ordained him to the priesthood to begin organizing and governing the church on earth once again.
Men are ordained to this priesthood by one having permission to pass it down. Dan Davis performed this baptizing ordinance for his son, having the priesthood or permission and power from God to do such a thing.
I would like to baptize my children since I hold the priesthood of God, too.
I had a visit with Bishop Rickard regarding temptations from the old Jim Micheletti, being criticized so much and feared so much by Ellen and her parents and I cannot prove them a change in me on spiritual terms (since they do not accept the teachings of the Mormon church).
I was so scared to fall to temptation and act like the old Jim Micheletti.
But in going up to BOWLING GREEN, it is going in / near where the old Jim Micheletti committed sins and left consequences.
Whew! The week of January 16, 1989 I prepared for my new job at Meharry.
I drove to Bowling Green to sign and deliver the children’s report cards. I met Joe and Paula in the cafeteria. I spoke with Joe’s teacher, Ms. Metcalfe, regarding his lowering science grade.
I took Joe aside for an interview regarding the matter to encourage him to hand in papers that the teacher says he was not. He fought it a little but finally sat down with me for a private discussion on the bench outside the cafeteria in the hallway. I told him a parent shows a child the bigger picture of his life. I pointed to the tiles on the wall and told not to limit his views of things to one square but to see a larger picture. I told them that regarding his science, if he wanted to be a doctor, that science was important. I mentioned that the doctor who fixed my heel got $1100. 00 for 1 ½ hour job. I told him to please hand in his papers and asked whether mother knows about this. We went to the playground and he and I jostled with each other and the other boys and him play-wrestling. They said he kissed a girl. I cannot remember if they said her name. I said you pressed your lips against hers?
I signed the children’s report cards; I never did this before. Wow, me a parent.
Work is rather quiet. I have spent time relearning the DecMate II Word processor and cleaning the office. I have completed all assignments. The health benefits this time cost slightly more.
I finished the third Stake Missionary discussion with Ruby Chumley, a tiny black lady who is new to the church. The elder missionaries attended.
I later attended an Elders Quorum Presidency meeting with Clyde Prosser and Lem Gray. I am the secretary.
I need to attend the spa, strengthen and increase body weight in shoulders and legs. I need to eat more.
I learned I can submit the names of my grandparents on each side to have ordinance work done for them since they have learned things in the spirit world they could not learn here. When they have the baptism and other temple work done, they can go back to Heavenly Father’s presence. I have felt unusually calm, peaceful, quiet and humble of late.
Priesthood meeting-6:30 p. m. Saturday, January 28, 1989
I played the opening hymn “Called To Serve” and I promised the Lord I would make peace.
A talk:
serve with ALL your heart, might, mind and strength.
Men are that they might have joy.
I need to garnish my thoughts with virtue.
The plan is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.
Smile and don’t complain.
What manner of men ought ye to be?
Even as I am.
Saturday, January 28, 1989
I drove to Bowling Green to give Ellen money personally. I could not find her. I had to deposit a money order with GLOBE FINANCE COMPANY. I missed the Stake Missionary Correlation meeting. With the short paycheck I received, I won’t be able to see the children until February 10, 1989. My birthday is the 11th. One of the families I home teach, Terry Lewis family, well, his birthday is Feb. 9. I need to pay tithing. I attended Hendersonville Sacrament Meeting and also attended priesthood where Sterling Whipple taught the lesson. He speaks so strongly, funny, firm-minded, encouraging. I took the sacrament with a firm promise to the Lord to keep the commandments, drop the past, forget visiting an individual who reminds me of the past. I wanted to get a list of survey questions from the missionaries to ask people and get more referrals for the missionaries. My anger and tension seems to have gone away. I am so tired of stretching myself out of proportion in response to critics who view me incorrectly, reminding me of the rejection of my parents and family because I changed religions. Grey hairs are coming to my head.
TO PAULA I WROTE and INCLUDED PICTURES IN THIS NOTE:
Paula: look who is coming to TC Cherry Pool.
A picture of an elephant who says:
I don’t like swimming here.
I’m going to TC Cherry Pool where Paula swims and dives off the board!
Have a nice day, Love dad.
=====================
Later, I wrote her another one:
Paula:
Look who else is coming to TC cherry Pool to swim because they heard an elephant was heading that way to dive off the board.
Picture of 2 hippos.
One says: Where we going? The other: To TC Cherry Pool.
I hear an elephant is heading that way. Some girl named Paula Micheletti swims there and she is fun to be with.
Love dad
I received cards from David Micheletti and Theresa Micheletti and it put me into a rage.
Come to find out David knows nothing about the other family members' responses to me.
He commended me on my bravery and courage to put up with religious prejudice.
After years of trampling me, Theresa is suddenly CHEERFUL in a card, but knowing what she is capable of, I have been exercising to get my strength back and I dismissed it.
I want to get out of Ned Jorgensen's home into a place of my own by Feb. 2, 1989—I was still recuperating from my accident.
I have been doing the Lord's work so the Lord will help me. This means missionary work of course, something I am good at doing. I kept working on trying to get back to Meharry in the graduate school.
Jan. 15, 1989 I had a personal priesthood interview with Clyde Prosser.
He said to accept the Lord's decisions, see myself as brand new, pray to be the kind of person you're supposed to be, be comforted and go out on dates. I play piano in the cafeteria at Meharry. So glad to get away from the Spring Factory, with the low wages and get on with my life.
Regarding Thursday night, I drove up to Bowling Green to give a Christmas late present to the children, believe it or not, with sickness and exhaustion and lack of money preventing me from getting up there earlier. I was angry when I arrived to find Ellen’s car not there. I drove to Houtchens down the street, called and Mr. Durbin said Ellen is at work, but the children were there waiting. OK. I drove to get them.
Ms. Durbin comes out and announces they need to be back by 8:30 as if I didn’t know that. I was furious.
The children and I talked. I told them I got my job at Meharry back and I thanked Joe for helping to encourage me to do that.
As we drove, Paula told me about the little cutie dolls, the current rage. We tried to find a place to set off the fireworks but we could not. We did set off one out in the country. Boring night. Not enough time to do much of anything. After that we went to play CALIGA video games, my favorite. Paula did not do too well. Joe and I played, got a lot of points. I dropped them off and we planned to get together Saturday.
I stopped by the library and talked to Ellen. I told her about my word processing position at Meharry. I also told her about my paychecks and that I didn’t know when I could pay her again. She told me about Joe and her needing to go to the Dentist. I tried to socialize with her but very little response. She works at the library on Thursday nights instead of Wednesday nights now.
Friday I went to Meharry to organize my desk.
I forgot Jared Lewis’ birthday and he reminded me of it that Sunday, January 15, 1989 at church. I have thought much about the effect divorces have on children and wondered what I could say to Joseph and Paula to help prevent them from suffering from the effects of the divorce.
It poured down rain Saturday but I drove to Bowling Green nonetheless because I love Joseph and Paula and I am dad. We were supposed to shoot off fireworks, but not today—too wet. I was to play music for a baptism at 5 p. m. that evening. They showed me their report cards on Thursday but I forgot to bring them back Saturday.
I took Paula with me first and we drove to the Ramada Inn where we had a pleasant dessert at the Apples Restaurant there, located at the end of Scottsville Road on the other side of I-65. We sat down and the waiter brought us a menu.
Paula was very interested in the form of the cloth napkins.
I told her I used to work as a bus boy and waiter.
I showed her another way we used to fold the cloth napkins and she experimented with it—a fan-shaped pattern. We ordered chocolate ice cream $1. 50 and a fancy soft drink with cherry and a twist in it. We had a yellow poster board and a black marker, so we played some board games.
Paula’s favorite of late is HANGMAN.
We played several—with a new version—HANG BABY.
Some of Paula’s HANGMAN puzzles included CHEVRON, WAFFLE and PINK NAPKINS.
After that, I introduced her to a new game where I list three or more groups of letters and she is to give a word that has those letters in it, in any order:
Ir
Cp
Df
Rw
Av
She picked up on the game. Then we had several more sets of letters:
Xp
FrW
rZyP
hAi
And…
AiE
aO
oYe
IoYi
I also told her the joke of who are the famous ladies of the Untied States: Mrs. Sippi, Della Ware, Ms. Suri, Louisi-anna. I told her that MICHELETTI translates “little Michael”. We also talked about how funny it would be if a lady married an oriental fellow named HO and if her first name was IDA she would be IDA HO. Then we settled down to serious discussion:
Question: What is the effect of divorce on children?
I told Paula, drawing a picture that heavenly Father sent us to earth to live in families. Families consist of a mom, dad, children, mom’s parents, dad’s parents, other children and so forth.
However, sometimes marriages end in divorce. Sometimes, in a divorce, I said that:
1. Children love one parent over another
2. Children resent two homes; it is more comforting to have just one home
3. Mom and dad may be of different religions. I said to Paula that in mind and Ellen’s case, I am Mormon and she is Catholic. Even though we split up, and that the Jim Micheletti of long ago was a bad person (I drew a face), and I drew a picture of a heart split in two.
I suggested to Paula some principles upon which she can set herself and not suffer the consequences of a divorce:
TRUTH—I told Paula not to follow mom or dad, since we are both not perfect but to follow the spirit of truth manifested in each of us. Mom and dad have to follow truth, too.
RIGHT, GOOD, ORDER, WISDOM and KEEPING THE COMMANDMENTS OF GOD will assure strength, peace and happiness for Paula.
I told Paul that facts cannot be denied.
Apple trees produce apples, 3 plus 6 equals 9 and the sun is hot.
These are facts; it does not matter what people believe or think or what they have been taught.
Paula, do you have the courage and the strength to hold on to truth and right no matter what anyone says?
Yes, she said.
Saturday January 21, 1989
I got up early and drove to church to attend a seminar on the Allen Organ. Then I drove to Bowling Green where my children live with their mother, in her parents’ home. I felt rather mixed up today, nonetheless, I said a prayer and as I went I felt rather tired from a strong workout at the spa earlier this week. I picked up Joe and Paula and decided to go to Nashville to show Paula the elevator at the Stouffers Hotel, the BARREL OF FUN video place, to eat out, and otherwise play and have fun today. As we drove we discussed school. I reminded Joe to get the science papers into Ms. Metcalf’s hands so his grades could go up. They complained about the fireworks we WERE going to set off that they weren’t neat anymore and I complained back that they had no right to complain about their Christmas present but to be grateful. Paula told me the following jokes: What money is there on Noah’s ark? ANSWER: The frogs have greenbacks, the ducks have bills, and the skunks have scents. Why did the cow jump over the moon? To find the milky way.
Joe and I challenged Paula to do a frightening thing in Nashville: ride the elevator at Stouffers Hotel. The elevator had a glass panel that enables the rider to see the entire downtown before him as he goes 23 floors into the air. Paula surprisingly jumped up and down courageously while Joe and I trembled in fear, clinging onto the floor of the elevator. Amazing Paula! I had to give her 25 cents for taking the dare.
We also talked about my weightlifting and getting bigger like I was. I told Paula and Joe they need to go into some sport, like swimming. Joe told me the basketball team at St. Joe loses a lot of games. Joe’s legs are getting so so long; he is shaped like a basketball player or a track runner. I said to them that their mom is not athletic. I also told Joe he doesn’t remember many things he and I talk about, but I do. I gave him an example when he asked me if he was dropped on earth from a space ship.
We made it to Rivergate and found the BARREL OF FUN videos. Paula rolled a ball up and tried to score points by landing the ball in a hole. Several holes were at the end of the landing on the game, marked 100, 200, 500 and 10000 points. Paula made some get into the 1000 point hole. She won several tickets to cash in for prizes. Joe did, too. Joe wanted a whoopee cushion and they laughed at the sound it made. Paula got a little panda bear holding balloons for mother. I got a little key chain with a small gun on it shaped rather professionally. I also got two little hairy creatures that are used as pencil erasers. I also got a tiny reproduction of a handgun which I later gave to my pal, Jared Lewis. We then decided to go eat. We tried Pizza Hut on Dickerson Road but it was too expensive. We decided on Little Cesar’s Pizza and ate on the way home. Daddy had several pieces. While we waited for the pizza we went window shopping at Hill’s Department store and discovered many neat things the kids and me can do together. Joe and I decided no building a model, a chemistry set and perhaps a microscope set. I carried Paula on my shoulders back to Little Cesar’s Pizza. At other times, she confidently holds my hand. That makes me feel really good that my daughter trusts me so. That shows intense strength and honor for truth and not being swayed by opinion. We got pizza, ate on the way home. Paula slept some in the car.
Joe and I talked about further things we can do together. We did not want to go camping or be far distances from home. I said there is much for us to continue to discuss as a father and a son. I detected a wall building up. I was pushing myself too far.
January 24, 1989
Dear Brother and Sister Lewis:(their son is Jared, my little buddy who replaces Joe when I am back in Nashville)
I wanted to write and tell you that I thoroughly enjoyed my home teaching visit to your home where the family strength sheet was filled out and a presentation was given to you about family home evening, a great place to be. I think about you all at least once a day if not more and you are in my prayers. I am grateful to be permitted in your home as it is sacred and holy ground. Have a great week!
Sincerely
Jim Micheletti
January 23, 1989
Dr. Buono
Bowing Green Orthopaedic Assoc
Bowling Green, KY

Dear Dr. Buono:
Thank you so much for the fine operation on my broken heel. It is a great pleasure to be able to lift weights and swim and generally feel strength again.
Jim Micheletti




January 5, 1989
Dear Ellen:
The below more clearly spells out what was lightly touched upon Saturday, January 3, 1989 between us on the phone: That in the midst of activities with the children, if no exact time was agreed upon to deliver them back to the house, and this because of attention drawn elsewhere, that the matter of returning them was not attended to, that the usual and customary time of 8:30 – 9:00 p. m. will be the expected time by you to receive them back to the house. This usual and customary time will be assumed by you and me both for the summer months and will revert back to 8-8:30 p. m. during the school months. If the children and I have not shown up by the time specified, you may expect a phone call and have full reason to complain if one is not received. Thirty minutes of flexible time is requested to allow for such things as a traffic tie-up, etc and time to reach a payphone. Many parts of town do not have one near and sometimes they do not work. If there are afternoon or morning visits, these will be handled on an individual basis. The above-mentioned visiting arrangement will be in force even if I should decide to keep one and drop off the other earlier. Special arrangements will be made occasionally for special occasions. I will also keep a watch or clock in the car. I will assume this arrangement shall rest satisfactorily with you and, unless further discussion is indicated, the matter is closed. Visiting with Joe and Paula continues to be one of the most sacred times of my week, sacred as described by divine commandment and by my personal preference and for which time I look forward to with emergency, anticipation and enthusiasm (otherwise, for example, why would I drive 63 miles in the RAIN on Sunday?) Please expect me Sunday afternoon with a new model for me and Joe to work on and another music lesson for Paula. You may tell Paula she will have a music test this Sunday.
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti

January 23, 1989

Ms. Theresa Micheletti (Walerius)
945 Park Lane
Chicago Heights, IL

Theresa:

I acknowledge receipt of your Christmas card. I consider it highly inappropriate to respond to your inquiries about my life since I do not know you, nor you me. I publically acknowledge deeply hurt feelings at being ignored, rejected and terrorized away from 209 Arcadia Drive because of whatever reason, probably associated with my religious preferences. Further, I bitterly resent being tossed aside like a stick and then having attention paid to me years later as if the years previous did not matter. In addition, I do not plan to respond to any more of your inquiries be they in writing, by phone or in person. I care not what you say to your husband or children about me since it has not mattered to you in times past. Any lectures or sermons or chidings of any kind are formally rejected. I have too many serious things to attend to be bothered with the additional burden of having to deal with you. I further do not care what you say to others, and I am sure that you will make others aware of the information in this letter. You can complain all you want—it matters not. Holidays come year after year as Micheletti’s get together while I go elsewhere and cry privately at the reality of sadness and loneliness and rejection. I formally reject any comment or opinion you have and demand that you have nothing to do with me, until I am good and ready to deal with you. I consider you a threat to my physical, moral, spiritual and intellectual well-being and I will take all appropriate measures to protect myself from anything you may choose to do to me. You leave me alone. You leave my children and ex-wife alone. You are dangerous enough, trampling on people’s feelings with terror and then leaving them behind. You are frightening. . When I am strong enough and confident enough to face you without going into shock I will let you know. In the meantime, I go back to being deceased while you continue your merry way. Recalling the memories of you as I do, I am sure you will scoff and scorn and mock and ridicule in the fine famous style you are well known for and toss this letter aside. Go right ahead. My self-esteem is not based solely on gaining your approval. This is the last letter you will receive from me until I receive further instructions on how to proceed. LEAVE ME ALONE!
Jim Micheletti
WHAT A VICIOUS WOMAN. I write in my autobio that she seems so unstable and mentally ill. She was to contact me later, and I do recall driving up there to face her finally in Whitesville, Illinois. I found her son at school (“Hi, I’m your uncle Jim”) Shocked. She keeps forgetting what I tell her and what she does, not realizing the emotionally distressing impact of her words and behavior, and finally I had to dismiss her as gone. She was instrumental in separating me from Joe and Paula Micheletti, through her babbling, lack of support, refusal to visit and connect her children with mine. Shocking. I could not get into her house with all the smiling and welcoming after years of abuse. I took off through the snow back to Nashville.

BACK TO PAULA AND JOE
--I sent a picture of a baby bear to Paula with a note that said:
Paula: What did the baby bear whisper to dad in his ear?
ANSWER:
DADDY, CAN I HAVE A QUARTER FOR A VIDEO GAME?
Have a nice day!
Love, dad
I pray for benefits to come soon. I don't feel bad being distant from Joe and Paula. I belong elsewhere and from them at a distance. I have been playing music in the SONGS OF THE HEART LDS music book. I have been irritated at my sister Theresa who has requested me to communicate with her after her condemning me for so long. How strange to feel calm, though. Can the presence of being turned off by my family, being tossed aside, forgotten, left alone, well, it creates a horrible hole where terror is, and where God doesn't seem to live. But the hole doesn't really exist. Is loneliness that bad that it terrifies me? Why don't mom and dad know the damage that has been done"? I am paying bills on the falling accident in Bowling Green, KY.
Now I am back in the Nashville II ward. I fell for a little feller named Jared. He took to me in Primary class, almost as a replacement for Joe. I felt affection for him. I would go to his house and visit and he would show me cars and toys, or we would just talk. When I was in the hospital at Bowling Green, his parents brought him up so I could see him.
When I was in the hospital with a smashed ankle, I notified Ellen for the children.
There was an outrage in the house, and Mrs. Durbin chimed in on the phone when I told her: I REALLY DON’T CARE. That’s what she said. Oh, my! What brought that about? Who are they fighting?
But Ellen and the children came later.
I got a birthday card from Joe and Paula.
February 27, 1989
Dear Joe:
I thought about you and I got carried away.
CONGRATULATIONS TO JOE ON RAISING SCIENCE GRADES FROM 77 TO 92.
CONGRATULATIONS TO JOE ON RAISING SCIENCE GRADES FROM 77 TO 92.
CONGRATULATIONS TO JOE ON RAISING SCIENCE GRADES FROM 77 TO 92.
CONGRATULATIONS TO JOE ON RAISING SCIENCE GRADES FROM 77 TO 92.
CONGRATULATIONS TO JOE ON RAISING SCIENCE GRADES FROM 77 TO 92.
Dad is proud of Joe’s accomplishment!
Dad is proud of Joe’s accomplishment!
Dad is proud of Joe’s accomplishment!
Dad is proud of Joe’s accomplishment!
Dad is proud of Joe’s accomplishment!
Dad is proud of Joe’s accomplishment! J
Joe went for it and conquered!
Joe went for it and conquered!
Joe went for it and conquered!
Joe went for it and conquered!
Joe went for it and conquered!
Joe went for it and conquered!
Joe went for it and conquered!
Joe went for it and conquered!
I am so excited, I am out of breath from typing it! All right, son, all right!
Love dad
(note to reader: I actually typed all these lines over and over repeatedly)
I got a job in a spring factor making springs at a table. It held me together and I biked to work and back home. I take a bus to church and back. Independent. I am upstairs at Diane and Ned Jorgensen's house. She cooks food for me and I rest. My leg hurts so bad. I come downstairs to visit. I work from 7 a. m. to 2:30 p. m.
I had to go visit the Doctor in Bowling Green for treatment and I visited the school to show my cast to the kids. Joe and his friends in the cafeteria would practice walking using the crutches. Then I had a walking cast.
A nice car dealership on the hill nearby let me have a car because I could hardly walk. Then one day I had it removed and he said to me: TAKE OFF. Oh my gosh! I can walk again. I went home rejoicing and swam and felt rebaptized.
I CAN WALK AGAIN!
I drove up to Bowling Green and the kids got me to go swimming. They got top score in their swimming class. I was sad but the kids got me excited. They are bigger and more grown up. We were diving and splashing for pennies. I looked up at the sky and I thought I saw celestial beings on top of the cumulus clouds. Why? I thought.
Joe went home and Paula went back with me to swim some more. When we returned Grandma comes out and says Ellen took off worried, looking for us. Why? Didn't Joe say we were swimming? Yes, but she was still worried. What??? –Thank you, Lord! Why do I still survive no matter what happens? It's amazing. I must really live by faith and confidence with all this opposition against me. People come out of nowhere to fight in my face and try to terrorize me on every hand. But I seem to win.
I went to Joe and Paula, panicked at the type of reception I would get.
I saw Joe bicycling and I yelled out: Hey, punk! He didn't see me.
I yelled again. He saw me. I pulled in and Paula came out.
Ellen came out and admired my car. I told her the deal.
They looked at my cast and off we went.
I got their new school pictures.
We went to St. Thomas Aquinas' church and sat down for a talk.
PAULA MICHELETTI -- FIRST COMMUNION
(See picture of her standing next to a Catholic priest)
St. Joseph's Catholic Church,
11 a. m.
I have left the LDS church to attend this ceremony because Paula is my daughter and families need to be together. After several prayers and ALLELUIAS then there was a communion organ solo, a meditation prayer. She was decked out in white with a veil. The tallest one there. Mom and dad smiled. I was fasting that day and I held my peace and let my heart go to Paula by my religious convictions go elsewhere since I did not agree with the meaning of this catholic ceremony.
A reception followed.
Afterwards, the battery went dead and I got stuck in the field next to Durbins.
Mom and kids pushed me out. Joe and Paula's mother gets a new car for about $7,000. Me? Leftover sufferings and trembling over my fierce argument with my dad earlier which didn't hurt him--only me.
I threatened to come up with my own children and have him apologize for ignoring them and their dad.
A source of grief and pain to me.
How dad sits in Rantoul and watches.
Things rot.
I griped at him for not having me at the wedding (he and his new wife didn't want anyone there) and I griped for not introducing me because I'm too far out of sight. All the other children met his new wife.
I was mad because it only magnified the already present family alienation. I was spooked by this earlier when I read mother's hate mail to me about my ignoring, that is, my ignoring my sisters.
JOE’S BIRTHDAY!
Birthday party was rather extravagant. Joe's party included his friends. I wrote a check to include tokens for all at Greenwood Mall. Ellen bought a luxurious cake. Joe and I went out later.
Next day at church I saw an excellent VIDEO. It was entitled:
Together Forever.
I cried.
I felt awkward and stupid. I left.
Later I went to church and talked with Charles Murray about a business deal. Then I took Donny Miller home and told him about the starter problem. At his house, he told me he thought his dad could fix it. But the car died and Donny pushed me all the way to his dad's garage. I called the children and cancelled our time together. I left the car, went to Donny's house and then to church.
The ladies were going to the Nashville Stake Center to a conference so I rode with them. I couldn't get a ride to work on Monday so I went back to Bowling Green, spent the night and on Monday I helped Donny Miller and his dad move their shop equipment while my car was being fixed at Phelps’s garage. I wrote him a check for the starter repair and labor. Phelps Parts & Service, 112 Gordon Avenue, Bowling Green, KY.
I came home to an overdrawn bank account and a bill notice from Century Finance. It's time to set the mix up straight. Go to Bowling Green with the correct intentions.
May 15, 1989

Dear Joe:
Thank you for a little fun time Saturday afternoon although I wish we could have done more together instead of separately. We have already spoken about that. I don’t think we have to speak further about how I felt. You are reminded that mother and I are in charge of you and you owe it to your parents to tell them where you area. Please be so kind as to remember who you belong to. I wanted to be independent when I was your age, too. I have the Starship Enterprise sitting on top of the Word processor at my desk. Paula’s stuffed bear is sitting at the other end of my desk staring at me with these big black eyes. The expression on his face never changes. I put a pink sign on the bear’s lap. On the sign it says: Paula Bear. I named it Paula Bear. I guess it will keep an eye on me to make sure I behave. Please expect me Sunday afternoon.
Sincerely,
Your dad.
PRIVATE WRITTEN THOUGHTS:
Whew. What is the meaning and intent of my life? What do I do? Where do I go? I go to work. I live in Hendersonville. I have to be a procedural person, business-like. Can’t trust everybody. Tomorrow, my son, Joe has a birthday. What does it mean to have a son?
I remember when Joe was born. I didn’t understand it before. But I do now.
Journal Entry:
May 9, 1989
Well, it has been an interesting last 3 weeks. I have barely written in my journal. I have finished a major war with Mrs. Sharon Hurt at the School of Graduate Studies Meharry Medical College. Never have I seen anyone so barbaric and over-exaggerate things, to protect herself from being criticized by the boss. Her “why?” questions, her provoking guilt, blaming me for things that go wrong. This panicky spirit when things go wrong. She and Dr. Fred Jones cannot get an assignment straight between themselves. After panic then panic I finally quit to get some relief.
This is when I became a Spanish translator. I found out later that Mrs. Sharon Hurt’s attitude and puffiness got her fired and security had to escort her off the campus! Incredible.
I have had to explain to Joe and Paula about being a mom & dad; dad child, not just a mom’s child (lent out to a nice man down the street). I have introduced them to quiet Sunday activities. Paula and I paint rocks.
One rock says JIM dad and the other says DAD MICHELETTI.
We painted rocks for other members of the family, too.
I am still very upset over Mr. and Mrs. Durbin’s distance.
I have had to speak much to the children, pray much, and receive comfort to my soul and the correct perspective.
Ellen seems quiet and distant.
I showed the children billboards one weekend, about the lies of smoking! They never show the bad stuff, just the good side.
The children seem to drift off when dad doesn’t show up for a couple of weeks. I need to speak with them more, get them focused upon me. I have taught them many things and will continue to teach them. I have taught them out of the scriptures and talked about God.
I have had a discussion with Joe about the specifics of my past and what damage has been done and why Ellen took Joe and Paula and ran home, and why I am not allowed in the house.
I explained the immoral nature I once had.
I testified of the change through the LDS church, the power of the priesthood, of baptism. I told them I am glad I am Mormon and that I got Joe back.
Are you glad I am not a Catholic?
That’s a hard question to answer, Joe said.
That is because he would have to admit the Catholic Church is wrong because it didn’t help dad.
Elder Leavitt is gone from the area. Elder Wagaman and I wrote him a letter. I have been so depressed and down lately that I have been moved to write a song based on the words of the 23rd Psalm as written in the book.
I have been weightlifting harder now and my body feels better.
I have also been visiting Dr. Tod Thompson, A chiropractic physician, on Long Hollow Pike, near Kroger in Goodlettsville.
He has been helping my foot to be better and adjusting my spine so I can walk better.
A discussion with Joe on Sunday May 7, 1989 as we worked on the STARSHIP ENTERPRISE MODEL I purchased for his birthday.
I sensed resentment in him regarding his wanting to stop early today because Robbie, his cousin, is visiting and he won’t see Robbie for a while, wanting to be with him before he goes back to Owensboro, Kentucky. I said I hadn’t seen you, Joe, in 2 weeks. Joe had promised me I was more important as a dad. Robbie spent the day with Joe yesterday. I asked Joe if we could drive up to see them next weekend or the next weekend after that. He said “no. ” I said, what is the big deal with today then? I just offered to drive you and you said no. Now I am confused. Robbie is Robbie, a boy, your cousin. I am your dad. We finished the model, and discussed priorities at the LDS church. I explained the unique situation of Joe and Paula. I explained using similar patterns from the scriptures. The spirit of love and understanding permeated the atmosphere and Joe and I talked. I hope he will miss me greatly when I am gone from the earth. I certainly will miss him. I hope one day he accepts the restored gospel of Jesus Christ through the prophet Joseph Smith. Joe and I played video games afterwards.
Joe and I had a contest at the A&W Root beer stand in a mechanical baseball game. I won. Then he won. And then he won again and we enjoyed it. Ellen told me about the school festival activity next Saturday…we will take the children to that.
I played the piano for a Meharry Medical college function Wednesday night, May 10, 1989 and received $20.
Staff meeting at Graduate School with Sharon Hurt was called because she is running a wreck, I have been complaining on her sternness, and it is jumbled. I don’t believe it for a moment. WORK IS draggy,,,,,
I took the children bowling one Saturday afternoon.
I wrote Ms. Joann Powell,
the St. Joe’s Catholic School principal,
a letter.
March 3, 1989
Dear Ms. Powell:
Many thanks for all the wonderful work you do at the school, especially with reference to the education of Joe and Paula, my children. I have made many inquiries about their studies and found the results positive and uplifting. I immediately and aggressively took care of a major dip in Joe’s science grade by having a discussion with his teacher, speaking to Joe directly in the cafeteria hallway, and getting a commitment from him to improve. Sure enough, the most recent report card indicated an improvement from the 70’s to the 90’s. I praised my son for his effort and when I went back to Nashville I sent him a letter.
We do math exercises while visiting and they snap to with the answers in quick order. As the children of divorced parents, Joe and Paula are very conscious of the full picture because I tell them. Out of concern for any possible negative effects of divorce upon them, I suggested that if they rest upon things that are true, right, good, orderly and that keep us together, that you, Joe and you, Paula, will remain calm, stable and balanced within because truth is never divided against itself: One’s feet on the platform of truth makes for eternal security; truth is not always inseparably tied with human beings. That took care of that. Joe and Paula’s discernment is sharpened. Mom and dad are subject to truth, just as well as anyone else.
I enjoyed a very special dad-daughter date with Paula. Ellen dressed her up and I dressed up. I held the car door open for her. She got in and we drove up Adams Street in the evening while the sky shone a soft orange. We ate Hartnett’s candies and decided to dine at the elegant Greenwood Executive In. Paula sat next to her dad in the car and dad put his arm around her. Paula was taking her dad out and she paid the bill. At the restaurant, Paula learned what a maitre’ d is and the purpose of an appetizer. She was amused at the menu we studied; she never heard of Hawaiian Chicken, for example. We ate a very fancy large hamburger plate. The French fries were shaped in criss-cross fashion. We drank elegant soft drinks with cherries and lemon-lime twists. The music was gracious and lovely throughout the evening. I told Paula we should do this again. I emphasized the relationship with her and her dad and the relationship between her and boyfriends. Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti
March 7, 1989
Dear Elder Gooch:
It was a surprise when I talked with Sheldon Sullivan that he knew you. I couldn’t remember you at first, but then I did. I am glad to hear you are in school. I hope you are doing well. Things have really jumped forward here in the mission. Baptisms are up sky high, including many blacks joining the Nashville II ward. Mission rules are tighter than ever as I am sure you may have heard. I had a major falling accident: smashed my heel in 30 pieces and am just walking normally again. I have gotten really thin. And to think I was built almost like you are. However, I am back at the spa. But there ‘s only one Elder Gooch!
Have a great day!
Jim Micheletti

I have been talking to Paula about having a bake sale to earn money. We deferred it to later. I wrote Ellen describing the requirements to the children to get an allowance.
We ate at Long John Silver’s Restaurant Saturday. Joe beat me later in DOUBLE DRAGON video game.
I found out that Ellen made Paula go out today when she was tired. She broke down and cried. I dropped Joe off and she and I went to the park.
I said a prayer and then I politely listened as Paula explained her grief. I said, you need to tell me if you should do quiet things today. I explained that I can make the adjustment. She immediately lightened up with relief, having no more fears of activity beyond her tolerance. We prepared for the bake sale. Now Paula is excited. Preparing a sign and all. Things seem so big and hard to Paula. In school other kids are handed money without working. I explained how more meaningful it is when one WORKS, and that it is her accomplishment. Well, Paula changed. Later on that night, we ate pizza at Godfathers talked about the bake sale and other things. Paula developed inner strength to accomplish from our activity that day.
Off for home. Up for church Sunday.
I thought hard about Mr. And Mrs. Durbin and my cold and frightened reaction to their severe criticism of me and the effect on Joe and Paula if I should respond in a letter to them. I need to accept the Atonement of Jesus Christ as more important.
At church I got called to give the lesson next Sunday on FATHERS INTERVIEWS, something I have really mastered.
I drove up Sunday afternoon and complained that the children cancelled me out for a movie.
I was concerned about Joe’s stubbornness and moodiness.
I was scared to buy him a model or chemistry set because it might not be right, he’ll toss it aside and my feelings will be hurt and he won’t think of anyone except himself.
I got him to promise to loosen up and flow with the group and not be so bullheaded.
MARCH 12
Joe Agrees:
1. To do things because dad wants to do them sometimes
2. That interviews are important
3. To make sure that dad and he both have a good time
4. To be flexible and open-minded and not picky.
Joe signs the agreement: I guess
LETTER FROM PAULA RECEIVED 3/18/1989
Dad, I got a good grade on a test.
I got a ninety on the social studies test. Joe M
Dad,
I am making good grades in math and spelling. We are in division in math. Paula.

May 14, 1989
Mother’s Day
I am sitting in a choir seat in the Nashville II Ward, and the choir music program is about mother. I don’t know my mother. I have distant memories of her. I also have many difficult conversations and letters and I have broken down and cried when I think of what might have been, but isn’t. I must accept certain things; learn to live peaceably and comfortably. I have suffered a spiritual funeral in the separation of myself from my own. And poor Joe and Paula. I need to accept my situation and learn to live happily in spite of it all, nourishing myself with hope that I am not cast off forever, and I see I cling onto people do I won’t feel drifting.
THE DIVINE CENTER--God/JESUS CHRIST--Somehow through the atonement I can receive strength and power. Even these crazy burdens can be lifted. I don’t have to be afraid. I’ll go on. I have to gain my exaltation
EXALTATION—THE kind of life that God lives in the highest level of the celestial kingdom.
Meanwhile, on earth, behold the glory of the Lord’s creations. And we renew our dedication to Zion by partaking of the sacrament. I need to disconnect from people and yield my heart to God. I need to look unto God in every thought, and let the affections of my heart be unto the Lord. I need to stand on the principles of truth, a platform that never moves, is unshakable, that does not vary with time, that stands eternal. And the forgiveness for sins and the forgiveness of myself for them. I must forgive myself. I must say it’s all right and decide to change. I must soften my heart. Please, I need help, Lord, to do this. Be quietly focused on exaltation.
MY PROBLEMS
tithe
better home and more $
I’m too emotional
Angry and tense over my parents
My mother: Muriel E. Micheletti. I don’t know her.
But what did she do for my life as I think of her this mother’s day?
Music lessons
Food,
clothes,
shelter
I repressed so many angry feelings and I also learned incorrectly from dad how mothers are to be treated. I suppose I have to watch how attached I get to my parents.
I honored Ellen Micheletti as a mother:
Gave her a plant (called Jewelbox)
A card from me, Joe and Paula
And dinner at Captain Ds restaurant
My mother had a difficult time as a child.
I don’t need to carry the curse with me.
May 5, 1989
Dear Bob and Laurentia Satterfield:
As I look over the last several months of recuperation from my accident, I express gratitude for the hospitality extended on my behalf.

INTERVIEW WITH PAULA, May 7, 1989
5:30 p. m.
Priority—means, an “important thing”
God, our Heavenly Father
Jesus Christ
The commandments
You, your family, mom, dad, brother
Other people
Even though the Micheletti life is split and separated by a 63 mile distance between Hendersonville and Bowling Green.
Paula, we are going to Opryland this summer
DAD-JOE-PAULA—
But we drew a scary face to indicate that Paula is scared to leave momma, or mama.
Are Joe and Paula “mom-centered”?
NORMAL MEANS A CHILD IS MOM AND DAD- CENTERED.
DAD IS GOING LIKE THIS: ME! ME! ME,
We tracked Paula’s life from October 19, 1979 to May 1989 in and who she has known.
We talked how long she has been away from God’s presence.
THEN WE PLAYED HANGMAN. PAULA’S PHRASE WAS: I LOVE HAMBURGER HELPER.
May 3, 1989
Dear Joe:
Happy birthday!
Monday, May 1, 1989 is the celebration of your birthday. I remember the events up to and when you were born into the world. I don’t remember it all since I was so different then. But the excitement sure built up over 9 months. Ellen kept herself healthy and strong. She fed herself on fish, especially Long John Silvers. When your body was growing inside mother, you got really large. I could feel you kicking on the inside. Towards the end there were many false labor paints before the signal came to Ellen it was time to go to the hospital. Labor is defined as the muscular activity that begins as the mother prepares to bring the baby forth into the world. Ellen and I had attended childbirth classes. I was so excited. Ellen had to learn to breathe in short breaths to help keep control and calm through the muscle pains involved in giving birth. The time it took for you to be born from the first labor pain was about 12 hours. I had a little manual to follow to help mother along to the end. At the end of a long night, Joseph Michael was born at about 8:30 a. m. The doctor reached for you to bring you forth and he said: It’s got BLACK HAIR! I could feel the thrills coming on. Then in a loud voice the doctor said: It’s a boy!!! And there you were. Large, thick skinned, dark, lots of hair, lots of meat on your bones, a wrinkled face, so big, and crying. The nurses cleaned you and brought you to us. We looked and marveled and rejoiced exceedingly. How wonderful! After that, I left the hospital, ran and told everybody. I came back. We were parents. We took you home after about 8 days due to some yellowing that came on your skin. The doctor just wanted to watch that for a while. It went away. We took you home and our lives haven’t been the same since.
Sincerely
Dad
Look forward to a great weekend!

July 11, 1989: church was somewhat boring. I have been hanging my head from sadness over rejection, being misunderstood, and strung out over the bad experiences I have had with some individuals.
On prayer: The story was told of a lady who was frazzled over loneliness, crime and fear. She prayed. A hymn came to her mind to help our out.
• Pray to recognize the voice of the Master
• Pray to be filled with the love of Go din your heart
• Pray so you won’t faint
• Pray so that the Lord will lighten your burden so that you will not feel it, that you may know that the Lord visits his people in their afflictions.

• Thus, you can bear up with cheerfulness and faith to do all the will of the Lord.

• Pray a prayer of thanks for blessings. Ask for appropriate things. End your prayer in the name of Jesus Christ.

Amen
I cried during sacrament meeting. I had a strong vision of Jesus Christ bleeding and dying on the cross. I saw as I arose in the resurrection triumphant from the grave, which thing is promised to me and to all. I am not chained down by death or hell.
A talk on charity: except ye have charity, ye can in no wise inherit the kingdom of God. Love through His Son:
For God so loved the world that He gave us His only begotten son, that whosoever should believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
God sees me on His side of the veil watching.
And he sees what Jim could be in life.
6-22-1989

If Paula and Joe could only know how much sacrifices and longing I have felt for them.


In June 1989 I had a very special Father’s Day weekend with the children at my desk at the Graduate School at Meharry Medical College. I have a card with the children’s and ELLEN’s signature on it. On Friday I took Paula to Bonanza and we ate to our heart’s content. We also took pictures of each other. I cannot find it right now, the cutest picture of Paula eating corn on the cob. We also ate ice cream, pretending there was a man hiding in the crevice of the ice cream. Paula and I got some candy bits with which to decorate our ice cream. She got colored ones and I got brown ones. We designed a face on the ice cream dish and took a picture of that. Outside Bonanza we took a picture of the sign and of flowers growing. We also tried to chase down a cat but lost it. We went to the Shoe Carnival across the street and took pictures of each other in the flashing lights in the window. I bought Paula a pair of off white summer shoes for 99 cents. It was so much fun, just me and Paula! It was my night for her to say that I appreciate being her dad!

I drove home singing and rejoicing! What did I sing?
The LDS hymn: I KNOW THAT MY REDEEMER LIVES.

Saturday I drove to Bowling Green and found a blue suit at the St. Vincent dePaul store for $4.00. it fit almost perfectly. I took Joe with me and we talked at the church lounge. I complained about his running off and not wanting to be with me. I told him what fathers talk about to sons:
Women,
Dating, job
I expressed my appreciation to him for being his father. I suggested that he acts one way (Joe I) with me and another way (Joe II) with mother and that if he could just be one way with everyone, that would be great. I felt strange to him and I thought he feels strangely towards me. Is he so concerned that he will be pushed into becoming LDS? So quiet, so reserved, so holding back. He expresses several moods, especially in trying to get his way.
Afterwards we went to the Olympic Health spa. Joe didn’t want to go in because it was boring and he was too young for it. I asked him to help his dad by assisting in the workout. I explained that dad was tired and needed some energy for the night so he could play music at Opryland Hotel for a wedding reception. After some explaining, coaxing and urging, he finally relented to help dad out. While I worked out, he changed the weights for me. He put discs on the bars and we talked. He began to try the weights himself and started to measure himself in more manly terms. I stood him in front of the mirror and pointed out how he will develop in the next few years to be big and strong. I was tickled to death to have my son with me in such an activity typical to many men: weightlifting. It made me feel very good inside to be a part of Joe’s life in such a very personal way. This relieved some of the tension from being barred from the Durbin home. No one is going to stop me from being with my son and impacting upon his life.
I still feel, though, that there is a distance. I feel strongly that Joe is adapting several of the characteristics of his relatives (close-minded in some areas, unwilling to share, private, stubborn, unyielding) which things I hope he does not keep.
I could be an example here.
I was also concerned about the gross movies Joe watches.
I told Joe about the unconditional love of Jesus Christ and I desire to have unconditional love for him.
IN AN INTERVIEW WITH PAULA ON JUNE 3, 1989
I DISCUSSED HOW TENSE, NERVOUS, IMPATIENT, CONCERNED Paula has been acting about what PAULA gets…compared with Joe. I said that when you grow up, we do things because it’s right, not just because dad said so. I said for Paula to do right and be calm and not compare and fight for first place and attention but to live peaceably with herself.
I wrote down the words:
CALM
CALMER
MORE CALM
MORE PEACEABLE
MORE
MORE
MORE
These are fruits from heaven.
I drew a chart of how Paula burns herself out in great emotional displays from 7 in the morning until 9 at night. She said she would work on being more calm.

At church, Rick Taylor sang “You’re Not Alone” and I played the piano.
The words are as follows:

In your hour of doubt
Loneliness or fear, Listen to your heart
And this is what you’ll hear
You’re not alone, even though right now
You’re on your own
You are loved in ways that can’t be shown
Your needs are known
You’re not alone
And when you cry
You’re just letting go a heartache deep inside
So tomorrow there’ll be sun shining skies
And love close by, you’re not alone.
For you are a child of God
And he has sent you here.
Has given you an earthly home
With parents kind and dear
He’ll lead you, guide you walk beside
Help you find the way
And teach you all that you must do
To live with him some day
You’re not alone
Say it one more time
I’m not alone
And even though it’s hard to find the words
Your prayers are heard
You’re not alone
(piano interlude)
You’re not alone.

Rick Taylor and I prepared a special arrangement of this on the piano and we emphasize the line:
Your prayers are heard

People really liked it after we did it. Many people shook my hand. It meant something special to them. It spoke to them. It testified that they have a loving heavenly Father and that they are not alone. In the sacrament meeting room people know it by the power of the Holy Ghost which testifies of the Father and the Son.

ON FATHER’S DAY – Sunday, June 18, 1989
Off to church. Played the piano for Sunday school and sacrament meeting. I spent too much money and did not pay my tithe. I have been dying to see the children. I did. I spoke to Ellen for whisking Paula away from me after the piano lesson and braking up the regularity of the lesson.

I learned in church about organizing my home, bills, keep a grateful disposition, glorifying God.
I pray that the Lord would ease the burdens that I would not feel it.
A peaceful loving heart and yet careful with whom I deal lest I hang on them for lack of family members. I am strange and different for some.

The duties of a father:
1. Patriarchal order
2. Leadership
3. Assisted and counseled by the wife
4. Presides at meals, family prayer, home evenings
5. See that children are aught
6. Do all things in humility and kindness
7. Do things together
8. Charity
9. Prayer, fasting, order
10. Listen to children
11. Look for the good traits
12. Reward children for keeping the commandments.


Clyde Prosser has been so helpful to me, yet I am strangely moody and testy.
He says to be companions with the Holy Ghost more than people.
When we lived as a spirit child before earth, we did not have the feelings of a human being.
We must bless the Lord din the midst of affliction. Consider afflictions a blessing.

Father’s Day, June 18, 1989

We heard an account of 2 slain LDS missionaries in Bolivia. I have still not paid my tithing. I cannot take the sacrament for I do not have sufficient desire to get organized and do the Lord’s will.

At work at Meharry in the GRADUATE SCHOOL, work has been easy. I have been singing in the office. I have spent time with the missionaries in developing a flier to leave at the door announcing their upcoming visit.

Too little extra work at the Alphabet Shop this week.

I am getting bigger from working out at the health spa.

I have spent much time with Elder Wagaman and Anderson helping them to go out and teach.

June 19, 1989
Dear Ellen:
Due to the electrical storm last Sunday evening, June 18, 1989, and the phone message I receiving while teaching Paula music lessons, I immediately sensed the need for us to establish a safety procedure since I could feel the strong concern for us 3 emanating from you through the atmosphere. I vocalized this concern with Paula on the way home. Paula and I were about ready to go home anyway. If bad weather ensues

Bad weather does not affect me or my driving in the least since I have grown up and adapted to such from living in the prairie state of Illinois. Since I do not smoke or drink or partake of harmful substances, my mind and body remain health and alert and my reaction time in sharp. I am going to assume that you perceive my judgment sharp enough to respond calmly and appropriately in some emergency on the road should one occur, just as appropriately as any concerned parent for the safety of his child. I choose to be governed by right reasoning and feelings of heavenly inspiration granted to any parent who desires to do right for his children (did you know parents are entitled to that blessing from heaven?).

In the future when bad weather approaches the children and I will either call in to say how we’re doing or I will leave a number where we can be reached or both. If you have such strong concerns about the weather ahead of time, please feel free to suggest alternate visiting times with the children.

I believe this arrangement is satisfactory and unless you indicate further discussion, the matter is closed.

Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti

June 21, 1989
Dear Ellen:
My gracious thanks to you for your assistance in providing a very enjoyable Father’s Day Weekend. I enjoyed Paula’s company at Bonanza Friday night. We took pictures of each other and ate rather well. Just $2 for children at the food bar. That is a better deal than many places.
I appreciate the stained glass painting of the geese and I showed it to many people at work. I also appreciate the J key ring and the wallet, two very badly needed items.
I have lots of energy on the weekends and I can easily keep up with the children so you may rest.
I work in the evenings at the Alphabet Shop doing word processing as well as during the day. If I am not working, I am in the spa working out strengthening myself.
Nevertheless, at the top 5 of the priorities of the week are Joe and P
Paula and you. Spending time with the children continues to remain sacred, both by divine commandment and by personal preference.
See you Sunday evening. Have a pleasant week. I should have some very amusing pictures of Paula to show you, either in the mail or when I stop in Sunday evening.

Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti

JUNE 21, 1989
DEAR JOE:

Son, thank you for a good Father’s Day weekend. We had a very serious talk on Saturday afternoon and I expressed my deep feelings of appreciation to be your father. I hope we can always be friends. I hope that you will always be direct with me. We are together because Heavenly Father put us together.

Congrats on 6 high grades on the final report card of the year for which you earned $1 each. Please continue to finish the airplane model. I am going to try to bring a chemistry set next Sunday afternoon. I also did not get to take pictures of you because last Sunday you were sick. So Paula and I took pictures of each other. Thanks to you and Mom and Paula for the stained glass painting, the key ring with J on it, and the wallet.
We had a short afternoon because I had to go to the Opryland hotel and play piano music for a wedding reception in the hotel MAHOGANY Room. I was concerned about feeling sluggish and tired and a good exercise session at the health spa fixed that. I appreciate the help you gave me at the spa. You even tried some of the weights yourself and we discussed on you will grow and your muscles will develop. Dad is a very active individual and dad in tends to stay trim and healthy for a very long time. Just think what you will look like in a few years, Joe, as you begin to work out at the spa, play baseball and do other things.
After the spa, we went to the Land of Oz and played videos. I bought a stack of tokens for a special price and you have the green tube they came in.
See you Sunday afternoon. I am going to try to bring a chemistry set.
Joe and Dad together forever.

DAD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>





JOURNAL ENTRY
JUNE 22, 1989
Sunday notes: The first principles of the gospel are faith, repentance, baptism and the Holy Ghost. One has a desire to believe, experiment by living the gospel, feel, note and magnify the spirit, repent and improve daily.
In another talk: we should show reverence and care for the body.
My thoughts during Sacrament meeting: when I regain they presence, Lord, let thy glory around me shine.
I witness unto thee that I am willing to keep the commandments to have the spirit to be with me.
I desire to be forgiven.
I have had a lot of anger and heartache, bitterness towards others. Nevertheless, Jim Micheletti is a child of God, a child of a King. My Father is a God. I need to act differently because I know I am different.
I need to be tough, extremely serious. I need to carry my comfort zone and bless the Lord in the midst of affliction.
I need to wear the garments of the Holy priesthood, which white underclothing is gained in the temple.
It is difficult when one is so easily sluffed off.
My self-esteem is not conditioned on the point of view of others. It is not bent on gaining Ellen’s approval.
November 22, 1989
Dear Ellen:
Thank you for a very pleasant Thanksgiving with the children. I spent so long cooking the food and making sure everything was right. I was glad to get the Alaskan Snow Crab, Shrimp Scampi and shrimp with Deviled Crab for you. I was exhausted from cooking the turkey for so long; it has been a long time since I cooked a turkey. I was very nervous at what ended as Micheletti’s first real and thoroughly our own Thanksgiving Dinner together and I appreciated it very much. I know it meant a lot to the children, especially in providing them with a good example from which to model their lives, especially in growing up to get married and have families of their own. I was also glad that you finally got to see the apartment. I have been slow to get a place of my own because I have spent money on being with the children and spending it on them. A lot of my money during the month goes to them, money for their educational, cultural and recreational enrichment. (Which is not always video games—ugh!) One of the best things about the apartment is a place to take them to eat since Dad doesn’t live in a restaurant and in a car, and since Dad cannot be with them at 420 Glen Lily Road at the present time. Your cooperation is anticipated in encouraging them to spend as much time with Dad as his home as possible. Since monetary savings are involved here in terms of feeding them, and physical comfort is enhanced as we can rest periodically during the day. We will also build to the point where just like others do, they can come on a Friday and stay until Sunday, a typical pattern as soon as I can find some beds. Regarding Christmas I have just learned that my increased paycheck may or may not include the retroactive pay back to July 1 on the first December paycheck; if it does, I will forward it to you. If it does not, I have been told it will show on the second paycheck about the 15th of December, still in time for Christmas. I am more than happy to handle the major portion of the Christmas for all of us this year. In January you should be receiving the first of your monthly checks through the court. You are also encouraged to continue having the children send me letters as it will keep our hearts open to each other, promote understanding and sensitivity, keep me alive in their minds, keep them alive in my mind, and it will alleviate the difficulties of them and I communicating effectively when we are together since they and I have difficult conversation adjustments to make considering we have not exchanged words for such a LONG LONG LONG time. The inclusion of a phone in my apartment will help alleviate this, as they can call me during the week, too. Paula and Joe must not get too caught up in the flow of their lives and overlook the anxiousness of their other parent, who alongside their mother is very concerned for their welfare. You are reminded of the insurance switchover in July to Meharry’s policy so you can keep extra income for yourself from your paycheck. I was very surprised to learn that you take very few pictures of the children and I take several almost all the time. I suggest that you help the children organize the pictures of their lives and activities with their father in a scrapbook and keep it intact since it will help recount memories more successfully. Joe will be receiving a new goal to work for and he has already received a tremendous congratulatory note from his dad for the EXCELLENT report card achievements. My encouragement and teaching in this regard has paid off in his expanding his self-esteem, courage and freedom to expand his horizons, and improve himself instead of living on a non-moving plateau. You will find many of my talks to the children to be extremely motivational and a trumpet call to action. And they will continue to surprise with many exciting new things, that they never before thought they could do. If you have any problems or concerns, I suggest you always discuss them directly with me with an aim towards resolution. Please be glad that unlike other divorced fathers, I take a very very strong interest in the children. There are many employees at Meharry Medical College who will easily testify that one of Jim Micheletti’s biggest topics of conversation are what he and Joe and Paula are doing together, how they are doing, and what Jim can do to help things be better. I feel very sad when I hear divorced ladies wish that their children’s father would come visit them more often and take interest in them.
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti
LATER ON
I received a Christmas card at my door with a basket of hams and other goodies on DECEMBER 1989 Christmas.
I remember the young people at church sang my song: COME AND SEE THE BABE IN A MANGER. What a moment in time!
December 1, 1989
Dear Ellen:
Many blessings have come from the children taking a few minutes to write a letter to dad each week.
1. My bills have been consolidated into one payment where I do not suffer as before at irregular intervals, including great hospital bills.
2. You will be receiving money at a regular interval during the month instead of at varying times.
3. Joe has responded positively to his dad’s encouragement about setting and reaching an academic goal and has reached it, which accomplishment earned him a video game. His next goal is to get a chemistry set.
4. I have a very nice apartment that me and the children can be at to eat so we can stay out of restaurants.
5. When additional furniture arrives they can spend a decent and comfortable family-type weekend with their father in his home with a space of their own.
6. You have many more pictures of the children to look at. They are able to do so many more things they normally could not do.
7. I have felt so sustained and encouraged by these letters each week that I have felt a strong gratitude and wanted you to enjoy a special Thanksgiving dinner of shrimp scampi, Alaskan snow crab and shrimp stuffed with deviled crab. I thought about it as I sat there waiting for the dinner to be prepared at Red Lobster Inn and felt no hesitation in wanting to do this for you.
8. I have taken the Christmas burden upon myself since you will not be getting money from the court until January and they are already taking the money out of my check to hold in abeyance.
9. You have felt very conversational around me and I have felt the same around you.
10. Joe has received much encouragement from his father which encouragement helped him to leave a small circle and strike out for higher goals such as in athletics for which I am very pleased. I trust you are also pleased with this activity and have not held back your approval but have been very open.
11. Paula and Joe have been very helpful round the apartment willing to do chores before we go out for the afternoon and I give them some well-deserved recreation.
12. From receiving the letters, I don’t seem to feel as draggy and down as I generally get by the end of the week, not having any young ones upon which to exert mighty strong and tender loving care.
13. My attitude in turn affects the children. Their attitude is improved by communicating with dad. When we see each other, it is more open and cordial and not awkward because we three have not talked for so long.
14. Joe and Paula continue to see a good example of the interrelationship and appropriate conduct of a mother and father, which example they will carry into their own adult lives and conduct themselves in a manner just as appropriate.
15. Joe and Paula will continue to feel the spirit of truth, goodness, right, honor, virtue, charity, wisdom, peace, order, closeness, strength, courage, forward progression, love and great power which exemplary impact from mom and dad will encourage their growth and development.
Sunday evening seems a good time to prepare it for mailing on Monday. I will receive it by Wednesday or Thursday. I wonder what further blessings will result from this very small gesture of writing a letter to dad each week.
Isn’t it amazing what magnificent ripples are caused by one small gesture as this?
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti


December 1, 1989
Dear Joe:
Please make the attempt to write a letter to me every Sunday evening and give it to mother to mail on Monday. If you need more to write about, tell me a joke or riddle.
I enjoy receiving your letters at work. Hearing from you means very much to me since I myself think of you a lot and plan almost continually what to do for you as your father. I find new energy and enthusiasm and excitement to work harder when I have that letter from you. Deep inside a parent is a drive to overcome and conquer all things for the sake of one’s children. I have that drive inside for you. A letter keeps me alive in your mind and keeps you alive in my mind. Otherwise it is so hard for us to communicate when we come together again because of the time lapse between each visit to you.
A letter, son, a letter. Many blessings will result to you from writing to me.
Sincerely,
With love
Your dad
I TYPED THIS AFTERWARDS:
Joe’s hand (image of a hand) is using a pencil (image of a pencil) to write DAD a LETTER.
Dear Dad
Thank you for the game and for the pizza. I wish you had the camera but people forget.
JOE M

Dear Dad:
I would like some more stamps. I had a science test who knows what grade I got. I’ll tell ya when I get it
Love, Paula
Dear Paula:
(same letter as directly above to Joe about writing me a weekly letter)
JUNE 3, 1989
IN A LONG JOHN SILVERS CARD GAME
PAULA WON 2 TIMES
DAD WON ONE TIME
Paula prints her name on the journal entry:
PAULA
AND INSIDE THE SPACE OF THE LETTER “p” SHE WRITES “win!”
A lecture to myself on my nervousness over going to 420 Glen Lily Road
1. Heavenly Father’s will comes first
2. Remember that you hold the priesthood of God. Jesus Christ Himself ordained Peter, James and John and others. They passed it to others. Priesthood was lost from the earth and restored to Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery from John the Baptist, and the 3 apostles. It has been passed down until Elder Oran S. Peck, who ordained Jim Micheletti to the Aaronic priesthood and Ronnie Sanders who ordained Jim Micheletti to the Melchizedek priesthood. You, Jim Micheletti, have the same priesthood as the elders, apostles of ancient Israel.
3. Pray to receive the Holy Ghost and that you can feel the spirit, that you body is filled with light. Receiving and keeping the Holy Ghost as your companion is more important than the companionship of children, parents, family other Latter Day Saints, and other people. Approval from the Holy Ghost is more important than men’s approval. It is okay to be rejected as long as you have the approval of the Holy Ghost.
4. Be glad for afflictions. Be willing to submit. It will be easy if you are filled with the love of God in your heart. Do not fight afflictions and critics. Pray for strength to endure. Bless the name of the Lord in the midst of them. Remember Job and his afflictions and later the Lord blessed him. If people do not want you around, you should probably spend more time with Heavenly Father. Do not contend with people in your imagination.
5. Remember priesthood duties.
6. If you complain, you are not noticing blessings.
7. You are not alone. You have a heavenly Father. Cry unto Him for support counsel. Place the affections of your heart upon Him alone. If you feel shaky, cold, and alone or paralyzed with angry, hateful feelings, steady yourself and hold fast to the Lord’s point of view concerning the matter at hand. When you enter a frightening situation, keep firm, protect yourself, remember that you know what is right, and others may not and you must believe only God’s point of view.
8. You should be able to go to Bowling Green and stand right next to Mr. or Mrs. Durbin with a clean pure Mormon disposition, without questioning anything, doubting anything, fearing anything, especially that you might be wrong, and go home with the same balance and composure. Do not burden yourself with what she or he may be thinking or feeling. Jesus Christ has paid for your sins. Have more faith and follow the teachings of God so that you can continue to change. This mighty act of Jesus Christ in providing the atonement should help you maintain your self-respect in the midst of critics where no healthy self-esteem or respect exists.

THE BALANCING ACT I HAD TO DO WHEN I GO TO BOWLING GREEN, KENTUCKY. SO STRANGE TO STRADDLE TWO UNIVERSES WHEN THERE IS REALLY ONLY ONE. IT SEEMS TO BE TWO BECAUSE OF THE SHUT DOOR THROUGH WHICH PAULA AND JOE GO FROM ONE UNIVERSE TO THE OTHER. I HAVE TRIED TO TEACH THEM IT IS THE SAME UNIVERSE, THAT 2 + 2 EQUALS FOUR EVERYWHERE. THAT TYPE OF TRUTH.

Dear Jim:
The St. Joseph School will have their Christmas program on Sunday 17th at 1:00 in the school gym. It will be mostly singing.
Ellen
KATIE DISHROON,
MARK FORDHAM’S AND MY HOMETEACHING ASSIGNMENT;
WE WROTE HER THIS NOTE OF ENCOURAGEMENT:
Thank you, Katie Dishroon--For demonstrating that by accepting Jesus Christ
That ONLY the Savior can and Really cleanses and purifies The soul and heals the wounded heart
Through the Atonement by replacing Such burdens of body and mind with faith, hope, kindness, Charity, love, patience, confidence in Him and His Authorized servants on the earth who speak For Him,
cheerfulness, and a pure and clean mind, With new power and energy to conquer Great mountains and live to boast of the great mercy, glory and power of God For the natural man (woman and child) is an enemy to God…put off the natural man and becometh a saint through the Atonement…. ” Mosiah 3:19, THE BOOK OF MORMON
Keep the angels near you and responsive to your requests:“…have angels ceased to minister…they…minister…showing themselves unto them of strong faith and a firm mind in every form of godliness. ” Moroni 7:29-30, THE BOOK OF MORMON
And Jesus Christ continues to be a Savior, from day to day, in every situation, instead of just a one=-time opportunity, as it says in the church hymn:“…and be constant unto Me (meaning to keep it up), that thy Savior I may be”“Reverently and Meekly Now” HYMN #185, CHURCH HYMNAL“
Which calls for tough action as it says in the church hymn: “Tis better far for us to strive; our useless cares from us do drive” from “COME, COME YE SAINT” Hymn #30
Go for the gusto, KATIE,
Sincerely, Jim Micheletti and Mark Fordham,

Dear Dad:
Haven’t done much today.
Watched TV.
I went to see Paul Killgood, a famous pitcher for Cincinnati Red.
Joe M
Dear Dad,
I can’t wait for Christmas to come.
I’m not really sure what I want, for Christmas I’ll think about it.
Love, Paula
A NOTE TO JOE AT BOTTOM OF PAPER; AT THE TOP I PUT TYPED IMAGES OF SNOWFLAKES
IT’S BEEN SNOWING, JOE-Christmas is coming!
But you know what?
Dad’s car is completely broken down
Dad needs to buy another car to go to work, to go to church, to visit people, to
Drive to the store, to get out of the cold, and especially TO VISIT YOU AND PAULA DURING CHRISTMAS!
I hope our Christmas is not ruined by this. I think we can do something Christmas eve, car or no car. But Just because I am not up there, Don’t forget me. Keep writing me Letters; it makes me feel WARM AND GREAT INSIDE
And I can muster up strength to walk and take the bus and not feel so sad inside until I get money together to get another car. You and Paula may need to give up some of the Micheletti’s Christmas to help buy dad a car this Christmas
Dads do really good when they know their children love them
Let’s hope we have a good Christmas
Love dad

I tried to contact David Micheletti.
Found him in Alaska. He writes back:
Dear Jim:
First of all I would like to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas. Second, I apologize again for not spending more time trying to contact you about my wedding this August. Believe me when I say we all were thinking of you during the ceremony. (Let me interrupt: I receive a picture in the mail. All were at David’s wedding. All sisters. My father. His new wife. And NOT JIM MICHELETTI. I trembled for days. Wiped off the books). (to continue with the letter)I appreciate you contacting me out here near the end of the world. This is my remote assignment to Alaska—hopefully my last. Susan, my wife, is doing well and the baby is due early January. We should be moving to Colorado next year when I return from Alaska. Keep in touch.
Your brother, DAVID. –
(I cannot remember how I felt, but strangely distant, and angry for being so dismissed. )
At one time, MOM sent me a Christmas card
Hi:
Because I have a broken wrist with a cast on my arm, I am letting Angie write all my letters.
Hope you are feeling good, greater, better and exceptionally well.
HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Love, Mom.
(I don’t remember how I felt, except that it seemed distant)
VAN AND CHERYL VANCE SENT ME A CARD.
VAN and I did a presentation of O HOLY NIGHT for 3 years in a row.
Fantastic arrangement for Sacrament meeting.
Card from the bishopric of Hendersonville Ward
JIM, Thanks for your help and support.
Signed, Jim Taylor,
Gene Armentrout, and
Gary Milkwick
ONE OF MY LETTERS TO MY MOTHER IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET HER TO BE INTERESTED IN MY LIFE.
Dear Mother:
I acknowledge receipt of your letter, check and picture. I stared at the picture for a long time and several various emotions emerged in response prompting discussions with several individuals.
December 18, 1989 (Theresa’s birthday)
From David Micheletti
Dear Jim:
I received your letter today, your writing and musical talents deserve special recognition. I hope you’re getting paid very well. (talked about getting back with kids)I asked him to activate his uncle status.
TRYING TO GET MY FAMILY INTERESTED IN JOE & PAULA
David said:
With ten nieces and nephews I have a difficult time maintaining contact, especially being stationed here in the Aleutian Islands. My attention is focused on being a father in the next few weeks. Susan and I in LA. Other words he said. Thanks for the pictures. (soon to be Captain Micheletti as of 15 January 1990).
A LETTER WRITTEN TO MY MOTHER ON DECEMBER 4, 1989 REGARDING MY ATTEMPT TO GET HER INTERESTED IN MY LIFE AND THOSE LIVES OF HER FIRST GRANDCHILDREN, JOE AND PAULA.
Dear Mother:
I acknowledge receipt of your letter, check and picture. I stared at the picture for a long time and several various emotions emerged in response prompting discussions with several individuals. I also called David in Alaska and left my response. I used the $50 to pay for medicine to overcome a bout of bronchitis and a couple of things. Perhaps a more detailed description of activities in my life sent in packages on a monthly basis will be a source of encouragement to you to get more closely and personally involved in my life. There is joy on Micheletti mountain, joy that other Micheletti’s have yet to see in person. I have just finished writing a third verse to the hymn “Sweet Hour of Prayer” and completely rearranged the music to add a more satisfying touch to what seemed to me to be a dragging melody. The words are as follows:
SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER,
SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER
MY DEEPEST THANKS SHALL MY LORD HEAR
MY FATHER WILL LEAN UNTO ME
WITH PEACE AND COMFORT, HARMONY
UNTIL THAT DAY WHEN I SHALL SEE
MY LORD MY GOD, HE’LL BE WITH ME
BUT HERE I KNEEL
FOR ME HE’LL CARE
MY LORD AND ME
SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER
BUT HERE I KNEEL
FOR ME HE’LL CARE
MY LORD AND ME
SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER
In the musical structure I played the first verse pretty much as written in the book in the key of C. However, for the second verse, I played the melody with intervals of sixths above it to produce a rather startling and strengthening harmonious effect. Later, I play a full chord structure and arpeggios in the base to broaden the effect, yet maintaining a peaceful, respectful and reverent disposition. For the final verse (typed above) I tapped onto intervals of sixths on top of the melody. This was done up and down the keyboard following the chord structure while the melody is sung. The effect is akin to J. S. Bach arrangements, having a moving underscore during the playing of a smooth melody line. I have done this two times, once for Sunday meeting while a lady sang it and a second time for a planning meeting with five men singing. The audience was stunned. The effect strengthens one’s resolve to pray more and harder. At present I am working on an original arrangement of O HOLY NIGHT to be performed with a baritone singer (Van, mentioned earlier). The children write me a letter once a week and I get it at work. I also write them. I visit them on the weekends and we do much together. I conduct parent/child interviews with them regularly so I can keep tabs on them. We discuss things such as the sacredness of life, truth, setting goals and so forth. I also take them many places such as Opryland. Paula is learning to cook and has made dad chocolate chip cookies. Ellen and I have discussed Joe’s new interest—basketball. He is playing for St. Joseph’s Catholic School in Bowling Green as a guard on the team. I told Joe about Joe Micheletti, the famous ice hockey player, related to him, and living up north with other Micheletti’s. I have worked long and hard with Joe and he has lifted himself from his small circle of contentment to climb mountains towards goals. Happiness is a state of forward progression and not contentment with the status quo. Paula likes to climb on dad’s shoulders and go walking. We tie special notes to helium balloons and send them into the air. On one of the notes it says Paula and dad, together forever. At home, I have a stuffed bear called Paula-bear. I also have a card from my daughter upon which she drew clouds and drops of rain. On each of the raindrops are the letters D A D D Y. On my desk at work is a dark blue Heavy Chevy model my son made for me. We also built the Starship Enterprise. On my desk are two rocks designed by Paula upon which say: JIM DAD and DAD MICHELETTI on the other. For Paula’s birthday, Paula gave dad a present which says (to honor truth, the right, and stay very close to dad and seek to cheer him up, and other things). I have practically recuperated from my foot injury. I am walking well. I have resumed my health spa and swimming activities to rebuild lost muscles. I am looking forward to attending my son’s basketball games. He got high grades above an 85 on his report card and two grades above a 90 and I purchased him a video game for that. Paula makes straight A’s almost all the time. They are very well respected children in school. Christmas is coming up and I need to get the apartment decorated. When we part at the end of an evening, they say: BYE DAD, I LOVE YOU and we give each other a hug. Paula holds dad’s hand as we walk. Paula and Joe tell dad many personal things because they trust their father. Their father has taken much time for them. Over and over he tells them that they are the two top most important people on this earth. Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, the commandments and then myself and Joe and Paula. They know of the sacrifices made for me to be in their presence. I tell them that no matter what happens to them, they can always come to me and I’ll be there. I will always speak the truth and help out all I can with instruction of any kind. I tell them that our relationship is a sacred one, divinely arranged through Heavenly Father’s wisdom, that of all the billions of people on the earth Paula and Joe get me to be their dad and I get them to be my children. At work, I do word processing on a Macintosh IICX machine the top in its line. I am learning all kinds of things on it. My supervisor is pleased with my document production, linguistic ability and grammar. I am well known at Meharry for my word processing expertise and people call me for assistance on their machines. I am amazed and so are other people at my gift of originality in musical arrangement, the impact of which has affected the lives of literally thousands, which gift was developed during the time that Jim Micheletti spent at 209 Arcadia Drive, feeling and following the instructive inspiration from his mother and father who in return received it from Heavenly Father. If you attended a church service and saw it for yourself and if people knew you were there, they would shake your hand and say thank you for sending us Jim. We appreciate his music so much. As you can see, there is joy and progression therein on Micheletti’s mountain. You are invited to participate in person.
Your son, Jim,
CHRISTMAS 1989
Well, Christmas with Ellen driving the children down to my home!
And years ago, she threatened what she perceived as Jim Micheletti with the police!
It is truly a miracle.
And what is the reason for it?
The Church of Jesus Christ has been restored on the earth. Joseph Smith received a visit from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in response to the boy’s question of which of all the churches is true. The priesthood power is restored to the earth and we have a prophet on the earth today, and apostles. We have much more knowledge of the Savior, Jesus Christ, in the Book of Mormon, with the teachings of prophets and Jesus Himself to the ancient inhabitants of the American continent. We have the Gift of the Holy Ghost and baptism, which things are administered by ones having authority. We have power to do all things by faith. The cleansing effects of the atonement of Jesus Christ through baptism and repeated renewals of the covenant made at baptism through partaking of the bread and water each week at church—causes such mighty changes that the sins and effects are washed away and a renewal truly gushes forth. What joy fills my heart at such mercy upon the people of the earth.
The truth of this is manifested greatly through works to Ellen, Joe and Paula. Joe and Paula have been given this very interesting challenge:
THE PURPOSE OF THEIR LIVES ON THE EARTH IS TO DETRMINE IF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH IS TRUE OR IF THE LDS CHURCH IS TRUE. IF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH IS TRUE, WHAT CHANGED DAD?
A major killer freeze swept through the nation during the holidays preventing Ellen from coming down to Hendersonville with the children on Christmas Eve as planned. So I stayed home through Christmas. The latter half of Christmas Day I spent with the Elders Quorum President, Rick Lawrence, and his family. But for the sake of my autobiography so my children will know what dad went through Christmas Saturday and Christmas Eve and during the entire month of December in wanting so bad to be with his children and sacrificing so much so he could have a Christmas with them: During the month of December I bicycled from my apartment across Hendersonville to the Rivergate mall area to catch a bus downtown to get to work. It was freezing cold out and I shook and shivered. Why didn’t I have a car? The piston blew out and it was towed to a yard after $300 spent on fixing it up. I didn’t want to give up Christmas just to have a car. It was too painful not to be with Joe and Paula. So I decided to sacrifice. I got rides with people, bicycled groceries home and made it to work and back. A few times I hitched a ride. Why did I do it? Because I love Joe and Paula and being with them. I sent a letter with snowflakes on it and the sad announcement that dad’s car is buried and gone.
I sent a copy to Ellen and she was willing to bring the children to Hendersonville. What a blast through my plans, apartment, furniture to have Joe and Paula…out of the billions of people I get Joe and Paula and they get me for a father.
At work, Sharon Hurt has been nitpicking and questioning and it’s driving me up the wall. I finally had to lodge a complaint with the Meharry Personnel Office.
Meantime my heart swells up with such pain at times of the distance between me and Joe and Paula. On Christmas Saturday Frank Smith offered to take me shopping so I could purchase Christmas gifts for Ellen, Joe and Paula. I also found a bunch of food at my door. Frank let me use his car to go to K-Mart and Van Vance came to check on me. The presents purchased were as follows:
A cup that says #1 mom,
per Joe’s request from all of us.
BATHSOAP AND POWDER for mother and Paula.
A poster of a Lamborghini car for Joe and he gave it to dad to hang up on the wall.
A chemistry set for Paula.
A shrimp growing set for Joe
A tape of selections from Handel’s MESSIAH for mother from me
A large package of different color marker pens for Paula to draw with
A magic rock growing package for Joe
I decided not to get Paula a GRAFFITI JACKET because it did not seem sturdy enough to handle the weather and I felt it would rip on her. With Frank Smith, we found a Christmas tree growing wild on the side of the road. We got a saw, but slid down and stopped right before we drove over the drop off cliff onto a lower driveway. What saved us was the wheel of the car running into one of the 3 or so foot poles. We got out, put blocks under the tires and went after his on to help us. His son drove me home. We laughed about it.
Frank lent me his electric carving knife to cut the ham. We had been stopping off at different places trying to get the country ham sliced but could not find any available. Here I am stuck with a country ham and a near car accident. My life is so exciting. But anyway I made it home with presents.
I stayed up to 3 a. m. that morning cooking and wrapping, only to find out that Ellen doesn’t show up at noon because her car acted up. I told her not to come if it seemed bad, because I had a vision of her getting stuck on the road.
Christmas Day—I laid around, watched the CHRISTMAS CAROL.
Elders Quorum President Rick Lawrence came to get me and I visited their home to play the piano, talk, and eat goodies (I was stuffed from nibbling at the Micheletti’s Christmas Dinner already). I played music by Janice Kapp Perry. The elders came over alter and we sang at the piano. Christmas Eve was also Sunday and I was supposed to have my family there as dad was playing a special arrangement of O HOLY NIGHT. I tried to concentrate on the music and the real meaning of Christmas and the little baby in the manger. People really liked the presentation and one said it was the best I had ever done. I need to send my own father (James Matthew Micheletti) a copy of the arrangement.
I received a Christmas card from him and was quite shocked. I also received a Christmas card from several others.
I delivered Christmas cards. I stopped at Sharon LeGarde’s house and gave her a blessing as she was having a migraine headache. I also visited the house of an inactive Mormon and delivered a card. It was not far and I bicycled there.
DECEMBER 26, 1989
The tree was still up, the decorations were still up and I re-cooked the food.
And in came the family. I got a hug from Joe and Paula.
We sat down and they got excited over the presents. We decided to go to Opryland Hotel first to see the mountain and waterfall. That was special. I took pictures and the children did, too. Ellen walked along and discussed the different plants she saw in the Opryland conservatory. She decided to take her parents there for a visit. Joe heard words from me regarding the carrying of a knife. He also heard words from me about basketball and making two points. I said I was coming next weekend to visit him about that and he doesn’t not now seem to have the drive to make two points yet. He needs to expand a bit and I think that by the power I have I can help him. I need to help him change his thinking because he is missing out on the incredible joy that comes from winning when you pay the price. His mother does not seem to communicate a winning spirit in athletics, being a sluggish individual, not given to high energy level of accomplishment.
After Opryland we came home and ate country ham sandwiches, ice cream, coconut pie, green peas, Pepsi. Paula made chocolate chip cookies (good experience for her). Then we opened the presents. We took pictures of us holding the presents.
Mother got into the picture. Paula and I played with the chemistry set and Joe looked at his magic rocks and shrimp growing set. Ellen went off to try to clean the car and get gas.
Paula and Joe and I found out that if you light a candle then blow it out, and then hold a match in the trail of smoke coming up from the candle that the candle will relight itself. I was amazed.
Ellen watched (and it seemed to be) trying to get involved, trying to stay distant and communicate disapproval—I don’t know.
Paula had also brought a HANGMAN SET and a tape cassette player in which she played GHOSTBUSTERS music for dad.
We also put on Handel’s Messiah, mother’s present and we listened to that. Mother is all anxious to get home before dark as she does not like to drive in the dark? Who am I to argue?
We took off to the lake to look at the ice. Paula and Joe and I slid ice chunks along the lake. Mother did one or two but complained of the cold and stayed aloof from the action (why does she do this keep distant and uninvolved bit?) But she did slide ice chunks. The kids thought it was fun. I did, too. The weather was great today. I got to be with the Micheletti’s for a thin Christmas. But it was over and done rather nicely.
I wish I had a car. I have got pictures that I can develop. --I have received a letter of inquiry from my sister Theresa, the impact of which would have destroyed me years earlier, but which I took very lightly. I wrote her back describing and clearing up details she didn’t understand about me. Why she sent me $25 I don’t know.
I continue to shrink because I haven’t been to the spa. It was closed. I need a second job.
This strange African-American prejudice at Meharry…it’s strange. I am white. Sharon Hurt at work is black. Such strange trembling from her. Why this obsession and occupation with me?
I don’t know.
FROM JOE TO DAD:
Dear dad: I’ve been stuck at home—the roads are icy and we sang at the Christmas Sing along. Thanks for the money in the mail. I hope you get a car.
December 18, 1989
from Paula
Dear Dad:
I’m doing well in school. The Christmas program was great!
We sang a song called “Do you hear what I hear?” and “O Come Emmanuel”
And Dona Nobis Pacem which means grant us peace.
See ya
Paula Marie Micheletti
Earlier she drew a flower, a rainbow, sun peeking between two clouds. See it below in the picture section.
EARLIER IT WAS MENTIONED THAT I SENT A SNOWFLAKE LETTER SAYING:
It’s snowing, Paula! And dad’s car fell apart. I have to get another one Hopefully it won’t ruin Christmas too much But dad’s car is more important Like for getting to work and to Bowling Green To see you Oh well, believe me, I am very disappointed Love you, no matter what time of the year DAD
In hearing my bishop complain to me that I need to face up to my father, I wrote him back that it made me extremely nervous to the point I could not concentrate on my duties, and I let a car engine burn out.
I told him that resurrecting my dad’s presence was dangerous…I said that last Sunday at church, I was fasting, feeling very hurt and guilty over the uncontrollable rage and anger I felt towards my father, which feelings he did not hear, and it wrecked only me, losing my control, not maintaining peace and order and I have lost my car.
I was worried that Joe and Paula will hate me because of my parents’ deliberate distancing. The coldness and neglect hurts me deeply inside. They are held down by fear, guilt, Catholic doctrine and lack of self-respect magnified by the failures of their children.
My Dad has received pictures of Joe and Paula, his first 2 grandchildren!
No response. WHY? WHY? WHY? Oh, my gosh.
Two little kids and my dad WON’T PAY ATTENTION TO THEM!
I would find out the answer years later in my family history studies about my mother and father’s relationship and the impact of in-laws.
And then he writes back:
Jim:
I want to thank you for your nice letter. You seem to be doing well in your job and that makes me very happy. The pictures of kids are great. You should be very proud of them. I’m glad you’re still in music. Music is good for the soul and mind. I’m feeling better every day from my heart operation. Give my love to the kids. They look great.
TAKE CARE
DAD
I remember going into shock. What is this “give my love” to the kids? You give your own love to them. Quit distancing yourself from your son, you moron, and come here to see your grandchildren!
He never did.
Never.

16 January 1991
Dear Dad:
I had prayer day today and the game we lost but I busted my knee play but its better
JOE M

3 January 1991
Dear Dad:
Thank you for the money. Thank you for the notes. Thank you for all the presents. I couldn’t figure out the magic tricks. Neither could mom.
Paula

January 1991
Dear Dad:
I wish the weather got warm. I’m tired of cold. School is going OK and I got a new pencil case.
Love, Paula.

Dear Dad:
Hi, school’s fine. We’re studying the middle east and all it does is rain. I glad the ice didn’t get us.
JOE M

January 11, 1991

Dear Ellen:
On Wednesday night of this week I called to speak with Paula. I asked her the problem you described to me on the phone Saturday last. She said, “you scared me with your loudness. I was shocked. I asked Paula and she missed the entire point of the conversation conducted between us at Hardee’s Restaurant in December. Paula still missed the opint of the entire conversation, being still paralyzed with fear, not knowing what to do, and yet not wanting to cause any more trouble. So she has withdrawn. I don’t blame her. I would, too. She did not understand the gross nature of the point of view I told her of her as I RECEIVED IT FROM YOU ON THE PHONE.

Again I retold the basics of the conversation between her and me and between me and you on the phone the last of October 1990. Paula was surprised. Aha, she did NOT catch it. And me, innocently receiving your words, so overcome with grief, and building resentment that Paula and Joe would do such a horrible thing to me, as to pretend one thing and harbor gross negativism to the point of poisoning your mind that you bellowed in a frenzy with shocking accusations. These maters have been addressed in several letters which you have received from the last of October, then, copies of which are in my journal. You were proved incorrect and invalid in all your words.

I took Paula and Joe home with me and immediately lectured her all the way there describing the bellowing of a vicious and cruel Ellen Micheletti, hysterical and violent to me on the phone and who do you two think you are turning your mother against me? To think that I actually believed your words as grotesque as they were and denying what I knew in my heart to be true about me and Paula and Joe. But it was too late. The damage was done. And here I think I have done my rightful duty only to find out Paula doesn’t understand, until now, what is wrong.

And the social awkwardness afterwards. And Joe and Paula resorting to deception to PROTECT themselves from further rebukes, tatking sides, which thing shocked me all the more. My gosh! What is happening to them? I thought. They’re lying—the first time. It took a while to breathe that in. Children drop back into dream worlds when the real world becomes too difficult to manage—I would, too. Immediately.
How was I to know that you would speak to me using highly electric vocabulary describing attitudes and behaviors of such tremendous proportions, even telling me to shut – up, when all it was apparently was the basic normal and customary occasional bantering of children in their adjustment to parents. If you need reminders of the things you have said, I have written letters quoting and paraphrasing you.

Much sadness, loss of sleep, poor work habits and generally wounded hearts developed, not to mention a strangely awkward Paula during Thanksgiving, and feigning sicknesses afterward (I knew what the reason was all along)…and Christmas, the worst of all, running at 50% of what it could be. Not one Micheletti saw the Christmas tree meant for the Micheletti’s, except father.

I felt cheated, betrayed, murdered and I actually ahd to hide Paula’s picture from my sight in the living room, so I wouldn’t be reminded of this little monster who smiles on the outside and plots destruction on the inside. I don’t mean this at Christmas time but before, although I was feeling somewhat ticked still.

All interaction since the last October week has been awkward, shaky and suspicious since then with very little virtuous bursts of light.

This violent tendency towards outrage at me was manifested in the Powers incident of long ago.

I knelt down, I prayed, I cried, I wondered, I reviewed the events. I was puzzled. I asked for inspiration to come to me. And sure enough, it did.

But the damage was more than anticipated. And now you want to be cooperative. Now you want to be open and discuss. Now you’re going to share, after a long time of secretiveness and suspicion and fear and doubting and looking for opportunities to “rejoice in my iniquity.” You’ve done this before, haven’t you, and I have rebuked you in your words and reprimanded you, i.e. Powers incident. You have been warned on more than one occasion to quit standing in the shadows looking for fault. And here I am, trying to be uplifting, edifying, strengthening, virtuous.

At any rate the seeds were planted, the harvest is reaped, and after a long silence and complaints from me that you’re too busy to talk, you hold back information from me, you engage in few to zero parent-oriented conversations, you now SPEAK up and poison gushes through the air: Joe and Paula poisoned against father, father receives poison from mother, father rails on children an effort to correct, children haven’t the faintest idea what is going on, children fear father. You have been warned to quit worshipping Paula, heeding her every word, bowing down as it were, believing she knows better than you, when really she is a changeable person. But Paula ahs some sort of power when she cries, and you substantiate the darkness of her perceptions instead of introducing her to light and truth to cast out all fear, and of course her perception is more important than anything. Of course you have a strenuous day, you don’t need any extra burdens and when Paula complains and cries, it’s a serious matter and her welfare matters the most over and above the right and true…and it’s about dad? He did what? ATTACK. CRITICIZE. COMPLAIN. FIGHT. BATTLE. FIND FAULT. LOOK PAST THE MANY EXPRESSIONS OF VIRTUE. You were warned in a letter dated October 29, 1990 that you are too quiet, that I have tried to engage you in parent-oriented conversations to benefit and avoid mistakes, which may come from being too silent with me. My prophecy came true.

In an effort to discredit me, to find fault with me, to rub dirt in my face you misinterpreted Paula and Joe grossly, and me, too. I believed you, not wanting to offend, shocked at how I somehow must have caused you to suffer so and wanting to make things right, shocked at how Joe and Paula could have lied to me for weeks, months, years, pretending when it wasn’t that at all. But the way you painted it…

Perhaps you’d like to repent now of your poisonous attitudes. I hear from Paula’s words that she is confused and you can trust me when I say she wonders many things privately that she does not openly discuss. Why is open discussion with her not nurtured? I am wondering if she is puzzled at how mother could poison father with such horrible words about her, when she loves her mother? What an ironic tragedy to have her hind behind you away from me when it was your words that I naively believed leading me to my allegedly justified railing on her to begin with. She is clinging to the true guilty party.

Paula and I decided to celebrate our renewal of our relationship. As for you I see much damage to restore and a solemn promise to leave Paula and dad and Joe and dad alone, and an apology to her and me, humbly, quietly, aware of your weaknesses, and imperfections, wanting to make things right, restoring damage to wholeness again.

Finally, Paula, I listening to me go on about how could she think I would turn against her, devoting so many years of my life to be back in her and Joe’s presence, and that she could understand how hurt and angry I was at the supposed allegation against her, and when she heard how important she and Joe were to me out of the billions of people on the earth, she said: MOM, TOO? She wants you to be in it, too.

I submit that Paula will not tolerate any contention between you and me and that you had best be the voice of peace, order, faith, hope and charity for Paula’s voice is the voice of heaven directing me that you must always be number one. Now if you would just believe that and act according, we will all be greatly blessed.

Journal entry
Janaury1 2, 1991

What a change of life since April 1990 when I left Meharry Medical college to get away from an incredibly prejudicial, confusing, frightening, stupid, narrow-minded situation.
Since then, I have studied myself hard on the inside.

I found a 1972 Plymouth Valiant for $50. It works. I drive to Bowling Green to get the children. $50.

The children were waiting for me. I received several letters from them, sent them several things, and yet missed Joe’s birthday, Paula’s birthday but for Father’s Day in 1990 I paid mark Fordham $20 for the use of his jeep to drive to Bowling Green. I was really climbing the walls for not being with Joe and Paula. Why the difficulty?
I was in a Chapter 13 bankruptcy and one cannot get credit.

DURING ONE OF THE FEW FEW ARGUMENTS AND CONTENTIONS I HAVE HAD WITH PAULA I DREW THIS CARTOON between me as JIM DAD and a lady:

Little fellow: Hi, I’m Jim Dad. I’m in trouble.
Lady: Hello, Jim Dad. I hear that you and your daughter Paula had a misunderstanding. You listened to bad words about her.
Jim Dad: But…but… I was told bad things….someone told me Paula had said bad things about me
Lady: But you should have listened to your conscience. You should be able tot ell what is and is not true. Paula complains every now and then but it does not mean she hates you! YOU YELLED AT HER!
Jim Dad: (tears coming out of his eyes) I’m sorry. What should I do? WAHHH! WAHHH!
Lady: I know! Write 100 times on this blackboard: I will never believe any bad words heard about Paula again.
And…
Scribble, scribble, scribble in front of the blackboard.
Jim Dad: Do you think Paula will believe me now?
Lady: Yes, Paula Micheletti believes that you can be a new daddy again.
Jim Dad: Hi, Paula! I’m a new daddy. See?
Paula: OK. And I promise to always come to you directly if I’m mad about something.
AND OFF PAULA AND JIM DAD GO!!!!! The end.



February 1991

Dear Dad:

Thanks for the letter from the guy from Saudi Arabia. I’m glad the war is almost over. Also when you said you were coming this week I was going to sleep over at my cousins because I didn’t get to last week.

LOVE PAULA


JOURNAL ENTRY, MARCH 7, 1991

I am writing an update on my journal since October 1990. In October I was blasted from one level of existence to another when after a mild birthday party for Paula Micheleti, my daughter, at Captain D’s, the very next week, I called for a date with her.
No. She dumped the phone into what finally came out as the nervous, edgy,t ense, irritable and extremely violent Ellen Micheletti. She described major vicious complaints the children have AGAINST ME and from then on to the end of January I was beset with lying, deceiving Joe and Paula Micheletti, who turned against their father. Why is this?
Well, two weeks after Paula’s birthday, she hops into the car with Joe and I LAMBASTED her all the way from Bowing Green to Hendersonville, Tennessee. I find out that she has been blubbering complaints to mother saying I DON:T WANT TO and so forth and mother believes her and gets after me. I wrote Ellen and said her observations were incorrect regarding Joe and Paula. Paula couldn’t believe that her mother bad-mouthed me because Paula says she really did not have anything bad in her heart towards her dad.

1990 Thanksgiving and Christmas
Thanksgiving was a partly sincere, partly fake time. Paula was putting on a show and not meaning it. She was complaining of a stomache for November and December and practically ruined Christmas. I find she HIDES in the house, away from me, and I almost had a nervous breakdown. She has a prison to escape into away from her add and I was ready to go to court.

She is not acting as a normal daughter but then how can she really, with a difficult point of view of me held by her dearly close and loved Durbin relatives.
After much prayer a strange and awkward Christmas and New Years and a strange behavior at Joe’s January basketball game, Paula heard some stern words from me demanding that she change, forgive her parents for their wrongdoing and act normal and let’s get on with life. Insisted strongly to Ellen that she restore the damage caused by her breaking through the phone conversation to bad-mouth me, defend Paula, and assume all the incorrect things she did, and that she will restore good relations with Paula and her dad. I guess she did.

I find that Ellen has held back from talking to Paula about the development into womanhood. I couldn’t believe it.

The experiences at church have toughened me up so much I am beginning to paint a picture of just how spiritually weak Ellen is, something simple and easy to do for me is difficult for her, the truth, directness and so forth.

I also heard a presentation of the meaning of the Sodom and Gomorrah/Lot/Wife story, the parallels of which can be liked to oneself to not look back but move ahead in life. I sent a letter to Ellen about this story.

I have come to a new realization bout Paula, how delicate she is, how pure and spiritual, how influenced I am by thinking about the incorrect traditions and beliefs of my dad and that I must not be influenced by him in dealing with my own children, but rather, to follow the peaceful example of Jesus Christ. I thought of the Book of Mormon scripture that says that children are delicate and chaste before the Lord which thing is pleasing to the Lord. In many talks with Paula on the phone, I have finally gotten through to her, I think.

My birthday was coming up. Paula was a brand new girl, I think.

We had an egg toss that day.

Ellen was seemingly different.

I have realized also from this October through February excursion with the three of them that this is not a celestial existence, that they are NOT Mormons and therefore not benefitting from the knowledge I have and that I need to push on with my life to get married.

I was gritting my teeth putting off visits to the children to ONCE a month for January, February and March of 1991.

I chose rather to pay my tithing. I did. I made it to the temple during February 1991 and while I was nervous at the beginning, I enjoyed myself, feeling the glory of God who reveals Himself in the ordinances of the washings, anointing and sealings on behalf of the dead.

I have also gritted my teeth in determination on the first commandment:
Lvoe God with all your heart, might, mind and strength
And then, love your neighbor (Paula, Joe, Ellen, new wife, others) as yourself.

I have gritted my teeth to believe and receive the feelings from God to fill in the holes in my psyche left by the lack of family members, such as children.

It was hard, I went through periods and yet I got back on the path and continued to walk forward.

I was barely making enough money to make ends me. The car has been fine. The rent is being paid. The tithing is being paid. I am working at TSU and at night at Bonanza restaurant and teaching piano lessons and working freelance as a word processor for the Alphabet Shop in Nashville. I have home teaching to do.

I have a choice I see, to enjoy the spirit of the Lord or welcome in the spirit of contention or welcome back earlier spirits of contention in my life.

My physical stamina, muscles and posture is down to zilch! I have finally gotten the weight lifting I needed to maintain as the missionary elders in Hendersonville will leave, close the area down, and thus I got back the weights I lent to the apartment and bench.

During the Persian Gulf War, Ellen and I had the children write letters overseas with bubble gum in them.

I got a list of addresses. Here is what we wrote:

To: PFC Sam Washburn:
I received your name from a list of names handed out at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Singles Conference. I hope you are doing well. I trust this gum will taste sweet to the mouth amid all the sand.

You should see the hearts of the people of the town of Hendersonville, Tennessee in such things as

WE SUPPORT OUR TROOPS

And the prayers and the anger against Iraq.

I hope that you feel peaceful that God will not let the United States fall and by your efforts the vengeance of God will unleash itself. One positive blessing from this opposition on the earth is to relearn how special:
Home, family, freedom, opportunity
Is.
Love ya,
Jim Micheletti

Hello:

My Name is Ellen Micheletti. I live in Bowling Green Kentucky. I am 39, divorced and have 2 children. I work at Western Kentucky University. I hope you all are well and that this is over soon. I truly believe that what we are doing is just and right. We cannot let Saddam continue to oppress his own people and murder them like he does.
I hope and pray for you all to come home soon. The weather here is cool and wet, and Spring is in the air. God willing. You will all be home by summer if Saddam is not stopped he will spread his poison throughout the entire Middle East and will not stop until he destroys Israel.
Ellen Micheletti

Hello Cpt. S. Scot Elliott,

My name is Paula Marie Micheletti. I am 11 years old. I go to St. Joseph School. I’m in the fifth grade. We have been praying for peace at school. I hope this doesn’t go on for long.
Love,
Paula Micheletti
(and she wrote Paula Micheletti in large large writing)

FOR ANOTHER SOLDIER, ELLEN WROTE THIS:
I hope you are all well. Believe me, I think of you brave men and women often and pray for you every day. I do believe that what we are doing is right and just. Saddam is a totally evil man who will not stop at killing anyone who gets in his way. He has shown that when he gassed innocent Kurds. He is a mad dog on the international scene.
Prayer is a force and it’s strong. Jesus lived in that part of the country and he knows and loves its people. I can’t believe that he would allow Saddam to prevail. I hope and prayer this is over soon and you all can come back to the USA. It’s cool and wet here. Soon Spring will come with the promise of new life. God willing, you’ll be here by summer.
Ellen Micheletti

Paula said the same letter to Sgt. Pete Tichenor.
To a Navy Jet Fighter, Joe Micheletti wrote this:

Hi, my name is Joe Micheletti. I am 12 years old and I go to St. Joe School in Bowling Green. My feelings for war are we are going to win. We have been studying the different weapons in school you use and here is some gum you might like.
Sincerely,
Joe Micheletti

February 1991
Dear Ellen:

Thank you very much for a most pleasant birthday celebration for me on February 9, 1991, even though my birthday was on Monday February 11, 1991. I enjoyed myself thoroughly. When you came down, I had a cake mix and frosting ready. Paula went right to work under your direction and we have a white frosted sice cake with HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD and 41 on each side of that in red frosting with trim throughout. I had colored paper and pens and bubble gum ready and we wrote letters to the soldiers overseas at DESERT STORM (see directly above for letters) and discussed the implications of the war. You expressed your opinion on the war and we talked with Joe and Paula about it. Joe and Paula wrote their letters.

We decided to eat before having cake and ice cream. You proposed a pizza. We ordered, that is, Paula called Little Cesar’s Pizza on the phone. We ordered two, one with just pepperoni on it. It was delicious. I hadn’t had pizza in a long time. A gift certificate came with the pizza for something free at TOYS R US. I gave it to Joe. As we wrote to the soldiers overseas, I provided names and addresses. Joe also chose to write to a Navy fighter pilot. Joe expressed strong approval for the war overseas.

A present was given to me that day—which Paula first wrapped in the other room. A wallet, black with Velcro. I loved it. Mine was flabby and worn and I pitched it. I also received a pair of socks.

Paula and I went outside to have an egg toss. Joe was tired and worn and his throat was scratchy. Paula and I tossed an egg, stepped back, tossed it again and the thrill of the near breakage was hilarious. Then Paula decided to see the egg smash and she whipped it at me—it smashed. We did it a few times. You cautioned against wasting too much food.

I had a bag marked DESERT STORM with two things for the children to have when they went home. It was a flag and a hat with DESERT STORM MARKED UPON IT.

Paula also made cookies and frosted them. She made a large one in addition to small ones. You were excellent in your kitchen instructions to her. Thank you.

After eating pizza, writing letters and eating cake and ice cream with almonds in it, we went for a drive and talked further. The children talked about school, the new scoreboard in the gymnasium, saving money, goals, money for you, their tremendous increase in physical growth and the need for clothes, the expense of clothes, your upcoming check in the mail, Joe’s $ for a better report card.

We went to Old Hickory, TN and then back home. You drove them to Bowling Green, as Joe had to serve Mass that day. Thanks again.
Jim Micheletti

February 22, 1991

Dear Ellen:
I found something very puzzling and disconcerting to me on February 9, 1991 in the morning as I was talking with Paula on the phone. You interrupted the conversation, said you had to make a few stop, then a GOODBYE and hung up. I was surprised. I thought back to our earlier communications where I requested that you did not interrupt my conversations with the children. I would not do that to you. Nothing was that serious or important that you would barge in on a conversation. That made me or could have made me look unimportant in front of the children. I would not do that to you.

Again, I strongly urge that you exercise more courteousness (people are amazed at the exquisite courteousness I have afforded you) in your communications with me, recalling once again the very strange outburst on two occasions you did to me on the phone, leaving me appalled and shocked and innocently believing your words. I don’t know all the reasons why you are responding in this matter…but please stop. It is not producing desired results.

Am I dealing with two Ellen Micheletti’s? Are you divided within? Is your point of view of me subject to shifting? I do not understand. I cannot remember one phone conversation between you and the children that I barged in on. I should not be a burden to you likewise. Nevertheless with a big sign, I am willing to be flexible here, and in spite of this behavior pattern of yours, I shall continue to welcome your company and the children and I shall continue to support and sustain you in your calling as a mother.

I wish you could appreciate more the sincere level of my devotion to father and mother as I do. Perhaps if you viewed me as a father and not as an ex-husband, you may feel better about yourself. Please continue to speak positively of me in all situations at all times. The children will feel balanced. You cannot help but be blessed for sustaining me in my calling. Please continue bonding Joe and Paula and me together.

AND NOW A STORY..
Of Lot and his wife who were commanded to leave Sodom and Gomorrah so the Lord could destroy the wicked city. As they left, they were also commanded to NOT LOOK BACK. Lot’s wife looked back and she was turned into a pillar of salt.

Why? What point does this incident serve to make?
The Lord told them to leave the wickedness, invited them to a new land where they could prosper and grow and not look back. Jesus Christ even mentions in the New Testament to Remember Lot’s wife. She looked back. She was turned into salt. As I sat listening to this scriptural expose’, I saw immediately the meaning. If one looks back after having received a gracious invitation to a better life, there is a hardening effect on oneself, and it will be as if oe was never saved from the past. One is also turning one’s back upon the divine power and blessings of heaven.

I do not wish to do this, and I will protest anyone instructing me to look back. I wish to look forward, otherwise, the psychological hardening will set it and it will be as if I have never changed. The anger of the Lord is justified when one turns one’s back on heaven.

I suggest in yours and my future interactions that we look forward. I will respond to no more voices that instruct me or seek either silently or vocally to remind me to look back…or to take my past with me into the present. I am under strict commandment to not look back; how unfortunate that I have slipped several times here. I suggest that this is a formula for happiness, progression, more peace, more knowledge, more power, more joy, and prosperity.

I am sure you do not wish to promote the Lot’s Wife REponse.

Always look forward.

I do not enjoy being psychologically hardened.

I thought the parallels and application of this old testament story wer great.

Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti


In STAKE CONFERENCE (a stake is a group of wards gathered together for singing, music, instruction, and teaching), we had a visit from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the First Quorum of the Seventy of the LDS church.

Another downfall in August 1991.

Please help me, Lord. Replace my nasty feelings with charity and love. I have not sent money nor have I seen Joe and Paula. I got another car and work again. Back on track though with it all.

Dear Dad:
We’re learning about skeletons in science, and I am praying for peace in the middle east.
Paula.

NEWS—
I find that my father, James Matthew Micheletti, has married a lady named Marlene and I didn't know for 3 months. Rejected and dismissed once again. I cried at the piano at church. Then at Christmas time he sends me a card and says "give the kids our love?" He does not even know them!!!!!!! Oh, my gosh! This guy's an idiot or living in two worlds? I don't know. I am spending my life with other people and my dad lives in another world.
I had a car accident!
On the way home from Tennessee State University a Hispanic girl ran into me. Sore neck. So sore in the back and body. After some recuperation I gained from my lawyer, Michael Ponce, an insurance check of $2,200. The company said I could rent a car.
It's time to investigate my past and drive up to review my life from Illinois back down to here.
See pictures of Home, 209 Arcadia Drive. Mother visits others; me, no. Will my life end tragically? Why am I so invisible, so hard to understand? Why do I then cling onto anyone who will pay attention to me?
THERESA MICHELETTI WALERIUS sends me a family picture and I am trembling at the sight of someone who smiles in your face when I know what she is capable of with bratty meanness, cold blooded indifference, agitation and getting my parents all stirred up over me with her "Jimmy doesn't pay attention to us!", like I'm going to submit myself to her badgering.
I drove back through my past, to Rantoul and to where Theresa Walerius lives – noted elsewhere in this autobiography.
Cass Thompson, (husband Todd is a chiropractic physician who takes care of my back and helped in my car accident) was looking for me one day to play for the Relief Society annual birthday celebration. I could not be found. Suddenly I was coming home and while passing the church I had the strongest feeling I was supposed to be there. I didn't know why. I went in and there is Cass.

Jim, you're here!

I said: I didn't know. I had the feeling to come.

I played music for them and had a great meeting. I marveled at that.

At another time, Cass Thompson wrote me this note:
Dear Jim: Thank you so very very much for all of your hard work, patience, perserverance, creativity and marvelous talent. We certainly could not have pulled off the roadshow without you. Hope that your new move will be good for you, Jim, and only bring you and your children closer together. You deserve it. Thanks again, Love Cass.

If Joe and Paula only knew how much I talked them up with the other members of the ward in Hendersonville.


REGARDING HELPING JOE IN SCHOOL—
I USED A TECHNIQUE IN 7TH, 8TH GRADE OF REWARDS FOR GETTING GOOD GRADES WITH MONEY, PRESENTS.
One time, I spoke to Joe in the St Thomas Aquinas lounge about rising up with more power to conquer. I took him outside. I put a $1 bill on the ground. How much effort does it take to scoop it up? Nothing. He scooped it up. OK. Here is a $5 bill. I put it into the branches of a bush in front. How much effort now? A little more, I see. I put a $10 bill at the junction of two branches of a tree. How about now? Well, you have to climb a little, right Joe? He did. Now…
$20 in the back side between the wall of the building and the bushes. Look at the work to gain this blessing! What do you have to do?
Same with school and life? REACH UP. SWEAT IT. PUSH. RISE UP AND CONQUER! He got the idea. Grades went up.
NOW, I HAVE TOLD THIS STORY many times. Joe’s mother and I took him out and we said you're going to work. No, I don't want to. Yes, you are. Months later, $1000 in the bank and his own car and he is stepping high with "Joe's cool!"

March 22, 1992

I have come out of darkness into some heavenly light. After weeks of darkness, confusion, bitterness, anger, I went to a Relief Society Sesquicentennial Celebraiton and the spiritual power came. I stood up and spoke on how a Relief Society sister helped me find the church, myself, and get my kids back. I was so crabby I had forgotten this. I played a new piece of music, dedicated it to the lady who introduced me to the church, Barbara Buchanan, and the Relief Society and as an apology To God.
I felt better. I went home singing and joyous.
Later I went back to being crabby at losing out on time with Joe and Paula.
Please, I cried to heaven, a car again, closer to the children.

July 17, 1992
Dear Ellen:
Unfortunately I wonder if you’re having trouble accepting this point of view of you. I do think you’re the greatest. Because of an incident of alte, I believe that you feel sluffed off, devalued, degraded and practically ignored by me. I also find it unfortunate that this belief has prompted you to be less than direct with me and venting your negative concerns and frustrations rearding me into the ears of others which does not solve but only multiply confusion, bitterness and hard heartedness. This is puzzling to me since I have upheld your role in a positive manner with others. Your view of human nature is incorrect, your mistrust of my loyalty and dedication to you is incorrect. I believe it has to do with receiving a sufficient or agreed upon amount of money monthly from me. Ever since that bad car deal last October, reducing Thanksgiving to nothing and Christmas to a minute part of what it could be (and ugly memories of Christmases alone scarred my mind) and January-February-March-April-May 1992 passed by. I deferred buying transportation nd gave you $ instead. But Joe’s birthday and graduation day, well, I froze, I shivered. I cried and I could hardly work each day fearing missing out on MORE OF their lives since I had ta lousy last summer due to car accident lousy holidays and fearing being left alone AGAIN! The opportunity came to get a motorcycle. I didn. I cheered up. A car came. I cheered up some more. Now I’m able tog et to work, plus get to additional evening work. Psychologically I stopped dying as a father. I have 2 transportation modes. I’m healed again. Please be advised I’ll be going under Chapter 13 bankruptcy and you’ll be getting a court-issued check so you’ll not be inconvienced again. But I made a decision, an investment in myself, to heal scars, quit crying and shaking at work, and I spent part of the money on new transportation.
Please do not fill anyone’s mind with your concerns but deal with me directly. I will always receive your company. I hope I never freeze up with hysterical panic again. Panic from being alone and away!
Thank you for listening and please be more solution oriented. Thank you for acknowledging this car in me…how sad and empty life is without one’s children.
Again, now you know the truth. Do nto assume malicious motives in me. I really do think you are the greatest!!

On August 1, 1992 we had PAULA MICHELETTI DAY

We discussed her favorite basketball team and players. Michael AIR Jordan was one. I said we can contact them. I did and she received a packet in the mail from Chicago about him. Paula and I practiced signing her name and I told her about graphology, the study of handwriting and what it says about a person. And since Paula has been stuck on HANGMAN for a long time, we played that. We talked about the history of MORMONISM and I told her about the prophet Joseph Smith. I said to Paula she has a choice to be Catholic or some other group. She said she sings in choir 4:45 Saturday afternoons for Saturday Mass at St. Joe’s. Ms. Rachel Roemer is the pianist and director. The songs they did are “Called and Gifted”, “Here I am Lord” “For you are my God” and “Litany”. Paula and I played a game where we take a long word and make words out of it.

On Sunday September 6, 1992
I wrote in my journal that I need to be a systematic individual. I need to be more flexible as I find myself too rigid and disciplined.

Dear Dad:
(written on Paula’s stationery that I made for her from work)
Daer Dad:
Here are some papers of some of my work including science test, Mount St. Helens summary, and spelling test. My science test has my mom’s name on it because if we get it signed we get 2 extra points. On my spelling test the A is for handwriting.
LOVE PAULA Micheletti.
(in the word LOVE she took the letter O and made it a smiling face
And then signed Paula Micheletti with a large P and a large M.

November 3, 1992
Dear Joe:
Thank you very much for goig for a wlak with me Saturday October 31, 1992. We talked about your report card, school,t eachers, focusing, the difference between high school and grade school, Halloween, money for a large miniature, the difficulties in typing class, and your father’s error and loss of money because he did not focus.
This letter will explain what was discussed between us on that day. I hope this letter illustrates my point clearly and helps you focus better in high school.
NOTE the dot..
Can you focus upon it? Is it difficult to do so? No. Can you be distracted from it? Well, yes, but there’s nothing else around. Can you exert all your might, mind and heart and strength on that dot? Yes. It’s not THAT hard.

Now look at this diagram.

(three triangles on top of a square; looks like a house)

Do you see three triangles atop two adjacent squares? All right.

Now look at this?

I drew a bunch of faces with different expressions and sounds coming out of them.
Do you still see the object as arrowed? Yes. Do you also see the silly faces around it? Yes. Can you still despite these distractions see the diagram? Sure. It is called Focusing.
Your dad lost an $800 job because he assumed it was too easy, because he did not focus clearly when he went to the job with all his heart, might, mind and strength. He was distracted. It looked too easy and it ended up being too hard to do. I was too low in keyboard speed and I did not focus clearly on the urgency of the task. And I lost the job!
All because I let my mind wander of the firm track of focused thinking on the object at hand. I woke up to this of course and found other business to do to make up for it…but whew!~ the idea of it, and I lost out!
And what about you! Good luck in school with regard to focusing on the task at hand and removing all the obstacles in your way. As I said to you personally, “hard things are a bunch of little easy things glued together.” When you focus on the task and its parts, very slowly, you make it. Even with distractions around, it is still clear what to do. You can still see the diagram as I illustrated earlier in this letter. It becomes very regular and routine business, this thing of going to high school and taking rather complicated courses. You have been blessed with great power within to accomplish incredible things.

As an extra incentive you will also receive some spending money per each good paper brought home. Thanks for the red pot, too.
Go for it.
Love dad.






We celebrated Ellen's 40th birthday at Red Lobster Inn since she is a fish eater. She ordered a flounder dinner. Joe and I did, too.
Paula ordered chicken planks.
Kids and I got Ellen a wallet and a set of earrings. Now I am moneyless. . . but, it was worth it.


___________
April 12, 1994
Dear Joe:
This letter records that on Sunday afternoon, April 10, 1994, I drove up to see you to rpesent two videos and a discussion on the subject of chastity, that is the proper use of the physical body, mind and spirit as directed by Heavenly Father and the Savior. We discussed the many people people (even now lining up at the welfare office screaming for help) who dance upon the waves of the ocean (thanks to a picture on the wall) being “free” when really they are slaves to forces and urges crying freedom of expression …I identified with graphic language the various points of view you have already heard and will hear. I have even gone so far as to write them down on a cardboard for you to see, although I did not mention them, because of their disgusting nature. By contrast, I showed you a video on the plan of life, that we are children of God and that happiness is the desitgn of our existence on the earth, and that rules when followed can protect us from the battering waves.

Recall the ocean/shore at the alst day.

All will bow down and confess that jesus is the Christ and that there is no room to hide from one’s transgressions. We watched two videos illustrating a higher more joyful beautiful happy alternative. You observed in the video the bright shiny glorious pictures of fathers and mothers and children especially in one video of a black couple having a wonderful life together being friends, best friends and I wished the same for you in finding such to be your wife and the mother of your children.

I counseled you to protect yourself by setting up the defense walls so that the battering waves of the sea with its wild untamed points of view do not wear you down, fill your mind with trash, and that you an remain pure and clean. Adults are obligatred under this same commandment aned we discussed how movies used to be and how they used to be more clearly rated, but that now the movie says: adult theme,a dult language. Well, isn’t that strange? Adults do not all talk like this and the commandments from heaven are binding upon adults as well as young people. The commandments do not change. And watching movies of people committing major immoral sins and transgressions serves no purpose when good does not win out.

Why do people on earth do it?
The Lord allows it so people can see the choice and choose good over bad. Afterwards the Lord deals with the bad. We both ended with a commitment to protect ourselves and stay morally clean. We both desired to keep the law of chastity and follow the directive from heaven. More on the subject as circumstances direct.
Sincerely,
Your dad.

March 28, 1994
Dear Joe:
(I included a newspaper clipping: CROWD WATCHES A DRIVER BURN.)
This is one of many examples of what happens to people when they become de-sensitized and deadened because of a long-steady diet of violence, especially body-ripping, body goring violence, even combined with a diet of self-serving behavior, instead of other-oriented behavior. They “die” inside from a lack of sufficient love for the welfare of their brethren, feeling no responsibility at all for others’ welfare, closed in, walled off and away from. And it is they brethren they feel no love for, because they all have the same Heavenly Father, making them all related to each other. People with the spirit of the Lord can sense that this is true. But cold hearts make for cold indifference and cold behavior. I wonder how they’d feel if something like this happened to them or to their loved ones? Would they want someone to help them? It could happen to them, too.

Your mom and I approve of the position that virtues are to be developed, for in virtues we become like God. The Savior taught us to be prefect even as the Father in heaven is perfect. And since He would not make a mistake in giving us a commandment we could not keep, it is possible to be more perfected each day, not going in reverse. The Savior taught the principle of service to others: taking care of the poor, the sick, the widowed, the fatherless, the prisoner, the naked, the homeless (remember the story of the beaten man the Good Samaritan took to the inn?) You will find great satisfaction inside in doing for others. It is a commandment (“…love ONE ANOTHER as I have loved you….” Said the Savior). It must be done in order, with wisdom and good judgment of course. But selfishness is of paramount concern if it shows up. Rewards will always come for actions of concern. Magnify love and service to others and you magnify your own happiness and it gets blessed back upon yo0u. Reduce love and service to others and you magnify unhappiness and increase your problems. Guaranteed. You know how I know it? From the teachings of the Savior and from personal application of this in my own experience.

Dad

TO ELLEN ON HER BIRTHDAY
Now you know why people cheer on another on the day of one’s birthday
Consider all those who gathered around you on the day of your exit to earth to be born into a physical body
And people here on this side gather together to cheer on your birthday that signifies your existence.
Surely you agree with Heavenly Father’s excitement over your birth
Or you can disregard your birthday
And the spiritual significance of it
Telling Heavenly Father by your actions that you don’t agree with the value and excitement over your birth
That he agreed to, and your heavenly family and friends gathered around you to wish you the best on your way
And now here you are
And in the midst of Joe and Paula
How will you feel?
Has anyone warned you or taught you that you shouldn’t have fun on your birthday?
What will you communicate about self-worth and self-respect from Heavenly Father’s point of view?
What will you teach Joe and Paula about how they should react to their birthdays by watching you as an example or how you respond to your birthday?
Will you be happy as a little girl on your birthday?
Will you smile?
Will you teach Joe and Paula and me by your actions
That life is wonderful, that heavenly Father’s plan is great
A birthday…signifying the actual face to face parting between you and Heavenly Father.

I do not recall the circumstances prompting this discourse, but perhaps Ellen was not feeling too cheerful on her birthday. I don’t remember.


February 12, 1992
Dear Ellen:
Thank you for spending time with me, Joe and Paula on my 42nd birthday. Since I gave you a total of $30 and subtracting towel, cupcakes and hamburgers – hmm – well, I was expected and I asked for a necktie …..I take great offense at handing me a yellow shopping bag with the towel and cloth in it. If the roles were reversed, I would have wrapped it for you. Traditionally birthday gifts are wrapped. I also take offense at Paula telling me on the phone that you “don’t have time to help her bake a cake for (dad).” I expressed surprising disappointment at this and this is extremely suggestive of less than a whole-hearted effort. With the strange bad luck I have had and currently no car and up to 60 hours a week of the only contract I could quickly get, I would have expected a stronger show of support and cheer. Are you hiding a grudge?
Neverthess and notwithstanding I was extremely cheered up and I am grateful for your efforts.
As your birthday approaches, please be informed that I will make every extra effort to have me, Joe and Paula cheer you up,…including a wrapped present. I don’t want it on my record that I have held you in a disrespectful manner. I think it is not too big a favor to expect the same. Your conduct can easily plant negatives in the minds of Joe and Paula and should that happen, divisions and strifes will result in a variety of ways not conducive to the right spirit.

I will never again be so kind and trusting to any car mechanic waiting so long for a single engine replacement.

I may decide to look to Russellville and/or Morgantown to live—much closer, cheaper and the motorcycle I have is so economical. In the meantime, I need to pull away and shop for a car.

You and I are defined as mom and dad to the children and to each other. I want to always show a good example to them since male-female relationships will soon come into their lives. You and I are the role models of most importance.

Do not let the children hound you for money. Send them to me.
Sincerely,
Jim Micheletti

September 1, 1992
Dear Ellen:
I wish to address a particular fear that I believe you have—or could develop. I don’t know for sure. However in the absence of any information to the contrary, I shall assume that this fear could develop in you. As this letter will address it, it is hoped that this fear will subside and be replaced with confidence.
We have been fortunate that Joe and Paula have escaped several injuries common to children. They have not fallen, tripped, been hurt in horseplay, hit by a car or hit by another person. I wonder though what your reaction will be to me and to the situation generally should I call you from the emergency clinic to say, for example, that Joe fell and broke his leg or that Paula smashed into glass and cut herself. I wonder if this would fuel and immediate rocket blast of tears and accusations at me for letting this happen. I trust you won’t. While I will certainly receive your appropriate parental concern and concomitant emotions, I will not receive fist-clenching quilt-provokiing hysterics. I am not developed to godhood as yet and neither are you, meaning that during earth life, there are some universally accepted situations simply beyond one’s reasonable control and this needs to be recognized. I will not receive any undue chastisement from you. You will believe and assume to be true that I do guard them as I would mine own life and while I certainly don’t want to hover over them to smother, I do assess each situation and respond accordingly. This goes for in the car, on the road, at the mall and where Joe wishes to go one way alone and me and Paula another at the mall. When I step away from them to use the restroom, I ask a mall security guard to observe them until I return. While I agree there are a wider variety of different crazies in the world than when we were children, you will not aim darts in my direction, malicious judgmental darts in a situation not under my control. Of course, if anyone laid a hand on Joe or Paula they would feel the full weight of my loud voice lunging body and a fist in the face if needed to protect them. Finally, my life would go before theirs. All responses would be legally acceptable of course—my response, that is.

Be at peace. Neither you nor anyone else nor the heavens could expect anything further in this regard from a person.
Sincerely,
And with best regards.
Jim Micheletti



I REITERATE that church music has always been strength for me to receive revelations, peace, comfort and power to my soul and body to go forward.

I always seem to need so much emotional nourishing and building up to make sure God is on my side.

After moving to Hendersonville and working temporary it was suggested I apply with the State of Tennessee.

I took the test and scored the highest score of ANYONE in the state for the word processing test. I got letters in the mail to go to work.

First I got a job with the Human Services division, but with the yelling, starving people at the desk wanting food stamps I couldn't stand it anymore. Then to long term temp positions through Olsten Temp Services.

I worked at the State Attorney General's office and other government locations.

I took the Test again and got called to work at the TN Department on Aging. What a group of characters there. I

didn't realize how much I still didn't know about machines and I had to be taught many things there. A strange fellow named Blake Schoenbrodt, a hippie rebel who carries a sour face married a Tennessee girl named Donna. Even though Donna is in charge he seemed jealous I was with his wife. Scandals developed into more scandals and I left this dead end job. I went to work at Tennessee State University through a temp agency and that was more normal. I am so sensitive to rejection and insults and scorn. I suppose it is because of receiving the same from the Micheletti's on account of my religion, and the slammed door at 420 Glen Lily Road.
David later says he left a note that he was going to fly out and visit me again. I didn't get the note. He calls. I didn't know. Then he complains to mother that I am ignoring him. Mother fights and gripes all over me! Oh, my gosh! Why do these things happen? To think that I saw my brother after all this time and now this happens. Why would David do that? I feared talking to him again.

In the middle of family history, I tried to get my sister Theresa interested in her nephew and niece, Joe and Paula. I received a letter from her and responded carefully to all the complaints, issues brought up. After some communication and I even mentioned it to Joe and Paula, she drops it. Waiting and waiting for her without a reply, looking forward anxiously to the day with a family reunion after such a long time of distance, separating, misunderstanding, terrorizing, I called Theresa.
She says: I didn't see enough LOVE in your letter.
Love?
I was answering your questions exactly and precisely. You didn't like the way it sounded and dropped me?
I was left humiliated and embarrassed having to explain this to Joe and Paula.
No Micheletti cousins.
Just the Durbin side of the family.
My family is not interested.
I never saw such excuse to fight back, to be suspicious, and to be one way in front and ready to swing a bat at the first sign of trouble.
I was shocked for weeks.
I spoke to her at work and at home.
No good.
Later I decided to give it another try but it was dismissed.



I moved out of the Hendersonville Ward into the Latino branch as I was learning Spanish. I was helping Joe and Paula with their Spanish homework, began visiting Mexicans right down the road (see picture of house at side), and began to realize these are the descendants of the people in the Book of Mormon.
I rehearsed Spanish over and over. I took the high school book home and found a Mexican restaurant near where I lived. I began to rehearse the words. The Latino folks at the restaurant were really touched an American boy was trying to learn their language and they helped. I began to find acceptance and have friends. Gloria, a waitress there, and Raul, a cook there, began to help and practice me on Spanish vocabulary.

I would tell of the Book of Mormon to Latino folks and one couple joined the church because of it. The missionaries worked with them for a year. Then the rest of the family came on board. They were the Rodriquez family. Why the Latinos? I suppose I could get away from some priesthood bullies in the Hendersonville congregation who enjoyed finding fault with me, some new thing I am learning as a Mormon boy—some priesthood leaders get it into their minds that as soon as they get a little authority they begin to push people around. I had no idea of this. NONE. It caused a lot of problems especially in relation to transportation to get to Bowling Green for Paula's birthday. I was outraged at one not fixing my car in time to go. A friend of mine dropped me at the Greenwood Mall for Paula's birthday. I was relieved, went, party, and came home. I was bad for a while under Bishop Martin, but then I straightened out, got my temple recommend back again.

To the Latino branch. They are lively with music and dancing. I got better and better at Spanish.

As for work, Michael Ponce, a lawyer, settled an accident I had. I told him to lets invite Hispanics in. They have accidents and I'll translate. He set it up for ads in the paper, they call me, I take the details and I call him. He verifies a good case or not. It built up and up and up.

I WAS ON A ROLL AND I LIKE THIS. . . INDEPENDENT WORKING AS A SPANISH TRANSLATOR. IT WENT ON FOR 8 YEARS.

I played the piano at Latino sacrament meetings. I finally left for South Nashville. Why is it that I react so horrifically to people's cold indifference to me? I think it is because of the treatment I get from the closed door at 420 Glen Lily Road. Devalued and dismissed. I protested against imagined treatment of me when I was trying to be nice.
This thing with BOWLING GREEN ON MY MIND AND ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST FROM OTHER MICHELETTIs on the other side to my welfare, my life, no calls, nothing, and NO INTEREST IN JOE AND PAULA.

Years later I figured out she was the MAJOR instrument in the insurrection of mother and father against me, ruining my name and reputation.
I drove to Theresa Micheletti Walerius’ house in upper Illinois. I drove around for hours after I found her house. I talked to the neighbors; what kind of woman is she? Finally I decided to go to the high school to find her boy, my nephew. He said she rarely mentioned my name, only once. Finally I knocked on her door and faced her. We argued. I let her have it. I couldn’t get past the kitchen. She wanted me to COME IN? AND LOOK AT PICTURES? I was shaking; and she refuses to see Joe and Paula because I WASN’T FULL OF LOVE IN MY HEART. She does not want to face up to facts? I’m just supposed to get over it? The same manipulative, dominating, controlling, all-knowing Theresa Micheletti Walerius. Full of stones. Full of judgments. Full of hate. Not trustworthy.
I went to Rantoul, Illinois and found my father. Absolutely terrifying. I faced up to him. This was after driving around for an hour, terrified. I went to St. Malachy’s church and told people who I was. A missing son. I finally knocked on the door. His WIFE came to the door.
What do I say?
“Hi, I’m a …. Micheletti… doing family history. ” She said he wasn’t there, but then he came in through the back. He came to the front.
All eternity stopped.
A wrinkled old man.
I am afraid of THIS PIECE OF FLESH?
Are you Jimmy?
I stared.
Do you want to come in?
After I got ahold of myself, I broke up.
You have been ignoring me. You ignored Joe and Paula Micheletti, your grandchildren. He put his hand up to indicate he doesn’t want to hear it. I’m out of here.
I told the neighbors. He peeked out the window. What happened?
All this time I have been afraid of a bellowing, yelling screaming man who knows little more than provoking guilt.
I went to the branch president of the Rantoul Illinois branch of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I told him what I did.
“Do you feel better now?” “Yes,” I said. I think.
I drove by my house. I drove by the high school. I took pictures of 209 Arcadia Drive and of Rantoul High School (see pictures). I took off for the interstate. I went home.

MONUMENTAL. Seeing my father living in some fantasy world. Blocking people out. Blocking Joe and Paula out. How was it possible? How sick is this? Why?


THEN some moody people at church. After 2 years I took off for Smyrna, Tennessee right down the road.

FINALLY. . . A NORMAL WARD. . . NORMAL PEOPLE. . . THE BISHOPRIC ARE MUSICIANS. Hooray! They prayed for a musician to move into the ward. And here I was. I still had Latino clients and made money translating for Michael Ponce, and for another lawyer, Jeff Kohl, and for myself. Intense pressure from heaven came down from heaven to try to rescue me from panicky states of rejection since my own children seemingly dismissed me.

AFTER NORTH NASHVILLE, HENDERSONVILLE, THEN SOUTH NASHVILLE, THEN SMYRNA, TENNESSEE.

Let me tell you what happened.
While I was working at the Tennessee Commission on Aging, I felt strangely impressed to get out and go to Bowling Green, thinking something was wrong with Joe.
I got to the high school, asked around, and said I don't know why I'm here. What is wrong?
I checked with his teachers.
Come to find out Joe had hidden some homework papers, and did not do them, and got 20 zeros on grades.
He was at the point of flunking high school.
I went to his mother. We cornered him.
We put him on a contract.
We restricted his activities.
His teachers were to check in with me.
They did.
He went through Senior Year like this. T
Then later he lied again about some homework or other.
I cracked up. DURING THIS TIME OF HIS GROWING UP, NE'ER A SHRED OF EVIDENCE TO SUGGEST HE WAS DISHONEST IN ANYTHING.
I VISITED HIS SCHOOL, VISITED HIS TEACHERS and I FOUND OUT I WAS ALMOST THE ONLY PARENT TO VISIT CLASSES. THAT IS BAD? THAT'S WHAT PARENTS DO.
I NEVER KNEW WHY ELLEN NEVER TOOK AN INTEREST IN THE CHILDREN'S SCHOOL ENOUGH TO VISIT THE TEACHERS WITH ME OR SEPARATELY.
BUT I ALWAYS WROTE A REPORT OF MY FINDINGS TO HER FOR HER INFORMATION.
COME GRADUATION TIME, HE SOUNDED SO DEPRESSED AND SAD ON THE PHONE, I BEGAN TO THINK MY SON WAS NOT HAPPY GRADUATING.
I WENT TO BOWLING GREEN TORN UP INSIDE, FEARFUL OF GOING TO THE CEREMONY.
I GO AND HE'S HAPPY? WHY? I WAS SICK FOR A MONTH. WE ARGUED OUTSIDE OF HIGH SCHOOL.
WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS? I WAS SCARED TO COME.
I HAVE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE, THAT MISERABLE HOUSE HE LIVES IN SPLITS INTO TWO WORLDS. J
OE part I is for the house; another Joe, Part II is for OUTSIDE the house with me.
HE LISTENED AS I RAMBLED ON, ALMOST SCREAMING. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?
THEN AGAIN. OUT OF THERE. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE HIM FOR A YEAR.
I COULDN'T PUNISH HIM. I COULDN'T PUT HIM IN HIS ROOM. HE LIVES IN THAT 420 GLEN LILY RD, EFFORTS FROM WITHIN HAVE BEEN SO DEGRADING TO HANG A NOT-WELCOME SIGN AROUND THEIR FATHER’S NECK.
SO I TOOK OFF. I WORKED SO MUCH BUT I WAS SO GRIEVED. SO BROKEN HEARTED. SO SHOCKED. SO HORRIFIED. THIS MOODINESS, CHANGEABLENESS, AND TOO LITTLE EXPERIENCE ON THIS DIFFICULT BEHAVIOR ALTHOUGH IT BUILT UP THROUGHOUT HIGH SCHOOL FROM 7TH GRADE.
MOODINESS.
PAULA'S BIRTHDAY CAME UP.
I TOLD BOTH OF THEM I AM NOT COMING ON 420 GLEN LILY ANYMORE. THAT'S IT. A CONSTANT REMINDER OF BEING UNWELCOME.
A CONSTANT REMINDER OF DISAPPROVAL NO MATTER WHAT GOOD I DO. A CONSTANT REMINDER PAULA. THEIR WORLD IS SPLIT UP. I HONKED THE HORN FROM THE STREET. PAULA CAME OUT. WE WENT ACROSS THE STREET, TOOK PICTURES, ACTED SILLY. I BOUGHT HER SOME VERY EXPENSIVE PERFUME.
I WENT HOME. THEN I THOUGHT TO MYSELF. I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE. HOW CAN I MAGNIFY MYSELF AS A FATHER? WITH THESE BLOCKS FROM DISAPPROVING PEOPLE? I CANNOT GET MICHELETTI'S INTERESTED IN JOE, PAULA or ME.
AND NOW JOE DOES THIS? TELLING ME STORIES…
I THOUGHT TO MYSELF.
I THOUGHT: FINE, I’LL STAY HOME. WE’LL SEE IF ANYONE IS GOING TO REPORT A MISSING FAMILY MEMBER.
WEEKS WENT BY.
I CROAKED WITH PAIN.
MONTHS WENT BY.
BY CHRISTMAS I KNEW IT WAS DEAD.
MAKE ME COME THERE.
ELLEN, LOOK WHAT I DID FOR YOU!
WHAT I DID FOR YOU.
LOOK AT THE REMORSE AND MOTIVATION IN ME TO MAKE THINGS BETTER. LOOK AT HOW DIFFERENT I AM. I WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE CHILDREN TO GO FIND YOU. BUT YOU MADE NO EFFORT TO FIND ME.
THAT HOUSE, WITH THE MAGNETIC PULL OF GRANDPARENTS DIRECTING ACTIVITIES, AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS, AND
I WAS CONSIDERED GONE.
IMPLYING THAT THE CHILDREN ACCEPTED THE SUDDEN FACT THAT I CHOSE NOT TO CONTACT ANYMORE.
THEY COULD NOT FIND OUT WHAT WAS WRONG?
I WOULD HAVE.
DO YOU HEAR ME, ELLEN? Do you hear me, Mr. and Mrs. Durbin?
Do you hear me, Joe and Paula?
Do you hear me all ye Durbins across the city?
Do you hear me all you in Kentucky?
In the U.S.A.?
In the other countries of the world?
Across the stars and the skies and the planets and the moons?
I WOULD HAVE DONE IT. I AM NOT MADE OF WHAT THIS IMPLIES THAT ELLEN (MAYBE JOE AND PAULA) her parents are made of.
IT WAS A TEST. I WANTED TO FIND OUT AFTER ALL MY EFFORTS IF SOMEONE REALLY CARED WHETHER I LIVED OR DIED.
I dropped into depression. alone. forgotten. . . . . South Nashville. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . translating for Hispanics. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . wandering around. I went to church down there and played some music, but it wasn't the same. I had a Mexican roommate named Ricardo Garfas and I tried to get adopted into his life. No go. I tried to belong somewhere. No go. I went to Smyrna, Tennessee. It was better. At least I could go to church. I felt somewhat good again. I began to play music again. I HAD NASTY VISIONS OF PAULA GETTING MARRIED and ME SITTING ALONE ON THE BRIDE'S SIDE OF THE CHAPEL WITH NO MICHELETTIs and THE DURBINS DO NOT TALK TO ME.
HORRIBLE.
THE PRESSURE MOUNTED
AND
MOUNTED.
I ROAMED THE STREETS ALONE.
PICKED UP ANYONE TO HAVE THEM
TALK
TO ME.
I THOUGHT TO MYSELF: IS THIS THE PRICE TO PAY FOR BEING LDS? I WAS REMINDED OF CATHOLIC CHURCH HISTORY, OF THE HARDNESS OF PRIESTS THROUGH THE AGES, THE INSISTENCE ON THE TRUE CHURCH, AND THE RESISTENCE TO OPPOSITION—THIS INTERNAL LOCK.
SIX YEARS WENT BY.
I told Bishop Tod Jensen IN THE SMYRNA, TENNESSEE WARD. He was sad.
It's a CATHOLIC WORLD clashing against a MORMON world.
I have told Ellen again and again that your husband, Jim Micheletti, is dead. Why does this attitude and view hang on? Why is the page not turned? Why the cold indifference?
The "father" Jim Micheletti lives on forever and cannot be denied.
I remember her yelling at me in front of the high school on graduation day after I looked at Joe trying to be happy with everyone and blocking me out.
We went to eat and I took off crying. Why? How can 2 children be Catholic and live with a Mormon dad?
6 years later. I had it.
I e-mailed Ellen demanding the children now.
She said she would not.
Joe wrote and chewed me out with strange smothering over-generalizations that seemed to block out all the good that was done.
He did say he was fine, though, working and going around with friends.
Paula wanted the telephone number of my parents, sisters (to talk about me).
I called Steven Carter in Utah, and said can I come out? I got an insurance settlement from an accident, and I got out of Tennessee.
I said goodbye to everyone. I drove to 420 Glen Lily Road.
I left a sheet in the mailbox about me getting a Good Citizenship Award from the Mayor and Police Chief of Nashville, Tennessee.
Mr. Durbin was in the yard and I yelled at him. Money. . . . . . . . . . . . . out out out. . . . . . . . . . . . . . This is too crazy. . . . . . . . . . . . I cannot fight this anymore. How can there be such blindness? I even told the children the rest of my sins as an ex-husband. They were shocked.
It seemed as if there was no atonement.
The church was not true.
I did not change.
That frozen door at 420 Glen Lily Road froze things in suspension. Forever condemned. No matter what you do. I was full of faith, miracles, power but it only reached a point. I took off. Zion has its limits. Across Missouri, across Kansas, to Colorado and the Rocky Mountains (see side pictures), and then to Utah and went all through the mountains and gulches to reach MOUNT NEBO, the back side of Spanish Fork, Utah. I found my way to Nephi, Utah and the house of Steven Carter and his family for a reunion. I am leaving the past behind. But in trying to get settled down, I found it bugging me again. It was good to review the past with Steve. I thought to send Joe and Paula a letter telling them where I am so the accusation of abandonment would not be attached. I told them exactly what I was feeling. I told Ellen, too. Then I remember about the autobiography. I remember I stopped in Bowling Green where Ellen works and passed out an announcement. I stopped at Diamond Screw with the same announcement. I have suffered too much, paid too much, changed too much and now the world is going to know what price I paid.
ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE UNITED STATES TO UTAH. See pictures of me driving, in Colorado, and views of the mountains.
I made it to Nephi, Utah and found Steven Carter’s house, the first time in 23 years. We talked and got caught up in everything.
In Provo, Utah I had to get used to the mountains. People were different here, too. Not very friendly to outsiders. The southern accent was gone. This is militant Utah Mormons, stories of which I have read and heard. The history of the church is here. The temples are here. I had to massively change my personality. I had to clean out my heart some more of resentment.
But I did complain.
I complained in letters back to Bowling Green at the St. Joe's Catholic Church, the school, the Durbins' neighbors up and down the street, the police and even sent complaints across the ocean to The Vatican in Rome for the new Pope to read.
Part of my heart, and the secret to living, was still stuck back there even though I am here.
I keep looking at the mountains and cannot realize I am 1500 miles away.
I told Ellen I would publish my life and I did.
I am not to be squashed out.
She could have cared about me as a dad.
She could have spoken about me well to the children.
She could have not brought up things from years ago and telling things, like to Paula, that "I'm still scared of him. "SO. . . . TRYING TO SETTLE DOWN. . . PROVO WAS DIFFICULT. . . I TRIED OREM.
Now…
I AM IN SCHOOL AFTER MANY MORE MASSIVE CHANGES. I HAVE PLAYED MUSIC IN CHURCH. I HAVE MADE SOME FRIENDS. BUT I REALIZE MY EXPERIENCES HAVE TAUGHT ME MANY THINGS. BUT DO I HAVE TO BE ALONE?
In Provo, Utah I lived at 190 S. 500 W. and I could not find hardly any friends. People were so introspective, just going to church, and home to their own families.
Me, a single guy.
Alone.
I spent a long time trying to figure out where my mother is. I remember in Nashville that my sisters contacted a bishop who called my bishop who told me she had passed. I was shook up and nervous. I never had a chance to go make peace with her, so horrified over the rejection and abandonment. After a year I finally got a clue from letter writing, and she had been cremated in a Catholic cemetery in Arizona. I already knew my father had passed and he is buried in Ludlow cemetery. See side picture of his funeral notice. I did not attend. I did not feel welcome. But mother. . . the one who taught me piano lessons. Now that I know where she is, I wrote a tribute to her memory.
After crying to people, I had to do something. It was time to find my own family, fill up the empty walls of pictures of Micheletti's and Pontinens and see "who I am and what I look like" in other relatives.
I drove up to the Uintas Mountains on a Fall afternoon and beheld the spectacle of the beauty of God's hand over the trees and mountains and blue sky. I dropped to my knees and I asked: do I have to be alone the rest of my life?
Suddenly I began to tremble and it was as if a cloud overtook me. I wanted to read Alma 13 about priesthood holders called and ordained before the foundation of the world. I seemed to see Micheletti's and Pontinen's lined up in a meeting and I was called from the group. They looked upon me to do their temple work, to find them, to bring them back home to Heavenly Father.
I found a PURPOSE. I belonged with them. I came down from the mountain with a new set of commandments. First I wanted to find my mother's gravesite. I recall the spinning head I felt when my bishop in Nashville told me he got a call from an Arizona bishop who carried the message of my sisters that Mother had passed on. I was hysterical, nervous but I decided, at least I knew where she was. She is in the spirit world getting instruction. I remember in Smyrna, Tennessee when I forced myself to submit her name to the temple for baptism, confirmation, washings and anointing, and an endowment. As a female member can do temple work for females, males for males, I gave it to a lady in the Smyrna Ward to do. Eight days later mother seems to show up in a vision while I was in the living room. Stunned, I looked at her smiling face and I said: What are you doing here? I was so shocked. Then I remembered the temple endowment and thought, "Oh, she accepted it. " I said: You didn't have much of an interest in me while in the mortal life. You never came to hear me play piano. " But the vision stood still, she stood there and just smiled. It was strong and sure. I know what I saw. In church, across the street I was playing for services and there she was again. She was standing above the piano, looking at me, smiling. I was stunned again. This went one for about a month and then it stopped. It was strong and sure enough for me to know with a certainty.
But in Provo, Utah, I thought about her again. Here I am playing the piano, in fact, the first large song she taught me: Malegueña. It is a song from Spain. And where is her gravesite?
I called to Arizona. I looked at her Obituary. No record of a gravesite in the entire state with her name on it? How could that be? I called the mortuary again. No record. I went to this temporary office job and a lady said to call them again because I kept going outside crying wondering where she is. A second call and the inspiration came. The lady on the phone looked at the cremation list. She was cremated, and the ashes were in a Catholic Cemetery. I called and the fellow on the phone said yes. A lady told me mom's daughters prepared the cremation. He sent me a picture of the wall where her name was embossed and the date of her birth and death was also inscripted.
Finally, I knew.
I took time to write a eulogy to close the matter.
It reads as follows:
This is a tribute and memorial to my mother, Muriel Edith Micheletti, who brought me forth from the pre-existence and the presence of Heavenly Father to live out my mortal life and find my way back home to His presence. My mother and father agreed to be in the Micheletti/Pontinen family line, my mother accepting the Pontinen heritage, from Finland. As a child I remember very little about my mother's influence upon my apart from cooking the meals, cleaning and helping with homework. She laughed a lot, and she played the piano. She could definitely cook and I have pleasant memories of sandwiches, lasagna, spaghetti and chocolate chip cookies. Of special importance is a peculiar Finnish soup I recall: hot milk, cooked noodles and lumps of cheese. To this day I still eat it. I do remember an awakening in my soul when my mother began to teach me piano lessons and introduced me to the world of music, styles, forms and much of my childhood was spent watching her play and learning her style of improvisation. After several teachers (who called her to say that I was getting better than they were), I began to develop my own style of improvisation. I ended up in rock bands, played independently and entertained. Later I earned a living as a piano player. Unfortunately due to some extended conflict between my mother and father (due to prejudice and scars inflicted upon her by her mother as I learned later from a Pontinen cousin) I learned some unhealthy lessons and attitudes about manly behavior which carried into my adult life. But for some unknown reason, apart from it all, she carried a sense of human, although temperamental, but still joked, punishing at one minute, and bringing home presents the next moment. I spent my adult life teaching English and Journalism but then moved to piano teaching, playing and tuning, in imitation of my mother's influence--and my father's. The mountain of sins and horrors and failures in my life as a school teacher and married man changed when I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It was a shock to my mother and father and they protested with much distancing, complaining and indifference. Two children did not make any difference to them and I had to work to get my two children, Joe and Paula, back into my presence anyway. The old Jim Micheletti was the controlling factor in causing the ex-wife to take the children and leave. Much of the behavior of this old Jim Micheletti had to do with the example of my parents, how my dad treated my mother. I found out accidently that she and father divorced, lived separately. I don't know much about what happened to my mother despite years of attempting and attempting again to re-establish communications, sending letters, pictures of Joe and Paula, and cassette tapes of my music, especially new compositions (see "COME UNTO ME" separate box). I complained and she kept hanging up on me on the phone. She told me Mormonism was a cult. All the information was not there and images and impressions were left in my mind. I left it on the shelf after giving up because it was so distressing and depressing. I remember a stern letter I sent her demanding why she "checked out" as a grandmother and why couldn't she take an interest in Joe and Paula? Apparently she would never come to the LDS church to listen to her son play music. She gave up. I think that influences from my sisters/brother negatively influenced her attitude towards me. I gave up trying to regain communication. But trying to escape my Micheletti heritage only got me in trouble with others who could not and did not want to accept an "orphan" after a certain time. I was pressured into accepting my genealogy and family history, of the Micheletti/Pontinen line and began to face up to Mother and Father by finally doing the temple work for them. As much as they ended up hating each other, I went to the Provo Temple and did a marriage sealing of these two. And yet the sorrows of being abandoned and alone, depending, even over-depending on other members to fill in the gaps from missing family members, I never spent holiday time because of the severe aggravation with my religious change. They griped that I did not pay attention to them when the reverse was true: the griping and complaining and abuse against me, a Mormon boy. How can I separate religion from the person? Even though I only saw her one time after my baptism into the church, 1986, efforts at reconciliation fell apart again, and I became pray to verbal bullets of criticism, neglect and I never knew why. I sensed a possible tracing to my oldest sister, Theresa. Certain bad memories and the earlier religious doctrinal influences began to disturb me and I decided it was safer to stay within a Mormon circle and do like the pioneers. Give it up and move on to Zion. Now she is at the Holy Hope Cemetery, Tucson, Arizona. I wonder if she is with father voluntarily, if they are allowed to pay attention to me, the only Mormon and Melchizedek priesthood holder in the entire Micheletti family. I have sealed my mother and father together, sealed her to her parents, and hopefully I will heal from the many years of misunderstanding, separation, fear of future abandonment, and the wonder and amazement as to why I had to go through all this. I found out that in talks with my cousins (later on when I reunited with them in a miraculous marvelous way) that they visited "Aunt Muriel" still in Illinois and apart from mentioning that "Jimmy, oh, he's the sensitive one" that was all the discussion on me. Family history did reveal that her mother probably committed adultery in or near her presence and it damaged her self-esteem and self-respect. It carried through to her marriage, and I found out that her mother did not like anyone who is not Finnish. For my mother to marry an Italian was "unheard of" according to Grandma Pontinen. Nevertheless, I had to keep rising above to express faith and confidence in the healing properties of the temple ordinances. I noticed that in some months I began to heal. These ordinances assist her to be with other family members in the spirit world, although my mother fought against Mormonism severely with me on the phone. I would like to have the change of heart, attitude and mind and say before Heavenly Father and the Savior, the heavenly hosts, and for my own peace of mind and conscience that I forgive my mother her trespasses against me and hope the temple ordinances have had their influence. I express gratitude for my mother's sacrifices in raising and schooling me, especially in music. The music has influenced me greatly in the church to learn to receive revelations of music, transfer it down to paper from the mind and heart and let the congregation hear what heaven sounds like. The influences of playing heavenly music go back to her. I am sad that my mother could not teach things equal to other parents, nor tell the truth about herself completely, nor get along with my father. Each eventually refused to visit the in-laws of the other. Catholic religious doctrine seemed to harden the minds and hearts of them against much truth and the right, inflicting pain upon their son so much he had to stay away to protect himself. I could never understand what paralyzing influence could hold my mother back from staying connected with me, and refused to acknowledge my existence and significance to her. She never asked about Joe and Paula on a regular basis. Her mother tormented her until her death with her abuse. It interfered with her motherly and grandmotherly duties. She never met Joe and Paula (Joe, only once as a baby). How I have lived wondering how such condemnation should rest upon me, Jim Micheletti, by my own parents and siblings and yet the comforting hand and influence of other members and the example of Mormon pioneers. They followed the prophet Joseph Smith and his successors, through the restoration of the church, the priesthood and the trek west to Utah. They left behind dead relatives, and turned away from those who mocked and scorned. Nevertheless, the unifying, solidifying and healing powers of heaven step in to remedy the situation here and in other families, and so I LEAVE MY MOTHER IN THE HANDS OF HEAVENLY FATHER, in the spirit world to wait the resurrection and life eternal if she has completely accepted the restored gospel, along with my father, and that they are allowed to look over me, and exercise the power of the priesthood of God over me, that I can become clean and worthy to be received back into their presence and go into the eternities as a forever family. Meanwhile, here in the mortal body, I continue to attempt to reunite with other Pontinens and Micheletti's, do family history on the ancestors. I leave my mother to peace and rest and seek to go on with my life. I hope to survive and fulfill my mission on the earth. I hope to be centrally influential in sealing both family sides together to each other. I seek to take care of myself financially, spiritually and emotionally--finally able to have a life for myself. I leave my mother to her ashes to rise in the resurrection. I leave to continually purify and sanctify myself with this knowledge finally of who and what she is, where she finally ended up living, and then passing away. I will dedicate any and all music played from here on to her memory and I hope she says yes to all things taught to her in the spirit world. I hope she is enjoying herself with her father and mother, brothers and other ancestors for whom the work has been done.
Goodbye, Mother, until later.
I began on ANCESTRY. com and in 2 weeks I found names of people I had not thought about in 30 years. Our favorite cousins--Kathy, Russell and Larry Pontinen. I trembled for a week, called them, told them the story of me joining another church, and left alone. I told them of Joe and Paula and of Micheletti disinterest in my life and that of the children. Kathy assured me I won't find religious prejudice in their household. After talking a year, I finally got to meet them. I was in the Latino ward in the Geneva Heights Stake of the LDS church. I told the Elders Quorum President, (first name forgotten) Morales. I said I didn't have enough money for the airplane trip. He came back in 2 days with the entire amount needed.
Oh my gosh! I'm going to visit people who might find me distasteful and kick me out. I trembled on the airplane. I got lost trying to find the L train to go south of Chicago to Homewood, Illinois.
But Kathy was waiting for me. We sent each other pictures so she would know what I looked like.
What a show! Here I am in the house of "related" family members, and there is NO rejection, no abandonment, no misjudgment, and no fear. YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I don't realize all the good I have done, the good I can do today and the good I will do tomorrow
As I am writing, this came to me off of FACEBOOK. I was reconnecting with Mary Alice Rapp, mentioned in my earlier Mormon life who influenced me on the music.
Well, she mentioned me to a lady below: RE: Leian Rust Felton sent you a message on Facebook. . . ‏ Subject: Me. > > My name is or was at the time, Leian Rust. My parents were Henry Chapman Rust and Pam Rust. When you taught me on the organ, you actually came out to our house on New Harmony Rd. It was an old small organ and if I remember correctly, only one octave on the foot pedals. I will have to scan a few photos of the couple of years that might have been my age at the time. I was probably around 11, 12, or 13 when you taught me and I probably didn't stick with it very long. My guess is that you only taught me for around 6 months or so. Fortunately, I remember a lot of what I was taught and I continue to play. I learn one song at a time and am (on my own) trying to improve my skill level. > I am so glad you are remembering Mary Alice. I love her so much and she has the most giving heart of anyone I know. Hopefully this info will help you remember who I was. If not, be happy knowing you left a huge and positive impression on me that I carried through to my adulthood. Your being remembered is a sign of the kind, and wonderful person you were/are. > ~Leian
INCREDIBLE –
I think I listen and value critics so much which is one reason why I hate it.
I have an affirmation that I repeat twice a day: Listen to people OUTSIDE your heart.
Save your heart for just a special few.
That is so true, so wise, so healthy and so smart to do to keep one's stability.
But now that I have Kathy and other cousins: I have someplace to go on holidays and family members to talk to. I have an A at Utah Career College where I am currently enrolled. This is after 4 years of trying to get settled down in Utah. The culture is so different here; people are hard to understand; and it has caused me problems in my behavior and adjustment. Southern people are so much friendlier as a rule. I have worked temporary services for a long time. I was ready to quit. But I couldn’t even get Social Security. I have lost two cars to damage. I have decided to go to school but in losing out at Provo College I had to learn more about myself. I let other people’s behavior bother me so much. I took a course in Training for Success and another in Interpersonal Communications and it helped a lot. My goal is to be a PARALEGAL or LEGAL ASSISTANT.
Currently, I am studying Microsoft Word and next quarter LEGAL WRITING and COLLEGE MATH.
At age 59 I am finally settled down. I know who I am. I know to stay on Jim Micheletti’s path. My path is not empty now; there are family there. I have forgiven my ex-mother-in-law her trespasses against me. I have told the children the truth.
I have pictures of them and Paula’s marriage to Wesley Allen and their first born, Lucy. I recite my affirmations twice a day. I have learned to control my heart and not give it out to everybody because some may trash it deliberately.
I have learned to accept my lot in life. I have agreed to the opposition in the pre-existence.
I have a student loan from the government.
I am ready to go on, tapping on my experience in human relations, anxious to finish school in 2010, be a successful law professional (like I was to a high point in Nashville), make $2,500 plus a month, establish my own life, and find Mrs. Micheletti.
I am grateful for influential individuals in my life. As for those individuals who have caused me problems they have all been dealt with so I don’t feel the burn and scar of their abandonment and rejection. Below you’ll find a copy of my pedigree charts outlining the Micheletti, Brascugli, Pontinen and Jokinen family history going back centuries. The temple work has been done for them. This includes my mother and father, sealing them together even those psychological scars, fighting, separation and the influence of my mother’s mother was wounding and deep here. The temple ceremonies cleanse and perfect, the atonement of the Savior applies, families can be sealed together forever.
There is still just a tinge of over-reactiveness to abandonment, critics and rejection within my soul. But I think this new AFFIRMATION, to keep my own heart steady, firm and keep all others on the periphery, to fill my life with my own duties to my own family on Jim Micheletti’s path.
My cousin, Kathy, and I have been together on this regard. She has told me so much about my parents. I have told her what I found out about Pontinens.
The latest mystery that is unfolding is this Edith Muriel Pontinen, our great grandmother and her influences through the generations.
And I have begged for a chance at further reconciliation, so I have sent Joe, Paula, Ellen, and Mr. and Mrs. Durbin a letter saying that they will be summoned to family court in the city to discuss their behavior and the current situation. This will be 18 months from now. I will have graduated and hopefully found a good job as a paralegal. Then I can save up money. This time, the largeness of the opposition will not blot out clear thinking, functioning at work and at home, my self-image and self-respect and the truth can be told. I will reach for a plan of action in conjunction with agreement from the judge about restoring a higher level of peace. But Joe and Paula have had enough of this. They are adults, now. It’s time to tell the truth.
I feel courageous to rise up and conquer…again.
I know that whatever does not get done here gets done in the spirit world with its teachers after we leave the earth.

MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY--UPDATED AS OF SEPTEMBER 10, 2009 -MORE EDITING TO DO

MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY--UPDATED AS OF SEPTEMBER 10, 2009 -MORE EDITING TO DO
My autobiography is dedicated to these two first born. Pictures at side of them today, along with the first grandchild! My story will tell of the pain and suffering, remorse and repentance, thousands of dollars, and lessons learned just to be worthy to come back into their presence and restore myself to fatherhood once again. We should call this THE PRODIGAL FATHER story. Above is pictured Joe and Paula and on the side as adults. If you have comments, please use the comments section or james.micheletti040@gmail.com.

MY JANUARY 1980 BAPTISMAL PICTURE

MY JANUARY 1980 BAPTISMAL PICTURE
Elder Steve Carter (now lives in Nephi, Utah), with his companion, Elder Tracey Olsen, Idaho, taught me and baptized me in January 1980

Paula Micheletti's FIRST COMMUNION PICTURE

Paula Micheletti's FIRST COMMUNION PICTURE
What an angel! Smiling, in the second grade, posing with Father Ben

209 Arcadia Drive, Rantoul, Illinois

209 Arcadia Drive, Rantoul, Illinois
The Micheletti Home--from about 1960 to past 1986; I drove up in searching out my past, stood in front of the home and just stared in the snow as to what happened to all that time, to think that I used to live here when I was young...and now...

JOE AND DAD RACING

JOE AND DAD RACING
We raced in motorcars at a spot at Rivergate Mall

JOE AT THE LAKE

JOE AT THE LAKE
casting off a piece of driftwood into the lake, upon which has a paper which says DAD and JOE together forever

DANCING IN THE WATER SPRAY

DANCING IN THE WATER SPRAY
Acting silly on a date, I danced through a water spray in a lawn in Orem, Utah

AT CORNER, MAN ANNOUNCED BIRTHDAYS ON THE MARQUEE

AT CORNER, MAN ANNOUNCED BIRTHDAYS ON THE MARQUEE
Elders and I had the same birthday within 2 days

AT A RESTAURANT IN THE ROCKIES

AT A RESTAURANT IN THE ROCKIES
I stopped in Colorado in the Rockies, so dizzy from driving through mountains, light air, that I stopped here. People gave me water because it promotes oxygen flow in the brain and alleviates lightheadedness.

JOE AT LAKE

JOE AT LAKE
In Hendersonville, at lake in front of my apartment complex, we went walking and Joe heaved a big rock. Later we let loose a piece of driftwood with a paper upon which was written the phrase: JOE AND DAD, TOGETHER FOREVER

JOE ON THE FLOOR SHOWING OFF

JOE ON THE FLOOR SHOWING OFF
In trying to take a pix, Joe is on the Floor

PAULA--on first VISIT--SMILES WITH DAD

PAULA--on first VISIT--SMILES WITH DAD
Ellen took pix of Paula & me; she smiled for a moment although she had SWIMMERS EAR

FOR PAULA ON HER BIRTHDAY

FOR PAULA ON HER BIRTHDAY
Expensive but Paula is worth it.

Paula-16th birthday-

Paula-16th birthday-
Paula, tall, and deserving of 16th birthday party gift--expensive perfume

PARTYING AT OPRYLAND HOTEL, NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE IN THE 4 ACRE JUNGLE ATRIUM WITH HISPANIC FRIENDS

PARTYING AT OPRYLAND HOTEL, NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE IN THE 4 ACRE JUNGLE ATRIUM WITH HISPANIC FRIENDS
As a translator in Nashville, Tennessee I took Hispanic clients to the 4 acre jungle inside Opryland Hotel because it reminded them of their home in Central America, jungle, waterfalls, exotic tropic flowers, it was beautiful.

A student I used to teach at Cloverport High School, Cloverport, KY near Bowling Green

A student I used to teach at Cloverport High School, Cloverport, KY near Bowling Green
I USED TO TEACH THIS FELLOW, RANDY; I CROSSED PATHS WITH HIM WHILE TRAVELING BACK THROUGH MY LIFE IN KENTUCKY AND ILLINOIS

Paula & Mom -- One of First Pictures

Paula & Mom -- One of First Pictures
Broken up, excited dad,after first swimming with children, reunited as dad, wanted to take pictures home. Ellen says Paula has an earache, a SWIMMERS Ear. I said SMILE. Paula stopped and squeaked out a smile. I went home and showed everybody this is my DAUGHTERRRRR!

I'm EXHAUSTED

I'm EXHAUSTED
Singles Dance, Orem, Utah

JOE ON LIVING ROOM FLOOR

JOE ON LIVING ROOM FLOOR
Wrestling with dad--

CLIMB, CONQUER EVERY OBSTACLE

CLIMB, CONQUER EVERY OBSTACLE
I'm climbing up a section of the Timpanogos mountain area in Park City, Utah

MORE OF PAULA'S ARTISTRY....

MORE OF PAULA'S ARTISTRY....
At home on my wall, 63 miserable miles away, that reminds me of Paula

PAULA'S DRAWINGS FOR DAD

PAULA'S DRAWINGS FOR DAD
I would almost consistently tell them that I have to go home 63 miles away to Hendersonville and if I could take something with me to stay connected to them....

Latter Day Saint Membership Information

JAMES MICHAEL MICHELETTI
Record # 000-3621-6844
Baptism date: 27 Jan 1980
confirmation date: 27 Jan 1980
Elder ordination date: 09 Dec 1984
Ordained Elder by: Ronald Francis Sanders
Endowed date and temple: 08 June 1985 Atlanta George Temple

vital statistics at my birth

vital statistics at my birth

My birth, christening, lock of hair

My birth, christening, lock of hair

Catholic School Report Card

Catholic School Report Card

School/Medical Records

School/Medical Records

Mom & Dad Together in Minnesota

Mom & Dad Together in Minnesota
Mom & Dad Together in Minnesota

Grandpa Pontinen, Mom, brothers

Grandpa Pontinen, Mom, brothers
Grandpa Jack Pontinen, Mom, Brothers
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Mom, so young, brothers, their parents

Mom, so young, brothers, their parents
Mom, so young, brothers, their parents

Me, a toddler

Me, a toddler
Me, a toddler

Mom & Dad - For me, age 1

Mom & Dad - For me, age 1

Dad & I on a fence

Dad & I on a fence
Dad and I

Muriel E. Micheletti

Muriel E. Micheletti
My mother -- took years to understand the psychology; found out it had to do with her mother

MOTHER WITH MY BROTHER, DAVID

MOTHER WITH MY BROTHER, DAVID

Dad, with parents, Andrew and Italia Micheletti

Dad, with parents, Andrew and Italia Micheletti

Mom with her brothers

Mom with her brothers
Mom, with her brothers, John, Wilbert (Brubby), and William

Me next to Santa Claus

Me next to Santa Claus
Christmas in Rantoul, Illinois at the mall

My sister Theresa and I

My sister Theresa and I

Parkland Junior College/Western Illinois University transcripts

St. Malachy Grade School, Rantoul, IL

St. Malachy Grade School, Rantoul, IL
My grade school, Rantoul, IL

Rantoul High, Rantoul, Ill 1964-1968

Rantoul High, Rantoul, Ill 1964-1968

1st home away at Parkland Jr. College, Champaign, IL

1st home away at Parkland Jr. College, Champaign, IL

DAVID MICHELETTI-Air Force

DAVID MICHELETTI-Air Force

My home in Rantoul, Illinois for years and years!

My home in Rantoul, Illinois for years and years!
Mowed the lawn, painted the garage

STEVEN CARTER & family live in Nephi, Utah. He and his companion, Tracey Olsen, taught me the missi

STEVEN CARTER & family live in Nephi, Utah. He and his companion, Tracey Olsen, taught me the missi

Ellen & Me at wedding party

Ellen & Me at wedding party
June 1975 wedding party St. Thomas Aquinas Catholic Church, Bowling Green, KY

Ellen, my bride, but I had lessons to learn

Ellen, my bride, but I had lessons to learn

Little Joe Micheletti, my first born and my pal, always glad to see me

Little Joe Micheletti, my first born and my pal, always glad to see me

Betty & Julian Durbin

Betty & Julian Durbin
Betty & Julian Durbin pictured. These are Ellen's parents. I remember the old Jim Micheletti was so overcome and stunned by the seemingly constant talking of this woman. She had to know things about people. Seemed so intrusive and smothering. I used to get so mad. Then when Ellen took the children and left the old Jim Micheletti, she was the one that threw Jim Micheletti out of the house. That blast woke up the heavens and the earth and caused much change, including the discovery of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Then her punchy voice showed up again in phone conversations. I remember so terrified I was 6 years later that with the help of a lawyer I reunited with Joe and Paula. It took that long to believe that I had changed, and that the past didn't matter anymore. She told Ellen that if Ellen drives up to Evansville, Indiana witht the children that mom and dad won't let Ellen back into the house. I have to move there. Then the shocking news to me and to Joe and Paula that their dad wasn't permitted in the house. I told them. I paced up and down BlueBerry Hill Road at nighttime in Nashville, screaming why!? why are my sins still remembered? Then came the spying and talking about me behind closed doors. And that snappy poisonous voice. I tried to be cheerful and began to feel threatened. Ellen, in getting over her guilt feelings at too long a separation, when divorced parents can still be CIVIL for the children, did nothing on it. I began to feel Mrs. Durbin's labels upon me and I constantly had to keep trumpting, doing new ideas, even entertaining the children, educating them, and KEEPING a journal record of my visits and interactions lest there be questions from the bullying woman behind closed doors. Much much later, I found out in my family history studies that the Micheletti side of the family would not have been able to provide a stable home atmosphere like the Durbins. I found out my mother and father split up. I found my mother hated her mother and it made my mother sick, all the transgressions her mother committed upon her. My mother took NO interest in her first grandchildren, neither my father. If I wanted to come visit, fine. But we're not giong there. In finding this out, I came to the conclusion, and publicized it so that Mr. and Mrs. Durbin's household was the only choice for the safety, protection, emotional and physical well being of Joe and Paula. My side deserted me, made up stories, and it all had to do so much with CATHOLICISM and MORMONSM. See picture of Theresa Walerius who refused to put her children with their cousins, my children, and left me hanging. I spent so many years in outrage over the creation of the Durbin household that would smother out "father" concept and screamed upon and down the streets of the city of Bowling Green, Kentucky. But when the family history news came, I was humbled and crushed. Things change when you know the truth.I defer to this lady and her husband who did what Micheletti's couldn't do. Even me, in my renewed Mormon state, could not believe the abandonment and rejection from both sides. But adding it up in the end.So I decided to prepare a section of the Uintas Mountains and dedicate it as the Micheletti History Site for Joe and Paula Micheletti and emphasize the Good, the Positive and the Uplifting. I dismissed all the misunderstandings, miscommunications, and inexplicable misperceptions of one to the other. I have to live with the truth of my parents' limitations. Fortunately, I have done the temple work for my great-grandparents, grandparents, my mom and dad. Their earth life sins, transgressions, errors and influences on their generations have washed away. These temple ordinances have their purpose in helping those individuals who didn't learn all their lessons while on earth. What a story. What realizations. What wasted time and sadness for nothing.

One of many missionaries I helped teach about the church

One of many missionaries I helped teach about the church

Warren Roberts, in Hendersonville, TN, best home teacher ever!

Warren Roberts, in Hendersonville, TN, best home teacher ever!

Bishop Jim Taylor-Hendersonville, TN-also TN Bureau Of Investigations cop

Bishop Jim Taylor-Hendersonville, TN-also TN Bureau Of Investigations cop

Ronnie Sanders sweeping outside chapel

Ronnie Sanders sweeping outside chapel
Ronnie worked at LDS chapel as janitor: we talked so much about life

2 cute Mormon neighbor's kids

2 cute Mormon neighbor's kids
2 cute kids of Mormon family in Evansville, IN

Meharry Medical College, Nashville, TN-Ms. Jackie, good friend

Meharry Medical College, Nashville, TN-Ms. Jackie, good friend

Rose White-Meharry Medical College-good friends

Rose White-Meharry Medical College-good friends

Ms Kim, Jackie-President's Office-Meharry

Ms Kim, Jackie-President's Office-Meharry

MARY & I-LDS dance-but I couldn't go on with life because Joe and Paula were missing

MARY & I-LDS dance-but I couldn't go on with life because Joe and Paula were missing

Hendersonville Ward-Beth Sudekum & MOM-great musicians-arrangers

Hendersonville Ward-Beth Sudekum & MOM-great musicians-arrangers

Missionaries-from Japan-Salt Lake City-below:rock missionaries

Missionaries-from Japan-Salt Lake City-below:rock missionaries

Eric Olsen&family-best elders quorum president

Eric Olsen&family-best elders quorum president

My sister Barb & daughter-

My sister Barb & daughter-

GREG & PJ-rock musicians-temple married

GREG & PJ-rock musicians-temple married

Ronnie Sanders (mentioned above) son Adam

Ronnie Sanders (mentioned above) son Adam

Mexican friends; I translated Spanish for work

Mexican friends; I translated Spanish for work

Me & LDS singles-Falls Creek Falls-TN

Me & LDS singles-Falls Creek Falls-TN

LDS singles fun-Me in back

LDS singles fun-Me in back

1st Spanish book Joe used-I studied it in Hendersonville

1st Spanish book Joe used-I studied it in Hendersonville

Shawn McGregor-janitor-LDS chapel-Goodlettsville-TN

Shawn McGregor-janitor-LDS chapel-Goodlettsville-TN

Called Steve Carter from Hendersonville-he sent family photo

Called Steve Carter from Hendersonville-he sent family photo

Frank Hatfield-Smiley LDS fellow-Hendersonville-TN

Frank Hatfield-Smiley LDS fellow-Hendersonville-TN

Joe pumping gas-Joe lighting firecrackers.jpg

Joe pumping gas-Joe lighting firecrackers.jpg

Monster

Monster
In dad's apt, Joe drew a monster; dad snarled and held it up so Joe took a picture--cool, silly, fun with Joe!

Speedcar

Speedcar
Rivergate mall-dad on speedcars-Paula took picture.jpg

Joe's firecracker at Clyde Prosser's House.jpg

Joe's firecracker at Clyde Prosser's House.jpg

DAD & DAUGHTER DATE! I miss her!

DAD & DAUGHTER DATE! I miss her!

Paula painted mural for dad!Look at our smiles!

Paula painted mural for dad!Look at our smiles!

Look what Paula can do!

Look what Paula can do!

Paula & Joe see dad's office at Meharry

Paula & Joe see dad's office at Meharry

Paula-camera-2 birds at mall

Paula-camera-2 birds at mall

FAMOUS FAMOUS FAMOUS REUNITING OF JOE&PAULA&DAD

FAMOUS FAMOUS FAMOUS REUNITING OF JOE&PAULA&DAD

TIRED Ellen-mother of my children-I love this "mother" role she carries-I'm the father-she's the mo

TIRED Ellen-mother of my children-I love this "mother" role she carries-I'm the father-she's the mo

The mayor of Nashville-Police Chief-2002 Good Citizenship Award

The mayor of Nashville-Police Chief-2002 Good Citizenship Award

Old Jim-he thinks he's all that-well-see story!

Old Jim-he thinks he's all that-well-see story!

EXPERT Joe Micheletti-video game player-DONKEY KONG!

EXPERT Joe Micheletti-video game player-DONKEY KONG!

PAULA'S SWIMSUIT MODELING

PAULA'S SWIMSUIT MODELING
Dad takes picture of Paula, swimsuit model

JOE AND ME AND PAULA SWIMMING

JOE AND ME AND PAULA SWIMMING
First picture of Joe at swimming pool. I took pictures of Joe and Paula and showed them to EVERYBODY. I am back to fatherhood once again! Hooray.

Joe-BUBBLE GUM!-Dad needs picture to take home!.jpg

Joe-BUBBLE GUM!-Dad needs picture to take home!.jpg

Come on, Joe! Sink it!--a moment in time for DAD

Come on, Joe! Sink it!--a moment in time for DAD
Come on, Joe! Sink it!--a moment in time for DAD

My christmas tree while waiting for Ellen to drive 60 miles with kids--thank you for the effort!

My christmas tree while waiting for Ellen to drive 60 miles with kids--thank you for the effort!
My christmas tree while waiting for Ellen to drive 60 miles with kids--thank you for the effort!

Paula's HUGE birthday skating party with DAD

Paula's HUGE birthday skating party with DAD

Joe&Paula antics-fun for dad to watch-remember forever!

Joe&Paula antics-fun for dad to watch-remember forever!

Dad hiding behind Opryland Tree

Dad hiding behind Opryland Tree

3 of us on trip to Owensoboro, Evansville-stop to eat and gas up

3 of us on trip to Owensoboro, Evansville-stop to eat and gas up

Dad-Paula-Joe feeding Hendersonville Lake ducks!

Dad-Paula-Joe feeding Hendersonville Lake ducks!

Paula-upside down-Joe splahes rock-DAD takes pix

Paula-upside down-Joe splahes rock-DAD takes pix

Paula, Miss Hollywood-Dad loves it!

Paula, Miss Hollywood-Dad loves it!

Joe-tired-Joe at miniature golf-DAD too!

Joe-tired-Joe at miniature golf-DAD too!

Joe feeds hungry duck-Hendersonville Lake-DAD loves it!

Joe feeds hungry duck-Hendersonville Lake-DAD loves it!

Joe has his silly moment! DAD loves it!.

Joe has his silly moment! DAD loves it!.

Georgeous Paula

Georgeous Paula
Georgeous Paula!Happy dad! St. Joe's playground

Kids took pix of dad in window!Funny!

Kids took pix of dad in window!Funny!

Old dad & baby Joe for a walk

Old dad & baby Joe for a walk

DAD & SON exercising-he swam-I weightlifted-together-manly stuff!

DAD & SON exercising-he swam-I weightlifted-together-manly stuff!

Smiley Paula...Joe,not sure-but Dad's glad to be here!

Smiley Paula...Joe,not sure-but Dad's glad to be here!

Paula's cooking creations for a grateful DAD! Yeah!

Paula's cooking creations for a grateful DAD! Yeah!

Paula and DAD!-squnting in the sun-.

Paula and DAD!-squnting in the sun-.
Paula and DAD!-squnting in the sun-.

Joe & Videos & DAD watching! Dad & Son!.

Joe & Videos & DAD watching! Dad & Son!.

Paula and house kitty...& DAD! Together!.

Paula and house kitty...& DAD! Together!.

Joe's boat on lake-NOTE on boat says DAD & SON Together forever

Joe's boat on lake-NOTE on boat says DAD & SON Together forever

Paula bakes for Joe and me-HOORAY!

Paula bakes for Joe and me-HOORAY!

Pix of Ellen married to old Jim-he's gone, thank goodness!

Pix of Ellen married to old Jim-he's gone, thank goodness!

RACING-Feeding ducks-Joe&Paula&DAD!!!Hooray!

RACING-Feeding ducks-Joe&Paula&DAD!!!Hooray!

PULL-STRETCH--Jim rises up and conquers!

PULL-STRETCH--Jim rises up and conquers!

EARLIER MARRIED JIM-see story for change

EARLIER MARRIED JIM-see story for change

Baby Joe with earlier DAD-got him back 6 years later-Hooray!!

Baby Joe with earlier DAD-got him back 6 years later-Hooray!!

I weightlift-life is good-esp the word DAD

I weightlift-life is good-esp the word DAD

Closeup of Joe-dad is interested!

Closeup of Joe-dad is interested!

DAD - night-time picture

DAD - night-time picture

Kids took pix of me playing video

Kids took pix of me playing video

Paula-Cool dad (me)--

Paula-Cool dad (me)--

Bro David's wedding-all Michelettis-no Jim-read story as to why

Bro David's wedding-all Michelettis-no Jim-read story as to why

TED&SHARON-Nashville singers-I played music with Sharon in sacrament meeting

TED&SHARON-Nashville singers-I played music with Sharon in sacrament meeting

Mom-later years-distant from me&my children

Mom-later years-distant from me&my children

Ronnie Sanders,son Jeremiah-he ordained me to Melchizedek priesthood

Ronnie Sanders,son Jeremiah-he ordained me to Melchizedek priesthood

Missioanries-top one met Paula and Joe

Missioanries-top one met Paula and Joe

SCHAUSS FAMILY

SCHAUSS FAMILY
My first bishop: Mark Schauss,family--Evansville, IN

Good examples for me-missionary elders

Good examples for me-missionary elders

Missionaries and I

Missionaries and I
I learned so much as I taught lessons with missionary elders

Aaronic Priesthood Ordination day

Aaronic Priesthood Ordination day
Aaronic Priesthood Ordination Day. Elder Peck ordained me.

So many missionaries to teach about the Book of Mormon

So many missionaries to teach about the Book of Mormon

Long and skinny; then I started weightlifting

Long and skinny; then I started weightlifting

So many missionaries I worked with, learned so much!

So many missionaries I worked with, learned so much!

From a trip to the OPRYLAND 4 acre jungle at Christmas

From a trip to the OPRYLAND 4 acre jungle at Christmas

Paula in dad's office-children should know what dads do at work

Paula in dad's office-children should know what dads do at work

Paula gasped; a street named PAULA!

Paula gasped; a street named PAULA!

Any picture of Paula is worth it to dad!

Any picture of Paula is worth it to dad!

Joe's first job after high school to today at age 31

Joe's first job after high school to today at age 31

Joe's expert fingers on VIDEO game toggle

Joe's expert fingers on VIDEO game toggle

4 of us at OPRYLAND PARK for summer

4 of us at OPRYLAND PARK for summer

Joe pretended to be asleep--no pictures of me DAD!.

Joe pretended to be asleep--no pictures of me DAD!.

Ellen & Paula at Christmas-Thanks Ellen for putting us together

Ellen & Paula at Christmas-Thanks Ellen for putting us together

TN Human Rights Commission Christmas-me and the boss

TN Human Rights Commission Christmas-me and the boss

Christmas Tree-Joe and Paula couldn't make it--too much snow! They came that weekend afterwards! I

Christmas Tree-Joe and Paula couldn't make it--too much snow! They came that weekend afterwards! I

Joe with his grade school teacher-.jpg

Joe with his grade school teacher-.jpg

First months with Paula-she got swimmer's ear-squeaked out a smile for the camera! Whew! I had to h

First months with Paula-she got swimmer's ear-squeaked out a smile for the camera! Whew! I had to h

Joe's neck--playing around with camera..jpg

Joe's neck--playing around with camera..jpg

Joe and Dad wrestling on floor--He sure looks Italian!

Joe and Dad wrestling on floor--He sure looks Italian!

PAULA AND DAD! ONE OF THE BEST PICTURES EVER!

PAULA AND DAD! ONE OF THE BEST PICTURES EVER!
Hooray for Paula and Dad. We have such similar outgoing personalities and like to do wild original things. Every time I get her and Joe to go to an activity, I remember they used to be in such shock wondering what was going to happen today. I remember that I took Paula and Joe outside of Bowling Green to shoot off fireworks. They loved it. Paula sat in my lap and pretended to drive home. They should never forget this; I haven't. I remember on Paula's birthday once, I said: You know it's your birthday, you have to buy me a present. She looked at me stunned: I have to buy you a present? I laughed. No, daddy! That's not true.

Joe caught baby frog on our nature trail hike--Ellen drove us in her car; we got a flat later and G

Joe caught baby frog on our nature trail hike--Ellen drove us in her car; we got a flat later and G

Tired mom and dad--but they came to visit me in Hendersonville

Tired mom and dad--but they came to visit me in Hendersonville

Paula bakes cookies for us at Christmastime

Paula bakes cookies for us at Christmastime

Any pix of Paula--good enough for DAD

Any pix of Paula--good enough for DAD

Paula skating at HUGH BIRTHDAY PARTY at skating rink in Bowling Green

Paula skating at HUGH BIRTHDAY PARTY at skating rink in Bowling Green

Joe & Dad wrestling on floor

Joe & Dad wrestling on floor

Paula's top of the slide pose at St. Joe's School

Paula's top of the slide pose at St. Joe's School

Joe's school pix

Joe's school pix
Joe's school pix-DAD had to have one because this is his son!.

DAD & DAUGHTER

DAD & DAUGHTER
DAD & DAUGHTER - My blood, Paula knows who she is, this is HER DAD; and to think that when we first got together they knew NOTHING of the concept of a father; Paula told me: We thought grandpa was our dad, we got him a Father's Day card; we didn't know. Amazing.

Lean, tanned, muscular me,

Lean, tanned, muscular me,
Lean, tanned, muscular me, typing at Meharry. I also spent time drawing pictures of flowers, nature scenery and so forth and dedicated my drawings to Joe and Paula. I would mail them off to them. They must never forget that their emotionally drowning dad was splashing about in this pool of life called fatherhood.

1993 Joe Micheletti--very tall fellow

1993 Joe Micheletti--very tall fellow

Paula's nearly $100 perfume--wow! Dad bought it!.jpg

Paula's nearly $100 perfume--wow! Dad bought it!.jpg

Mom, Joe & Paula--I took picture!.jpg

Mom, Joe & Paula--I took picture!.jpg

I'm hanging from a tree in Provo, UT

I'm hanging from a tree in Provo, UT
while a lady from Uruguay took my picture

Partying at OPRYLAND HOTEL-Nashville, TN

Partying at OPRYLAND HOTEL-Nashville, TN

Rise up and conquer, JIM!This missionary elder has nothing on you! This was down the street from wh

Rise up and conquer, JIM!This missionary elder has nothing on you! This was down the street from wh

Climb, Push, Rise up and conquer no matter how much it hurts! In the mountains of Heber City, Utah

Climb, Push, Rise up and conquer no matter how much it hurts! In the mountains of Heber City, Utah

DAD-JOE-PAULA-Bowling Green pool-What a glorious day!

DAD-JOE-PAULA-Bowling Green pool-What a glorious day!

In my 50's-pumped, ready to rise up and conquer--I lived in Provo, UT

In my 50's-pumped, ready to rise up and conquer--I lived in Provo, UT

PART II--

I got separated from Joe and Paula Micheletti Again (see story for details) MEANTIME...lived life as Spanish translator--took trip back up to Illinois where I grew up...

On the Italian side....

On the Italian side....
Grandpa, Grandma Micheletti from Costicciaro and Sigillo In Perugia, Umbria Italy

WHERE THE MICHELETTI BLOOD COMES FROM

WHERE THE MICHELETTI BLOOD COMES FROM
My mom's side is from Finland

At the mall in Nashville--the coolest pose I could muster.jpg

At the mall in Nashville--the coolest pose I could muster.jpg

ON MY TRIP THROUGH MY PAST...

ON MY TRIP THROUGH MY PAST...
209 Arcadia Drive, Rantoul, IL-where I grew up mostly from 1960 to 1972. Before, we lived in another part of Illinois. Before, South Carolina. Before, the Panama Canal Zone, and before, Rapid City, South Dakota where I was born. The backyard carries memories of a Green Apple Tree, badminton, cats for pets, our family playing badmitton, barbeques, picnics, entertaining with horseshoes and croquette. In the garage was where I would practice the piano and design arrangements.

Went to Rantoul, Illinois where I grew up

Went to Rantoul, Illinois where I grew up
Rantoul High School (below) St. Malachy's Catholic Church. At St. Malachy's I was an altar boy. Down the street was St. Malachy's grade school. But this time in my new Mormon state, it looked very strange to me. My father live near and I was terrified to go to his house and look at him. But the purpose of the trip was to face up to viciious family members who refused to visit me and Joe and Paula. I stopped by the church and asked people if they knew my father. They said they did. I said I am Jim Micheletti, his missing son. They knew NOTHING of me. Wiped out. I drove past my father's home over and over for an hour, fearful of knocking at the door. Finally I did. Some lady came (I remember dad telling me 3 months later he had gotten remarried). I stared at her. I was trembling and said "I'm a Micheletti doing genealogy." She responded that my dad was not in. But then she heard him come through the back door. He came to the front. I froze and all time stood still. This is the man I had to face. The bully. The one who yells. Finds fault. Pushes people away. Makes generalizations about "us kids" and never looks at things directly. He was old, wrinkled, bent over. He looked at me after years and years apart and said "Are you Jimmy?" I stared. Horrified. This is what I've been afraid of all these years? This is the "monster"? "Do you want to come in?" "No!!!!" "You don't pay attention to me. You don't care about JOE and PAULA your grandchildre. You rejected us." I backed off. And then came the strange, yet familiar arm extended, hand opened gesture as if to say ENOUGH. I panted, gasped for air, and wanted my freedom. I was outraged. How could you, in concert with Theresa Micheletti, my sisters and the entire lot, believe trash about me, reject two innocent grandchildren who've done NOTHING wrong, and yet they carry your name? I ran off. Drove around.Came back. He was peeking through the window. I told the neighbors what I did. I went back to St. Malachy's church. Stood outside. Crying. I've been wiped off the books by my own blood because of a religious change. People stood around me, a nun came up, they dropped their heads. They didn't know. Before I left Rantoul, I stopped by the LDS church and told the branch president what I did. He asked if I felt better now. I did. It was out of my system.

A MAJOR PLAYER IN DIVIDING ME FROM MICHELETTIs, SEPARATING JOE AND PAULA FROM MICHELETTI COUSINS,

A MAJOR PLAYER IN DIVIDING ME FROM MICHELETTIs, SEPARATING JOE AND PAULA FROM MICHELETTI COUSINS,
Theresa (my oldest sister) Gene Walerius and family. During my trip from Tennessee to Illinois to face my past, I thought, well, I'm going to the northwest corner of Illinois where she lives. I'm going to face this sister of mine who found so much fault and irritated my parents so much against me, they believed her. I know she was instrumental in separating me from my parents. In my rising up and conquering my fear, I found the town, asked the neighbors, found her house, drove around for 2 hours. I went to the high school and found her son. He said he had heard of me, but didn't know anything of the particualrs. They just went ON WITH THEIR LIVES as if I didn't exist. I told her son that I am his uncle. He was shocked. He called home. I finally went up to the door and saw her. This is the lady who was shocked to see her brother. They kept begging me to come in. I couldn't. Phone calls with her earlier proved fatal in trying to get her children to meet their Micheletti cousins, MY CHILDREN. She dropped it, refused to go further by phone and letter. I was terrified of the Theresa Micheletti of long ago who yelled and screamed and found fault and said I was pushing MORMONISM down people's throats (I was just announcing it in 1980 NEVER EXPECTING SUCH AN OUTRAGE OF PROTEST). I couldn't get past the kitchen door. I kept barking at her. I have JOE AND PAULA. Who's paying attention to them? You went on with your life and LEFT ME! You froze in a little hardened circle and force people to come to you. You were invited to visit JOE AND PAULA and you didn't. Gene kept smiliing and wanting to meet his brother-in-law. But before, they were so vicious on the phone. They weren't going to bend to me; I have to bend to them. Hardened, vicious Theresa Micheletti. Has no idea what she's done? Two little kids in Bowling Green, Kentucky with the DURBIN SIDE of the family and NO MICHELETTI's come to visit. They know NOTHING OF THEIR MICHELETTI heritage? And this is the lady that promulgated it. The loudest mouth. The ignorant one who spits bullets, hurts. In fact, during the conversation at the door, she admitted it, but now that I am in HER CIRCLE, in her CONVENIENT SPACE, turning everything around before, making me the guilty party for NOT RECOGNIZING HER, shoving my heart and mind full of her bitterness and vomit and expecting me to JUST GET OVER IT. I couldn't stand it any more. I took off. I was numb. I begged her to bring her children on several occasions to come to Bowling Green, Kentucky to meet my reunited family of Joe and Paula. But she didn't. Some hardened prejudicial conclusion that paralyzes the mind and heart, makes her cold. She dumped me. She dumped two innocent children,,,and just goes on with her life. It hurts to think and remember. Maybe it's mental illness. Maybe its some clash in spirit between Mormon doctrine and Catholic doctrine. I don't know. Later, in Smyrna, TENNESSEE and then in Provo, Utah, she tried to communicate with me again. Just like that. Not an ounce of realization of the consequences of her behavior. As if I am just supposed to forget and acknowledge that she has the right to a temper tantrum of such vicious proportions it becomes incomrpehensible. I was so shocked when in Provo, utah she sends a cheerful family picture and says STAY IN TOUCH. Why? She has all but buried my physical and mental existence into the ground. She has wiped away Joe and Paula Micheletti's existence. She wants things on HER TERMS and according to HER CONDITIONS and HER INTERPRETATIONS matter. I shook and shivered all week long, and then I decided I couldn't survive anymore with this abuse and complete neglect. I wrote her a letter and told her to get off the earth. Find Mother and Father in the spirit world. I have already done the temple work for father and mother to absolve them of their sins and ignorance in this world through vicarious baptisms, endowments and sealed my parents together. I told her to go find them and they'll explain what she has done so horribly wrong. Then I felt better. I was released from the abuse. I could breathe again because I told the truth to myself and to her. I don't get it. I read about Mormon pioneers whose families threw them about because of the restored church, Joseph Smith, the prophet, the Book of Mormon and the settlement in the west. I went home to Nashville. The subject came up as I settled in Provo, Utah. Wipe the slate clean, start over. Too much family rejection. I pray for this wretched woman that the mercies of heaven will touch her, probably in the spirit world. As for me, my purpose on the earth is to rise up and conquer all. It's amazing how people are in a frame of reference, and cannot see outside themselves. Why couldn't she just come see Joe and Paula? Too embarrassing? Too humiliating? She has secret rumblings against me personally? Who knows? Who cares? I was too tired to deal with it. It's been laid aside. I am sure that she became outraged at my final letter and declaration that she has probably again screamed out to my brother and other sisters what JIMMY did, and yet what else can I do? If a person does not know what he/she does wrong, why expect anything: Forgive them for they know not what they do. .

What was the purpose of my dad's life on this earth?

Why did my dad's life end like it did?

THE LIFE OF MY FATHER--Why did it end as it did?

THE LIFE OF MY FATHER--Why did it end as it did?
He died; he never met Joe and Paula? Why? Why was I wiped out of his mind? And to make the mentally ill even more ill, he goes around speaking "well" of his son, Jim Micheletti, to the public while privately he has never seen my homes, never met his grandchildren, never announced his marriage to woman #2. Why? I did the temple work for my father. The blood and sins and stains of the generation are shaken clean. I couldn't go to his funeral because I was terrified of my sisters griping after me with prejudicial attitudes projected earlier by phone. Wild conclusions. I never have as yet at this writing felt inclined to visit his gravesite. But I did do his temple work, and even in the temple I was shocked. Temple workers were trying to comfort my soul. I kept saying "Dad, pay attention". I sealed him to mom in a temple wedding ceremony for the deceased. I began to rise and conquer. Poor Joe and Paula. later I was to realize that the DURBIN side of the family was the more stable and normal and natural family for Joe and Paula to grow and progress. The Micheletti side suffered from too many flaws, outrageous conduct, dating back to a particular grandmother, details of which I cover in the story under separate cover in my family history section..

I TOOK OFF FROM TENNESSEE OUT WEST

Too much rejection.
Too much abandonment.
Ran out of hope and confidence.
Micheletti's have disappeared.
joe and Paula are gone again.
I had an insurance settlement from an accident.
I left 8 years as a Spanish translator here.
I called Stephen Carter in Nephi, Utah. I told him I want out.
Let me come to Utah and be near you, the only family roots I have left, spiritual roots. We have not seen each other in 23 years. We have talked on the phone. He said, "come out."

Pictures along the way as I ran to find a new life

Pictures along the way as I ran to find a new life

Colorado Mining Towns-little little houses-.I was terrified of the mountains, the Rockies. It was s

Colorado Mining Towns-little little houses-.I was terrified of the mountains, the Rockies. It was s

I'm racing across the U.S.

I'm racing across the U.S.
Across the U.S. driving, nerves shot, looking for new life in UTAH

RAVELING-STOPPED AT A MOUNTAIN RESORT. I seemed to suffer from lack of oxygen. I got out dizzy and

RAVELING-STOPPED AT A MOUNTAIN RESORT. I seemed to suffer from lack of oxygen. I got out dizzy and
T

Rockies Snowstorm

Rockies Snowstorm
SNOWSTORM IN THE ROCKIES-picture from inside car; carefully driving at 30 mph or less, not wanting to slide off over the edge of the highway cliff to my death-whew!

FINALLY, WITH STEPHEN CARTER, THE GUY WHO BAPTIZED ME!

Nephi, Utah Grand reunion. Caught up on everything. He looks almost the same as before. Met his children. Spent a week there and then moved to Provo, Utah. Got a job playing dinner music at a restaurant in Peyson, up the road. Overhwhelmed at mountains.



Steve took me to SALT LAKE...the TEMPLE in person...the TABERNACLE (so different from TV viewing of

Steve took me to SALT LAKE...the TEMPLE in person...the TABERNACLE (so different from TV viewing of

The Cristus statute of Jesus Christ! Oh my gosh! I have seen pictures, but now I am HERE! A mission

The Cristus statute of Jesus Christ! Oh my gosh! I have seen pictures, but now I am HERE! A mission

Outside the TABERNACLE! Wow

Outside the TABERNACLE! Wow

Piano playing job

Piano playing job
Got a job playing dinner music at Restaurant in Peyson, UT--I was excited and wound up...so happy...and yet nervous because I am in a new state with new people. I compared it to Tennessee mountains. I played dinner music. People were amazed and stunned and quiet and said thank you with approximately $300 a week in tips. Later I left because the glasses were clinking too loudly and I couldn't concentrate. I found work in PROVO afterwards.

Mexican fellow at a job site; I was helping with landscape at a college in Park City, Utah. Spectac

Mexican fellow at a job site; I was helping with landscape at a college in Park City, Utah. Spectac

Me and lady from Uruguay in front of home

Me and lady from Uruguay in front of home
Me and lady from Uruguay in front; she fell in love with me; I wasn't ready.

Latino talent show- I spoke Spanish in a Latino Ward of the LDS church but later went back to speak

Latino talent show- I spoke Spanish in a Latino Ward of the LDS church but later went back to speak

I went to the Uintas Mountains to ask why I should have to live alone...

I tried to get along with LDS members here. They're different than TENNESSEE members, more disciplined. They're seemingly more introspective, paying attention to homes and families. Very little for single folks like myself. At church is one thing, but we're busy, Jim Micheletti. I would go home and look at blank walls. I didn't know who I was. I went to the mountains and asked. I received much revelation and inspiration about the pre-existence (see story), more of my purpose, and a commandment to begin GENEALOGY more seriously than ever before. I started with my mother. I didn't know where she was. I heard she passed away in Arizona. My sisters called a bishop who called Salt Lake City, who referred me to a bishop in Nashville. He told me and my head was spinning around. I never got a chance to see her for years since the nervous visit in 1984. (see pictures above of her given me by others). I did her temple work, and sealed her to my father. The temple work for Muriel E. Micheletti was done in Smyrna, Tennessee by a member lady there. Mom "showed up" in my living room and across the street at the chapel whlie I was playing piano for services. She looked and smiled. I remembered that she just got her endowments. Ohhh....she accepted it in the spirit world. It was a strong witness that lasted about 8 days and then left, never to come back. In Provo, Utah after fighting as to why I should have such mean parents who disregarded me, found excuses to stay away, justified themselves, fell prey to my oldest sister Theresa's complaints and false accusations against me, I finally broke down, went to the Provo temple and had both of them sealed together. It sealed my identity of myself together more over time after I did this. Whew. What a life! But I keep adopting myself into others' lives when I don't belong. What is the meaning and purpose of Jim Micheletti's life? Can I have my own path even though on one level I am an orphan? I cried and played music and reached into heaven. After finding my mother's burial site, I wrote a eulogy of her. I did not go to her funeral for fear of my sisters' badgering and provoking and guilt complexes and disregarding me and my children. But I wrote my own commentary on her and it is included in the story. I have honored my mom and dad many times through the playing of dinner music at an Indian restaurant in Provo and the restaurant in Peyson, Utah. Mostly, I can still play MALEGUENA, music written from Spain, in honor of my mother's influence. I teach music lessons and refer back to when I was a boy under her musical guidance.

I WAS BLESSED WITH MUCH REVELATION, INSPIRATION AND ANSWERS TO MY PRAYERS. I saw myself in the pre-existence with a group of Heavenly Father's children. I thought of ALMA 13
3 And this is the manner after which they were ordained—being called and prepared from the foundation of the world according to the foreknowledge of God, on account of their exceeding faith and good works; in the first place being left to choose good or evil; therefore they having chosen good, and exercising exceedingly great faith, are called with a holy calling, yea, with that holy calling which was prepared with, and according to, a preparatory redemption for such.

4 And thus they have been called to this holy calling on account of their faith, while others would reject the Spirit of God on account of the hardness of their hearts and blindness of their minds, while, if it had not been for this they might have had as great privilege as their brethren.

5 Or in fine, in the first place they were on the same standing with their brethren; thus this holy calling being prepared from the foundation of the world for such as would not harden their hearts, being in and through the atonement of the Only Begotten Son, who was prepared—

6 And thus being called by this holy calling, and ordained unto the high priesthood of the holy order of God, to teach his commandments unto the children of men, that they also might enter into his rest

7 This high priesthood being after the order of his Son, which order was from the foundation of the world; or in other words, being without beginning of days or end of years, being prepared from eternity to all eternity, according to his foreknowledge of all things—

8 Now they were ordained after this manner—being called with a holy calling, and ordained with a holy ordinance, and taking upon them the high priesthood of the holy order, which calling, and ordinance, and high priesthood, is without beginning or end—

9 Thus they become high priests forever, after the order of the Son, the Only Begotten of the Father, who is without beginning of days or end of years, who is full of grace, equity, and truth. And thus it is. Amen.

and I saw myself called to the front. People looked upon me. Come find us. Do the temple work.

I was stunned, amazed, and left marvelling at what I saw. I came back down from the Uintas Mountains with a new set of personal commandments on my two tablets of stone with MICHELETTI on them. Begin serious family history NOW. I did.

I made courageous calls across the United States to various Micheletti's. I told them my story. I began to open up. I began to accept myself and my purpose. I began to appreciate myself more. Besides, it is a commandment upon Latter Day Saints, to seek after their dead. I had never done much before with the serious intent I had now.

Look what happened!

In two weeks at the Family History Center at the LDS chapel, I looked on ANCESTRY.com and beheld the names of Kathy, Russell, Larry Pontinen. They were our favorite cousins. I couldn't believe it. I hadn't thought of them in ages. I had been in such darkness. I wondered how they would respond to a phone call. I trembled for a week. I might get chewed up and spit out.

I made the call, first to Russell. He recognized my name immediately. I told the story. He couldn't believe it. He referred me to Kathy Pontinen. Memories were coming back.
I called her. I told the story. She filled in some details including that she spent time with my mother during her last years before passing. She told me about my mother!

Kathy and I talked and talked. On Sunday afternoons, LDS folks were returning home from church to "their" families. I had someone finally in my bloodline I could talk to. I did.

After a time, I found TOWE LONGREN, the Family History Center director for the entire continent of FINLAND. I sent her what I had on the Pontinen line. She found stacks of connections and sent them back. I couldn't believe it. Names of MY blood for the temple to do ordinances. I faxed them to Kathy PONTINEN.

After some months the holiday time came around. Why don't you come for Thanksgiving? Wow. Oh, my gosh! I can go someplace and belong somewhere! The first Thanksgiving I couldn't get enough money for the airplane ticket. But next year! YES! I was trembling and in the LATINO branch of the LDS church, I told my elders quorum president, Brother Moreno, (all spanish of course). He couldn't believe it! In two days he came back with sufficient airplane money and I was off, trembling, crying, sleepless, and panicked. I can't believe it. I will go "outside" the LDS circle and connect with someone I am related to. What will it be like? Will I be rejected? I trembled all the way to the airport. President Moreno drove me there.

SEE THE PICTURES, as I visited and filled in the gaps and fused more of the broken pieces of who and what I am back together to a bigger understanding. Kathy introduced me to her husband, her children (my SECOND cousins), and we had Thanksgiving. So much to talk about and remember, glue the pieces together. She knew much mroe than I. According to her my sisters "glossed over me" and pulled me away from being asked about by Kathy. But now Kathy knows the rest of the story.
PICTURES.

Mother's site of her ashes, in Arizona in a CATHOLIC crematorium. After years of searching, I know

Mother's site of her ashes, in Arizona in a CATHOLIC crematorium. After years of searching, I know

My dad's brothers. I called around to Micheletti's to tell them who I am, what happened to my mom a

My dad's brothers. I called around to Micheletti's to tell them who I am, what happened to my mom a

In Park City, UT, feeling the burnt skin, I exercised myself on rising above and conquering all thi

In Park City, UT, feeling the burnt skin, I exercised myself on rising above and conquering all thi

CLIMB! CLIMB! CLIMB! WIN! THE STORY OF MY LATTER DAY SAINT LIFE. RISE UP ABOVE IT ALL AND WIN!

CLIMB! CLIMB! CLIMB! WIN! THE STORY OF MY LATTER DAY SAINT LIFE. RISE UP ABOVE IT ALL AND WIN!

dating -- FUN

dating -- FUN

In front of my home at 190 S. 500 W. Provo -- Latino girlfriend (name?) and I in front, gardening,

In front of my home at 190 S. 500 W. Provo -- Latino girlfriend (name?) and I in front, gardening,

RISE UP and CONQUER! or fall...

RISE UP and CONQUER! or fall...

PIANO PARTY TIME!

PIANO PARTY TIME!

SILLY...partying...singles dances...tired!

SILLY...partying...singles dances...tired!

I'm smart! - More Mexican friends at birthday

I'm smart! - More Mexican friends at birthday

Look above for my name and 2 elders; our birthdays were almost on same day; this is our birthday pi

Look above for my name and 2 elders; our birthdays were almost on same day; this is our birthday pi

Me on right and 2 cool guys at DEAF COMMUNICATIONS CENTER job here; layoffs came, though. Oh, well.

Me on right and 2 cool guys at DEAF COMMUNICATIONS CENTER job here; layoffs came, though. Oh, well.

Bob Gardner and wife--my neighbors behind me (see earlier pix of me in front of my house) I was ass

Bob Gardner and wife--my neighbors behind me (see earlier pix of me in front of my house) I was ass

THE FIRST PICTURE OF MY MOTHER I LOOKED AT IN YEARS

THE FIRST PICTURE OF MY MOTHER I LOOKED AT IN YEARS
This is Muriel Edith Pontinen Micheletti, my mother, the one who brought me into the world. I found this as part of a family portrait when I was proably 13. It was part of the movement started on the Unitas Mountains to begin looking and accepting MY life with my blood, my relatives and ancestors. Because of what my mother and father's behavior has been in criticizing and distancing from me, my religion and my two children, I couldn't look at them for the longest time. But after trying to escape, I finally broke down and began to accept it. I also found my PONTINEN cousins mentioned below. I also got a picture of dad on the picture list with his parents and brothers. They are my parents. They were in the pre-existence. They agreed to the plan of life, even though down here on earth they were born into horrible circumstances of abuse and prejudice, especially my mother. Nevertheless, I did her temple work, and she showed up in Smyrna, Tennessee after her death to smile at me. See below comments on that.

COUSINS REUNITED ONCE AGAIN!

COUSINS REUNITED ONCE AGAIN!
Kathy, Me, Larry -- Pontinens and Micheletti's reunited once again!

AT MY COUSIN KATHY'S HOUSE, MY NEW "HOME" ...

AT MY COUSIN KATHY'S HOUSE, MY NEW "HOME" ...
First pictures of Kathy Pontinen (Hazlett), Larry Pontinen and I -- actual pictures of me with relatives, a part of where I belong. Words cannot describe the feelings of being accepted in a family atmosphere...she answered a lot of mysterious questions about my mother before her death...filled in a lot of blanks...it taught me who I am, replaced a lot of uncertainty with certainty

COUSIN POWER - We study Pontinen family history

COUSIN POWER - We study Pontinen family history
Kathy and I - Christmas 2008 - Cousin power - We went to the National Archives and found more on the JOKINEN side of the family. Looks like our GREAT GRANFATHER and GRANDMOTHER are F.W. Jokinen and his wife Adolfina, one of their daughtres of which is Edith Muriel Jokinen (Pontinen), our grandma.

KATHY'S PARENTS AND MY FAVORITE AUNT & UNCLE

KATHY'S PARENTS AND MY FAVORITE AUNT & UNCLE
uNCLE BRUBBY AND AUNT JANE - favorite aunt and uncle, their children, our favorite cousins, Russell, Larry, Kathy, Greg, Lisa

THANKSGIVING 2007 AT KATHY'S HOUSE

THANKSGIVING 2007 AT KATHY'S HOUSE
I got to help by baking bread for the long Thanksgiving table. Kathy showed me how to knead the dough, one of her specialties in the kitchen.

TURKEY WALK-2007-Me, and a family!

TURKEY WALK-2007-Me, and a family!
Up at 7 a.m. and out to the woods for a multi-family turkey walk prior to Thanksgiving Meal. Here I am with a family. I am slightly related, over to the side with the Pontinen cousins. One of them, Aaron, to the left, is a musician. See other picture of him and me playing music.

Kathy and I study our ROOTS!

Kathy and I study our ROOTS!
Wow! To be connected with a family member who studies PONTINEN history. It's a wonderful strange feeling of being rooted and knowing ourselves through knowing our ancestors.

FIRST GRANDCHILD!

FIRST GRANDCHILD!
Lucy, born to Wesley and my daughter Paula. Ellen and I are grandparents! Heavenly Father sent the child to live with us.

Joe Micheletti Today

Joe Micheletti Today
Long and lean, glasses, likes fishing and canoeing and smiling

Paula Micheletti today with daughter Lucy

Paula Micheletti today with daughter Lucy
Paula Marie Micheletti, married, 5'8", Athletic, Catholic. Works as Insurance Broker. She attended Western Kentucky University, Bowling Green, KY with B.A. in Marketing in 2003. Works at Insurance Specialists, Bowling Green, KY as a broker from 2001 to the present. Husband is Wesley Allen. Baby is Lucy. Grandmother is Ellen D. Micheletti, and Grandfather is James Michael Micheletti.

I PLAYED AT TALENT SHOW--MY BROTHER DAVID WAS IN THE AUDIENCE, AT NASHVILLE STAKE CENTER!

I PLAYED AT TALENT SHOW--MY BROTHER DAVID WAS IN THE AUDIENCE, AT NASHVILLE STAKE CENTER!
I played 3 rock songs on the piano at a talent show at church. David, my brother, was in the audience. He came for a visit but I cannot recall all the details of it except afterwards he came again and I wasn't there. He complained to mom and she got all over me because of it.

LION TALKING ABOUT PAULA

LION TALKING ABOUT PAULA
He said he needs his toenails clipped!

Page 2-pedigree chart

Page 2-pedigree chart

MONSTER DAD!!!!!

MONSTER DAD!!!!!
Joe took these pictures and look what happened while we were in my apartment at 142 Sanders Ferry Rd. #10, Hendersonville, TN

Learning spanish

Learning spanish
At my apartment at 142 Sanders Ferry Rd. #10, I was studying out of Joe's high school spanish book and invited a Hispanic fellow over to help.

TWO PRETTY QUARTZ ROCKS PAULA GAVE DAD

TWO PRETTY QUARTZ ROCKS PAULA GAVE DAD
From Paula to dad while we were painting rocks

PAULA, JOE AND I DO A LOT!

PAULA, JOE AND I DO A LOT!
These are the actual tickets I bought to the latest movie "Honey I shrunk the kids" August 12, 1989

I HAVE BEEN SO HAPPY

I HAVE BEEN SO HAPPY
I am happy and draw mountain scenery in 1989-1990-this one captures a voice of the first line of a hymn to Heavenly Father that goes up on high and I drew it for a fellow named Chris--I think it was about a talk we heard.

Part IV of Paula's card

Part IV of Paula's card
ME and DAD on a balloon!

Part III of the four part card from Paula for me

Part III of the four part card from Paula for me
More of Paula's nature artwork

PART II of the 4 part card-RAINDROPS!

PART II of the 4 part card-RAINDROPS!
Paula spelled out D A D and D A D D Y in the raindrops

PART I OF A FOUR PART CARD--made Sept 10, 1989 for me by Paula

PART I OF A FOUR PART CARD--made Sept 10, 1989 for me by Paula
Paula designed this card for me, her dad. One of the best expressions of Paula's heart ever.

MEXICAN house, where I learned much spanish/practiced it.

MEXICAN house, where I learned much spanish/practiced it.
Mexicans live here down to the end of Glen Lily Road from Joe and Paula, turn left, and then right before the major road, and near a carwash I believe. I would practice my spanish with them because Joe was studying spanish in school. Helping him got me inspired to become a SPANISH TRANSLATOR professionally.

Baby Eagle represents MATTEO NEIL, son of the Neils who got his EAGLE SCOUT

Baby Eagle represents MATTEO NEIL, son of the Neils who got his EAGLE SCOUT
I gave this to my neighbor's son, Matteo, when he received the eagle scout award.

SURPRISE FROM THE ELDERS!

SURPRISE FROM THE ELDERS!
A small pocket tube in which to carry consecrated oil for the healing of the sick and afflicted. A surprise gift from the elders. Look at my shock. Thanks. By the way, Melchizedek priesthood holders use this consecrated oil in their blessings on the sick.

Mary Alice Rapp--One of the most influential Ward Music Directors in my LDS musical life

Mary Alice Rapp--One of the most influential Ward Music Directors in my LDS musical life
Mary Alice Rapp, with her husband, Freddie Rapp. They live in Evansville and helped raise me from a Mormon pup. She has instructed me much on LDS music and form and because of her influence I have enjoyed many years of LDS music and arranging. She also kept me well fed along with the missionaries during my first 3 years in the LDS church when I was away from Joe and Paula Micheletti. I took Joe and Paula Micheletti on a trip back through their past, to the place where they were born, and where their parents lived. I took them to Evansville, Indiana where I used to live and play piano. One of the hosues that Joe and Paula stopped at was the Rapp residence.

GOOD CITIZENSHIP COMMENDATION FROM POLICE, MAYOR OF NASHVILLE, TN

GOOD CITIZENSHIP COMMENDATION FROM POLICE, MAYOR OF NASHVILLE, TN
Nashville Metro police called me to help translate spanish and english for some Hispanics in an accident. A police lady was very touched by my helpfulness and turned my name in. I was chosen to receive this award for volunteer service in the community. What a day! Commendations, my name called, a picture in the paper, a story. I took a fellow named Raul with me. He helped so much with my Spanish improvement, I told him the award was partly his.

FIRST TIME I SAW PAULA SINCE SHE WAS A BABY

FIRST TIME I SAW PAULA SINCE SHE WAS A BABY
First time I saw Paula's picture since a baby that Ellen took away from the old nasty Jim Micheletti. Oh my gosh! How can one explain NEW DADDY excitement, panic, hysterics and this incredible urge from heaven divinely imprinted on the soul of a man to pick up, hug, nurture and bless the flesh of his flesh

First picture I saw of Joe Micheletti in 1986 since 1980

First picture I saw of Joe Micheletti in 1986 since 1980
Ms. Nunn, First Grade Teacher, showed me this student yearbook, and I saw the first picture of Joe. I stared and stared, absorbing his spirit and physical body and countenance into my mind and heart. Shock. And a week later, I see him for the first time since 1980.

BIRTHDAY BOYS

BIRTHDAY BOYS
Two elders and I with same birthday: see side picture for MARQUEE, says Happy Birthday

Hendersonville Ward Bishopric Says Thanks

Hendersonville Ward Bishopric Says Thanks
for my piano playing for their ward and priesthood sessions outside my ward

JEREMY ROBERTS

JEREMY ROBERTS
Warren Roberts' 9th boy. He got really attached to me, and I to him. This was 6 months before Warren and his wife had enough of my moping around, the power came, and they said GO TO BOWLING GREEN AND GET YOUR CHILDREN BACK!

Mark Harris on mission

Mark Harris on mission
This fellow on the left is Mark Harris. I live down from them at 865 N. 950 W. Orem, UT. A musica family. His dad is the counselor in the Geneva Heights Stake Presidency. I don't know his companion's name but this was taken in California where Mark is serving a mission for the LDS Church. What a splashy joyful guy with a big smile who loves everybody. His sister Theresa plays flute and participated in two musical presentations with me. His other sister Brittany is on a mission in Texas.

DAD BEGAN TO THINK ABOUT DAUGHTER AT WORK

DAD BEGAN TO THINK ABOUT DAUGHTER AT WORK
And look at the drawing that came about

Get well card from children to DAD

Get well card from children to DAD
My children care about me...thanks, Heavenly Father.

LETTER FROM MOM, LETTER TO ANGELA NUNN (1st grade teacher St. Joe's Catholic School)

Nov. 6
Cool
6 a.m.
Dear Jim:
Beautiful flower-have artistic-hidden qualities? I can't agree with you on families are forever--I don't want to "see" my mother--she inflicts pain. her 'forte' nor do I want to "see" your dad-more pain-Also, I want to be cremated!
News items:
Theresa is due in Jan.
Ginny is due in March.
April is Barbara's month.
Later, grad babies
I can't understand why you don't tell me what you're doing for work! Dave is doing well in Park College-high marks in technology, poor in English. Liz moved back in with me. Left Dan and brought Dara 93). I I'm busy busy. Don't think I'll ever have an empty nest!
Well, take care, Jim. Write again when you find time.
love mom
Dear Ms. Nunn: (Janaury 26, 1988)
I decided to write since my phone bill is $195 because I have been calling Washington, D.C. and Minnesota regarding my family history information. I have found a good set of records of the Brascugli family dating back to 1500's in Italy. As you noticed form the map of italy I sent you, Costacciaro is a little town where the Micheletti's come from. Well, a few miles down from taht is a town called Sigillo where Grandmother Micheletti's (Brascugli) folks come from. I found an Italian owner at Peppino's Pizza at Rivergate who translated much of these Italianr ecords for me. His name is Giuseppe Ionello from Sicily. My family tree is getting bigger and bigger! Joe and paula will learn mroe of where they come from through their Micheletti family line.
Thanks again for all your help with the children as a liaison, for lack of a better word. I wish I could hurry upa nd get up there to live. Aren't you glad you met me? Just think how unsettling life is now that I'm around? I know, you'd reather live in a volcano, right? Just kidding!
Sincerely, Jim Micheletti
LETTER TO MARY ANNE KELLVoice and Piano studio January 11, 1988
regarding the Christmas Musical THE GREAT LATE POTENTATE by karen Dean, arranged by Greg Nelson, Brenwood, TN. She said that students like Joe and Paula make rehearesals a delight.
Sincerely,
Mary Anne Kell, Music Teacher, St. Joseph Catholic School.


DAD IS SOOOOO FAR AWAY IN NASHVILLE

DAD IS SOOOOO FAR AWAY IN NASHVILLE
THNKING ABOUT JOE AND PAULA; here he is in a downstown skyscraper

JOE's AMAZING DRAWINGS OF MONSTERS

JOE's AMAZING DRAWINGS OF MONSTERS
Me and the kid, drawing and losing ourselves in monster life...

one of many checks to Ellen D. Micheletti for child support

one of many checks to Ellen D. Micheletti for child support
Oh, the days...always paying money to Ellen, enough for the time with the children, and little left over until one day I found $70 in my pocket. I remembered Joe got a job and began to earn his own money at Captain D's. Paula did, too, at BASKIN ROBBINS.

interesting visit with a Donald SKaggs

interesting visit with a Donald SKaggs
We LDS folks like to bear our testimony: we talk about the restored church, priesthood, prophets, and the new scriptures, the BOOK OF MORMON. I said this to a fellow as I gave him a ride to Nashville.

VARIOUS LETTERS FROM JOE & PAULA, 1986-1987-1988

Dear Dad:
I am going on a confirmation retreat friday and saturday at church. I've been working hard and I have a touch of the cold, a sore throat and runny nose. I hope I get better soon.
JOE M
Dear Dad,
I am goig to my aunt's party Sunday after next. I'm really looking forward to it. Three is nothing much to say.
LOVE (smiley face) Paula
Dear Dad
There's a new snow cone called a PARADISE SNOW. They ahve lots of flavors.
BYE, Paula
Dear DAD
David wrote us a letter and sent us a picture of Susan, David, Nicholas, your dad an dyour stepmother.
LOVE, PAULA
Dear Dad:
Schools good, learning alot. I hope your ok. Oh, by the way David and Susan Micheletti and a picture of the family.
JOE M
Dear Dad,
I saw a play at horse cave, a Shakespear plan it was neat, after that we went to pizza hut. I had a poem published in the school scene. I will probablyr ent the Super Nintido.
Joe M.
DAD,
Could I have ten dollars I would like tor ent a Super Nintendo.
JOE M
DAD
Nothing's really happening at school because it's almost over. I almost won 95.00 in the Derby. One of our guys over at work has left and my hours have increased a little. Hey, find these for me: SPAWN at Toyrs r Us, Angela and Melgobia.
Joe Micheletti (line crossed twice through the two "t's")

NOTE: I found a GREENWOOD MINIATURE GOLF SCORECARD with Paula and Joe's name on it. No winner indicated.

My FAMILY LINES-Pedigree Chart

My FAMILY LINES-Pedigree Chart
My FAMILY LINES-Pedigree Chart - Italian and Finnish

Pontinen-Hazlett Family Power

Pontinen-Hazlett Family Power
Gosh! What a family. I'm related to them. I found them on ANCESTRY.COM. I get to visit, but I wish I lived and worked near there. I am in Utah giong toi school to be a paralegal.

Joe VIDEO MANIA!

Joe VIDEO MANIA!

Paula's Happy Face at St. Joe's Catholic School playground.

Paula's Happy Face at St. Joe's Catholic School playground.
What a beautiful face! Dad needs pictures to show people in Nashville

SLEEPY FOR ME BUT I GOT UP AND WALKED THE TURKEY WALK WITH THE FAMILY

SLEEPY FOR ME BUT I GOT UP AND WALKED THE TURKEY WALK WITH THE FAMILY
And here was a piece of bark shaped like an animal, like a dog!

ME ON THE TURKEY WALK-

ME ON THE TURKEY WALK-
I got up and participated in this yearly family activity of a TURKEY WALK prior to eating Thanksgiving Dinner. This piece of bark was interesting because it was shaped like an animal.

Atlanta

Atlanta
Atlanta Temple--In 1986, my first temple attendance was there to receive my washing, anointing, and endowmen for myself. Following this, I would do the same temple work for deceased ancestors, including my family members.

First Presidency of LDS church in 2009

First Presidency of LDS church in 2009
The members of the First Presidency, President Thomas S. Monson, President Henry B. Eyring and President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, have been in their current leadership positions since February 2009

Salt Lake Temple

Salt Lake Temple
Salt Lake Temple, 40 years in the making by the Latter Day Saints when they moved out west under leadership of Brigham Young.

IN THE GARDEN PRAYING for mankind; I, Jim Micheletti, am included

IN THE GARDEN PRAYING for mankind; I, Jim Micheletti, am included
Praying for Mankind, and me, Jim Micheletti. The elders talked about the atonment, the suffering in the garden. When I look at the expression of the Savior as he knelt, I think of the 69 billion or so people that have lived and will live. His suffering covers them all.The purpose of one's life is to step up and increase one's undersatnding of this Atonment. The missionaries taught this, but definitely it is something to be learned and relearned, studied and restudied, and have levels of deeper understanding given to you as you mature. It involves the complete attachment of your heart to Him, and remove distractions, no matter how much it hurts. I have had to make choices between what the Savior teaches and did for me, vs. family cries and complaints, and the loss of family ties.When I consider that the weight of sin bore upon his shoulders and he "shrank not to drink the bitter cup" I should walk everyday flattened to the ground that I have been given another chance at life.

Jesus Christ, the Son of Heavenly Father, First Born in the Flesh, and also my Elder Brother

Jesus Christ, the Son of Heavenly Father, First Born in the Flesh, and also my Elder Brother
This is Jesus Christ, the picture introduced to me by the missionary elders. After staring at this "historical figure" for so long in movies, He became very real and very close considering the FIRST VISION of Him and Heavenly Father to Joseph Smith, the prophet. Now we have more information on Him, His mission and purpose. The way the elders explain it, one can tell that the spirit of revelation is with them in order to explain it to me. So much more learned, and continuing to be learned, relearned, repeated, reviewed throughout my years about the ATONEMENT and RESURRECTION and the personal meaning to me, Jim Micheletti. I have learned that He had me in mind as well as the rest of humankind in the act of the Atonement (see picture in Garden below). Bit by bit I learn to disconnect my heart from the attachments of this world. Is it not true that when one builds one's hosue upon the rock (Him), that the winds and the rains come but the house is NOT blown over. Accepting Him 100% seems a lifelong process..

President Spencer W. Kimball, the president of the LDS Church at my January 1980 baptism

President Spencer W. Kimball, the president of the LDS Church at my January 1980 baptism
President Spencer W. Kimball, the first prophet, seer and revelator for the church, even the world, when I was baptized January 1980. I learned so much from his instruction in monthly articles in the ENSIGN church magazine, at general conferences, and in his books MIRACLE OF FORGIVENESS, and FAITH PRECEDES THE MIRACLE.

Atlanta Georgia Temple

Atlanta Georgia Temple
In Atlanta, at this temple, I received my washing, anointing and endowment and learned more about who I am, where we come from, the creations of the world, the plan of life, the purpose of Jesus Christ's mission in more detail, and how to get back to the presence of Heavenly Father. As part of the restoration of the church, temples are built upon the earth. In addition to being endowed with power from on high when one keeps temple covenants, families can be sealed together in the temple. There are priesthood holders who seal couples forever in matrimony extending after death. For deceased relatives, the baptismal font and additional ordinances provide open paths for our deceased relatives to come back to Father's presence as well. This temple was the first built in the southeastern U.S. It was dedicated by President Gordon B. Hinckley, then president. I remember we were asked to donate $25 to the building of the temple. I put in my $25 I recall. On the top of the temple one finds a statute of the Angel Moroni, representing the resurrected person that appeared to the prophet Joseph Smith. Moroni lived on earth in the times of the Book of Mormon. Moroni is depicted carrying the golden plates upon which the ancient language of the Israelite settlers in America was written. Joseph Smith translated it into English and we have the Book of Mormon.

JOSEPH SMITH PRAYED IN 1820 ABOUT WHICH CHURCH TO JOIN. HEAVENLY FATHER AND HIS SON APPEARED TO HIM

JOSEPH SMITH PRAYED IN 1820 ABOUT WHICH CHURCH TO JOIN. HEAVENLY FATHER AND HIS SON APPEARED TO HIM
JOSEPH SMITH PRAYED IN 1820 ABOUT WHICH CHURCH TO JOIN WHERE HE LIVED IN UPPER NEW YORK. THE FATHER AND HIS SON APPEARED TO THE PROPHET AND CALLED HIM TO RESTORE THE CHURCH IN THE LAST DAYS. WHAT A POWERFUL THING THE MORMON MISSIONARIES TAUGHT ME. I COULDN'T DENY IT, AFTER SOME DISCUSSION ABOUT THE CATHOLIC FAITH AND ITS LASTING INFLUENCE FROM THE DAYS OF THE APOSTLES. I HAVE DISCOVERED AGAIN AND AGAIN THAT JOSEPH SMITH WAS CALLED TO BE A PROPHET. WE HAVE A HYMN THAT SAYS "PRAISE TO THE MAN WHO COMMUNED WITH JEHOVAH" ABOUT JOSEPH SMITH SPEAKING WITH GOD. YOU CAN JUST TELL IT'S TRUE. AND LOOK WHAT WE LEARN OF GOD IN THOSE FEW MINUTES OF THE VISION. HE HAS A BODY OF FLESH AND BONES, AS THE SON. THEY ARE SEPARATE PERSONS. AND HEAVENLY FATHER IS OUR FATHER; WE ARE HIS CHILDREN. THIS IS MY HEAVENLY FATHER WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. I, JIM MICHELETTI, AM HIS CHILD. JESUS CHRIST IS MY OLDER BROTHER, THE SON OF GOD, THE SAVIOR AND REDEEMER. THEY RESTORED THE CHURCH TO THE EARTH.

THE FIRST VISION OF HEAVENLY FATHER AND JESUS CHRIST TO THE PROPHET JOSEPH SMITH IN 1820

THE FIRST VISION OF HEAVENLY FATHER AND JESUS CHRIST TO THE PROPHET JOSEPH SMITH IN 1820
For me personally, words cannot describe the feelings associated with this picture. To think that I sat in Meharry Medical College in the Office of the President where there was posted a call for dissertations on the EXISTENCE OF GOD, and a Time Magazine article questioning God, what does God look like. And here Joseph Smith, a boy, has a vision of these heavenly beings. Separate and distinct, and we are made in their image. The Catholic Trinity Concept had to be dismissed. When the elders told me this, the glowing feelings around the room when the pieces finally fit together and you meet your Maker. And to call Him "Father", and yourself, His child. To call the Savior, your Elder Brother, and you, His little brother. Profound.

JOSEPH SMITH, the prophet, seer, revelator as he taught the people

JOSEPH SMITH, the prophet, seer, revelator as he taught the people
For me, Jim Micheletti, what was it like to be taught from this man? A farm boy, called by the Father and the Son to restore the church back to the earth. He clarified the plan and purpose of man's life, illuminated the eternities, and answered many mysterious passages in the Bible people have been arguing about for centuries. He received the priesthood power from the early apostles in further visions and used that power to organize the church.

THE BOOK OF MORMON

THE BOOK OF MORMON
The Book of Mormon. I used to wander about telling people what the elders told me, that Jesus Christ appeared to people here in Ancient America. After I was baptized, I have read it several times, including in Spanish. My favorite sections include III Nephi 11 about the visit of the Savior, IV Nephi about the impact of the Savior's life on the entire continent of America, and MORONI 7 on Faith, Hope and Charity. So much time with the missionaries explaining this to people. So much time in contemplation of it. So much time considering when I was a little boy, wondering why there are no more apostles, no more miracles, no more power and no more BIBLE. And here's another record of Jesus Christ visiting in another part of the world.

SUMMARY OF THE BOOK OF MORMON

SUMMARY OF THE BOOK OF MORMON
What can I say about the Book of Mormon? It expands, it explains, it increases understanding of gospel principles. Of huge impact to me is MORONI 7 on Faith, Hope and Charity. Compare it with I Corinthians 13 on the same themes. Of special note, the visit of Jesus Christ to Ancient America. Stories of the visit of Him have been in Indian legends, Hispanic legends, tribal legends and legends of the people of the isles of the seas for centuries. And here's a book of His visit. Joseph Smith translated the book. We have it as one of 4 books of scripture: The Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine & Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price.

IN THE BOOK OF MORMON, LEHI TOOK HIS FAMILY FOR A NEW LAND

IN THE BOOK OF MORMON, LEHI TOOK HIS FAMILY FOR A NEW LAND
I look at this picture and I can imagine it happening. It was common for the Jews to travel through the Mediterranean Sea. This trip was commanded by the Lord to the prophet Lehi (depicted as the bearded fellow next to his wife, Sariah, along with their children Nephi, Sam, Laman and Lemuel and other family.

The Cristus Statue against the backdrop of the universe-Visitor's Center, Salt Lake City, UT

The Cristus Statue against the backdrop of the universe-Visitor's Center, Salt Lake City, UT
Steve Carter (fellow who baptized me) took me on a visit of the VISITORS CENTER with his wife and family. When I walked up the ramp to gaze upon this statute, I cried.

The Tender Touch of His Hand--I, Jim Micheletti, have returned again and again to that gaze.

The Tender Touch of His Hand--I, Jim Micheletti, have returned again and again to that gaze.
What can I say? The wild and untamed moods of sadness, bitterness, anger and loneliness, but when I position myself as the little girl is doing, and look upon His gaze, and feel the touch of His hand. The calming, reassuring feeling of love and acceptance and incredible strength to rise up and conquer.

A MARVELOUS EXPERIENCE OF A BROKEN HEART AND HEAVEN'S ANSWER

As I said, Jackie Brown was so pressuring and complaining, I feared losing my job and power and money and a chance to return to Joe and Paula with distinction. I went to the Hubbard Hospital across from Meharry Medical College into the chapel alone and cried to God at the piano:

Why is she bothering me?
I'm going to lose everything!
Do something, Lord.

I began to play the piano.

I wrote the words:
COME UNTO ME, MY FRIENDS
ALL YE THAT LABOR
COME UNTO ME, MY FRIENDS
ALL YE HEAVY LADEN
I WILL GIVE YE REST
I WILL GIVE YE REST

TAKE MY YOKE UPON YOU, MY FRIENDS
AND - LEARN OF ME
TAKE MY YOKE UPON YOU, MY FRIENDS
AND - LEARN OF ME
FOR I AM MEEK AND LOWLY
I AM MEEK AND LOWLY
AND YE SHALL FIND REST
UNTO YOUR SOULS.

MY YOKE IS EASY MY FRIENDS
MY BURDEN'S LIGHT
TAKE MY YOKE UPON YOU, MY FRIENDS
MY BURDEN'S LIGHT
I WILL GIVE YE REST
I WILL GIVE YE REST
COME UNTO ME
THAT THY SAVIOR I MAY BE
COME UNTO ME
TO LIFE ETERNALLY
COME UNTO ME
AND YE SHALL FIND REST
UNTO YOUR SOULS.

I cried and cried and cried. This is beautiful. I felt strenthened. I took on the entire building. One woman was not going to blow me out the door. I knelt down and blessed the area with the power of the priesthood.